TOPIC - TEACHER SELF-CARE “READY TO TEACH” Someone who is ready to teach is… Calm and assertive - holds structure with safety and caring Assumes the best of their students - “Unconditional positive regard” “What it means is that you respect the person as a human being with agency to choose how to respond to their situation and that no matter how dangerous or dysfunctional they seem to be they are doing their best.” Expects the best of their student - they can succeed, it’s possible Places relationship over academics - learning and behavior will follow; Views themselves as a co-regulator and educator, not as an authority and disciplinarian PUT YOURSELF FIRST To truly be able to provide cues of safety for your students, you need to be able to feel safe yourself Children can feel when your interactions are genuine and when they are forced What does that look like for you? To get into a calm, safe, soothed state? WHEN ARE YOU DOWN THE LADDER? What does it look like? That’s your cue to do something different If you remain down the ladder, you cannot successfully co-regulate with your students Instead, you might inadvertently send cues that keep your students down the ladder as well When we aren’t in our safe and social state, we don’t have access to those behaviors Like problem solving, we become more demanding Like emotional expression, we become flatter Like vocal prosody, we become more monotone Common teacher bx of danger: Pride, argument, insisting on being right, yelling, commanding, shaming, sending a kid away, embarrassing them What does it feel like, in your body, when these things are going on? Heart rate, breathing, tension, movement What kinds of thoughts are going through your mind as you drop down the polyvagal ladder? Are they negative? Or judgmental? Are you making attacks on the character of the child in your head? Or of their family? WHAT ARE YOUR DANGER CUES? Situations, events, people What’s it like to walk into your school site? How do you feel around your coworkers? How do you feel around the kids in your classroom? What specific things can you recognize that might be a cue of danger for you? Angry kids? The parents you see? A coworker? Volume of the school or your classroom? Is there a student that you find intimidating or that you’re unsure of? WHAT TO DO COGNITIVELY Think about your “why” - Why did you become a teacher? What was your original motivation? Come back to this regularly throughout the school year Realize they’re kids - they’re powerless, they’re doing the best they can and their homes might suck WHAT TO DO EMOTIONALLY Seek out support, whatever that means for you - therapy, group support, friends, family, “treat yo self” day Take a break - have a system set up with another teacher or CSM or principal WHAT TO DO PHYSICALLY Do the brain breaks with the kids Move around on your breaks or transitions Play! Music Baby animals… yes, really! TED Talk -https://www.ted.com/talks/jane_mcgonigal_the_game_that_can_give_you_10_extra_years_of_life?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=tedcomshare Sounds from soundbible.com Intro music “Aspire” by Scott Holmes

This is the Polyvagal Schools series, part 4 of 5 CHANGING BEHAVIOR Things we have to agree on first: We sadly can’t count on parents all the time. We have to be able to change behavior within the classroom There’s always another kid coming in the next year that’s going to be a challenge Passing the issue on isn’t a sustainable model Regular ed is looking more and more like special ed classes There probably aren’t enough MHC to refer to Safety and relationships come before academics To encourage students to change their behaviors, they must WANT to do it for themselves This intrinsic motivation evolves from their relationships/connections: co-regulation Caring can look different between teachers Before the behavior problem is going to be the primary factor Positivity Bookends to the Class Warm Welcome: Handshake, high five, dap, verbal acknowledgment, smile, prosody Grateful Goodbye: What you appreciated about them today, something positive, smile, prosody Brain breaks: Planned short breaks that involve movement, art, music, fidgets Your own cues of safety: Positivity, Prosody, Smiling, Eye crinkles Clear and positive expectations: to succeed, to put in the effort, to be respectful of others, modeled by the teacher Relationship - Students have to feel you care Circles “Ready to Learn” checkins Principal check-ins idea Have genuine fun: Play with them during recess! No phone use by anyone Play a game with them during the line walks! MOVING UP THE LADDER IN CLASS Brain Breaks or Things to Add Into a Lesson SHUT DOWN: Stretch or chair yoga Toe wiggles Breathing exercise Fold inward and expand exercise Random thought exercise “Voo” as a class Self hug and hand on chest/forehead FIGHT Arm pushes Wall pushes Arm/torso muscle relaxation FLIGHT Toe stands Foot/leg muscle relaxation Message delivery w/mindfulness challenge Line fun MUSIC 30 second clip, allow them to move “Is it a bop or a sway?”

