Emotional regulation involves a delicate balance between actively doing things and also allowing things to unfold naturally. It's a dance between taking charge of our emotional responses and gently letting our feelings run their course. In this blog, I'll delve into emotional regulation, exploring how the interplay of action and acceptance can lead to a more harmonious and resilient emotional life. Hi, I'm Justin Sunseri. I am a psychotherapist, coach, and the creator of the Polyvagal Trauma Relief System. I found a comment on one of my YouTube videos with a great question tucked within its foul-mouthed presentation. Where is this weird 'allow yourself' grammar bulls*** coming from? You don't "allow yourself" anything. That's called 'doing something'. You 'do something'. You 'act'. I've never seen a single person asking their mirror image for permission before they start crying. They just f**ing start crying. What the f*** is up with this alienating language?? This lovely comment poses something worth cognitively chewing on. How do we emotionally regulate: should we actively make ourselves experience certain emotions, or should we allow these emotions to surface? Do we summon a feeling or do we notice what is already there? And then, do we make ourselves act on it, like cry? Or do we allow ourselves to cry? Emotional Regulation = Allowing I typically frame things as "allowing." I believe we allow ourselves to experience what is already inside. I don't view emotional experiences as actions we must initiate; rather, they are natural responses we should permit ourselves to experience. I believe those emotions are already within us, whether we consciously recognize them or not. But for the emotion to be felt and acted upon, we must mindfully allow it to be present. And then, we must mindfully allow an impulse to come from the emotion, like crying. I teach this process in Unstucking Defensive States. Learn more about it here > The Impulse to Cry Crying is a great example of allowing vs doing. I don't know about you, but when I feel the urge to cry, I don't actively initiate it. I feel it. I recognize it as a signal from my body, indicating a need for emotional release. And then I allow my body to do what it is prepared to. I don't obstruct this natural process with distractions like binge-watching Netflix or substance use. I don't tell myself I'm weak and to stuff it down inside. I allow. The body has an impulse on what to do - cry. You don't force it or summon it. You allow it. Of course, you may not be. Instead, you may be numbing through doom-scrolling or judging yourself for needing to cry. Actively cry My therapy clients often tell me they were raised to think crying makes them "weak." This belief is a common cultural and familial one, passed on for generations. This belief stops the natural impulse to cry. It dismisses and disrespects the sadness, grief, and loneliness within. We do plenty of things with our conscious mind to actively stop natural, healthy emotional expression. That is, we don't allow the emotion and the expression. So, maybe instead of actively making yourself cry, you can actively stop saying things to yourself that shut down the process. Maybe you can actively tell yourself it's okay to cry. Maybe you can actively validate your emotion, normalize it, and permit yourself to have it. Polyvagal Theory and Emotional States My thinking on the question of "allow or do" comes from my understanding of the Polyvagal Theory. If you're new to the Theory, start here. Basically, the PVT says that our bodies can exist in three autonomic states. Polyvagal Theory Three Primary Bodily States Safety State: for social connection when safe Flight/Fight State: good for evasion and aggression when in danger Shutdown State: Marked by immobilization or collapse when in a life-threat. The Ideal State: Safety In the safety state, our body's defensive mechanisms are reduced, allowing us to use our resources more optimally. Our body naturally aspires to be in the safety state, as it optimizes bodily resources for "health, growth, & restoration" (Porges). ...survival mechanisms reflexively shift physiological state to support or disrupt homeostatic processes that support health, growth, and restoration. In response to threat, homeostasis is disrupted to support biobehavioural strategies of defense such as the metabolically costly fight/flight behaviours or metabolically conservative, but potentially lethal, death feigning reactions... -Porges, Autonomic state: A neurophysiological platform for feelings, emotions, and social engagement However, our conscious actions and beliefs often impede this process. Our bodies are compelled to self-regulate and will do so if uninterrupted. But we humans tend to do things like judge ourselves, doom-scroll, bully, obsess, or use substances. These actions or thoughts prevent natural self-regulation from happening. The body is compelled to self-regulate. It just needs us to allow it to do so. Yes, easier said than done. Allowing vs. Doing Allowing Emotional Expression By 'allowing', I refer to the process of letting our body's natural responses unfold without interference. This could mean stepping back from self-judgment or societal expectations that label crying a sign of weakness. Allowing is about mindfully creating space for our emotions rather than actively trying to generate them. Allowing our emotions requires the safety state to be active. When it's on, defensive emotional activation reduces. We become more curious about what we feel and can mindfully experience it with self-compassion. Doing: The Active Part While 'allowing' is key, there's also an active component. This involves purpsefull being aware of and feeling our emotions. For those who struggle with expressing emotions like crying, it helps to notice where in the body these feelings reside. Describing these sensations – their temperature, size, or shape – can facilitate the emotional process. It helps to enhance mindfulness of your emotions, like sadness. Once more mindful, the sadness can be acted upon, like through crying. But crying is typically not something we conjure or will with force. If the impulse to cry is there, we allow it. Or not. The Complexity of Emotional Regulation The journey of emotional regulation is more than just performing actions; it's about being attuned to our body's signals and needs. Our bodies "know" what they need better than our conscious minds do. Essentially, the more we attune to our bottom-up experiences, the more self-regulation can happen. But if we stay in our heads, nothing changes. I think there is a natural balance of allowing and doing. You can certainly do things that allow self-regulation. You can actively set up an environment that is conducive to mindfulness. You can actively notice how you feel in your body and where your emotions live. All of this doing serves to allow your body to self-regulate. Your Thoughts and Experiences I want to know your perspective! How do you navigate the balance between allowing and doing emotional regulation? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below. Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here > Q&A: Q: What is the ideal bodily state for emotional regulation according to the Polyvagal Theory? A: The ideal state for emotional regulation is the safety state, where the body's defensive mechanisms are reduced, allowing for optimal use of resources. With the safety state active, shutdown can become stillness, and flight/fight can become play or empowerment. Learn more about the Polyvagal Theory mixed states here. Q: How should one approach the impulse to cry from the perspective of emotional regulation? A: The impulse to cry should be approached as a natural signal from the body, indicating a need for emotional release. It's about allowing oneself to experience this emotion rather than actively initiating it. Q: What is the difference between 'allowing' and 'doing' in the context of emotional expression? A: 'Allowing' refers to letting the body's natural responses unfold without interference, while 'doing' involves actively being aware of and feeling emotions, and recognizing where these feelings reside in the body. Doing can lead to allowing. Quotes from this blog: "I don't view emotional experiences as actions we must initiate; rather, they are natural responses that we should permit ourselves to experience." "I don't know about you, but when I feel the urge to cry, I don't actively initiate it. I feel it. I recognize it as a signal from my body, indicating a need for emotional release. And then I allow my body to do what it is prepared to." "Our bodies "know" what they need better than our conscious minds do."

