Links are below to many of the things we discuss. Some links are to Amazon where I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you. PART 1 / episode 37 THE WORK OF HEALING Medical model doesn’t quite fit when it comes to healing “You wouldn’t start losing weight or becoming better at exercising or eating well and then say, ‘okay, i’ve done it.’ It just doesn’t work that way.” “There are layers and layers and layers and layers and layers within us that we don’t even understand. And there will be new things that come into our world… all these things that we can’t predict. We can learn regulation… but you have to keep going.” “This is long term. It’s life-style. And we’ve treated it like it’s a medical condition that we have to fix.” “Everyone knows they should eat well… Everyone knows ‘I should probably move every day’... But the reason we don’t implement them is not for lack of want or even knowing how. It's the underlying pieces that stop us for whatever reason.” COUPLING DYNAMICS Somatic experiencing concept Physiological state that is separate from neuroception Possible to over and under couple simultaneously Over-coupled - sympathetic charge along with another or a deep shutdown; Tension, tense muscles Under-coupled = Limp, no tone HOW SOMEONE GETS TO BE A KILLER Dr Bruce Perry “Born For Love” - https://amzn.to/2PO3x6i “The Boy Who Was Raised…”- https://amzn.to/2r6pJ0T The Story of Ryan - https://youtu.be/3WI3aUfsNxM The Story of Teddy - https://youtu.be/dNts7T8_Vig Peter Levine “Healing Trauma Through a Child’s Eyes” - https://amzn.to/2WHc7Fj Medical procedures affect us today “No one is born wanting to hurt anybody. It is what occurs to us through our lives and what doesn’t happen.” HOW STATE/TRAUMA IS PASSED ON & MENTAL HEALTH DISORDERS “We know now that intergenerational trauma is real.” Practitioners and the vibe they give - “It’s the vibration in their body.” “Most of our parents did not do these conversations.” Parent can respond to a child’s needs, but not know what to do. Parents need to be connected to themselves to be connected to their child and respond to their needs “The environment is king and queen. And all these little nuances of how we’re touched, how we’re spoken to, how we’re not spoken to, how we’re not fed when we’re hungry or how we’re forced to feed when we’re not hungry… they influence our sense of safety, how our physiology works.” “We’re super intelligent when it comes to how we manage and regulate our physiology. But the way we regulate our physiology is often detrimental for our long term physiological and mental health.” PHYSIOLOGICAL DISORDERS & STATE “We’ve seen that someone can have that lack of… safety and it can breed more mental disorders but it could also breed… more physiological disorders.” LIFE FORCE ENERGY “When were born we start to feel our healthy aggression come up. This life force spark that realizes I am a being… there’s energy in my body… this healthy aggression starts to come out. If the parent or the caregiver is not able to see what that is and celebrate it, it gets shut down.” Manipulating the energy takes the child out of the moment Ignoring life force energy is a way to survive in the relationship = true exuberance is shut down and a false self emerges “When you depress one thing, you depress the entire physiology… this isn’t just cognitive.” “To come out of [depression]... you have to rev the system up again. You have to get it comfortable with feeling energy.” interjects/beliefs keep the life force energy from returning Interjects will be found in the physiology at some point DISGUST Disgust leads to self harm and addictive behaviors Build capacity to discuss disgust “They need to understand why that happened. It isn’t your fault. It’s not a genetic defect. It is a long-standing environmental situation brought on by crappy circumstances that were never addressed.” The “why” can help to reduce disgust “You have been in shutdown and this depressed biological state. Coming out of that - unfreezing the system - is going to mean… all this stuff is going to bubble up and we’re going to feel stuff that ain’t that nice.” “Disgust is one of the primal animal emotions. We forget about it.” Disgust signals that the coupling dynamics are becoming finally coupled back together properly. “Ride the tsunami” - to be able to stay with the disgust while also staying connected to the self DISGUST Toxic shame “Bad meat,” rotten, visceral disgust GOOD SHAME AGGRESSION Not bad Sympathetic Needed to get through the day PART 2 / episode 38 HEALTHY SHAME & CONSEQUENCES “Healthy shame is teaching a child what’s right from wrong. It’s what needs to happen so that they stay safe.” Knowing when it’s right or wrong to use aggression Biological sense of what is right and wrong “It instills a biological sense of - ‘This is not right.’ And it has to go into the biology. Because if it doesn’t go into the biology, we will not feel it and we won’t learn the lesson.” “If the upbringing wasn’t... the more perfect situation, then you try to change that when those patterns have been set, it’s gonna be a little of a tug of war.” “The moment the safety comes up, what does it allow the system to do? It allows it to express all the stored stuff that has been in there forever…” HEALTHY AGGRESSION WITH KIDS “If someone is asking that question, then they probably don’t know what it is themselves…” “You as the adult, [you] want to have the capacity to deal with being uncomfortable in the face of an immature nervous system acting out. And if we join with their immaturity, we’re only going to get more immaturity back.” “When someone’s having that meltdown and their being “bad,” how is that triggering our own stuff?” “They actually know. We have to learn from them through the way they play, the way they express, the way they dance, the way they zoom across the park…” Importance of children to have open spaces - to go and come back to build a healthy attachment Parents on phone at park while kids are playing - removal of attention deprives opportunity for the child to build a bond and feel pride Attunements, attachments, allowing them to be free without being overbearing PARENTING “It’s a huge responsibility. It’s the biggest job in the world. Because you’re creating the most complex system in the world.” EMBRACING THE CHANGE & THIS INFORMATION “When people understand the biological pieces… people feel it cellularly when they hear that truth.” We can’t simply learn new information, we also need to put it into place. "We’ve been woken up to this… you have a responsibility to take this information and use it.” "I fully believe in alignment. We do create our fate and we are meant to follow a path. And if a path comes in front of you and you are drawn to it and then - 'I can’t' - you stop the flow of the universe." "That path was given to you for a reason. Yeah, it’s really scary… There’s a lot of people who have already gone down that path and they’re on the other side and they’re like, ‘come here come here.’" “It seems scary at the beginning, but if you do the work properly, with people who understand and you have good support and you know it’s not a quick fix, you’ll get there. And you’ll be that much more liberated.” MIND LEARNING vs NERVOUS SYSTEM “They’re the same. Except for that you have to understand that the nervous system is more than one nervous system.” Autonomic, somatic, gut and brain… “...to be cognitive and use your mind, you have to have the other parts of your nervous system in a regulated state so the mind can function at its highest level possible.” “As far as I know, nobody has been able to figure out where ‘the mind’ is.” “You can’t separate the body from what’s going on in the thoughts… a thought might come up… what happens when you notice that thought…?” “The nervous systems will run the front of the bus if they’re in survival mode.” UNSTUCK vs HEALING “Healing, to me, is either happening or it isn’t… if you are working towards taking care of yourself… you are in the healing zone. You’re turning on your healing DNA.” “Being stuck can occur when you’re on the healing path. It’s what you do with it when it shows up.” Stuck as a lack of flow “Maybe the word we want is ‘regulation.’ because regulation, at the end of the day, are you working toward regulation? Is the system regulated or is it dysregulated?” “Regulation” might be the more accurate word. Are we regulated or dysregulated? NERVOUS SYSTEM & MEDICAL PROBLEMS Yes, healing the nervous system can “fully heal” some medical problems. “I have clients, I have a husband, I have colleagues, myself. I’ve seen people full heal from these things and those people have done a s**t ton of work.” “Yes, you can. But just because you can, doesn’t mean someone will… I have seen people who have gone through the work and done the work. Gone through the motions… sometimes… their psyches will be so strong, that it will override all the good work they’re doing with the physiology.” Dysregulation in the autonomic nervous system = “syndromal representation,” more chronic conditions Autonomic cycling of sympathetic and parasympathetic - “symphony of chaos” within the organs Low tone dorsal vs high tone dorsal and healing “If we get the system back into good regulation, the body actually knows how to heal.” TOOLS TO USE AT HOME vs PUBLIC Depends on the person More activation compared to regular low level dysregulation What are your needs? To connect to someone or to self soothe in isolation, for example Individuals need to know what works for them “What can I do that will help my physiology come down? And that is trial and error and that’s being experimental and curious.” The importance of curiosity “The moment we feel a trigger, we have a very short window of time between that trigger creating more activation or that trigger deactivating.” Curiosity to divert the fear response - “Can you party with that sensation? Have a little party with it.” being curious with it STRESS & EXHAUSTION Parasympathetic to sympathetic Survival energy “That energy, those survival mechanisms take a lot of energy. They’re there for survival.” These should be there “for like 5 seconds.” Adrenaline is fast acting. Chronic defensive states exhaust it, which triggers cortisol, which is a long-acting hormone. This is more efficient. Cortisol is toxic to tissues and brain over time Burnout, adrenal exhaustion, adrenal fatigue Body has given up, no more ‘sympathetic juice’ Education is a first step, then building capacity through reconnecting to the physiology - neurosensory exercises Orienting Following impulses like using the restroom, drinking and sleeping when the impulse is there - entry point into listening to deeper parts of the stress physiology “If you’re in constant flight, fight, freeze, you will burn out.” LACKING EXTERNAL RESOURCES FOR HEALING “Even doing one-on-one work every week for a year, from what I’ve seen is not enough… You have to be practicing when you’re not there.” “Our self awareness to self has to be on all the time… we don’t need it as much as humans because we’re not out in the wild having to be attentive… we get lazy around that. We can actually not pay attention and be okay.” “Can that watching of the show be an embodied experience? As opposed to - ‘I’m doing this to numb out because I don’t want to feel what’s going on.’” “I’ve had people go through my work who are totally well supported… I’ve had people who… can barely make ends meet. The difference… has to do with not only their belief that they can heal… but their capacity to believe that they deserve to heal.” “If their mindset is - ‘I’m going to do this because I really deserve to be well’ - they’ll find a way. I’ve also found that when we get that mentality, things open up.” “If the mind can see the potential, things can open up beyond what we might not even imagine. I think belief is big, but deserving is even bigger.” SMART BODY SMART MIND - https://smartbodysmartmind.com/ Once a year, usually in spring Online group curriculum, 12 weeks Course for life, alumni can join free the next year Group calls, Q&A, Facebook group with team 21 DAY NERVOUS SYSTEM TUNE-UP - https://irenelyon.com/tuneup/ UP & DOWN - https://irenelyon.com/up-down-workshop/ In person event, 3 days Mindful, attentive, calculated

We already know that the environments we spend time in are filled with cues of danger and safety. The workplace is no different. But what about how our coworkers, the work culture and work hierarchies? Mercedes & I take a look at a couple new aspects to the workplace that might be affecting your place on the polyvagal ladder. Before jumping in… why? We spend so much time at work How this affects your nervous system, and subsequently the rest of your life, like your Stories and Relationship patterns Standard ones like in the school series: Sounds, proximity, lighting, temperature, cockroaches or rats? Things that will be a cue of danger and be more sympathetically charging. Also the people - the ones you work WITH. Do you work alone or in a team? Is it a culture of collaboration or competition? How about the people you work FOR? What's your story about your employer? Both the supervisor and the agency. Environment: Being greeted, being comfortable, feeling valued and like you are a part of the team Acknowledged, paid fairly, considered, supported The culture of the workplace Does your workplace value and promote co-regulation? Humor in various settings as a way to cope Is self care encouraged? Is it a culture of acceptance and warmth and support? Hierarchy? Toxic environment? Like gossip, complaints, talking trash about each other, cliques with co-workers. Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

Jill Miller! The perfect person to help me understand the connection between yoga and Polyvagal Theory! Links to resources, including her personal yoga brand equipment and books are at the bottom. Links to Amazon, where I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you. PART 1 OF THE PODCAST SHOW NOTES: Some of yoga practices are extremely uplifting and energizing and others are literally putting you into safe shutdown. The corpse pose Your body lies in perfect stillness… utter and complete stillness and your body replicates that of a corpse and you're deliberately attempting to slow down your metabolic processes… it’s lauded for its restorational, regenerational aspects, in that it should replicate the experience of sleep, though its lucid sleep. Making stillness in yoga safe When I have people who have stress-induced relaxation… I will [give them other] options. They can roll onto their side in the fetal position, which is a much more protected position and be supported - have their neck supported, have their waist supported, have [bolsters and blankets]... laying face down (crocodile pose) so your genitals, your viscera, your face are not exposed to the unknown of a strange teacher… self massage work or work done previously done in the class… or opting out. It’s totally a free will thing… There are choices. Cues of safety are critical… veering toward invitational and less commandful. Body blind spots: Overuse, underuse, misuse, abuse or confuse (confusion) Develop more acuity, proprioception and interoception Through using position, breath, mindset and novelty 4 part breath wave: inhale, suspension/breath hold, exhale, vacation Breath is so important. Most yoga formats place a heavy emphasis on breathing and breathing mechanics… breathing directly changes autonomic state… when you start manipulating breathing, it can make you feel very… queasy, dizzy…, but that discomfort eventually can be titrated. "We all have our home base with our breath… we tend to concentrate our breathing in one of three places:" subdiaphragmatic (dorsal zone), supradiaphragmatic (sympathetic zone) or supraclavicular zone (ventral zone). A sedating breath… is a breath where the exhale is longer than the inhale. An upregulating breath is where the inhale is longer than the exhale. If dorsal/upregulating - “amplify inhale and breath holds after inhalation and have shorter exhale with the pause after exhale be shorter than the sum total of inhale plus the breath hold.” If dorsal/upregulating - “employ movements that the person feels challenged by but comfortable and playful.” Sankalpa - ’a deep resolve… like, “I touch light” or “My motion is moving.” Sankalpa is a Sanskrit term in yogic philosophy that refers to a heartfelt desire, a solemn vow, an intention, or a resolve to do something. It is similar to the English concept of a resolution, except that it comes from even deeper within and tends to be an affirmation. https://www.yogapedia.com/definition/5751/sankalpa PART 2 OF THE PODCAST: Jill’s Merch - https://www.amazon.com/shop/justinlmft?listId=3EFKO87WPMGD9 :40 Yoga vs Yoga Therapy Yoga therapy is where... the clinical nerds gather to use the application of yoga to help people with different conditions in collaboration with other teams… We are not diagnosticians. We are there to give holistic support. 