TOPIC - CLASSROOM STRUCTURE This is the Polyvagal Schools series, part 3 of 5 The teachers with the best structure, combined with the most Polyvagal cues of safety have the calmest classes. Structure within routine/schedule Consistency = stability = safety Don’t abandon the structure if “it doesn’t work” Structure within visual environment Visual clutter Actual clutter Organization = stability = safety Consequences Must be consistent. And, more importantly, enforced with love (safety) Use cues of safety simultaneously Suspensions don’t do anything for the kid in trouble Are more for the safety of the school and class for major rule violations The kids that get suspensions don’t care In-school separation might be more sustainable Do not discipline around the other kids Pull aside, talk 1:1 in private Put a positive spin on it Structure must include flexibility built-in to meet student needs alternative seating, fidget objects, movement, quiet/break space Play! Changes need to be announced and normalized Fidgets Whole class should have access To have a physical outlet for our energy To help us focus Quiet Spaces To get space Quiet, personal time until ready to return

There's many many cues of danger in the classroom environment. I guarantee you're not aware of them all. In this episode, Mercedes and I delve deep into things that are polyvagal cues of danger. This is part 2 of 5 of the Polyvagal Schools series. Why it’s important: So you can not only be aware of it but work around it Teachers are creative people. Tap into that. Gaining empathy for your students.

This is part 1 of 5 of the Polyvagal Schools series. "The Path of Therapy" is a Deb Dana idea from her book, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, specifically about the path for the client to therapy. We should walk this path and notice cues of danger or safety, when it comes to students. Or at least notice it on the drive to school Or even ask our own kids or the students in our classes, what they experienced on the way to school. This also includes in between classes and going home. Why this is important: There’s some stuff that the school has control over and doing the path of transition will give you some ideas on what you can do Build empathy for your students Learn about their day to day a little more Safety Students need to arrive in a safe place, be welcomed and go into a classroom of safe mammals (humans, ideally) They have left their families, their herds, their tribes They may have left safety or left danger We have to make sure they’re arriving to safety What is the environment your students are walking into? How are they greeted? How about by the CSMs? By front desk staff? By the principal? The teacher in the classroom? Other students? The staff have to be in safe & social states

UNHEALTHY ATTACHMENT & GENERATIONAL TRAUMA I was writing about generational trauma when I realized how integral the part is about having a secure, safe attachment with a parent Parents are obviously carrying their own trauma from their own families Which is affecting their ability to for a healthy attachment with their own kids And they probably had the same problem with their parent(s) But I think that the unhealthy attachment is pretty central to all of this and is passed on The specific trauma is oftentimes passed on as well But the emotional disconnection and relationship misattunement is a constant and I think a precursor to potentially something worse And this stems from an unhealthy attachment FUNDAMENTAL TO ALL OF THIS - Parents are down the polyvagal ladder Now in danger mode = unhealthy neuroception & vagal brake is off Unhealthy neuroception means they are not detecting danger cues accurately, nor are they shifting into the appropriate autonomic state They aren’t going into safe & social state when they are actually safe No longer have access to their safe & social system Sympathetic arousal for flight/fight and parasympathetic shut down = overreactions or under reactions, but follow the same themes: Priorities are mixed up, not making safe decisions due to critical thinking being offline, not accurately detecting danger, not giving safety cues and now giving danger cues or actively rejecting or abandoning their children on some level A parent can be more depressed or more anxious and still be a great parent, so this is really based on your subjective experience and this is a line for you to draw. A parent chronically in a defensive state may not be capable of providing some fundamental needs for their child while also being safe & social Example 1: With healthy neuroception, hearing a baby cry is a cue of danger and we shift down the ladder into a safe but sympathetic arousal and provide the baby what it needs - to be changed, fed, get attention or go to sleep, while providing safe and social cues We feel the internal danger alarms that accompany a baby crying with healthy neuroception and can tolerate and provide for the need of the baby Parents in a chronic defensive state are aware of their baby crying, but aren’t shifting into a safe but sympathetic arousal to take care of their baby’s needs Or if they are acting on the alarm and providing for the need, it may not be consistent enough or with safe and social cues or it might be with a