The Polyvagal Theory can be challenging to understand as it is dense and highly academic. Fortunately, Deb Dana has translated the PVT language, making it accessible to everyone. Deb works closely with Dr. Steven Porges, who created the Polyvagal Theory, and is one of the co-founders of the Polyvagal Institute (where I serve on the Editorial Board). In this blog, I'll highlight and explain some of Deb Dana's significant contributions to the Polyvagal Theory. Jump to a section: the polyvagal ladder triggers and glimmers home away from home story follows state Deb Dana's Polyvagal Ladder Metaphor The Polyvagal Ladder Metaphor, conceptualized by Deb Dana, is foundational in understanding the Polyvagal Theory. This metaphor illustrates how our autonomic states are structured and the order in which they evolved. The top of this metaphorical ladder is the safe and social state, linked to the brainstem and extending to our face, neck, and heart. This evolved last. The middle rung represents the sympathetic flight/fight system, located in our spinal cord. This state evolved second. The bottom rung symbolizes the shutdown state, associated with our gut. This state evolved first and is the oldest. This ladder demonstrates how these states are physically stacked within our bodies and their sequential nature in response to stimuli. Sequential Movement Through States The Polyvagal Ladder is a metaphor that explains how our autonomic nervous system moves through different states in a specific order. For instance, a sudden loud noise might cause someone to drop from a calm and connected state (ventral vagal safety) to a fight or flight response (sympathetic mobilization). This is not a conscious decision or a random reaction but a sequential drop triggered by external cues. This individual would reversely climb back up the ladder from sympathetic to safety. If you exist in a traumatized state, understanding the sequential nature of the ladder metaphor may help validate and normalize your past and present experiences. Therapy clients often find this concept normalizing, helping them to relieve their judgment and blame. Free resource: the Polyvagal Ladder I use the ladder metaphor consistently in my content. I actually created a Polyvagal ladder sheet for you. Download it from the free site Members Center. Triggers and Glimmers from Deb Dana Deb Dana introduces the concepts of triggers and glimmers in her book "The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy." (the links to Deb's books will take you to Amazon. Purchases through these links will give me a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you.) Triggers "Triggers" are events that overwhelm the vagal brake and activate our defensive states, either mobilizing us into fight/flight mode or pushing us into dorsal vagal shutdown. This concept is particularly relevant for individuals with trauma, as triggers can be unpredictable and sometimes benign, yet they evoke strong autonomic responses. Triggers occur when the vagal brake is not able to relax, reengage, and maintain ventral vagal regulation. Triggers are a result of a neural challenge that is too big for the flexibility of the system. They bring a neuroception of danger or life-threat, and the autonomic nervous system activates a survival response. These cues of danger prompt either a sympathetic mobilization or a dorsal vagal shutdown. -Deb Dana, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy Glimmers "Glimmers," on the other hand, are moments or cues that activate our safety state. They are micro-moments of ventral vagal activation that can shift a nervous system from survival mode to a state of autonomic regulation. Focusing on these moments can gradually strengthen the safety state and the vagal brake. The ventral vagal system guides our experience of glimmers. The neuroception of safety creates the possibility of relaxing into a moment of connection to self, to others, or to the environment. Cues of safety bring glimmers that are often sensed in micro-moments of ventral vagal activation. Glimmers can help calm a nervous system in survival mode and bring a return of autonomic regulation… Bringing attention to these small moments moves the system toward a tipping point, and multiple micro-moments may become significant enough to create an autonomic shift. -Deb Dana, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy Home Away from Home concept from Deb Dana Deb Dana's "home away from home" concept suggests that our natural 'home' should be the ventral vagal safety state. However, many individuals often find themselves stuck in other states like flight, fight, freeze, appease, or fawn. These states can become familiar and somewhat comforting due to their predictability. The goal is gradually spending more time in the safety state, making it dominant. Your vagal brake will strengthen as you spend more time in your safety state. As your vagal brake strengthens, stuck traumatized states will soften and relieve. Deb Dana's "Story Follows State" Polyvagal Theory Concept Another significant contribution from Dana is the idea that "story follows state." This concept teaches that our autonomic nervous system's state influences our thoughts. (It also influences our sensations, impulses, emotions, and behaviors.) Trauma-trained therapists are taught that a foundation of effective work is understanding “perception is more important than reality.” Personal perception, not the actual facts of an experience, creates posttraumatic consequences. Polyvagal Theory demonstrates that even before the brain makes meaning of an incident, the autonomic nervous system has assessed the environment and initiated an adaptive survival response. Neuroception precedes perception. Story follows state. -Deb Dana, The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy Mental health interventions often focus on changing thoughts, but the primary mover is our autonomic state. Addressing the state of our autonomic nervous system can be more effective than solely focusing on cognitive processes. However, top-down interventions can be helpful, too. Download my free ebook: Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm My ebook will teach you the Polyvagal Theory simply and clearly. Then, it connects the theory to trauma. Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm will give you the knowledge you need to create a new understanding of yourself that is free of shame, blame, or judgment. Sign up for my email list below to download the book! Q&A Q: What is the Polyvagal Ladder Metaphor, and why is it important? A: The Polyvagal Ladder Metaphor, introduced by Deb Dana, represents how our autonomic states evolve and are structured in our bodies, illustrating the sequential movement through these states. Q: How do triggers and glimmers influence our autonomic nervous system? A: Triggers activate our defensive states, leading to sympathetic fight or flight and dorsal vagal shutdown, while glimmers activate the safety state. Q: What does the concept "Story Follows State" signify in Polyvagal Theory? A: "Story Follows State," a concept highlighted by Deb Dana, signifies that our thoughts and narratives are secondary to the state of our autonomic nervous system. Quotes from this article: If you exist in a traumatized state, understanding the sequential nature of the ladder metaphor may help validate and normalize your past and present experiences. ...many individuals often find themselves stuck in other states like flight, fight, freeze, appease, or fawn. These states can become familiar and somewhat comforting due to their predictability. Mental health interventions often focus on changing thoughts, but the primary mover is our autonomic state. ​Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here >

There's an exciting new book that delves into the depths of Polyvagal Theory, providing insights into our complex nervous systems. In this blog post, I will review "Our Polyvagal World" by Dr. Stephen Porges and Seth Porges. I am a huge Polyvagal Nerd and a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board. I'll try to be as unbiased as possible! (Links to the book will take you to Amazon. I will get a portion of the book sale at no extra cost to you.) "Our Polyvagal World" Book - Approachable for All "Our Polyvagal World" is an approachable book that caters to many audiences. From general readers to Polyvagal Theory enthusiasts, the book offers something for everyone. The language used in the book is simple and easy to understand, making it accessible even to newcomers to the theory. Seth Porges seems to be the primary writer. His Dad, Dr. Stephen Porges, is the creator of the Polyvagal Theory, and seems to have written some of the book, but also acted as editor. The two strike a great balance overall. Key Topics in "Our Polyvagal World" Book The book covers many topics, from oxytocin to evolution, to respiratory science arrhythmia, providing readers with a diverse range of insights. Whether you are interested in understanding the impact of Polyvagal Theory on schools, prisons, or mixed states, "Our Polyvagal World" has something for you. My favorite section is the one on oxytocin. It does a great job of connecting the chemical to the Polyvagal Theory and has a beautiful little twist to it. Out of the entirety of this book, this is by far the most delightful and left me with a smile. Politically Neutral and Open: I also love and commend the authors' commitment to maintaining a politically neutral and inclusive approach. The discussion points are inviting to all readers, regardless of their political or religious leanings. They really go out of their way to discuss the Polyvagal Theory and make it approachable for anyone. It's refreshing to see a book that focuses solely on knowledge and its practical application, allowing readers to apply the theory as they see fit. Areas for Improvement: While there is much to appreciate in "Our Polyvagal World," certain aspects left me wanting more. The exploration of mixed states, in particular, felt lacking in depth. I think they left some very interesting questions open and aren't even aware that they did. In fact, I found it to be such a glaring omission that I created podcast episodes around them. Is Intimacy truly a unique mixed state or a contextual representation of stillness? View my episode on it here. Are fawn and appeasement truly mixed states or behavioral adaptations? View my episode on it here. Bewilderingly, the book even omits freeze and stillness from the now-official table of states. Freeze and Stillness are already part of the PVT, so I just don't see how these were missed by both authors and their editors. The book has some lovely bits in it and some interesting discussion points. But also a major miss on the mixed states. The Length and Structure of "Our Polyvagal World" One aspect that can be perceived positively and negatively is the book's length. I personally appreciated its brevity, as it made for an easy and engaging read. However, others who prefer more in-depth content may find it lacking. The book has 203 pages. However, part of those 203 pages is an unnecessary glossary. No, seriously. It's not needed. The book is written for a beginner, so it's already very approachable. And the glossary has words that don't even appear in the book. The 203 pages also have a short epilogue and acknowledgments. So the main book dwindles down to 183 pages. I seriously think they were padding the pages to make it longer. Clarity of Voice of "Our Polyvagal World" The book is written by two authors, Seth Porges and Dr. Stephen Porges, which occasionally creates confusion as to who is speaking. While it's apparent that Seth took the lead in writing the book, the occasional interjections from Dr. Porges can be distracting. Clearer attribution of the author's voices would have made for a more seamless reading experience. Conclusion: In conclusion, "Our Polyvagal World" by Dr. Stephen Porges and Seth Porges is an overall enjoyable and educational read. The book provides valuable insights into Polyvagal Theory and its applications. Whether you are a newcomer to the theory or a Polyvagal nerd looking for fresh perspectives, there is something for everyone in this book. While there are areas for improvement, such as the depth of exploration in certain topics and the clarity of voice, the book still merits consideration. I bought it for $14 even though I had an advanced copy already. So yeah, I think it's worth buying, especially for $14. If you have already read "Our Polyvagal World," I would love to hear your thoughts. Leave a comment on this blog post below! Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here > Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and is the author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. Justin is a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board.

