I got a response to an email I send out to people who sign up for my email list. The email asks, "What is your #1 Challenge?" And the response she gave me is this - "How to deal with: being stuck in anger and defensive thought patterns, keeping a person in a state of anger." Anger and the Polyvagal Theory Let's make sure we understand how anger fits into the Polyvagal Ladder first, something I am sure that my Polyvagal 101 students know already! Anger is the felt emotional experience of the fight sympathetic state of the Autonomic Nervous System. When someone has fight flavoring lingering or stuck in their system, they will feel it as anger or irritability, most noticeably. They will feel impulses of the aggressive variety, like taking up space, raising their voice and speaking hurriedly in a monotone, lacking the vocal prosody that comes along with the safety and social engagement system. Defensive Thought Patterns Anyone interested in the basics of the Polyvagal Theory knows about the "Story Follows State" concept from Deb Dana. The thoughts in our brain emerge from our Polyvagal state. As our state shifts, so do our thoughts. The same context will lead to different thoughts based on what state the individual is in. Imagine that Ray is doing his homework at a local coffee shop and notices someone looking at him. His thoughts might sound like these: Shutdown - "They see me and think I'm weird. I need to hide." *looks down and puts hood over head* Fight Sympathetic - "What the f&^% are they looking at?!" *grimaces at the person tensely* Flight Sympathetic - "S&^% is there something on my face?" *hurriedly brushes face before going to the bathroom to check the mirror* Safety - "They're just staring off in the distance. I know what it's like to zone out." *then waves and smiles at them, sharing a laugh* It's okay to be a Polyvagal know-it-all (just make sure you know it all! Download my Polyvagal Checklist to make sure you're learning all the PVT Fundamentals!) How to "Deal With" Anger Emotions So how does one "deal with being stuck in anger"? Well, they need to utilize the body's state, which means actually feeling and using the aggressive energy of the fight state. Of course, this does not mean actually hurting someone, themself, or destroying things. One can mindfully experience their anger and allow it to be present, then use the impulses of the body to discharge it. If they can do so, they can then climb their Polyvagal ladder into their flight state and then up further into their safety state. If you were to actually listen to your body, to mindfully experience the sensations within, then it will tell you what to do next. An impulse will arise. With anger, it's probably going to be something that involves the upper body: throwing, pushing, squeezing or hitting, as examples. When done mindlessly, these impulses will be acted on, but end up harming someone or something. When done mindfully, these impulses will open up ladder climbing. Before using mindful experiencing, one needs to be able to witness what is happening within them. And before that, they need to be able to anchor themselves in their safety state. This is a simple process that I call A->W->E and you can learn more about it in my Unstucking Defensive States course. How to "Deal With" Anger Thoughts Really, it's the same thing as above. I recommend focusing on the emotion that is driving the thoughts. Then delving a bit deeper and eventually experiencing the sensations of being in a fight state. Then allowing the body to utilize an impulse that reveals itself through the mindful experiencing. I find that attempting to confront or stop our thoughts is exceedingly difficult. I suppose some people are able to switch their thinking rapidly, but I haven't met this person. I only hear from them in their marketing, but never met them in person. That's just me though. And if you try to stop or confront your thinking from your fight state, it's still going to have that fight flavoring to it. You may end up berating yourself, judging yourself, shaming yourself for your aggressive thinking. In effect, reinforcing the angry thinking. Instead, anchor yourself in safety and then bring your anchored awareness to your emotional experience of anger and what lies underneath it on a sensation level. Thanks so much for reading this and for the person that submitted their #1 Challenge. I'd love to hear from you about yours. Sign up for my email list in the footer and you'll receive this question via email in a couple days. You'll also get links to my Trauma and the Polyvagal Paradigm free eBook!

I saw a comment on this video asking if it's possible to come out of shutdown. And the answer is YES. What is shutdown? Shutdown is a state of the autonomic nervous system. It's at the bottom of the Polyvagal Ladder, the last autonomic shift that happens in the face of a life-threatening situation. If the body cannot mitigate a danger through socialization, nor through running, nor through fighting, then an immobile collapse is the last resort. Shutdowns involve a limp collapse, which is different than a stiff freeze response. Shutdowns could also include a dissociative response, along with numbing. The entire body shuts down, conserving its resources, anticipating a potential opportunity to emerge out of shutdown and into the fight state, one rung up the Polyvagal Ladder. Is it possible to come out of shutdown? Yes, it's generally possible and something I often see in therapy with my clients. The Polyvagal states all evolved within us as ways to optimize bodily resources in the face of varying threat levels or safety. In the shutdown state, the evolutionary benefit is to conserve resources. When the organism neurocepts that there is an opportunity to come out of shutdown, then it climbs its autonomic ladder into its sympathetic flight/fight state. Coming out of shutdown, the first rung up the ladder will specifically be the fight state. Coming out of shutdown results in the organism surging in fight energy and using its upper body to create space from the predator, then using its flight energy to escape to safety. So functionally, biologically, yes, its possible to come out of a shutdown state. What is needed to come out of shutdown? Typically, people stuck in a shutdown state need to slowly allow the sympathetic flight/fight state to return. To do so, the individual will need to listen to the needs of their shutdown state. Each of the Polyvagal autonomic states has specific needs and impulses to allow further ladder climbing to happen. These can look different amongst individuals, but will generally be of the same