negative experience like: yelling, blaming, guilt trips Just sticking a bottle in their mouth or leaving them unsupervised with a bottle isn’t the same as holding them gently, singing to them, rocking them These rhythmic, melodic things like singing and rocking are only available when a parent is in their safe and social state Where they have access to their prosodic voices and can listen to the rhythms of their bodies to rock a little bit Example could also be a child that throws a tantrum Parents in their safe & social system will be more nurturing and patient Parents in a defensive state will be more demanding, threatening, punitive Example when a child reports abuse Safe & social system parent will prioritize safety and be able to tolerate their flight/fight arousal, get the child the help they need and be a part of the treatment Defensive state parents won’t be able to tolerate and might blame, shame, not believe or not appropriately act on the information In these examples, the parent is not able to be a safe co-regulator and get attuned to the child’s autonomic state and emotional and protective needs Let’s pause here a moment to make sure we’re understanding what’s being talked about. Meeting the fundamental needs of the child plus being in a safe and social state is basically what it takes to form a secure, healthy attachment. From Psychology Today - “It all starts with how parents respond to their children’s needs and soothe (or not) the children when they are frightened or distressed. When parents are consistently available, warm, and responsive, the children develop secure attachment styles.” Through being in a safe & social state, we are providing safety cues and the co-regulation necessary for a child to be in their own safe & social system. A parent in their safe & social system is going to naturally be providing for the basic needs of their children. A parent not in their safe & social system is not necessarily going to be providing for the needs of their children. And if they are, it will not be with safety cues necessary for co-regulation. In fact, if the parent is meeting the needs of their child without the safety, then the child will grow up understanding that danger and basic needs go hand in hand. And they will adapt to get their needs met by dropping and staying down the ladder. Who do you think is least likely to be traumatized and pass it onto the next generation? Someone who survives a traumatic event, but is able to go to a safe person and get the help they need and eventually work their way out of their shut down state? Or someone that survives a trauma, but does not go to a safe person… because they don’t have a safe person? Or someone that survived a traumatic event, tells someone, and gets a negative response, like being shamed or blamed? Of course this isn’t a prognosis for any one individual’s future. I can’t know that. But based on my experience with working with families, it’s the ones that don’t have a safe person or aren’t believed that are more likely to pass on these unhealthy attachments and traumas to the next generation. Because they’re in a danger state, these parents are not as emotionally available Parents I’ve worked with didn’t receive cues of safety, safe experiences of love, of touch, Didn’t get told they were loved Didn’t get shown they were loved Didn’t feel loved Expressing love or connecting with someone else is terrifying, vulnerable and feels weak In a danger state, these are intolerable Leaving the child emotionally alone, emotionally neglected or emotionally abused Being present physically is not the same as being present emotionally. Knowing love versus Feeling love is a common theme in therapy Being alone and emotionally isolated are major cues of danger, of being rejected from the family and being vulnerable Being alone is a consistent theme in therapy Commonly is underneath many of the presenting problems that I am treating Because they’re in danger mode, their self-regulation is compromised as well as their ability to play Co-regulation is now not being provided and neither is exercising the vagal brake, which commonly happens through play and also by learning through consequences from a parent Consequences from these parents are erratic, extreme, non-existent, unpredictable A child cannot exercise their vagal brake in this because there’s no safety to come back to Play is nonexistent or unsafe A healthy attachment is less likely since the child is also joining their parent in a defensive state and now there are two dysregulated nervous systems But this first healthy attachment is key for the future Recognizing safe friendships and relationships in the future is difficult There’s a domino effect that is passed on through generations Children are being raised without a safe, protective connection with an adult. They are being set up for failure at a young age. So just from looking at attachment and emotional abuse or abandonment, we can see that a child is left alone and unprotected by a safe parent figure Leaving them in a defensive state, which they will carry into the school system, into dangerous situations in their teens, into relationships and into eventually being a parent. This child is already in a defensive state and unable to use their social