The Polyvagal Theory has three brand new additions to the mixed states: intimacy, fawning, and appeasement. I'll discuss appeasement in this edited podcast transcript. Jump to a section: What is appeasement through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory? Appeasement: Connect to Survive Appeasement and Dissociation Experiences of Appeasement Dr. Stephen Porges (creator of the Polyvagal Theory) has a new book - Our Polyvagal World. Actually, his son, Seth, wrote the book, and Dr Porges gave it his stamp of approval. (I'll do a book review soon.) For now, I do recommend it overall, and you can order it through this Amazon affiliate link. I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you - https://amzn.to/47UIxjV The new book discusses the application of the Polyvagal theory to various life domains like incarceration and schools. But it also adds three new mixed states to the Polyvagal Theory, which are: intimacy, fawn, and appeasement. Appeasement is also discussed by Rebecca Bailey, Jaycee Dugard, Stephanie Smith, and Dr. Porges in a paper called "Appeasement: Replacing Stockholm Syndrome as a Definition of a Survival Strategy." What is Appeasement through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory? The basic idea is that appeasement is a sort of co-regulatory mixed state. When in the face of extreme danger, like in a hostage situation, I think the isolation aspect of this is really important. Appeasement through the Polyvagal Theory lens is conceptualized as more of a replacement for Stockholm Syndrome. We should view appeasement as a two way neuro-biological interaction. The "Appeasement" paper calls it a "super social engagement." This is the ability to use social interaction, even in extreme, dangerous situations. Appeasement as a "Super social engagement"? Even though it's called a "super social engagement," it seems to me to be more of a function of de-escalation. I don't think appeasement results in actual co-regulation with the end result of the perpetrator actually accessing their safety state fully. The perpetrator does not actually feel compassion, or at least not enough to change their horrific behaviors. Though perhaps not full co-regulative safety state, there may be enough co-regulation to result in de-escalation. This neutralies the defensive state of the perpetrator. Or neutralizes it enough to reduce the potential for harm or death to the captor that is appeasing. Appeasement is seen in other mammals. Appeasement actually is something that we see in other mammals as well. The Cleveland Clinic says that one theory of appeasement is as "a learned technique, passed down from our ancestors. In the early civilization, there was always a risk of being captured or killed by another social group. Bonding with captors increases the chance of survival." The Polyvagal Theory argues that appeasement is a result of neuroceptive shifts in threat detection. The shifts trigger autonomic states, resulting in the appeasement of a captor. These shifts are a part of our DNA; and appeasement is one potential result, though it is not overtly common in extreme situations. But it is a possibility. Appeasement: Connect to Survive. Porges' appeasement article says that "social connection to the perpetrator may be experienced as a type of lifeline." When it comes to looking at this as like a biological process, or a neuro-biological interaction between two mammals, ee should look at the benefit of connection, even if it is an extreme situation. Mammalian bodies do better when they have more access to their ventral vagal safety state. When the safety state is active, there is more capacity for homeostasis, which is basically utilizing our body's resources for health, growth, and restoration. So simply connecting with somebody, even in a situation like this, may have better results for using bodily resources. The benefit of appeasement is not simply survival, but also homeostatic functioning. Appeasement is not a choice. So I wouldn't view this as a choice-driven behavior. I don't think someone is consciously choosing to connect with their perpetrator through appeasement. Instead, we want to look at this as a biological drive that optimizes resources. Appeasement and Dissociation Dissociation is going to be a factor in appeasement as well. Dissociation buffers the conscious understanding of the severity of the situation and the life-threat potential of it. Existing in a dissociative state is an adaptation that allows that person to not enter a full-on shutdown, which would be life-threatening. So instead of completely shutting down, the body is able to enter into a more dissociative disconnected state, which allows basic functioning to continue. The chance of survival increases, but the dissociation keeps that individual from truly recognizing the impact of what they're doing and their connection with the perpetrator. Appeasement as a Polyvagal Mixed State Appeasement is a mixed state. So what are the states involved in appeasement? And the answer to that is all of them. Safety state in Appeasement - There is enough activation of the safety state to provide cues of co-regulative safety to the perpetrator. Flight/Fight state in Appeasement - The sympathetic state is also probably active as well. This enables the captor to escape if the opportunity arises. Shutdown state in Appeasement - There also seems to be a significant amount of dissociation regarding appeasement. So shutdown is a big part of this as well. Again, dissociation allows for disconnecting from the extreme experience, which entails the appeasing captor to sacrifice their personal values in order to connect with the perpetrator and increase their chances of survival. Experiences of Appeasement. I will highlight three potential experiences of the appeasement mixed state: positive feelings toward the captors/abusers. sympathy for captor's goals and beliefs. negative feelings toward authority figures. 1. Positive feelings toward the captors or the abusers. Britannica.Com says, "Psychologist who have studied the syndrome believe that the bond is initially created when a captor threatens a captive's life, deliberates, and then chooses not to kill the captive. The captive's relief at the removal of the death threat is transposed into feelings of gratitude toward the captor for giving him or her life." (sadly no citation for these "psychologists.") The captive is probably connecting their own well-being to the "happiness" of their captor. forRemember that our nervous system adapts based on the need of survival. So in order to survive, our nervous system potentially could enter into this appeasement state where we are surrendering in order to reduce the threat from another. 2. Sympathy for the captor's beliefs and goals. The captive identifies that their potential to survive is directly connected to the captor's goals. So it may look like they have sympathy for the goals of the captor. The captive learns that compliance and submission to the captor's goals will get their needs met. These survival means have otherwise been cut off, as these situations happen in extreme isolation from help. 3. Negative feelings toward police or authority figures Authority figures are a potential threat to the captive's survival, at least while they are in captivity. The captor is their survival, not the external world. So hiding the situation from others becomes necessary in order to maintain survival for the captor. Think of it in terms of the Polyvagal ladder. The captive cannot connect with the other person in a very meaningful, safe, and social kind of way, but they can do so enough to reduce life-threat. But they also cannot run away. They can't fight. They've they have been isolated. And trapped. They also can't exist in a shutdown state for very long, because that would result in death. So the captive is utilizing their best means of getting their needs met and surviving. And that is existing in a dissociative state that also allows them to be mobilized for escape, but also allows them to surrender their own personal values and connect with the captor in a way that is convincing enough through co-regulatory cues to get the captor or to reduce their aggressiveness. And if you think about it that way, the potential for escape probably goes up. I don't know how often this is effective, but we could see from a biological interaction between a captor and a captive through this neuroception of co-regulation (pseudo co-regulation?) that there's probably more of a chance of escape if the captor reduces their level of defense/aggression. Access free resources in the Members' Center I have curated Learning Hubs, downloads, and more in my free Members Center. It brings together topics like the Polyvagal states and parenting but makes them more easy to access so you don't have to hunt around everywhere. Become a free member > Q&A Q: What is Appeasement through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory? A: Appeasement in the context of the Polyvagal Theory is conceptualized as a co-regulatory mixed state that serves as a replacement for Stockholm Syndrome. It is termed as "super social engagement," which involves using social interaction as a survival strategy, even in extreme, dangerous situations. Q: How does Appeasement relate to Dissociation? A: Dissociation plays a role in appeasement by buffering the conscious understanding of the severity of the situation. It allows the individual to function at a basic level without entering a full-on shutdown, thus increasing the chance of survival. Q: What are the states involved in Appeasement as a Polyvagal Mixed State? A: Appeasement involves multiple states: Safety State: Provides cues of co-regulative safety to the perpetrator. Flight/Fight State: Enables the possibility of escape if the opportunity arises. Shutdown State: Involves a significant amount of dissociation, allowing for disconnection from the extreme experience. Page: N/A (Blog Article) Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here > Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and is the author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. Justin is a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board.