flavor. For shutdown, the stuck person will typically require low stimulation. Quiet spaces, predictability, soothing music or no music at all. Rest, low energy activities. They will need to listen to their body's impulse to immobilize and allow the immobilization to happen. They may need to be alone in solitude (not isolation). Unfortunately, those stuck in shutdown will often isolate themselves, blocking others out from their life and minimize or stuff down their feelings. They may be in darkness and distract their mind from unbearable sadness or emptiness. This method of coping lacks the present moment experience of mindfulness. Shutdown needs to be experienced mindfully - safely anchored in the ventral vagal system and experienced with curiosity. Building Safety Anchors can help you to build the safety state required to experience defensive states. And Unstucking Defensive States can help you to experience the stuck state while regulated. To learn more about shutdown and the Polyvagal ladder, Polyvagal 101 is the best place to go. To get all of my courses and my private community in one subscription, consider my Total Access Membership. Learn more about it by clicking below. Do you trust in your ability to self-regulate? As a biological organism, you are compelled to self-regulate. You must. However, trauma gets in the way. Do you still have trust that you can self-regulate? Read more here > Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Listen to the episode above. There are also three more episodes on this topic. You can find the playlist for the series here. Poster Here is my poster for episode 149. Download and print on 11x17 paper if you have it. :) Show notes Stucknaut letter from Sieghild Liza, 65y/o Austrian woman *behindthename.com I listened to a podcast (Complex Trauma Recovery) you were a guest on and ended up buying your course (Polyvagal 101?). I got through the first part of the course but I am a little confused. I have a limited understanding of psychology (or whatever the proper term is) and I'm getting caught up in how all these systems and ideas fit/don't fit together. Yes, things are confusing BSA is about increasing the vagal brake strength through practicing being in safety PVT101 is about learning the biology underneath our mental health General mh ideas fit into PVT because PVT is not mental health specific, it’s cross-professions It’s science. It’s foundational to other professions. So the question then is how to other psychological ideas connect to PVT? Where is the intersection? I am looking to take courses like yours but I'm reaching information overload. I've been studying attachment theory, abandonment issues, been doing cbt and emdr in therapy, and have heard about inner child healing, shadow work, somatic therapy, and I'm sure there are hundreds of ideas I haven't come across yet. Problem but not a problem Competition is good Consumers need to be aware and look for what clicks within us I am not interested in psychological constructs like parts work, reparenting, shadow work, ego Unnecessary cognitive layer for me Competing therapy modalities is okay too But the basics is what works I've been diagnosed with adhd, anxiety, cptsd, depression but like you mentioned in the podcast, I'm not sure if the diagnostics are really that meaningful or even accurate. They’re really not imo And they can become part of our identities Not temporary state dysregulation And professionals disagree about this stuff all the time We don’t even agree on the purpose and functionality or criteria of dx There is no blood test or urine test Is polyvagal the best place to direct my energy? Are there other resources/theories you think are essential to learn in congruence? Foundational knowledge, helpful concepts, psychological constructs and therapeutic techniques Understanding concepts is important, like attachment and abandonment These are truths that could apply to your life Important for learning and applying Not enough on their own Understanding psychological constructs is less important These are not true, but could be applied to your life as a metaphor/reframe Functional in state regulation Not enough on their own Doing specific techniques is important, but also not as important as therapy alliance Techniques can be helpful, like reframes, talking to an empty chair, reality testing, practicing listening and communication skills But not sufficient on their own PVT is foundational knowledge To understanding consciousness, connection, danger Imo, this is the starting point if you’re open to something new Are these other ideas in conflict with polyvagal theory? No, but how do they connect? These are mostly top-down reframes to the brain stem These help with state regulation There is no shadow state, no parts state for different internal family members They may get your closer to your state by regulating enough and then looking inward But this is an added cognitive layer too And this relies on an expert giving wisdom about shadow selves and parts and egos and child selves and true selves I’ll make one up right now! Puzzle Completion Therapy (PCT) You’re missing a puzzle piece to become your completed self You need to identify where the missing piece is inside of you A technique is to start with the outside edges Like maybe the easier facets of your life - like school Then work toward the middle pieces, aka the traumas and attachments and abandonments PST will be available for coaching soon, called Puzzle Self Coaching Is polyvagal the best place to start or are there other things I need to master before/alongside? I think it’s foundational knowledge, great place to start Somatic focused things But comprehensive of thoughts, feelings, sensations Not just moving around, dancing, breathing SE seems great BSA is the next step imo PVT101 and then BSA Honestly, I'm just really overwhelmed and heard you give a little push back on inner child work on the podcast so I thought I'd ask which ideas are the most valuable. I feel really behind and it seems that polyvagal is the best place to start, but I feel like I'm dipping my toes into a little bit of everything and not really retaining a lot of info. Thank you again for your work. It's succinct and easy for me to process, I just worry I don't know how any of this works. You’re welcome Yeah, it’s overwhelming I hope this was clear for you as well And thanks again for taking one of my courses Disclaimer This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health symptoms. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