engagement system If they never experience a safe relationship, they won’t be able to provide one. And they’ll be seeking out relationships that aren’t safe. This is a setup for failure. THESE ARE JUST A FEW PIECES OF THE PUZZLE Everything I have laid out does not even really consider physical and sexual abuse Which comes along with denial, keeping secrets, blame and shame and more Being alone is an undercurrent in all the kids I have worked with We can survive and recover from horrible events if we have someone safe to go to You’d be surprised what someone will tell you when you ask them when things changed for them Answer might not be when the abuse happened As in, “When did things get worse for you?” Answer might be when they lost the safe person, their protection Like a relative, someone and somewhere away from the abuse But the relative passes away or moves away Or when their attempt to get help fails Like a parent doesn’t believe them This is often the event that breaks them entirely and the small bit of hope dies Point being, taking that emotional isolation, being alone, and combining it with physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect is a crippling combination and inevitably leads to a shut down for the child victim They will get this need met though. Or as best they can. They have to connect. They have to feel safe and cared about. They’ll find this through peers or love interests. But they haven’t experienced connection in a safe way and are existing down the ladder. They don’t know safety and can’t detect danger accurately, this is a bad bad combination Like attracts like - they will attract relationships who are also down the ladder These kids who lack a safe and protective home are going to put themselves in situations where they are more likely to be traumatized Like buying drugs, drinking at parties, submitting to dangerous people The wrong person is more likely to come along and take advantage of a child in a danger or life threat state Like hunting prey and targeting the weaker member of the herd that has fallen behind But the wrong partner is going to do so by disguising him or herself as protective and caring You gotta believe me on this, this is what I am hearing from the kids I work with They desperately want to belong And that desperation is exploited by a predator And they are willing to repeatedly give them chances They haven’t seen a healthy relationship. They haven’t experienced a healthy relationship. They’re not detecting danger cues. They’re putting themselves in dangerous situations. The most dangerous peers are targeting them. Their homes often don’t have predictable consequences or predictable relationships. These are ingredients for further trauma. And then these kids will grow up and repeat with their own. And those kids will need to get their needs met and eventually be in the wrong situation or with the wrong person. And so on.

Friend, Fawn, Flop, Flooding, Fatigue… and F*** (plus others) do not appear to be a biological response to danger or life threat. They seem more like coping skills, behaviors that are reinforced, learned survival skills… but not autonomic nervous system states They seem to be built upon the foundation of our 3 States So I will call them “Secondary Adaptations” or “Secondary Behaviors” or “Secondary States” for now Be wary of the language of these when you find them in the internet wilds as you’re researching Not choices, not an option The States are a biological response that aren’t learned It’s innate within our neurology, within the autonomic nervous system hierarchy The 3 Polyvagal States are immediate reactions to immediate neuroception of danger Not behavior adaptations to trauma, not coping skills, not ways to get your needs met They are evolutionary survival instincts Our state is not about what has or hasn’t worked in the past It’s about what state we have to drop to in order to survive It’s about what our vagal brake can tolerate And what state we are stuck in That’s why we revert to these states even in small instances of stressors, because we basically already exist in that state, not because it worked in the past But we can absolutely learn what specific behaviors work and don’t work to get our needs met, these can be reinforced Drug use and alcohol give relief from being down the ladder and are extremely reinforcing Spending sprees on things you don’t need serve a purpose, it does something for you. It’s a learned behavior. Leaving class allows me to avoid looking stupid in class while also making me look like a badass in front of my peers and that brings me admiration “Flop” Seems like Freeze Freeze can look like dissociation, actual stiffened freeze, collapse, faint or a flop These all use a parasympathetic ANS The dorsal vagal pathway “Fawn” Cooperating or submitting to one's threat or captor This seems to be complete submission of the self to a much more powerful, dominant other that controls your basic needs Which seems reminiscent of Freeze, but the Fawner isn’t actually frozen literally They may have been, during the acute, terrifying incidents It seems like a dissociative state, completely out of touch from one’s self identity Maybe closely linked to Dissociative Identity Disorder - also induced through heavy trauma and also