You want to be more mindful to reduce negative emotions like stress, anxiety, worry, and panic. But finding time for long meditative sessions can be a challenge, and silence is too difficult. What if there was an easier way to incorporate mindfulness into your day? In this blog, I will share a simple but essential mindfulness ingredient: incorporating small moments of silence into your daily routine. Doing so lets you practice feeling safe and reduce your negative emotional experiences. These small moments of mindful silence and solitude will help you to feel more calm, confident, and connected. Jump to a section: the power of silence the danger of silence mindfulness in small moments feeling safe through mindfulness practical tips for incorporating silence “In Silence there is eloquence. Stop weaving and see how the pattern improves.” -Rumi Silence is essential for mindfulness. Silence is a powerful tool. Silence offers a much-needed break in a world filled with constant noise and stimulation. It allows us to pause, to breathe, and to simply be. In these quiet moments, we can truly tune into our bodies and our surroundings, practicing mindfulness in its purest form. The natural condition of life is silence. Before technology and bustling cities, silence must have been ever-present. Of course, there were sounds of neighbors, animals, trees in the wind, and more. But underneath that was a constant and steady stream of accessible silence. The silence was a friend. When noise disrupted the silence, our bodies neurocepted the sound as safety or danger. The crack of a twig behind us alerted us to possible danger. The low deep rumble in the distance signaled an avalanche. The squawking of birds indicated a predator was near. Silence and survival went hand in hand. “The world's continual breathing is what we hear and call silence.” -Clarice Lispector, The Passion According to G.H. How noise disrupts mindfulness. True and natural silence is something we probably cannot access day to day. Check your level of silence right now. What do you hear? It may be quiet, but I doubt there is actual silence. You likely hear people in the background, traffic in the distance, or the hums of fluorescent lights or a refrigerator. Silence still exists, but we are effectively cut off from it. And in place of the stillness of friendly silence, we are left with the unease of unrelenting sound. Noise can lead to sympathetic activation. You may not be aware of it, but your body probably is constantly in some level of sympathetic activation. The sympathetic system is responsible for your body's ability to mobilize. You use mobilization for playing and dancing when safe. But the sympathetic system can also be used for running and fighting when in danger. Being in a state of sympathetic activation doesn't mean you're actually running away or fighting something. Likely, you feel this constant activation through emotions such as: stress anxiety anger overwhelm Noise can trigger our sympathetic state. Think of a time when someone scared you by yelling "BOO!" Your body likely tensed up in a freeze state. Part of freeze activation is flight/fight, but along with immobility of shutdown. Another example is music. Music can trigger our mobilization state, resulting in dance or tapping your foot in rhythm. Constant background noise has the same impact - it mobilizes us, though probably just a little. But it may be enough to notice. This constant mobilization is likely felt as stress, general unease, or even anxiety. Silence & Mindfulness Mindfulness is the ability to attune to the present moment. Mindfulness leads to connection with the external environment and your internal world. Mindfulness and connection go together. But in order to get to mindfulness and connection, you need to exist in literal external safety. From external safety, there is a chance to exist in your body's neurophysiological state of safety. These ventral vagal pathways are responsible for your ability to connect and socially engage. Silence *can* lead to safety. If you're mobilized in danger, you won't be able to access your safety state. So the unrelenting noise surrounding you decreases your chances of existing in your safety state. One possible solution to this problem is to decrease the noise around you. You can control some things, like your phone, speakers, TVs, computers, and so on. Some things you cannot control, like the traffic in the background. And while you can unplug your fridge, I don't recommend it. Reducing the noise around you can help you to reconnect with your natural friend of silence. “The deepest feeling always shows itself in silence.” -Marianne Moore Silence can also lead to danger. However, silence can also be an uncomfortable experience for many, especially if stuck in a traumatized state. Silence can feel very unsafe if someone is stuck in a state of flight/fight or freeze. Instead, they often prefer noise, something for their ear to focus on to remind them they are not actually in danger. Here are examples of noises that may help traumatized individuals to feel calmer: white noise music tv on in the background ASMR These noises may help calm their defensive activation but don't solve the problem. These are aids, not solutions. The problem is defensive state activation, not silence. But silence forces this individual to feel their emotional dysregulation without the distraction and reassurance of sound to focus on. Silence may be too much for them. The problem is being stuck in a defensive state. The goal is to lower the defensive state activation. The solution is to increase safety state activation. And the tool to do so is mindfulness. Feeling Safe Through Mindfulness When we practice mindfulness, we're not just being present – we're cultivating a sense of safety and exercising the ventral vagal biological pathways of safety. Over time, the pathways can be strong enough to tolerate even high levels of defensive activation. Being mindful of defensive activation like anxiety and fear is probably too much to ask. Instead, be mindful of safety state activation when it is present. You will notice your safety state is active because you'll feel more connected to the present moment. Your breath will be easier, into your belly, and relaxed. For now, practice being mindful with sound that you find soothing. As you practice being mindful with sound, you will eventually be able to practice doing so without sound. Silent Mindfulness in Small Moments To aid you in reconnecting with silence, practice small moments of silent mindfulness. Don't challenge yourself to 10 minutes of silence. Stick with like 30 seconds. If that's tolerable, extend it if you like. Mindfulness doesn't require a meditation cushion or an hour of spare time. It can be practiced in small moments throughout your day. You can be mindful of what it's like to fold laundry, wash your hands, play with your kids, or pull weeds. All of these have experiences that you can pay more attention to. Whether you're sipping your morning coffee, taking a short walk, or simply sitting quietly for a few minutes, these moments of silence can become powerful mindfulness practices. “How much better is silence; the coffee cup, the table. How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. Let me sit here for ever with bare things, this coffee cup, this knife, this fork, things in themselves, myself being myself.” -Virginia Woolf, The Waves Practical Tips for Incorporating Silence Incorporating silence into your daily routine doesn't have to be complicated. Here are some possibilities: Start your day with five minutes of silence before reaching for your phone. Take short silent breaks throughout your day, even if it's just for a minute or two. Use movement with your mindfulness and take walks in silence. Practice mindful eating by eating your meals