3:40 Finding a yoga therapist I would say some really noble, amazing work being done out there by the trauma-informed community, subset yoga. 5:10 Isolation & Yoga 7:25 Identifying safe yoga providers - recommends the Matthew Remski book - https://amzn.to/2QapcqO 8:30 Why/how does yoga work? It’s about polyvagal neural exercises - breath, chant, position, connection Depending on where you’re studying, you will be engaging all of your senses and you’re going to be probably breathing consistently in a patterned way for almost the entire class in a way that is down regulating. You’re going to be having a sympathetic tone to the muscles while ‘cooling the flames’ with this down regulating breath and potentially with chanting and with mental recitation of your sankalpa (intention). You'll be cycling through this concentration exercise as you go through different positions that will impact your musculature and physiology. By the end of the class, you will have climbed from dorsal to sympathetic and maintained this titration between dorsal and sympathetic and the occasional ventral exchange with a teacher or a partner exercise with somebody else… And in the end, you do this long held, safe relaxation pose… that feels like sleep and is deeply regenerative. And then you come up for a closure, which is an eye to eye… or eye to heart connection with those around you. 12:50 Going up and down the polyvagal ladder There might be parts of the class that are extremely upregulating and exhilarating and thrilling. After that would be met by a breath practice or a position that literally cools… I think in the nature of yoga practices you have these oppositional forces that you’re working with at all times. The wins for the students are that they are now sensing a connection between different parts of their body that were asleep before. Maybe felt lost in the dark and didn’t know there was a connection between their rib cage and their shoulder… or their pelvic floor and their feet. Or didn’t realize they were breathing more into their right lungs instead of their left lungs. 15:32 The Dr Porges Story! Check out the Coregous Ball for yourself here - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VRXJ9BB/?cv_ct_id=amzn1.idea.3EFKO87WPMGD9&cv_ct_pg=storefront&cv_ct_wn=aip-storefront&ref=exp_cov_justinlmft_dp_vv_d 20:45 The connection between the facia and the ANS Facia = “seam system” that gives you your form and your shape, tissue that surrounds and supports every structure in your body Your facial tissue is the thing that interconnects everything. When you get a message you’re mobilizing your facial tissues. When you move, your facia moves with you… It is what allows for differential movement. You know your facia is problematic when is over stiffens and you can’t move well. I’m giving myself a facia facial. Let’s face it. What that [face] massage will do is it will trigger pressure reflexes that are gathering information... in that ventral vagal pathway and its deeply relaxing. So you can immediately have a state change and you can do this with your fingers at your desk. 25:10 Three different best places for massage Vagus Voyage video from Jill https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag3SQBFHKes&t= Face, neck, rib cage and chest 29:00 Tune Up balls and somatic healing Buy her yoga tune up balls for yourself! - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DJN1V48/?cv_ct_id=amzn1.idea.3EFKO87WPMGD9&cv_ct_pg=storefront&cv_ct_wn=aip-storefront&ref=exp_cov_justinlmft_dp_vv_d 31:30 How to start listening to your body The first thing is definitely the breath. Reclining, typically. And then watching the way your body breathes. The recline already gives me a physiological preset. As soon as I’m upright, I’m sympathetic… when you recline, there is no postural tension and the tension on your heart is gone. A second thing… is to have people become aware of their pulse… because you can really entrain yourself to watch that homeostatic interplay of respiration and heartbeat. 34:25 What is pranayama yoga? Pranayama - exercises that challenge your respiration thresholds. The Matthew Remski book she mentioned - Practice and All is Coming: Abuse, Cult Dynamics, And Healing In Yoga And Beyond - https://amzn.to/2QapcqO Jill’s book - The Roll Model: A Step-by-Step Guide to Erase Pain, Improve Mobility, and Live Better in Your Body - https://amzn.to/32MbyMf Vagus Voyage video from Jill - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag3SQBFHKes&t= Breath and Bliss Immersion November 8-10 Los Angeles - https://www.tuneupfitness.com/classes/breath-and-bliss-immersion-9 Roll Model Practitioner Training December 4, 5 London, UK - https://ytu.io/2LishB2 International Association of Yoga Therapists - https://www.iayt.org/ Website: www.tuneupfitness.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TuneUpFitness Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yogatuneup YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/TuneUpFitness Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/tuneupfitness/

Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

#1 - You are listening to me when… You really try to understand me, even if I’m not making much sense. You will ask clarifying questions You’ll attempt to identify feelings You’ll attempt to understand the problem if that’s what’s being expressed You withhold your own judgments of the person and the situation #2 - You are listening to me when… You grasp my point of view, even when it’s against your own sincere convictions. You’re open to new ideas You’re attempting to find common ground You’re not threatened by ideas that contradict your own and don’t take it personally #3 - You are listening to me when… You realize the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and a bit drained. Listening can be a marathon because we’re feeling along with that person We’re experiencing not just words, but also the emotion of the speaker Empathy can be draining! If you’re tired, you did a good job of really listening This is different than being emotionally abused or attacked through blame, shame or judgment or “whatever thing” #4 - You are listening to me when… You allow me the dignity of making my own decisions, even though you think they may be wrong. Dignity - the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect; a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect. A listener does not allow dignity, they honor it, they recognize it A listener understands and accepts they do not control someone else, including the thoughts and feelings of the person speaking Understanding versus control is key in listening Trusting the other person is able to make their own choices and live with the consequences of those choices #5 - You are listening to me when… You do not take my problem from me but allow me to deal with it in my own way. Same as the last one. Trusting the other person to do the right thing. Allowing the other person to make mistakes and learn from it. Letting go of control. #6 - You are listening to me when… You hold back the desire to give me good advice. Unless asked. Listening to the