Apr 21, 20194 min read

Trauma & Shame / episode 5 Show Notes

Updated: Mar 22, 2023

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For more information, I highly highly recommend reading pretty much anything from Peter Levine. In particular, these 3:

TRAUMA & SHAME

DEVELOPMENTAL / COMPLEX TRAUMA

One avenue of trauma

Being in a chronic state of flight/fight
Van Der Kolk’s Developmental Trauma Disorder
PTSD does not cover the history and wide range of behavior problems associated with developmental trauma

FREEZE IN THE WILD - TONIC IMMOBILITY

Entering the freeze state without a struggle

Many paths to TI: predator going into it to get prey, kitten being carried, survival technique of prey
Wild animals will spontaneously recover from TI in a matter of seconds to minutes, usually after the predator has left the scene with no trauma sx
Shark video, it simply swims away after being induced without fear (see below)
If the animal is frightened before or during, it will stay in TI for much longer - “Fear-induced Tonic Immobility”

FEAR-INDUCED TONIC IMMOBILITY

This is the shut down of TI plus fear.

It’s shut down plus sympathetic arousal of flight/fight
It’s like slamming on the accelerator in your car and the brake at the same time

Polar bear video link below - helicopter

Using its legs to escape, also showing teeth and biting
It’s forced into a shut down state while fleeing for its life
So it needs to discharge the sympathetic energy while also coming out of the freeze state
It shakes, trembles, spontaneously breathes in huge gasps, getting the nervous system back to a baseline

HUMANS STAY STUCK IN TRAUMA

Humans are spooked by the bodily sensations of coming out of immobility

We get sent back down the ladder when our bodies attempt to go up
Our bodies are stuck in a state of defense
The experience, the pain, the sadness, the humiliation, disgust, embarrassment, the loneliness that stems from the traumatic event itself
We avoid these because it’s vulnerable, scary and we literally might feel like we’re dying
Stories and beliefs we create about the event or ourselves keep us stuck in trauma
Isolating ourselves keep us stuck in trauma
Keeping it secret keeps us struck in trauma

WHAT IS SHAME?

Fear-induced freeze and shame seem to go hand in hand

Numerous similarities: A feeling of rejection, disgrace, being worthless, being shut down, humiliation, embarrassment
It’s an experience felt in the body, an imprint, a biological response
not an indication of weak character
The experience of shame is not a belief, but part of a way of being
Is externally imposed onto the victim, by parents, teachers, abusers, people who have some power over us
The messages from these people are of course a reflection of their own state

SHAME IS PASSED DOWN

Shame is imposed from powerful others through verbal messages

“What’s wrong with you?” “Why can’t you be like your brother?” “You’re such a blankity blank.”

Shame is imposed through abandonment

Being rejected, abandoned, isolated, left alone, ignored
All intrinsically linked to shame

Abandonment denies us maybe the most integral mammalian need

Closeness, family, safe touch, protection
We don’t get these things with shame

And shame is imposed through various physical abuse, including sexual

SHAME vs GUILT

Shame versus guilt, which is internal subjective knowing of having broken a personal or community value

Stealing, hitting, lying are common
Very subjective

BIOSOCIAL FUNCTION OF SHAME

“Shame is one of the basic biological responses that social animals need to organize into groups, into hierarchies.” -Peter Levine

“It’s a brake. It stops everything in action.” -Peter Levine

“Shame is meant to be repaired.” -Peter Levine

Reinforcing of the trauma state

SHAME REINFORCING STORIES

“Story follows State”

Our brains are meaning-making machines
An attempt to place meaning onto the situation to make sense of it

Self-blame is part of the story of the state of shame

“I should have fought back”
“I shouldn’t have made him mad”
“Why didn’t I tell someone the first time it happened?”

Other Stories involve rationalizations

“It’s because of the way that I look”
“That’s how men show love”
but these are still Stories to explain the State of the autonomic nervous system

Shame-based beliefs

“I’m unlovable"
"I’m unattractive"
"I’m defective"
"I shouldn’t have been born”

EXPERIENCE OF SHAME

Wanting to disappear - becoming physically smaller, tucking head in, curling shoulders inward, a hunched look
Feeling inferior, worthless, self-loathing, loneliness, emptiness
Addiction, compulsion, self-denigration, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, co-dependency and more, disgust, loss of dignity, feeling dirty, lonely, isolating

DISGUST

Disgust is a natural biological function to get rid of something that is potentially damaging or toxic

Like unsafe food that has gone rotten
Social benefit to others around you

Disgust is a way to begin the process to get out the shame, “gatekeeper to other emotions”

Shame is internalized, antidote is to externalize (Peter Levine)
It’s internalizing someone else’s shame who is inflicting it on a victim
But disgust is the body’s signal to begin the process of healing
But we avoid this natural feeling, our body’s way of telling us something

TRAUMA & SHAME

There’s a direct connection

“When children are emotionally or physically abandoned, abused, or neglected they often take on the shame that belongs to the adult who left or hurt them by assuming that it's because they themselves are the "bad" one.” -Psychology Today, Mary Lamia

Shame doesn’t spontaneously occur, it’s a result of abuse

“Very particular body posture and autonomic pattern… very similar to what you see in trauma.” -Peter Levine
Posture of collapse, aversion of gaze, wanting to hide and being smaller, lowered capacity to think, problems orienting to the moment and environmental safety