a complete surrender and loss of the true self “Friend” Using social engagement to get your needs met Example given is a baby that is immobile that cries for help... But it’s pre-empted by dropping down the ladder. The baby drops down the ladder first, then cries. It’s State is Flight/Fight! Even though the baby can’t run, it’s still using the circuitry of flight/fight - the sympathetic branch. Coo to a baby in their social engagement system and they will hear you Coo to a baby that’s crying and they won’t, their ears are now attuned to danger and not your prosody. They aren’t making eye contact when they’re crying “Flooding” Being flooded with emotions in response to a threat Yes, we’re absolutely feeling some type of flooding when in danger… but that’s a reflection of the State The emotions you feel flooded by will probably be a reflection of the State you’re in You’ll feel flooded by panic if you’re surrounded by wild dogs that are growling deeply “Fatigue” Feeling tired and/or sleeping in response to a threat Sounds like a coping skill to tolerate mild stress Or depression/shut down Point being - we have our 3 states that are directly linked to neural circuitry and evolutionary hierarchy. We can trace these things back in time and see the function they played in evolution and why they are still within us. Think of these states as primaries, like primary colors. Red, Blue, Yellow - You can’t create Primary colors by mixing other colors. They simply are primary. The states can be mixed, like in Play & Stillness Just like Red & Blue are Purple. Purple is secondary color. It has its own look, with recognizable pieces from the primary States. With mixed States, they will have their own look Sitting still to use the restroom does not look the same as freeze We don’t see pure Primary States very often day to day Even though someone may exist in majority shut down, they’re going to use their legs to walk to school, which is sympathetic. They can still do some level of interaction usually They might be getting some work done or doing some interaction There seems to be a sort of pie chart for mixed states, which is different individual to individual. And different situation to situation. And also different when interacting with someone in another State And the way a State affects you is going to be completely contingent on your history and genetics (which I have no idea of and can't test for) We probably see mixed States regularly without realizing it: The person that is in a deep depression (shut down), but is able to smile off the pain and convince others they’re okay. Chris Farley is a tragic example of this - Heavy drug use which he ultimately died of on the same day as his idol, John Belushi, in the same way. But he was the funniest man in the room and deeply loved by his friends Robin Williams - Killed himself, obviously depressed severely, but the highest energy person we may have ever seen in our lifetime. Gary Vaynerchuk is an extremely aggressive person, but also seems to have a very high level of caring… but he does so very aggressively. Kids I work with that are more depressed frequently show as angry and defiant Also seems to be a spectrum within the primary States, or at least a range of behaviors within the State. Like shut down can be collapse, death feigning, catatonic freezing, fainting, dissociation - These all are within the realm of freeze. In session, I don’t see clients going into an actual freeze, but I do see them dissociate. It’s the same parasympathetic pathway There seems to be a spectrum within that pathway of bx based on many things So the question to ask yourself is not which of the three Primary States are you in? More like, which of the three primary States do I feel the strongest or the most often?

PLAY Safe & Social + Flight & Fight = Play Face to face signals safety Shared attention - Focus on the same thing or common point of interest like a puzzle or soccer ball Play is reciprocal and synchronous Shared, safe and in same bodily State Exercises the ability to shift up and down the ladder Using mobility with safety MOBILIZATION WITHOUT SAFETY For traumatized individuals, play may activate the defense systems without the ability to co-regulate Depends on their play history “Doesn’t play well with others.” Kids that push the limit of acceptable play “Accidentally hurt someone” Won’t have guilt (social engagement system isn't as available) WHY IS MOBILIZATION UNSAFE? Anything is unsafe without safety state The State of flight and fight is used when things aren’t safe, but it needs the Safe & Social system to be active. Otherwise, it’s an increased heart rate Environment becomes a threat without the safety to keep it in check STILLNESS Social Engagement + Shut Down = Stillness Stillness without Fear, Sitting in silence, Self-reflection, Using the restroom, Intimacy with a partner, Sleeping Traumatized people experience a body perception of danger when still STILLNESS WITHOUT SAFETY An inability to tolerate stillness/quiet for those down the ladder Sitting still is unsafe Classroom environment is unsafe: people, sounds, pressure, falling behind in class, feeling dumb, teacher comments/sarcasm Meditation becomes unsafe Closing eyes = dark, inward = danger, in a group especially Sleep is unsafe Anxiety feelings that lead to anxiety thoughts About the next day or the previous day, something you didn’t do, panic about not falling asleep Trauma memories, flashbacks and feelings Plus darkness is a cue in itself of danger, also being alone WHY IS STILLNESS UNSAFE? Anything is unsafe without the social engagement system active Being still means being open to a predator “Story follows State” Your thoughts and feelings will match the State you are in COPING WITH STILLNESS Sleep Tv on, using a substance Classroom Behavior problems to avoid the stillness and unsafe feelings Creating the external world to match the internal Make the environment match the story which matches the state