experience and emotion of someone is not the same as solving their problem As we mentioned in the last episode about parents jumping to solve problems. You have to be able to tolerate and hold the experiences of the other person At the heart of therapy, joining with someone, holding it and allowing them to work their way up the polyvagal ladder with you also being a safe person But you don’t have to be a therapist to hold space for another person #7 - You are listening to me when… You do not offer me religious solace when I am not ready for it. Or don’t want it Human connection needs to happen first, imo Connect with the person right in front of you, then the religious aspects can come into play This goes back to your needs vs. their needs If you are giving support to another person, then you are actively choosing to focus on their needs, not yours #8 - You are listening to me when… You give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on. This is part of the whole ‘not controlling’ part of listening It involves trust Someone is able to work their way up the ladder and make their own discoveries Their thoughts will naturally change along the way, realizations will be made This can be difficult to do, especially if you really care for the other person #9 - You are listening to me when… You accept my gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know that you have been helpful. To build on last week’s. Saying “you’re welcome” is great, but this is the next level. SUPER FAN EMAIL Morning Justin & Mercedes, I just wanted to drop in and say thank you for your fantastic podcast - it's been instrumental in the last few weeks since I've found you in changing how I parent my kids and interact with my partner. It's also lead me down the road of somatic healing and breathwork and I'm trying to learn more about these things. I started listening to you guys to learn how to help my 9 yo, ocd daughter move from flight to safe and social, specifically in school drop-offs, and have learnt so much more and I have so much more compassion for her struggle when she drops down the ladder. I live in South Africa and while $5 might not be a lot of money (or it might I have no idea what $5 can buy) in my own currency it's 14 times more as my country's economy sucks. I really believe in what the two of you are doing and am trying to spread the polyvagal gospel wherever I go and this way I can make a concrete contribution to this. Hope you have a lovely day and thank you again for the valuable role you play in my life and the lives of my kids and husband (who doesn't get polyvagal theory but seems to get that I'm trying harder to move up my ladder and help the kids move up theirs). Cheers - or as we say in my language of Afrikaans - “Totsiens” (which means till we see each other again), Sophie Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

WHEN YOU ARE NOT LISTENING... You say you understand. Just understand and listen, then speak from empathy Understand their experience, not just their words or the story itself One person’s experience of something might be different than yours You say you have an answer to my problem before I finish telling you my problem. Or even after you finish saying the problem If you ALREADY have an answer to my problem, then you weren’t listening to me, you were thinking about a solution Problem solving is done with someone, not for them. Answers can come when they’re asked for or maybe after listening and truly understanding the problem Major dividing line for parents and kids You cut me off before I have finished speaking More interest in what you have to say Sympathetic arousal, lack of patience You finish my sentences for me. You might think this is conveying a message of understanding, but it’s just talking over me If you think you know what I’m going to say, you aren’t listening to MY words, you are listening to your own thoughts about my words As we mentioned before, this is sympathetic arousal and lack of patience You are dying to tell me something. Then you are caught up in your own thoughts and state What you have to say is more important Again, sympathetic arousal You tell me about your experiences, making mine seem unimportant. Another technique that might seem like “understanding” but it’s actually more like comparing You can empathize without having experienced it yourself (regardless of whether you have a similar experience or not) Shifts the focus away from my needs Can be read as a cue of danger: (its a potential rupture that has a story that follows about the self or other person) “Maybe they don’t want to hear what I have to say…” “Maybe I’m boring…” We can commiserate about similar experiences as a method of connecting/relating later, when I’m back in my own Safe & Social state This was a theme with the Bad Therapy Stories. You refuse my thanks, saying you really haven’t done anything To accept my gratitude is to HEAR me, to be connected, to feel understood To refuse it is to negate my feelings of gratitude. It’s a rupture. It’s a misattunement. YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT - Notice when you are not listening Accept gratitude Harry Poliak, Big Leap Coaching - http://www.connectedconsciously.com/ Parents by Choice presentation is available to watch here - https://www.justinlmft.com/parentsbychoice Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

Hi, this is Open Letter 3 of 10. All 10 are available in Stack 1 for $20. As we say on the podcast, please put yourself first. Take a break if you need it and come back later. Enjoy. If you’re like me, you’re drawn to motivational personalities. People that don’t seem to slow down, have tons of energy and confidence that boils over. Gary Vaynerchuk and Tony Robbins are my typical go tos. What is it about these individuals that motivates us? They might be the only thing you turn to that’s positive - they’re encouraging, they’re hopeful, they’re full of life and they’re… well… motivational. They’re either bringing you down the polyvagal ladder or up it, is how I see it. I think they can bring someone down the polyvagal ladder in a safe way. This means someone who is in a more safe and social state can feed off of their high energy. That combination of being safe and social, plus energized might feel like play or healthy competition for someone moving down the ladder but securely in their safe and social system. Gary Vaynerchuk in particular describes running businesses in playful terms, like it’s a competition. He’s also dead serious about it - to him, it’s a competition. It’s life or death. But it’s also fun - he smiles, laughs, makes jokes about his business and his goals. He and Tony Robbins also bring people along with them, providing lots of free ideas and resources across various mediums. They’re competitive, driven to win, but also well in their safe and social state. If you’re one of those people that are using these motivational speakers as fuel, awesome. Maximize that. But I know a lot of people that listen to them are coming from a more shut down place and are moving their way up the Polyvagal ladder. And I’m not referring to someone who’s in the one-dimensional, cartoon version of being in shutdown. Think of it more like a gradient or ratio. Or give it a percentage. Like, for the most part, you might be safe and social, say, 75%, but maybe 25% is in a shut down place. So overall, you’re able to navigate life smoothly, but when it comes to trying new things, like starting a business… you shutdown. You get a pit in your stomach and the stories in your head change, matching your state. Allofasudden, you’re thinking - “But I’m not good enough” or “I’m going to fail” or “Well, those speakers have millions of followers and came from wealth, so they have it easy.” Thoughts of doubt and judgment cloud your head. Those thoughts don’t cause you to go into a shut down place - they’re there because you’re already in a shut down place. You’re at least shut down enough to not move forward on your goals. You do want to achieve more, whatever that looks