Have you ever experienced this? Shaking uncontrollably while you're crying? You're not the only one. My therapy clients often bring this up. I'm going to address what's happening when we cry typically, then address what is happening when we cry uncontrollably. People report different types of experiences when they cry. There is no one way to cry that's best for all of us. My therapy clients tell me they go into uncontrollable shakes, some have said they isolate in a bathroom and some report going into a destructive rage. Crying is different for all of us and completely normal and even a possibly necessary part of climbing the Polyvagal ladder. But why the shaking? Why we cry Crying is potentially and commonly an aspect of emotional releasing. Like when we grieve, or when we’re letting go of some deep sadness. Crying often comes with it. To understand why, it’s important to understand what the Polyvagal ladder is and the function of crying. The Polyvagal ladder is a metaphor for the mammalian autonomic nervous system. There are three autonomic pathways in the ANS, including the ventral vagal social engagement system, the sympathetic flight/fight system and the dorsal vagal immobilization system. The safety system at the top of the ladder, flight/fight in the middle and shutdown at the bottom. These three states have unique physiological, emotional, cognitive and behavioral aspects to them. For example, when in the social engagement system, mammals impulsively connect with each other. There may be an experience of calm or happiness or belonging. Muscles relax while facial muscles show smiles, listening, surprise and more. In a flight/fight state, there is a tensing in preparation to mobilize the body to get to safety. In shutdown, there is an emptiness as the body slows down to conserve resources in a possible death feign. Two of these pathways can be active at the same time, something called a mixed state. You can learn a lot more about mixed states and the other fundamental Polyvagal Theory information in my Polyvagal 101 course. It’s essential learning for those in the helping professions and also for those who are doing their own recovery, where through a professional or not. For now, let’s focus on the mixed state of freeze. Freeze Freeze is a combination of shutdown and mobilization. The body is immobilizing while also in a flight/fight activation. Think about the last time you were in a dentist’s chair. You may have had tense muscles, but were immobilized while a drill or pick was in your mouth. Your muscles are prepared to run or fight, but your body is also stuck in place in immobilization. That’s a minor example of a mixed state. Of course, you can ultimately choose to get up and walk away. And there is an end. And you’re not actually in significant danger. Once the procedure is done, you get up, make small talk, exchange smiles and walk out into the sunlight outside. You’re not traumatized and the activation you felt in your muscles eases. Now imagine that the tension in the muscles doesn’t ease and gets “frozen” into your body. That tension - the flight/fight activation - stays within the body. It’s frozen at a certain moment in time and can be triggered by aspects of the event. Like, if you saw the dentist outside of the office, that flight/fight activation could resurface. Or if you heard one of the songs that was playing in the background during the procedure, then it could be activating as well. These are called “triggers,” something that is very common in trauma. Eventually, that activation from the dentist’s chair needs to discharge. Why we shake when we cry If we were wild animals, we would simply shake it off. Seriously. That’s it. Wild animals are excellent at listening to the needs of their bodies. If their body has a freeze experience, they shake it off. They shake and tremble, releasing the stuck state and returning to a self-regulated state. Here’s an example that Peter Levine uses - Of course, humans are animals still. We still retain the capacity to shake off stuck traumatic energy. Humans make things a lot more complex in the process, like shaming and guilting ourselves. And the traumatic events we endure are much more complex than the survive-or-die variety that wild animals endure. Our traumatic events tend to often include things like rejection, shame, humiliation, deception and more. Things that animals don’t do to each other. There’s layers to our traumas, oftentimes generational. So simply shaking it off is not really a practical avenue for us. At least, not all at once. This is compounded by the fact that we also keep ourselves stuck in traumatized states. We tell ourselves reinforcing stories, like “I shouldn’t have been there” or “I deserved it.” This type of shaking and trembling is best for stuck shock trauma that comes from a freeze state. I haven’t found it all that useful for returning sympathetic energy, like for someone who is coming out of a stuck shutdown state. Instead of shaking it off, that person needs to welcome it. Regardless of all this, human beings do nevertheless shake off their frozen energy. It’s called crying. At least, it could look like crying. We can definitely do the polar bear type of shaking like in the video, but we typically don't. (I consider that more of a "pure" or first level form of trauma releasing.) Like I said at the outset, crying is “an aspect of emotional releasing.” But it’s not just emotionally releasing something, there is an autonomic shift happening. Stuck freeze energy is discharging. Think about it - when humans cry, we go through physiological shifts, just like the polar bear in the above video. Breathing spontaneously changes, from heavier to lighter. There is a tensing of our muscles and often full-body heaves. We tighten and constrict. Fluid discharges from our eyes. Our awareness goes from highly constricted and narrow to fuller. And we may even have an impulse to connect with another during or after a cry. Really, we shake and tremble. It’s a full-body releasing of stuck frozen energy. If done successfully. If you can successfully cry, then it eventually stops. Eventually, there is an ease in breathing and a return to being grounded in the present moment. I often see my therapy clients do some crying and then shift into laughter as their autonomic nervous system climbs into a state of safety and social engagement. For the person grieving in sadness, it turns into appreciation and a pleasant memory comes to their mind. Crying is a normal and maybe even necessary part of this autonomic shift. If you want to learn more about the Polyvagal ladder and other Polyvagal essentials, I’ve got my free Polyvagal Intro and my Polyvagal 101 course.