THE VAGUS The Vagus is the main highway or connection between the brain and the body Vagus regulates all the Autonomic stuff we don’t have to think about: breathing, heart rate, digestion and so on Freeway analogy - 4 lanes going north and 1 lane going south 80% of the fibers are going to the brain and 20% going from the brain down This is important because we can heal from the bottom up, from the body to the brain. Breathing can change our State. Movement, dancing, art, yoga can all change our State. We can send signals to the brain that we’re safe from the bottom up Also from the outside in with cues of safety THE VAGAL BRAKE The Safe & Social System calms the heart This is the “Vagal Brake,” basically keeping the Flight/Fight behaviors in control Without the vagal brake, the heart would beat 20 to 30 beats per minute faster Which would result in mobilization behavior The strength of the Vagal Brake depends on co-regulating experiences of early childhood TRAUMA & THE VAGAL BRAKE Trauma survivors have a compromised vagal break Small moments of distress become enormous challenges to their ability to utilize the brake They may leave school or work when something goes wrong They fight when they perceive threat THE WINDOW OF TOLERANCE How much can we tolerate before going into defensive behaviors? CO-REGULATION We are a social species. We regulate with each other. Co-regulation is integral to mental and physical health Keeps us at the top of the polyvagal ladder ideally Before language, mammals used their voice to indicate if they were safe or dangerous to come close to Still do. Dogs growl when they want to appear threatening and bark in a high pitch when there is potential danger Safety leads to closeness and touch Closeness may have been adaptive for survival Non-traumatized individuals can move up and down the ladder Self-regulation is built upon co-regulation Those self-regulation skills we hope kids have first come from co-regulation at home and with peers When it comes to successful co-regulation, we have to have at least one safe person that can tolerate their neuroception of going down the ladder CO-REGULATION FEEDBACK LOOP Two nervous systems (people) engage in back-and-forth communication Cues of safety = connection/reciprocity Cues of danger = disconnection/rupture MISATTUNEMENT Nervous systems in different states Comes with a powerful story Is felt on both ends as a significant shift in State RUPTURES Routine events that lead us away from Safety: Looking at a cell phone, looking away, internal distractions Ruptures can easily turn into self-criticism or judgment of the other Experienced as a withdrawal or confrontation When ruptures happen, they need to be repaired. If not, negative expectations of future interactions result FACE TO FACE INTERACTION All mammals do this Face-to-face is often very helpful in reducing conflict, especially if the interactions occur in a safe environment Defense turns off the face/heart connection Faces become blank when challenged, in pain or scared Heart rate increases There is a direct connection from the heart, to the brain, to the face and neck muscles The face is a polygraph The state of your heart is shown on your face Using the upper part of the face means the heart is calm and the person is Safe & Social Upper part of the face communicates State Muscles around the eye make “crinkles” Listening, smiling Inner ear muscles are tense and able to hear human voice very well Shutting off response to low frequency sounds that trigger predator

(This post contains affiliate links, meaning, if you click through and make a purchase or sign up for a program, I may earn a commission. This is at no additional cost to you.) For more information, I highly highly recommend reading pretty much anything from Peter Levine. In particular, these 3: In an Unspoken Voice Healing Trauma Waking the Tiger TRAUMA & SHAME DEVELOPMENTAL / COMPLEX TRAUMA One avenue of trauma Being in a chronic state of flight/fight Van Der Kolk’s Developmental Trauma Disorder PTSD does not cover the history and wide range of behavior problems associated with developmental trauma FREEZE IN THE WILD - TONIC IMMOBILITY Entering the freeze state without a struggle Many paths to TI: predator going into it to get prey, kitten being carried, survival technique of prey Wild animals will spontaneously recover from TI in a matter of seconds to minutes, usually after the predator has left the scene with no trauma sx Shark video, it simply swims away after being induced without fear (see below) If the animal is frightened before or during, it will