like for you - school, career advancement, solopreneur opportunity. There’s something more you want than what you have, a level of achievement or success or feeling competent. It doesn’t have to be financial or career oriented. Maybe it’s needing to leave a relationship, be a better partner or making a new friend. So you genuinely want something more, but then don’t act on it. You become shut down, even though you genuinely want it and the motivation is there. At least, when you listen to those motivational speakers it is. Or maybe you feel motivated when life is at its worst, but don’t act on it. Or when you hear a friend talk about their happiness and a competitive spirit rises up in you, but you don’t act on it. You shut down. You immobilize. When it comes to your goals, you immobilize. I think these sources of motivation are important though. And we shouldn’t cut them off if we’re not in a place to make use of them. What’s important to do is to remove the judgment you have of yourself. Start by recognizing and respecting where you are at on your polyvagal ladder. I don’t care where someone else is at in relation to you. It really doesn’t matter where your sibling or spouse is at right now. They’re them and you’re you, so do you. Where are you at on your polyvagal ladder? If you’re in a more shut down place, it is what it is for now. It will get better and you have the power to do so. You do. I don’t doubt it for a second. Remember - Assume the best. But we have to recognize it and respect it. Recognize it first - listen to your body sensations. Or even the lack of sensations. Right now you’re in a learning, evaluative place, so it might not be the best time. Throughout the day allow your inner curiosity to come out and check in with your body, learning about it all over again with each deep breath you take. Do me a favor - notice your breathing. Don’t change it yet, don’t alter it. Just notice what it wants to do in this moment. I know, now that you’re paying attention to it, it’s changed. Regardless, be curious and notice how your body wants to breathe. Where is the breath going into? Into your belly or into your chest? Give it a descriptive word, like “shallow” or “pressured” or “easy” or “relaxed.” Do it a few times. Good. Now I’m going to ask you to extend your exhale. That means keep breathing in like normal, but then when you breathe out, let the air slowly, slowly come out. You can do it. Change is possible. Meeting your goals is possible. The things that motivate us can have a direct and positive influence on our nervous system, helping us climb the polyvagal ladder and giving us a sense of hope. But as you might already know - that sense of hope can go just as easily as it came. How often have you felt like you were ready to conquer the world but then felt defeated before you made your first move to meet your goal? It’s easy to be fired up when you listen to motivational speakers. We feed off of them. Finding strength through these characters. Getting that fire in our belly, feeling alive. It’s the fire in our belly we need to focus on when we have it. Rather than using that sensation to scramble to do something, anything - slow down. Notice it and embrace it. That might be the sensation of your body coming out of a shut down or partial shut down state. Really notice it. Take deep breaths like I asked you to a minute ago, slow the exhale and allow your body to go through what it needs to. You want more. You want to accomplish more, get more notoriety or money or success. Or accomplish a new challenge you set for yourself or improve a relationship, I don’t know. You genuinely want something, but your nervous system might not be there yet. There’s a disconnect between what you know you want and what state you’re in. Now, you could just power through it and reach for the stars and see what happens. If that’s your style, have at it. But the all or nothing path isn’t for everyone. It’s filled with very uncomfortable vulnerability and exposure. The rush of sympathetic energy that comes along with powering through something can be too much. And since it’s too much, you may not know what to do with it. Your body will experience it as dangerous and put you right back down into the shutdown state. And when you drop back down into the shut down state, those stories in your head come right along to match. “I’ll never meet my goals.” “I’m not good enough.” “I’m not as good as [fill in the blank].” I need you to take those thoughts with a grain of salt. They are what they are, but they aren’t necessarily a reflection of reality. They’re a reflection of your autonomic nervous system state. The reality is when you do successfully climb the ladder into a powerful fight state, those thoughts aren’t going to be an issue. If and when they do arrive, they’ll go just as quickly, or you’ll tap into that frustration and dismiss those thoughts, focusing on your goal. You’re going to believe in yourself, you’re going to be focused. It might be new and scary, but you’re going to enjoy the ride. It’s going to become more about the process of growth and not the judgment and fear of failure. I don’t know what your path to getting unstuck is going to look like. Every one of us is different and no one has the single right answer for the next person. Seriously. So relying on someone else isn’t practical. I know that’s frustrating. But at the same time, it’s also beautiful. Your path to getting unstuck is going to be yours and yours alone. It won’t be someone else’s formula. It will be your experience, owned by you, initiated by you and will serve as your catapult into achieving the things that you want to achieve. For now, keep doing your breathing. Just let your body do what it needs to do and be curious about it. Allow yourself to slow down the exhale and notice the relaxation that comes along with it. Notice the images that pop into your head without judgment. If you’re existing in a shutdown, even a partial one, you’re going to need to be patient and kind with yourself. Allow your body to gently come out of its state. Your motivation will come. When you see it, hold it with more curiosity. Feed it, nurture it. Make some small steps toward your bigger goals, like making a plan or a budget. Something that moves you forward, but doesn’t feel like danger. I’m speaking from first hand experience. I existed in a partial shut down state for quite a long time. The number I gave before is pretty accurate - 30% or so. How did I come up with that number? It just pops in my head. I have zero science for that, it just feels right. So I use that. The actual percentage is probably unimportant. It’s the experience that’s important. And in all honesty, I’m still kinda there. Like I said in my interview with Deb Dana, my “home away from home,” as she puts it, is shutdown. I feel very comfortable in my isolated corner. And I mean that literally - my favorite part of my house is a chair in the corner of the office downstairs. When I sit there, it just… feels right. So I’m maybe 15-20% in shutdown still. And I’m totally cool with that. Because that 80-85% of me that isnt… is doing some really good things. Like writing, reading, recording and publishing these Open Letters, doing a weekly podcast, writing a blog and is very active on social media. Things that used to motivate me, like Gary Vee or Tony Robbins, aren’t really necessary on that level anymore. That 80-85% is really doing the work it needs to, all on its own. Instead of finding motivation through them and their energy level, the motivation to create is simply within me. And for the most part, my nervous system state is no longer an obstacle to the goals that I have for myself. I know I’m not your therapist, but just like my clients I’ve worked with over the years, I know you will get there too. I know you will. I believe in you. I need you to do so for yourself as well. But until then, I’m going to go ahead and hold that for the both of us. Justin Thanks for reading. You can also listen to every Open Letter by buying Stack 1 for $20.