Do I recommend it? Yeah and nah Depends What it covers, a sampling: Play, compassion, neurocardiology, yoga therapy, mindfulness-based movement, group psychotherapy, human-animal interactions, therapeutic presence, autism and stillness Key - response to critiques of the PVT Still out of our league Who it’s for: For those that need to own everything relating to the PVT Polyvagal enthusiasts and collectors Many of these articles are available online for free (links below) Who it’s not for: People new to PVT Go to PVT101 or 101-109 or eBook or Polyvagal Intro on website People looking to build their Polyvagal safety Not a workbook, not a journaling thing Pure education, lecture, writing Building Safety Anchors will do that What I like: Really really good reference book Worth owning to use as a reference Broad range of topics Collection of topics in one book you can own and have on your shelf Audio - mostly digestible if you have PVT101 knowledge New wrinkles - “preparatory sets” and not states or mixed states What I didn’t like Super redundant Each article touches upon the basics of the PVT Seriously irritating Predictable if you’re into the PVT Really just for collecting and owning Must be a market for it Audio - not for reference use Audio - can get boring af, voice is fairly monotone and lacking prosody Amazon link - https://amzn.to/3FbVXbu Polyvagal 101 - https://www.justinlmft.com/polyvagalclarity Building Safety Anchors - https://www.justinlmft.com/bsa Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats Neurocardiology Through the Lens of the Polyvagal Theory - https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5c1d025fb27e390a78569537/t/5cb67958eef1a19d9940fb5d/1555462489535/Neurocardiology+final+Porges+Kolacz.pdf Polyvagal Theory: A Biobehavioral Journey to Sociality - https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2666497621000436 Play as a Neural Exercise - https://olivebranchsa.com/portfolio-view/play-as-a-neural-exercise-insights-from-the-polyvagal-theory/ Vagal Pathways: Portals to Compassion - https://integratedlistening.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/porges_compassion-final-7.2016.pdf Yoga Therapy and Polyvagal Theory - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5835127/ Mindfulness-Based Movement - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5482784/ Brain-Body Connection May Ease Autistic People’s Social Problems - https://www.spectrumnews.org/opinion/viewpoint/brain-body-connection-may-ease-autistic-peoples-social-problems/ Reducing Auditory Hypersensitivities in Autistic Spectrum Disorder - https://www.researchgate.net/publication/264902145_Reducing_Auditory_Hypersensitivities_in_Autistic_Spectrum_Disorder_Preliminary_Findings_Evaluating_the_Listening_Project_Protocol The COVID-19 Pandemic is a Paradoxical Challenge - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8629069/ National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255 National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233 LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386 National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673 Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741 Call 911 for emergency This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health sx. Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE: The flavor of your thoughts, the intensity of your thoughts comes from your Polyvagal state… the story of it, the theme of your thoughts, that’s going to come from culture, family, social norms, religious views. Cognitive themes can be connected to Polyvagal states… the flavor of the thought is different, but the theme is still there. These themes or these beliefs that are given to us can absolutely keep us down our Polyvagal ladder and limit our potential to climb up it and experience more… If you can catch your thoughts, notice them… then become curious about what is driving those thoughts… Notice the feeling that is driving that thought. A thought doesn’t just exist on its own. It pops into your mind without you really summoning it… it’s driven by a [Polyvagal] state. You may not be used to feeling. You may be ignoring, stuffing down, minimizing or somehow coping as a way to distract yourself from how you feel. Feelings can be scary. But - eventually, we do need to feel. You don’t have to. It’s your choice. But if you do nothing different, you probably know how it’s going to go. What may be seen day to day is anger or irritability, but really there’s other things under there. Those feelings are there. You do have feelings. Whether or not you feel them, they still affect you and they’re not really going anywhere. YOUR THOUGHTS KEEP YOU STUCK What are thoughts? Words and images that are in your brain Memories, beliefs, reasoning I don’t think we control what is in our mind Kind of pops in and out without us directing it 2+2=? Where do thoughts come from? The flavor of your thoughts come from your state (“Story Follows State” from PVT101) The theme of your thoughts come from: culture, family, social norms, religious views Teach you how the world is, how your family is, how you are Can be limiting, like social norms for your gender and what can be accomplished or felt I was told that my family had less Made selling my course very difficult Themes become connected to polyvagal defensive states If others have more than me and my family, then there is no point in trying from a shutdown state Likewise, it might result in jealousy or resentment thoughts from fight “You didn’t earn it” From safety, you can think about earning more while others do the same or even partnering with others to earn together YOU NEED TO FEEL Thoughts are a clue to your state Thoughts can be caught Notice, then become curious about what is driving that A coach or therapist or other person can catch them Notice the feeling driving the thought And then the state driving the feeling through somatic sensations Feeling can be scary, intimidating You may not be used to feeling, you may be ignoring or stuffing or coping somehow But eventually, we need to feel “Feel the feelings” isn’t easy When ready Often layers to feeling Bits at a time One layer can uncover another Anger isn’t just anger Not because there is something wrong with you We all do this It’s just hard to feel Even if you really really want to Might not even see the issue The feelings are there They just are So… Building Safety Anchors -https://www.justinlmft.com/bsa Polyvagal 101 Class - https://www.justinlmft.com/PVT101 Become a $5 Patron - https://www.patreon.com/justinlmft Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255 National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233 LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386 National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673 Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741 Call 911 for emergency This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health sx. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE If we get too far into our defensive state, that means the safety state is inactive. The social engagement system - the ventral vagal pathways - if they’re active, that keeps our heartbeat at a calmer pace which keeps our defensive [state less active]. Hopefully… your [ventral vagal] safety state - is built up enough to where you have more distress tolerance, more resilience. If you don’t have access to your safety state, you don’t exactly think critically. It’s not necessarily a destructive thing or dysfunctional thing or maladaptive thing to access these defensive states, it just depends on whether you have access also with your safety state. HIGH STRESS JOBS & VAGAL BRAKE Psychiatric ward, police, ambulance, nurses Any sort of crisis response and front line work Need to stay active and mobile for these jobs Does this activate the flight/fight state? Sure. Also jobs that are potentially high stress but immobile Therapists don’t necessarily move much, but lots of stress But that means safety state is inactive This is the vagal brake Being mobilized or in a sympathetic state is not a bad thing Need safety active along with it RATIONAL THINKING & DEFENSIVE STATES Yes, rational thinking does “go out the window” when in defensive states But not if safety state is active Some people can do high stress jobs and stay anchored enough in safety When the vagal brake is off, then rational thinking is not possible more or less Defensive states are not bad to access Just need vagal brake FREE Polyvagal eBook - https://www.justinlmft.com/signup Building Safety Anchors -https://www.justinlmft.com/bsa Polyvagal 101 Class - https://www.justinlmft.com/PVT101 Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255 National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233 LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386 National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673 Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741 Call 911 for emergency This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health sx. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE What’s a cue of safety for me could actually be a cue of danger for somebody else based on the context that they went through. “I need to feel better.” “My autonomic nervous system needs more regulation.” Safety cues are not an antidote to make defensive feelings go away. We build safety. We don’t just turn it on. The process of safety - it’s more than just coping with the present moment - it’s more than just applying a cue of “safety medicine”. SAFETY CUES RECAP Safety cues are what provides a neuroception of safety to our ANS Different for everyone Individual differences based on hx But also universal similarities based on evolution SAFETY CUE OR PROTECTION? A safety cue will bring you to safety A protective cue will keep you in defense, but bring a sense of protection SAFETY CUE DEPENDENCY? Do we become dependent on safety cues? A safety cue of another person might be done at their expense If the dysregulated person is not considerate and manipulates another to feel some safety (not safety though) What about a safety cue of smelling an orange? Maybe if that becomes an addiction and basic functioning is a problem Like if I have to sneak off to sniff an orange during a therapy session But just using safety cues to self-regulate? What else would we be doing? External safety cues for our senses Or internal safety cues as top-down The issue for me would be - are we building our self-regulation or not? Are we building our independence or not? Are we building our distress tolerance or not? We all need safety cues, very normal “I need to feel better” vs “My ANS needs more regulation.” “I need to feel better” can turn into addiction, relief-seeking, protection-seeking Medicine mindset, reliant on experts “Splash water in my face to make the discomfort go away” Story follow state - “I need to feel better” can be panicky “My ANS needs more regulation” has an element of mindfulness, of witnessing the somatic needs, of alignment It’s an accurate description of what is happening But this needs safety activated already Brings us back to the issue of whether or not we’re building self-regulation PROCESS OF SAFETY vs. SAFETY MEDICINE Therapy reframe - With our clients, frame it as a process of building the capacity to self-regulate Not as medicine Not a pill we take to feel better This is more than just coping through a moment Example of panicked teen client where we used nature on screen, breath check-ins, fidgets and present-moment sensations What works in the moment and what can be taken and practiced on, developed further Noticing the process of accessing safety Long process, not all at once Often missed but noticed later on when processing in therapy Teaching vs. developing vs. experiencing Teach in session, experience in session, homework to develop Building Safety Anchors incorporates these elements into it Guidance, practice, homework, reflection, mindful noticing and experiencing Building Safety Anchors -https://www.justinlmft.com/bsa Polyvagal 101 Class - https://www.justinlmft.com/PVT101 Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255 National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233 LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386 National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673 Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741 Call 911 for emergency This and other content produced by Justin Sunseri (“JustinLMFT”) (i.e; podcast, YouTube, Instagram, etc.) is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health sx. Nothing should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

This is a section from my free e-book - Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. Make sure you're signed up for my email list to get access to this and future ebooks. There's a signup at the top and bottom of this page. Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Paradigm to Self-Narrative This is what this paradigm-building has been leading up to. You understand the Polyvagal Theory on a cognitive level. The biology, trauma, the importance of connection. Knowing is not good enough though. A nostalgic phrase from my childhood speaks volumes here - Knowing is half the battle (G.I. Joe). It's not enough to simply know, you also need to apply that knowledge. When you apply the Polyvagal paradigm to your own life, it builds a narrative. A narrative is the story that you have around yourself. Who you are, how you are, why you are. Your worth in life - to yourself and others. Your potential in life. Your responsibility in making change in your own life. The role of your parents then and now. Why events in your life unfolded or did not unfold. How lovable you are or are not. The answers to these things are all narratives, for better or worse. I can't answer these for you, but I invite you to journal around these when you can. I do have one more piece I would like to offer you, hopefully a new narrative that you can take on... Stuck Not Broken You're stuck. You're not broken. I know it can feel that way, but really, you gotta believe me on this - you're just not broken. You're stuck. This is the central idea of the Stuck Not Broken podcast. And the great news is that being stuck means you can get unstuck. It means that your momentum is still moving forward, but there's something blocking that from happening. The momentum, the potential to get unstuck is there within you. The momentum might be to release the freeze energy that you've got stuck inside of you. Or the momentum could be allowing the sympathetic energy to return, getting unstuck from your shutdown state. The body is ready to make this happen. Your body knows exactly what to do. It's just stuck. And what's keeping it stuck? You are. Okay, it's not that simple, because maybe you're in an environmentally unsafe place. But for the most part, you're stopping this unstuckness from happening. From the bottom up, from the body to the brain, the change is ready to take place. That energy is ready to discharge or to come back. But from the top down, from the brain to the body, that's where things get more difficult. There's probably something(s) you're doing to keep yourself stuck without even realizing it. Here's a short list: judging yourself escaping your internal feelings somehow distracting yourself from the inner stuff somehow blaming yourself blaming others dismissing or minimizing your pain and more Basically, you're doing some sort of behavioral or cognitive adaptation to your stuck defensive state. When we do these things, it just serves to keep the energy stuck inside or to prevent it from returning. It's like putting a cap on a bottle before tipping it over. Or if the internal momentum is like rolling a bowling ball, then these thoughts/behaviors are like placing a wall in the middle of the alley. So what happens is the internal stuff that you're ignoring/avoiding/minimizing/squishing festers and worsens. It doesn't just sit there patiently. You know that already though. It tends to grow and get worse. It infects other facets of your life, like your relationships or work. The pain that you're going through - the anxiety, panic, fear, depression... it's telling you