stay in TI for much longer - “Fear-induced Tonic Immobility” FEAR-INDUCED TONIC IMMOBILITY This is the shut down of TI plus fear. It’s shut down plus sympathetic arousal of flight/fight It’s like slamming on the accelerator in your car and the brake at the same time Polar bear video link below - helicopter Using its legs to escape, also showing teeth and biting It’s forced into a shut down state while fleeing for its life So it needs to discharge the sympathetic energy while also coming out of the freeze state It shakes, trembles, spontaneously breathes in huge gasps, getting the nervous system back to a baseline HUMANS STAY STUCK IN TRAUMA Humans are spooked by the bodily sensations of coming out of immobility We get sent back down the ladder when our bodies attempt to go up Our bodies are stuck in a state of defense The experience, the pain, the sadness, the humiliation, disgust, embarrassment, the loneliness that stems from the traumatic event itself We avoid these because it’s vulnerable, scary and we literally might feel like we’re dying Stories and beliefs we create about the event or ourselves keep us stuck in trauma Isolating ourselves keep us stuck in trauma Keeping it secret keeps us struck in trauma WHAT IS SHAME? Fear-induced freeze and shame seem to go hand in hand Numerous similarities: A feeling of rejection, disgrace, being worthless, being shut down, humiliation, embarrassment It’s an experience felt in the body, an imprint, a biological response not an indication of weak character The experience of shame is not a belief, but part of a way of being Is externally imposed onto the victim, by parents, teachers, abusers, people who have some power over us The messages from these people are of course a reflection of their own state SHAME IS PASSED DOWN Shame is imposed from powerful others through verbal messages “What’s wrong with you?” “Why can’t you be like your brother?” “You’re such a blankity blank.” Shame is imposed through abandonment Being rejected, abandoned, isolated, left alone, ignored All intrinsically linked to shame Abandonment denies us maybe the most integral mammalian need Closeness, family, safe touch, protection We don’t get these things with shame And shame is imposed through various physical abuse, including sexual SHAME vs GUILT Shame versus guilt, which is internal subjective knowing of having broken a personal or community value Stealing, hitting, lying are common Very subjective BIOSOCIAL FUNCTION OF SHAME “Shame is one of the basic biological responses that social animals need to organize into groups, into hierarchies.” -Peter Levine “It’s a brake. It stops everything in action.” -Peter Levine “Shame is meant to be repaired.” -Peter Levine Reinforcing of the trauma state SHAME REINFORCING STORIES “Story follows State” Our brains are meaning-making machines An attempt to place meaning onto the situation to make sense of it Self-blame is part of the story of the state of shame “I should have fought back” “I shouldn’t have made him mad” “Why didn’t I tell someone the first time it happened?” Other Stories involve rationalizations “It’s because of the way that I look” “That’s how men show love” but these are still Stories to explain the State of the autonomic nervous system Shame-based beliefs “I’m unlovable" "I’m unattractive" "I’m defective" "I shouldn’t have been born” EXPERIENCE OF SHAME Wanting to disappear - becoming physically smaller, tucking head in, curling shoulders inward, a hunched look Feeling inferior, worthless, self-loathing, loneliness, emptiness Addiction, compulsion, self-denigration, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, co-dependency and more, disgust, loss of dignity, feeling dirty, lonely, isolating DISGUST Disgust is a natural biological function to get rid of something that is potentially damaging or toxic Like unsafe food that has gone rotten Social benefit to others around you Disgust is a way to begin the process to get out the shame, “gatekeeper to other emotions” Shame is internalized, antidote is to externalize (Peter Levine) It’s internalizing someone else’s shame who is inflicting it on a victim But disgust is the body’s signal to begin the process of healing But we avoid this natural feeling, our body’s way of telling us something TRAUMA & SHAME There’s a direct connection “When children are emotionally or physically abandoned, abused, or neglected they often take on the shame that belongs to the adult who left or hurt them by assuming that it's because they themselves are the "bad" one.” -Psychology Today, Mary Lamia Shame doesn’t spontaneously occur, it’s a result of abuse “Very particular body posture and autonomic pattern… very similar to what you see in trauma.” -Peter Levine Posture of collapse, aversion of gaze, wanting to hide and being smaller, lowered capacity to think, problems orienting to the moment and environmental safety NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE Website - https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Phone Number - 1(800)273-8255 Chat - https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/800273TALK?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor CRISIS TEXT LINE Website - https://www.crisistextline.org/ Text HOME to 741741 https://healingshame.com/articles/2017/8/21/shame-and-trauma TI SHARK - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NErt6zP2MBI TI Rats - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/1687864 TI Lizards - https://paperity.org/p/59862983/tonic-immobility-as-a-fear-response-in-lizards-anolis-carolinensis Polar Bear - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmJDkzDMllc Shame & Trauma - https://healingshame.com/articles/2017/8/21/shame-and-trauma Peter Levine on Shame - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2CN5nhmfxk&vl=en