I got the opportunity to present to the incredible foster parents of Parents by Choice in Stockton, CA - "At Parents by Choice we pride ourselves in doing unusual things to enhance the lives of our kids. We believe our kids and families deserve our creativity, commitment and best effort." This is the entire presentation, with just the media portions taken out due to potential content flags with YouTube. I am available to be a part of your next event or present to the staff/volunteers that work with you! I go in depth into the Polyvagal Theory, using numerous techniques to increase audience retention and engagement.

Why consequences are important: Can help to change behavior through both positive and negative Positive consequences are more reinforcing than negative, but intermittent consequences are the most reinforcing Can build distress tolerance if the consequence is meaningful to them (more on this in the Members's page - the connection between distress tolerance and the vagal brake development). When consequences mean nothing When they’re entertained during the consequence, like a parent is yelling at them or they get to argue instead of actually fulfilling the consequence. Parents fall into this trap when they are more involved in their own state rather than tuning in to their child’s state. When there are reinforcers present, like in their bedroom When they feel a sense of hopelessness related to obtaining the privilege, i.e. “There’s no point in trying, so it doesn’t matter.” This is why timelines for consequences are so important; the “time” has to fit the “crime.” When there is a significant unhealthy attachment with the parent, a lack of co-regulation, there is nothing left to lose Positive consequence vs gift/reward Positive consequences mean they earn access to privileges that you control Rewards are things that parents buy to reinforce, but this is unnecessary and usually too long-term, like “If you get good grades in your report card…” Kids are being given access to things without earning it - They come home, they watch TV without doing homework first. Kids are being given more and more stuff they don’t need Bribes are a gift or reward that happen BEFORE doing the work Natural consequences are things that happen as a result of the choices we make Negative - If you earned an F, you keep the F Positive - feeling good by opening the door for someone Parents need to step out of the way and allow natural consequences to happen Don't hit Parents need to make conscious, measured choices about the consequences they set Consequences should mirror real-life as much as possible Hitting, whooping, spanking, yelling, shaming doesn't work - These methods only serve to teach an unintended lesson. Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeat

Some links below will take you to an Amazon page where I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you- This was an absolutely incredible experience for me. I got to interview the one and only Deb Dana! I've broken down the entire chat below (which will match the audio better than the video), quoting some gold nuggets from her. I'd love to see how you benefited from her, so please leave a comment below. She is the second member of my Polyvagal Trinity that I have interviewed. If you haven't watched or listened to it already, give it a shot after this one. I highly recommend buying her book. It's a great breakdown of the PVT in easy to understand terms. If you're a therapist, it's a must own. Also this one. It's co-edited by her along with Dr Porges. In it, they've collected a wide range of essays where the PVT is applied: nursing, grief, therapy and more. It's a great one for those in the helping professions. And also her third book, which is good for clients or professionals. STORY FOLLOWS STATE :45 - “Your autonomic state comes to life and then the information is fed up to your brain and it’s your brain’s job to make sense of what’s happening in the body, so it makes up a story.” 1:46 - “You can see how the story changes dependent on the state, not depending on what I choose to think.“ 2:08 - Listening Through Three States Take a simple experience and then imagine that you’re looking at it through the 3 states and see what the story is that emerges 3:25 - Autonomic profile is created over our life span “Our preferred home is hopefully [safe/social]... we [also] have a home away from home… That’s where I visit. That’s where my system was shaped.” “I think we have a theme to our dysregulated stories.” 6:28 - “If you can look across the way and say, ‘oh, thats a dysregulated nervous system.. And if you can say, ‘it’s not that he doesn’t want to be in connection with me, it’s that his biology won’t let him right now,’ then that helps to give it a different story.” 6:54 - “We are story making beings, that’s what we do as humans. I’d like the story to be based in the biology. What’s your autonomic story, not what’s your cognitive story.” STORY vs BODY STATE 8:19 - Stories in therapy “I’d like for us to listen to your autonomic story, because I’ll bet you haven’t heard that one yet.” “I like to start by witnessing the nervous system story first.” BEFRIENDING 8:45 - “Gotta befriend, and so many of us have a hard time doing that. Befriending involves some self-compassion which is also hard to get to.” 9:15 - “Every behavior is in service of survival. No matter how crazy. Your nervous system has enacted something because it’s trying to keep your alive.” 9:35 - gety to know nervous system before befriending “When you’re in each state, to fill in the sentences - The world is and I am… Because those two sentences are the core beliefs that are at work when you are in that state.” 10:15 - “get to know, then get to befriend” “Of course I think everybody’s against me when i’m in sympathetic. Because moving into sympathetic - that’s the feeling - you’ve not become my enemy, not my friend. I no longer care about social engagement because my biology simply wants to keep me alive.” “If in sympathetic you’re my enemy, in dorsal you don’t exist. In dorsal, I’m just floating on my own out there somewhere.” 11:10 - “When we begin to take away some of that judgment, that self-criticism, then there’s room for curiosity. And curiosity is what you need in order to befriend.” DISCERNMENT 12:20 - “There have to be more cues of safety than danger in order for me to move into ventral.” 13:25 -”The adaptive response come out in response to cues of danger and often times what happens, there’s a cue of danger that has a bit of familiarity to something in the past and so my nervous system is going to go into that full blown response because it can’t discern.” 13:45 - “In this moment, in this place, with these people - is this intensity of response necessary? I get it was necessary then but i’m not sure it is now.” CLIMBING THE LADDER 14:30 - “In the beginning, for many people, climbing out of dorsal is really difficult... They need a co-regulator. They need somebody to accompany them.” 15:04 - a gentle return of energy to exit dorsal “To begin to leave dorsal, you have to travel through sympathetic… we have to have our energy used in an organized way and often in connection with somebody else.” 15:34 - “None of us are going to spend all of our time in ventral. That’s even not the goal. The goal is to be flexible in how you navigate between states.” 15:55 - “Your nervous system knows just how to do this, we are just reminding your nervous system. It knows the way back to ventral. And we’re going to keep doing it so it remembers it more easily.” 