something. And it's your job to listen. Not to ignore the pain. Not to dismiss it. Not to squish it down or fight it off. To listen. Calmly and curiously. Not judging or evaluating it. But to listen in moments where you're actually safe. And look inward at what your body is telling you. Just a little bit at a time. It's hard work, I know. You might be cut off from your body in a major way. I do a lot of therapy work with clients who have survived abuse and are left in a numbness or fog. When they look inward, they find nothing (at first). Or they've been left with a ton of anger or anxiety. And when they look inward, they don't like what they find and escape in one form or another (at first). So looking inward and expecting to deal with all of your stuff all at once isn't always practical or doable. You come face to face with the energy that wants to get unstuck; that's ready to come back to life and do it's thing. And it's too intense. And with that intensity, memories pop into your mind that aren't very comfortable. Which makes things worse. At first. The good news is - you don't have to do any of that. You don't have to. You may want to. That's your call. But to get unstuck, you can basically do the opposite. Focus on the positives; focus on what energizes you safely. Things like art, dancing, music, singing, cooking, playing sports - whatever it is. It doesn't matter. As long as it brings you some energy, some joy, some connection or being a bit more in the present moment. If you’re really struggling with identifying safety, my course Building Safety Anchors can be helpful. It helps you to identify what brings you to safety. You do these things, but do them mindfully. Listen to your body while you draw. Let it speak to you through your artwork. Or listen while you're running, listen to your muscles as they carry you. Do something safe, which will allow you to listen safely. Little by little, you may notice that the pain isn't as intense. And you might be ready to go inward and listen more directly. But at first, it helps to have a positive energy resource. Or even a safe person. Not necessarily someone to talk to about your pain. But someone you feel safe with. Not protected. Safe. Someone you can smile around. And be a bit vulnerable. This could be a club, a yoga class, being with family or a friend. When we're with safe people, we can become unstuck. But again, bring some mindfulness to the experience of being with a safe person and hold it while it's there. Build the capacity to be able to handle the stuckness. And obviously find a safe place. Might be home or a certain place in your home. Might be a church, might be at the gym or even grocery shopping. Somewhere you feel safe, comfortable and more at ease. A place that helps your energy to return without being overwhelming. You could also do the more direct route of looking inward and allowing the stuck energy to discharge or to return. This can be done through meditation, in therapy with someone who is incorporating somatic skills or through yoga, among many other options. There is so much hope it's ridiculous. That momentum is inside of you, ready to take off. Once it gets safety and permission to do so. Your Next Polyvagal Steps Don’t let this be the final step on your Polyvagal journey. There’s a lot more to get into, including applying the PVT into different areas of your personal and professional life. I have more free resources for you to learn more from, many of them linked to in this eBook. I also have my two courses, one for the Polyvagal Theory and the other to help you build your safety system. My courses built on the Polyvagal Theory Polyvagal 101 - https://www.justinlmft.com/pvt101 Building Safety Anchors - https://www.justinlmft.com/bsa My Polyvagal Freesources: Website - https://www.justinlmft.com Blog - https://www.justinlmft.com/blog Podcast - https://www.justinlmft.com/podcast PDF Downloads - https://www.justinlmft.com/fileshare Polyvagal Books There are also a number of paid Polyvagal books you can purchase. Here are my recommendations and who I think they are for. For therapists - The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy For those building their self-regulation - Anchored & Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection The Polyvagal Theory applied to various professions - Clinical Applications of the Polyvagal Theory For a deeper level of Polyvagal reading that’s still digestible - the Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory For serious Polyvagal nerds that want the primary source in all the academic jargon - The Polyvagal Theory Read more by downloading the entire book. And to do that, you need to sign up for my email list at the top or bottom of this page. Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book - Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. Make sure you're signed up for my email list to get access to this and future ebooks. There's a signup at the top and bottom of this page. Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first As we have already laid out, trauma is being in a stuck defensive state. This is an inability to regulate back up the Polyvagal ladder and into the ventral safety pathways. That is, the inability to self-regulate. An adaptation is a means to cope with stuck defensive energy and the discomfort that it brings. When we are in these defensive states (and the safe/social state), it's really important that we actually feel the experience of that defensive state. Mindfully. When we do so, it allows the defensive energy to run its course and discharge. Then the autonomic nervous system can regulate to the top of the Polyvagal ladder, into the safe/social state. Instead, what we humans do is ignore the defensive energy. And I don't blame us - it kinda sucks! That energy is experienced as sorrow, despair, panic, rage, anger, anxiety and more. These are all perfectly natural and simply a part of the process. But feeling them can be very challenging first. Eventually, we can build our capacity to feel them and actually welcome them. But at first, we typically lean toward avoiding feeling these things. Adaptations can be understood as maladaptive coping mechanisms. Or someone's best attempts at coping. Coping doesn't mean the individual is actually making change; they're mostly just getting through the moment or have adopted a prolonged coping mechanism. Porges specifies behavioral adaptations as a means to cope; and I will be adding cognitive adaptations into the discussion as well. Behavioral adaptations A behavioral adaptation is a behavior that we engage in as an adaptation to stuck defensive energy. It's something we do to avoid feeling the discomfort of shifting up the Polyvagal ladder or of existing in a defensive state. Even though we want it - to climb the ladder - doing so is vulnerable and leaves us feeling exposed. Feelings and memories will come up that cause a neuroception of danger and send us right back down the ladder. Being able to tolerate the experience of these states and of ladder climbing is essential to the process of getting unstuck. We have to stay firmly anchored in our ventral vagal safe/social state. But again, instead of feeling into - and not avoiding - the defensive energy, we engage in some sort of behavior. Substance use is an obvious one. It relieves the pain and might give us a pseudo ladder climb. Through using a substance, we can cope with the defensive energy. It doesn't help, but it provides a pseudo-relief. (No, I am not recommending that you use a substance.) Other examples of behavioral adaptations: addictions of all kinds physical abuse bullying isolating acting out in class self-harm oversleeping disordered eating workaholism social media binges Imagine someone is a workaholic. They work all night and neglect their spouse and family. They have a history of childhood abuse and are stuck in a fight sympathetic state. If they were to mindfully feel their aggression, it would be too much for them. They are not ready for it. Their vagal brake is not developed. To cope with this, they focus their fight energy into their work. They don't