in silence, focusing on the taste and texture of your food with a breath in between bites. Before bed, spend a few minutes in silence, using your imagination to anchor in safety. Use noise-cancelling earbuds or headphones to dampen sound if needed. How I Use Silence Every Morning My morning routine currently involves lots of silence. Well, as long as I am up before my wife and children. I wake up by 6 am and begin my routine to prepare for work. During the school year, I'll get up at 5:30 to ensure quiet time before the kids are up and lunches must be packed. I do my morning work prep in silence. No phone usage, no screens, no music. I let things be as quiet as they naturally can be. I listen to what my body needs in the quiet. I follow the small pushes and pulls that my body experiences, even with trivial things. I drink coffee or water based on what my body is saying it needs. I sit where it feels right, like on the couch or the deck in the backyard. I read or sit quietly and reflect. I do a short meditation if it feels right. While packing my lunch or eating breakfast, I notice the small things. The textures of the english muffin, the smell of the jelly I am spreading, and the sound of the zipper of my lunch bag. I try to slow down and let every moment exist independently, each with its tiny experiential opportunities. My quiet mornings go for about 90 minutes until I leave for work. At that point, I drive to work with whatever feels right. I typically want either more silence or music. Lately, I have been listening to heavy metal on the way to work as more sympathetic energy has flavored my system. One of my Stucknaut Collective community members called this a "calm and restorative" morning routine, and I agree. “Guard well your spare moments. They are like uncut diamonds. Discard them and their value will never be known. Improve them and they will become the brightest gems in a useful life.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson Take the Next Step Towards Mindfulness with Total Access Membership Are you ready to dive deeper into mindfulness and inner peace, even in silence? The Total Access Membership is designed just for you. As a member, you'll gain access to a wealth of resources, including trauma recovery courses, an exclusive podcast, a private community, and twice-monthly Q&A Meetups. Don't let the noise of the world drown out your inner peace. Join the community of like-minded individuals and start your journey towards a more mindful, balanced life today. Click here to subscribe to the Total Access Membership > Do you trust in your power to self-regulate? Your body is compelled to self-regulate, but trauma stops this process. Do you trust that you have the innate power to self-regulate, release your trauma, and live more calmly, confidently, and connected? Read more here > Q&A Q: What is the power of silence? A: Silence is a powerful tool that offers a break from the constant noise and stimulation of the world. It allows us to pause, breathe, and simply be, helping us practice mindfulness in its purest form. Q: How can noise negatively affect us? A: Constant noise can lead to a state of chronic stress and anxiety, as our bodies remain in a state of constant alert. This can be felt as stress, general unease, or even anxiety. Q: How can we incorporate silence into our daily routine? A: Incorporating silence into our daily routine can be as simple as starting the day with five minutes of silence, taking short silent breaks throughout the day, practicing mindful eating in silence, and spending a few minutes in silence before bed. Quotes from this Blog Silence is a powerful tool. It offers a much-needed break in a world filled with constant noise and stimulation. Mindfulness is the ability to attune to the present moment. Mindfulness leads to connection with the external environment and your internal world. Incorporating silence into your daily routine doesn't have to be complicated. It's about finding small moments throughout your day to simply be. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and is the author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. Justin is a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board.

Are you tossing and turning at night, plagued by worries and anxieties? You're not alone. Stress-induced insomnia is a common sleep disorder that affects many people. But what's the connection between stress and insomnia? I'll delve into this relationship with insights from neurophysiology. The Link Between Stress and Insomnia: A Closer Look Understanding Stress Stress is a natural response to threats or challenges, even minor things you may be unaware of. One can feel stress in response to significant life changes, like moving or a new boss coming into your workplace. But small things may also induce stress, like crowds or constant background noise. These sources trigger our body's sympathetic mobilization system, responsible for the evolutionary flight/fight response. In other words, when stressed, we're prepared for survival. We are ready to either confront or escape danger. But these daily or common situations, like a refrigerator hum or moving to a new apartment, aren't "dangers" we can run away from or fight. These small to large daily insults accumulate in our bodies, felt as chronic stress. When stress becomes chronic, it can wreak havoc on our bodies and minds, leading to various health problems, including insomnia. How Stress Affects Sleep Quality Disrupted Sleep Cycle Stress can disrupt our sleep cycle, making falling or staying asleep difficult. This disruption can lead to a vicious cycle where stress leads to poor sleep and more stress. This also influences behavior and overall wellbeing. "... higher evening stress predicted subsequent shorter sleep quantity, and shorter sleep quantity and continuity predicted higher next-day stress. These findings highlight the vicious daily cycle between high stress and short or discontinuous sleep, which may increase the risk or accelerate the progression of mental and physical disorders." (NCBI) Non-Restorative Sleep Stress can disrupt sleep, making it less refreshing, a condition known as non-restorative sleep (NRS). This leaves us feeling tired and groggy the next day. One study found that "feeling less refreshed after sleep is negatively associated with all [Quality of Life] domains... NRS prevents the human body from functioning optimally, causes daytime sleepiness, cognitive impairment, and mood disturbances, and jeopardizes daily performance in studying, working, and engaging in entertainment." This shows that stress affects not only our sleep but also our ability to handle the next day's challenges. Addressing stress and improving sleep quality is crucial for our overall well-being. Sleep Quality Affects Stress This study supports this idea, finding the quality of sleep a person gets can influence how their stress levels affect their behaviors. When a person is stressed, their sleep quality can decrease, leading to poor health behaviors. Poor sleep quality can make it harder for a person to manage their stress levels effectively, leading to unhealthy behaviors such as poor diet or increased alcohol consumption. When stressed, one may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. This further compiles their feelings of stress with self-judgment, shame, and blame. All of these emotions come from Polyvagal states of defense. The Impact of Chronic Stress on Insomnia The Effect of Chronic Stress Chronic stress can have a profound impact on our sleep. The constant state of mobilized alertness can lead to persistent insomnia. Polyvagal Stillness is Necessary for Sleep The science of the Polyvagal Theory (PVT), a cornerstone of my podcast and therapeutic work, provides further insight into understanding stress and what is necessary