UPDATE: My understanding of "freeze" and "shutdown" has shifted since recording this episode. After I spoke with Dr Stephen Porges, he explained that these are two distinct things. I recommend reading this blog post about the difference and also listening to this episode as well. FREEZE (Parasympathetic, early vertebrates) BIOLOGY OF FREEZE A state we enter when we can’t run away or fight or size differential is too great Freeze, collapse, dissociate, immobilize, “playing dead,” Massive drop in blood pressure and heart rate Reduced blood flow to the brain = dissociation Apnea - temporary cessation of breathing Sleep apnea is a serious reduction in breathing Inhibiting movement means less need for food due to decreased metabolism Pain threshold is raised System is located below the heart and diaphragm ANIMALS IN FREEZE Odd posture, emitting foul-smelling odor from anal glands, stick out their tongue Disgusts the predator because dead prey are a cue of danger. Maybe evolved to avoid a corpse which could carry bacteria or something Sacrificing neighbors by playing dead - Predator will chase and ignore a corpse Also "freeze" by carrying young by neck or laying a trap to catch prey Animals come out of this state in a short manner of time, will look for cues of safety HUMANS IN FREEZE When we can’t use socialization to avoid danger, we can’t run or fight A state we go into as a last resort Physically overpowered: sexual abuse, physical abuse, kidnapped, hostage Emotional abuse as well Can’t avoid, can’t fight back, eventually give up, numb to the situation DAILY EXPERIENCE OF FREEZE Numb, Hopeless, Abandoned / Lonely, Foggy, Tired Cold due to poor blood circulation, Pressure on chest Avoiding eye contact: hiding vs looking for danger in sympathetic Shame & Self-blame Lowered executive functioning Disoriented COMING OUT OF FREEZE Humans do not have an efficient pathway to get out of freeze Wild animals literally shake off the sympathetic energy and return to their herd Getting out of this state requires a gentle return of energy Through small actions like walking Safe & Social cues like eye contact and smiles Calm, quiet Moving into flight/fight can trigger a sense of Danger, bringing the individual back into Freeze NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE Website - https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ Phone Number - 1(800)273-8255 Chat - https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/ Twitter - https://twitter.com/800273TALK ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor CRISIS TEXT LINE Website - https://www.crisistextline.org/ Text HOME to 741741 TED video on the freeze response in wild animals https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=3&v=_hBAr7uJ6L8 Peter Levine on Shame https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2CN5nhmfxk&vl=en

FLIGHT & FIGHT (Sympathetic, evolved with bony fish) BIOLOGY OF FLIGHT & FIGHT The body is being mobilized Heart rate speeds up blood pressure increases Cortisol and adrenaline increase Muscle tension Limbs used for getting away or being aggressive Increased metabolism Pupil dilation Sweat SURVIVAL MODE Pain tolerance increases to help with running or fighting Better able to scan the environment to find danger Breathing becomes shorter and faster, to increase heart rate and stay mobilized Faster rate of speaking since we’re inhaling less Survival mode isn’t intended to be ongoing It’s supposed to be acute, sympathetic energy is supposed to be released in a burst of running or fighting People that come from abusive homes aren’t getting the relief of discharging the sympathetic activation DOWN THE LADDER We are no longer in Safe & Social Creating distance between ourselves and others Others are now a threat Facial Cues No longer identifying or giving facial social cues Now identifying neutral faces as threat Hearing Middle ear muscles turn off to better hear deep sounds or high sounds Harder to understand the sound or meaning of human voice DAILY EXPERIENCE Flight: panic, anxiety, fear, dread, on guard, hypervigilant, foot tapping Fight: Anger, rage, irritation, aggression, muscles tense, clenched fists Both: Flat affect, wide eyes, distracted, sitting upright or forward, shallow breathing, breathing into shoulders or chest, not hearing safe people, sensing danger everywhere, speaking faster and louder, increased heart rate USE-DEPENDENT The nervous system adapts based on the needs of survival Being in a State of Flight/Fight can become chronic We can become dangerous to ourselves or others COMING OUT OF DANGER Requires safely discharging the energy Done in a safe environment with a safe person Moving from Danger to Safety can feel like danger, keeping someone in the flight/fight state