actually feel their aggression, they just continue to channel it into their work. They are able to complete a lot and be successful, but their state never changes and so neither does their life satisfaction. Interactions with their family arouse feelings of pressure and frustration, which they again channel into their work instead of feeling. They have successfully avoided the defensive state and the pains of actually mindfully being with it. But this strategy keeps them stuck in their state. These behaviors obviously involve some level of cognitions. The gambling addict has intrusive thoughts about the need to gamble and a big payoff. Our workaholic has thoughts of needing more money, more security and the family's well-being. These thoughts compliment the behavior. Let's more specifically call these stories, to use Deb Dana's phrasing. The stories follow the state and reinforce the behavioral adaptation. The workaholic spends so much time working because they "have to provide more for the family!" The story of providing for the family is driven by feelings of aggression and pressure, coming from a stuck fight state. The story reinforces the behavior that reinforces the state. Cognitive adaptations Cognitive adaptations are top-down skills that are implemented in order to cope with the pains of a stuck defensive state. Same as a behavioral adaptation. But rather than being body-based, it's brain-based. Porges does not specifically differentiate cognitive or behavioral adaptations, so this is my own insertion into the theory that I think adds something. I'm not specifically discussing the thought stories, like needing to provide more for the family. I am more interested in the skills that support the thought stories. Using the phrase thought skills might add more clarity, in comparison to thought stories. The thought skill drives the story that compliments the behavior. There are numerous ways that we humans cope through our cognitions: rationalizing minimizing maximizing/catastrophizing denial projection intellectualization ignoring I don't think that the thought skill used necessarily follows the Polyvagal state like a story does. The flavor of the thought skill definitely will though. For example, let's look at the thought skill of minimization. This refers to the skill of reducing the intensity or the importance of something, done through a thought. Minimizing through shutdown - "It's not a big deal. Doesn't really matter anyway. Nothing will change." Minimizing through fight - "It's not a big deal, get over it already! Why do you have to make it such a big thing?!" Minimizing through flight - "It's not a big deal. I'll do better next time, I promise! It's okay it's okay, please don't be mad." Minimizing through safety - "It's really not a big deal. Anyone could have discovered time travel, but thank you. I'm glad I got to do my part." Each of these involves minimizing, but they sound a lot different. You may have used your imagination and created a scenario around these examples. You could probably see the face of the person in the fight example and how different it would be from the person in the safety example. Yet, they are both using the skill of minimizing. And they both intend to reduce the importance of something. The flavor is different and that comes from the Polyvagal state. Minimizing from fight results in someone attempting to make someone else's thoughts less significant. If successful, the individual in fight feels dominant, which is very much a fight-fueled feeling. Minimizing from safety resulted in a story of doing one's part and being a part of a larger group. This leaves us with the potential to use our thought skills for the purpose of coping with a stuck defensive state. The person in fight copes by minimizing others' feelings. This leaves them feeling dominant, misusing their fight energy, but also remaining stuck. The person in flight misuses their thought skills to avoid a danger but reinforces their stuck sympathetic flight state. The person in shutdown misuses their thought skills to appear invisible or insignificant; again, reinforcing their stuck state. This is similar to a behavioral adaptation. The potential behavior can look similar depending on one's state, but have a different flavor to it. If you wrestle with someone in a safety state, it'll be playful. If you wrestle with someone in a fight state, it will be to dominate. I think this is worth differentiating. A thought skill as supportive of, but distinct from a thought story. And how a thought skill is colored by the Polyvagal state. Journal: Do you have behavior adaptation you engage in when you're dysregulated? What emotion is driving the adaptation? What state is driving the emotion? Do you have a thought story about yourself? In other words, how do you feel about yourself? What is your worth in the world? What is your worth to others? Is it possible that thought story is wrong? Read the next section > Read more by downloading the entire book. And to do that, you need to sign up for my email list at the top or bottom of this page. Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book - Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. Make sure you're signed up for my email list to get access to this and future ebooks. There's a signup at the top and bottom of this page. Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Regulation “Regulation” - loosely - is an individual’s ability to get to a calm enough emotional baseline. There’s way more to this on many levels, but this is the basic idea for now. Even if the person is not entirely happy or entirely social; if they can exert self-control over their behaviors, we could say they are well enough regulated. They have enough capacity to notice what is happening within them on an emotional level and can then use their conscious thoughts to self-soothe in some way. If someone has lost access to their conscious awareness and their capacity to direct their behavior within the contextual rules and social norms, we could say they are in a state of dysregulation. Their emotions and thoughts are out of control and have overwhelmed their conscious mind. This individual has exceeded their limits of being able to tolerate and cope with whatever is happening within them. Self-regulation But it’s not just about what someone does in the moment of need, it’s also about creating the capacity to tolerate greater amounts of distress. Regulation is something that can be built up. Regulation is really the result of enough tolerance having been cultivated within an individual - the building of their vagal brake. This level of distress tolerance can be nurtured within someone from birth and throughout life. We learn to tolerate distress from the modeling that we see as children. We also learn distress tolerance from having our needs be taken seriously and receiving support from others. Neither of these things makes our distress go away, but it makes it bearable. It makes it tolerable. Traumatized individuals have a more difficult time with self-regulation. They are stuck down their Polyvagal ladder in a state of defense. If they were able to self-regulate into their safety state, they wouldn’t be stuck. By definition, trauma is not only being stuck, but also lacking the capacity for effective self-regulation. There are numerous ways to regulate yourself. I don’t think there is one right answer for any specific person or specific situation. Some things might be universally helpful, like slowing your breathing on the exhale from your belly. But even then, there might be times where you’re too dysregulated to breathe into your belly and this won’t be helpful. You might need something else. You might need the assistance of another person. Co-regulation Co-regulation is something that happens between two mammalian organisms. Only mammals have the capacity for social interaction and receiving cues of safety from other mammals to help them into their ventral vagal state of safety and social engagement. Through co-regulation, a mammal can access their safety state. This is done through an unconscious biological process. Co-regulation