for sleep. Learn more about the Polyvagal Theory here > The PVT teaches that we have two parasympathetic nervous systems - one for safety and social engagement and the other for immobilization when under life threat. We also have a sympathetic system responsible for mobilization and flight/fight when in danger. Remaining in flight/fight results in stress. If one is stressed, they are not exiting their mobilization state. They cannot access their body's natural states of safety and immobilization. When one is safe and immobilized, that results in a mixed Polyvagal state called "stillness." To fall asleep, one must be able to immobilize and feel safe. In stress, one does not feel safe; their body is prepared for danger. Read more about stillness here > So when you're asleep, your safety state is active and providing you with "health, growth, and restoration," something that Dr. Stephen Porges often says. Porges created the Polyvagal Theory and is the co-founder of the Polyvagal Institute. Short-Term vs. Long-Term Insomnia Short-Term Insomnia Short-term insomnia, also known as acute insomnia, is typically caused by temporary stressors, like a big exam or a stressful event. It usually resolves once the stressor is removed. In other words, the life context triggering the stress is passed or effectively dealt with. The body can now immobilize in stillness without fear and stress. Long-Term Insomnia Long-term insomnia, also known as chronic insomnia, persists for several months or longer. Chronic stress, medical conditions, or certain lifestyle factors can cause it. Chronic insomnia can have serious health consequences and often requires professional treatment. Stress-induced chronic insomnia indicates the individual's body is chronically in a state of defensive activation. Chronic defensive state activation (flight, fight, shutdown, freeze) is common for traumatized individuals. People stuck in trauma have significant difficulties accessing their body's natural capacity to feel safe and exist in stillness. How Stress Affects Your Body's Systems The Polyvagal Theory teaches that if your body exists in a chronically defensive (stressful) state, it is no longer optimized for health. Instead of using its resources for healing and growth, it uses them for defense. People stuck in a state of defense are more likely to have many disorders, as shown by the Adverse Childhood Experiences survey results. The Impact of Stress Stress can have a wide-ranging impact on our bodies, affecting everything from our cardiovascular system to our digestive system. It can lead to various physical symptoms, from headaches and stomachaches to heart disease and diabetes. Here are some of the ways stress can impact different body systems: Cardiovascular system: Chronic stress can lead to high blood pressure and other heart-related issues. (Mayo Clinic) Digestive system: Stress exacerbates stomachaches, ulcers, and other digestive problems. (Henry Ford Health) Immune system: Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to infections. (Nature) Musculoskeletal system: Stress can lead to muscle contractions and restricted blood flow. (Alliance) Nervous system: Chronic stress can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Strategies to Relieve Stress and Improve Sleep Quality You might be stuck doing random TikTok "vagal nerve hacks," like putting frozen pea bags on your chest to get to sleep. If pea bags help you, fine. But I recommend something different. Instead of pea bags, it may help to increase your body's activation of its safety state. Your ability to exist in stillness increases as you anchor yourself more in safety. But don't wait for insomnia to hit. Practice feeling safety beforehand. Practice feeling safety during the day when you're with your pets, walking, or cooking dinner. Mindfully experience your body's capacity for safety and welcome it with curiosity. How to identify your Polyvagal safety state. Of course, you won't be able to measure the activation of these ventral vagal parasympathetic pathways directly. But you can use secondary measures to identify your safety state. Here are a few ways you can identify that you're in your safety state: you can breathe into your belly you feel connected to your senses, yourself, or another (even pets) you're able to smile you're thinking positively As you practice being in your safety state, you increase the strength of your safety state. Eventually, falling asleep may be more accessible. Building Safety Anchors is a great source to learn about the safety state and build its strength. Reduce insomnia by changing your environment. Cues of safety or danger in our environment constantly surround us. Even right now, your body is "neurocepting" cues from the external world through your senses. Some of these cues come from: lighting proximity temperature color To access your Polyvagal safety state: Consider what you can change in your environment. You may do better with a specific scent, lighting, sounds, or even silence. Be curious about how your environment affects you and then change what you can. Ask yourself if a specific environmental piece brings you a feeling of more like or dislike. Seek Professional Help If you're struggling with a sleep disorder, seeking professional help is important. A healthcare provider can provide a proper diagnosis and treatment plan, including stress management techniques, medication, or therapy. The National Sleep Foundation provides a wealth of resources and information on sleep disorders and treatments. If you are stuck in a traumatized state, working with a qualified therapist may be helpful. Get better sleep. Want to learn more about reducing your stress, relieving your trauma, and getting better sleep? My Total Access Membership provides the courses to deeply understand the Polyvagal Theory, strengthen your safety state, and reduce defensive state activation. Learn more about the Total Access Membership here > Master Panic Attacks: Understanding the difference between coping and self-regulation. Experiencing a panic attack is like being trapped in a turbulent storm of fear and physical sensations. Your heart races, your breath becomes shallow, and a sense of impending doom takes hold. It feels like losing control as your thoughts spin and your body trembles with adrenaline. Time stretches, and each second feels like an eternity. It's an overwhelming and disorienting experience. Read more here > Q&A Q: How does stress affect sleep quality? A: Stress disrupts the sleep cycle, leading to difficulties falling and staying asleep. It can also result in non-restorative sleep, leaving you tired and groggy the next day. Q: What is the impact of chronic stress on insomnia? A: Chronic stress can lead to persistent insomnia, as the body remains in a constant state of alertness and defense, hindering the ability to access the necessary state of stillness for restful sleep. Q: How can I improve sleep quality and reduce insomnia? A: Increasing your body's activation of the safety state through mindful safety experiences during the day can help improve sleep. Changing your environment to create safety cues can also positively impact your sleep quality. 3 Quotes from this Blog: When stress becomes chronic, it can wreak havoc on our bodies and minds, leading to various health problems, including insomnia. Chronic stress can have a profound impact on our sleep. The constant state of mobilized alertness can lead to persistent insomnia. Reduce insomnia by changing your environment. Consider what you can change in your environment... Be curious about how your environment affects you and then change what you can. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and is the author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. Justin is a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board.