16:15 - “Our trauma stories live in sympathetic and dorsal. So when we hit those states our truma stories grab use. They come alive and grab us.” 17:10 - celebrate mobilization! TRANSPARENCY 17:40 - “Therapy is often this lovely, magical thing that happens, but it’s a mystery. I don’t want this to be a mystery to my clients. I want them to be active operators of their nervous systems.” 18:45 - “What I keep telling people is you think you can get away with not being regulated with your clients and you can’t because their nervous system knows it.” 19:00 - “We want our clients to be able to accurately identify when someone they’re with is dysregulated, but also accurately identify when they come back into connection. And those things are missing for many trauma survivors.” THE REACH OF THE POLYVAGAL THEORY 20:00 - how it took off and her role in it 20:50 - Clinical Applications of the Polyvagal Theory - (link is to Amazon item, where I will get a portion of the sale) https://amzn.to/2ZuowMD 22:00 - “It is our responsibility to be regulated and offer that regulation to our clients. Because otherwise they can’t engage in the process of change that they want. If we... broaden that into society, if we move through the world from a regulated place and offer that to others, the world will change.” GLIMMERS & GLOWS 22:40 - glimmers and glows in the 2nd book! 23:00 - “A glimmer is that micromoment [of safety]… 10-20 seconds… if we can notice a glimmer and hang out with it and really just invite it in, let it fill us and spend some time and listen to the story, then it becomes a glow.” 23:45 “If you don’t have some ventral flavor in your system, you’re not going to see the glimmers because you’re not set up to find them.” 24:25 - “In a survival response, why would you want to see something beautiful and regulated? That’s not going to keep you alive.” Make an intention to look for glimmers THE NERVOUS SYSTEM & HOPE FOR CHANGE 25:10 - Nature vs nurture and a default state 25:40 - “It’s that moment you enter the world. How were you met? Were you met in loving arms? Were you met with someone who was afraid? We think about generational legacy… and I like to simply look at the nervous system and say, “If my mom grew up in a family system that was dysregulated, then she was probably dysregulated. And if her mom grew up in a system that was dysregulated…” 26:15 - “We’re shaped over our experience. The nervous system is a system of relationship. It’s shaped in relationship with others. The beauty of that is it can be reshaped as we go.” CLIMBING THE LADDER IN THERAPY 28:00 - common themes to climbing the ladder and individual responses 29:35 - exiting sympathetic and channeling energy into relaxation, dorsal need to bring energy in 30:25 - “The nervous system language is about connection.” 31:00 - flat affect from the therapist “Your flat affect is a cue of danger to your clients… Do not do therapy with a flat affect… You have become a threat to your clients.” 32:00 “If you don’t come somewhere close to the energy that their system is bringing… their nervous system is saying that nervous system has no clue what’s happening over here... Their nervous system is going to send a message of misattunement.” 32:30 anchoring in ventral as a therapist and simply being there 32:50 - turtle analogy “To get a turtle to come out of the shell, you don’t knock on its shell and you don’t shake them... You just kinda sit there patiently... But you really have to be beaming that ventral vagal energy to that system.” 33:18 - “I like to say in dorsal I'm more of a guide, I can lead the way, show the way home. In sympathetic I’m following right along with ya… Let’s do it!” 33:55 - therapy and building the ventral capacity = resilience 34:25 - Dorsal takes longer to “make our way back.” 34:35 - sympathetic messages of impatience from therapist about making progress 35:20 - “notice and name” 42:00 - typical sensations and body posture of climbing the ladder in therapy IDENTIFYING STATE 37:10 - How do you tell if someone is just smiling away the pain versus being actually happy? 38:15 - tracking across time exercise from 2nd book In a five minute period, check three times: My nervous system state is… And now i am.. And now i’m thinking… 40:00 - “When you’re in sympathetic, you have two ways you can go - you can come back to ventral or go to dorsal - and one of the jobs of sympathetic is to keep us out of dorsal because dorsal is the most life-threatening for us as humans, the most difficult place to go. Sympathetic works really hard to keep you mobilize because if it calms down, the worry is you’re going to go to dorsal and not come to ventral.” 40:55 - “Stillness is the most complicated autonomic blend of states, because how do you come into quiet, into stillness, without stimulating shut down? It’s a tricky thing to do, especially for people with a trauma history. Because stillness is a very vulnerable place and I have to really feel safe to come into stillness.” DIAGNOSIS 43:45 - “It is the bane of our clinical existence.” 44:05 - “Through the lens of the polyvagal theory, almost every diagnosis in the DSM is a dysregulated nervous system.” 44:35 - you give a client a diagnosis it follows them forever… I am very careful about that… I don’t think they’re useful in a lot of ways… 45:00 - Adjustment Disorder as an appropriate diagnosis, since it’s a response to a stressor and goes away 45:30 - anxiety as more sympathetic and depression as more dorsal 45:50 - “What you’re looking at is not so much what happened, but what was your client’s response to what happened? What was their autonomic response to what happened? You can begin to frame their dynamic formulation through their autonomic challenges and their autonomic things they do well.” HELPING PROFESSIONS 49:00 - “Wouldn’t it be cool if every kid could identify where they are? And the ones who are ventral could go help the ones who aren’t. Because then the next day the ones who aren’t are and the ones who are aren’t - they all help each other. That would be my wish. Because it’s about co-regulation.” 49:50 - “Polyvagal family” and shared language POLYVAGAL TRINITY 50:50 - Wonder Woman! “I’m definitely going to be Wonder Woman… I’m going to take some of her energies… She’s pretty amazing.” 51:20 - Autonomic experience of elevation “When our nervous system has this mix of sympathetic and ventral and you see someone doing a good deed and you are then pulled to want to become a doer of good deeds yourself. That was the experience I had when I watched the Wonder Woman movie. I left there thinking - 'Change the world. What are we doing?'” DEB DANA - http://www.debdanalcsw.com/ Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

TOPIC - LOVE It’s not enough to just love your kids, you also need to express it Builds a healthy attachment Knowing vs Feeling Important to express love in ways they will understand SAY IT OUT LOUD If you’re thinking it in your head, just say it out loud! Any time is the right time! “I love you” “I love you so much” “I can’t believe how much I love you” WRITE IT DOWN Saying it out loud might not be comfortable Mailbox, notes in pocket or backpack PHYSICAL AFFECTION Might be safer Hugs, kisses, high fives, daps, arm around the shoulder TOPIC - PLAY Safe/social + flight/fight Involves cues of safety like face to face contact, checking for safety Play is in the same state safe/social If one person drops too far into flight/fight, it’s no longer play Play is with the same assumptions or rules YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENTS - Notice how many times you say “I love you” to your kids Play!