is not self-driven, nor is it imposed by the other either. It involves yourself and it involves someone else, but it is something received through unconscious cues of safety. This is mostly a passive process, like receiving cues of safety from the environment. A more active process would be adjusting your breathing, dancing or singing. This passive process of co-regulation is done through neuroception. Through neuroception, a dysregulated individual can detect cues of safety from a regulated individual. Someone stuck in an anxious flight state can see the gentle smile of a safe other, which triggers some activation of their safety pathways. They don’t choose to have those pathways activated, they simply are activated with the correct input from the safe other. This process is biologically hardwired to help us regulate as mammals. A baby receives co-regulation from a parent that has a soothing voice, gentle touch. The baby doesn’t choose to calm itself. The baby as an organism detects safety, which triggers the Polyvagal shifts into its own safety state. Why co-regulation matters Humans are social. We need each other. On a very biological level, we need each other. We don’t develop self-regulation unless we have good enough co-regulation and attachment growing up, then continued opportunities for co-regulation as we age. We don’t do well as individuals in isolation. Yes, we are individuals. Yes, we can self-regulate and develop the capacity to do so more and more. But before that, we’re social. We build on the foundations of our social connections. Those of us that are struggling with self-regulation need others that are already self-regulated to provide safety cues. Those that are struggling with self-regulation will benefit from more and more people who are self-regulated and able to provide their eye crinkles and genuine smiles. It’s important to surround ourselves with people who are able to provide co-regulation. We need safe people, safe friends, safe relationships, safe co-workers. This is not always possible or easy. Maybe you have safe people at home but not at work. Or safe people at school but not at home, as is often the case with my student clients. Even if you don’t have everyone in your life in their self-regulated safety state, having someone is much better than no one. That might be a professional someone. Many of my student clients are able to identify that one staff person is their co-regulator. It’s not a solution to life’s problems. But it’s something. And it might be enough to get them through their day and maybe even provide a template for safety in relationships. Therapy can often be that template. We may even be able to get aspects of co-regulation from artificial sources. Not ideal, but something. People often write to me and say my voice is a cue of safety on the Stuck Not Broken podcast. There may be a certain singer’s voice that helps bring you to safety. Or a certain voice on a meditation track. If we don't have others to co-regulate with and we can't self-regulate, this is a good indicator that we will engage in a behavioral adaptation... Read the next section > Read more by downloading the entire book. And to do that, you need to sign up for my email list at the top or bottom of this page. Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book - Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. Make sure you're signed up for my email list to get access to this and future ebooks. There's a signup at the top and bottom of this page. Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first What the vagal brake is Remember - the social engagement system is at the top of the Polyvagal ladder. It's the newest autonomic pathway, exclusive to mammals. As mammals developed the social engagement pathways, the sympathetic flight/fight and dorsal shutdown pathways became repurposed with the safety ventral pathways active at the same time. Without the ventral pathways active, the sympathetic flight/fight and dorsal shutdown systems still function, but for survival purposes. With the ventral pathways active at the same time, these survival pathways are now repurposed for prosocial behavior. But the ventral safety pathways need to be activated. The vagal brake is the influence of the ventral safety pathways - the social engagement system - on the heart. If the ventral pathways are active, it will keep the heartbeat at a calmer pace. Without the ventral pathways active, heart rate increases about 20 beats per minute. If the safety state is inactive, then the vagal brake is off. If the safety state is active, then the vagal brake is on. The safety state is what keeps the defensive states in check. How to Strengthen Your Vagal Brake You'd strengthen your vagal brake like you would anything else - by exercising it. Meaning, utilizing your ventral vagal safety and social engagement system. If you have a goal to lift heavier weights, then you have to start by actually lifting weights. You won't be able to lift 200lbs before you lift 100. And you won't lift 100 before you lift 50. But you'll be able to reach your goal of 200lbs by starting with what you can and then building from there. You meet your goal of utilizing your safety pathways by starting with what you can. It may not be much, but it's better than nothing. "Cool, Justin, but how?" Okay, okay. Return to the Present Moment If you're consciously existing in the present moment, that's probably a really good indicator that you're utilizing your ventral vagal pathways. And if that's true, then that means you're now exercising that system and building the strength of your vagal brake. It gets more complicated, but that's the basic idea. Let's get a little more complicated... Pendulation “Pendulation” refers to the action of pendulating - going back and forth - from the stuck defensive state to the state of safety. In Polyvagal terms, it is going up and down the Polyvagal ladder. Pendulating requires an anchor - something that grounds the individual in the present moment. The act of pendulation can strengthen the vagal brake. It's like the Polyvagal way of lifting weights. It builds the autonomic nervous system's capacity for tolerating distress by building the strength of the safety pathways. “With each cycle - contraction, expansion, contraction, expansion - the person begins to experience an inner sensation of flow and a growing sense of allowance for relaxation” (Levine, Trauma and Memory). The process of titration comes along with the process of pendulation. Titration is the act of feeling into the stuck defensive energy a little bit at a time. The key here is to do so a little at a time, not all at once. And to do so mindfully. Titration allows small bits of a defensive state to discharge, which allows for more capacity for feelings of safety. Titration can be a part of pendulation. As you feel into the defensive state, titration will naturally happen if you are doing so mindfully. The Vagal Brake & Daily Life When your vagal brake is sufficiently strengthened, a big benefit is being able to use the processes of pendulation and titration. But daily life also just becomes more manageable and less threatening. Your daily life now has a calmer heartbeat and less potential to be triggered by benign or even negative things. People and events that are truly dangerous will still be treated as dangerous. From the safety state, you’re actually better at recognizing safety and danger on a very biological level. With a stronger vagal brake, that means more access to the safety state. The work, school and relationship stresses of daily life are not as triggering. The parent that would otherwise yell at their child has more patience. The jerk at work is no longer as upsetting. Listening to friends and partners is more likely to come from empathy and understanding. These little to big daily assaults on our autonomic nervous system are not felt as assaults. They are manageable pieces of everyday life. Read the next section > Read more by downloading the entire book. And to do that, you need to sign up for my email list at the top or bottom of this page. Thanks for reading!