Hi, my name is Justin Sunseri, I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist obsessed with the Polyvagal Theory. This is an Open Letter to anyone that needs it. You can buy all 10 Open Letters for $20 here. As we like to say on the podcast - put yourself first. I think this open letter is safe, but if you need to take a break from it, please do so. My hope is that you hear this and can become more compassionate toward yourself. I want you to assume the best. Right now you might be doing the opposite - assuming the worst. Remember that “story follows state,” so those assumptions are probably a reflection of the state that your nervous system is in. If you’re in a shut down place, assuming the worst is going to sound pretty hopeless and very defeated. Mustering the effort to even pretend to assume the best is going to be a challenge possibly. If you’re in a fight place, assuming the worst is going to be pretty aggressive, but probably about other people. Blame and judgment may cloud your thoughts. Assuming the best might actually make you angry all over again. If you’re in a flight arousal, assuming the worst is going to be negative projections about possible outcomes. Assuming the best might feel disingenuine, you may not be able to trust the words you tell yourself. Giving ourselves fake kudos, fake affirmations or fake bravado doesn’t actually help, I don’t think. A small part of ourselves need to believe it’s true. Even a little bit, then maybe those words of self-kindness may have more of an impact. Let’s first address where we might be - There’s emotional pain, a stuck defensive state and a fear of change. Lots of fear. You want to do the things that you read and hear about to face those fears. To live bravely, be fierce, to crush it. Other people are doing it, right? They’re conquering stuff left and right, aren’t they? Why not you too? You want all of your pain to end all at once. To just get it over with. Frustration builds, maybe even desperation. Frantic thoughts of things getting worse or never getting better. “What’s the first step? How do I change? Will it be painful and can I handle it? What if I can’t sustain it and the pain comes back? I’m tired of being stuck, hopeless and helpless.” That’s where you might be. And I am asking that you assume the best. What that means is, you need to make a conscious decision to set aside your current assumptions. Just for now, while you’re reading. Whatever those assumptions are for you - about yourself or someone else, something else, your future or your past - whatever they are. Make the decision to set them aside, out of your mental reach or field of vision. Now, we’re going to bring some new assumptions in to take the place of the old ones. Some positive assumptions that you’re going to use to build from. We have to have these basic assumptions in place before anything else. If you attempt to make change without these basic assumptions, I don’t know how far you’re going to get. Assume your body knows where it needs to get. Your brain might not, but your body does. Your body knows how to release the energy stuck inside of it or how to allow the energy back in. It does. Assume the best of your body. It knows more than you do and it’s just that simple. There’s zero shame in that. None of us were taught how to assume the best about our bodies. Probably the opposite, in all honesty. We were taught that emotional pains should be “coped with” or ignored or stuffed down deep. We were never taught they should be listened to with love and curiosity. So assuming the best about these things is very different. We’re literally taught that having feelings of sadness or anger are “bad.” That these feelings shouldn’t be there and are like invaders from the outside, contaminating our bodies and minds. And I’m asking you to do the opposite - to assume the best of them. Our bodies give us a constant stream of sensations. These sensations turn into images and stories in our heads. Again, we’re told these things are bad. The thoughts we have are bad. We shouldn’t think this way or that way, and we believe it. We judge ourselves for the thoughts we have. But really, our task is to trust in the sensations and images and thoughts. And to assume the best of them. Assume these are there for a reason, even the painful ones. Maybe even especially the painful ones. Even if you can’t sit with them just yet, accept that they are there for a reason. They serve a purpose. Your body is telling you something and your mind is interpreting it, giving it an image, a memory or a story. There’s a process happening there and it’s kinda always happening. It’s absolutely amazing too. It’s so easy to default to a negative explanation and that is probably a result of your state. But set aside those negative interpretations if you can and become curious. Not judgmental or evaluative. But the first thing you need to do is assume the best. Once you can assume the best, it’ll become easier to see those things in a new light. Be a curious observer. Take a deep breath as often as you can, every day. When you do, just notice as you exhale. Exhale slowly and just notice. Your body is always telling you something and this is a great time to listen. To experience the sensations inside. To notice which body parts might be communicating in their own way. Assume the best of these little communications. Acknowledge that they are 100% accurate. There’s something being communicated. It’s your job to listen with your calm mind as you exhale. To be open to new messages. You don’t have to understand them, not even a little bit. It’s not about interpreting. You simply accept them in the moment and assume the best about them. Your body knows more than you do. Assume that. Do this in doses, as you’re ready for it. Don’t rush it. It can be difficult to do since it might be very new for you. Build your tolerance throughout the day in these little doses of noticing. In these little doses of breathing. Learn about your body and build trust in it. Assume it knows exactly what’s necessary. Assume your mind will catch up when it’s time. Assume your body will know that you’re ready for more. You will become unstuck. It will happen. Do your doses of noticing and when it’s time you’ll be more ready to allow the unstuckness to take place. Assume it will take place. In the meantime, treat your body like a new friend. Introduce yourself. Say hi when you see yourself in the mirror or give a little nod of recognition. Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you’ll get to where you need to be. That it will happen. It’s okay to not be ready or not know what to do next. But for now, you’re going to assume the best of yourself. You’ll get to where you need to be. You don’t have to know what it looks like, but assume it’s going to be amazing. It’s going to be liberating. Assume the best and know that you’re not alone in that, because I assume the best of you as well. I assume the best of you without hesitation. You’re probably doubting that, but it’s true. And this is simply based on the amazing people I’ve worked with in therapy. No matter what they’ve been through, their best is within them. And I know I’m not your therapist, but I believe your best is within you as well. So please - assume the best. Thanks for reading Open Letter 2! The other 9 are available to listen to or download and read with a $20 purchase of Stack 1.