Embarking on the trauma-healing journey can often feel like navigating an unfamiliar landscape. Although everyone's trauma recovery path is different, they are each filled with challenges and opportunities for profound growth and transformation. Understanding the stages of trauma healing can provide a roadmap, guiding you toward healing and resilience. In this article, I'll explore the three key stages of trauma recovery through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory, the groundbreaking neurophysiology that offers valuable insights into our body's response to trauma. These stages include: learning clear and accurate information building the safety state or "vagal brake" mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state. Each stage is not only a step toward recovery but also a step toward understanding yourself better. As we delve into these stages, you'll discover how they are interconnected, each building on the last, forming a comprehensive approach to trauma recovery. Whether at the beginning of your trauma recovery journey or well on your way, this article will provide valuable insights and practical strategies to support your healing process. Stages of Trauma Healing 1: Learning Clear and Accurate Information The first of three stages of trauma healing is equipping yourself with clear, accurate information. Knowledge is power, and in trauma recovery, it's the power to understand, normalize, reframe, and ultimately change your responses to traumatic experiences. On my podcast, I say that I help people to get more clarity, confidence, and connection without psychobabble. I think this is crucial in trauma healing and mental health in general. Information that relies on abstract concepts, like "parts" or "shadows" could be helpful but is also generally unnecessary. The sooner one can get to their direct felt experience, the better. This podcast playlist is a deep dive into how I think about these psychological concepts and why they are unnecessary. I think there's a better option to focus your energies on in the initial stages of trauma healing. The Polyvagal Theory is foundational knowledge for trauma healing. Instead of abstract or outdated psychological ideas, I recommend narrowing your focus to the scientific understanding of trauma and how you got stuck in a traumatized state. Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, the Polyvagal Theory provides a framework for understanding how our nervous system responds to stress and trauma. Learn more about the Polyvagal Theory here > These are some key Polyvagal Theory teachings to aid in your trauma healing: Autonomic states & the Polyvagal Ladder: Your autonomic nervous system adjusts your body for safety or danger. If you cannot be safe, your body shifts into a danger state of flight, fight, shutdown, or freeze. These autonomic shifts happen unconsciously and in pursuit of survival. Learn more about the Polyvagal Ladder here > Neuroception: The process of unconsciously detecting cues of danger from the environment, which then triggers autonomic state shifts. Neuroception constantly scans your environment for cues of safety or danger. Co-regulation: This is the unconscious biological process of providing cues of safety from one person to another. Co-regulation can be found in relationships with safe others, like a therapist or a loved one. Learn more about co-regulation here > The Polyvagal Theory is not the only helpful piece of foundational knowledge to aid your trauma healing. However, I have found it to be the most helpful for my therapy clients. Attachment theory is also a helpful piece of information and is ultimately grounded in science. If you are pulled toward other psychological concepts, there is nothing wrong with pursuing them. Many people find benefit from using metaphors like "parts," "shadows," and "ego." However, these are grounded in belief and are non-falsifiable ideas. Stages of Trauma Healing 2: Building the Safety State or "Vagal Brake" Once you've equipped yourself with clear and accurate information, the next stage in trauma recovery is building what's known as the safety state, or "vagal brake." This second stage is about cultivating a sense of safety within yourself, which is crucial for healing from trauma. Safety is more than the literal environment and more than a feeling. Safety is about biology. You have specific biological pathways that are responsible for your feelings of safety and your ability to connect with yourself and others. When you strengthen your safety state, you also build something called "the vagal brake." Click here to learn more about Polyvagal safety > The term "vagal brake" comes from the Polyvagal Theory and refers to our body's ability to regulate physiological arousal, reducing defensive activation. Our vagal brake is on when we're in a state of safety, helping us maintain a calm and balanced state. A stronger safety state leads to more distress tolerance. So the stronger your vagal brake is, the more distress tolerance you will have. In trauma healing, it's common to return to the trauma narrative through practices like journaling, self-reflection, and therapy. I don't believe doing so is entirely necessary and may result in retraumatization. Nevertheless, it's very common and will likely come up for you through your trauma-healing journey. Building the strength of your vagal brake will better prepare you for the emotional turmoil of defensive state activation that may come along with your trauma narrative or memories of your traumatic incidents. This is where distress tolerance is important. A stronger safety state leads to calmness, curiosity, confidence, and connection. Yes, your distress tolerance goes up, and you are better able to handle memories related to your trauma. But developing the strength of your safety state has other benefits as well. As you strengthen your safety state, you will notice more curiosity: more curiosity in the world around you, but also the world within yourself. The outer curiosity will tug at you to connect with your outer world. And it will pull you toward more connection with others. The inner curiosity will direct your self-compassionate attention inwards. With self-compassion and confidence, you will be better able to directly and mindfully experience your stuck defensive state. Building your vagal brake is a process, not a one-time event. It takes time, patience, and consistent practice. But with each step, you're strengthening your capacity for self-regulation and resilience, creating a solid foundation for the next stage of trauma recovery: mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state. Stages of Trauma Healing 3: Mindfully Experiencing Your Stuck Defensive State The third stage of trauma recovery involves mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state. This might sound intimidating, but it's an essential part of the healing process. It's about facing, rather than avoiding, the defensive responses triggered by trauma. A lot of good can be done through stage 2 of building your vagal brake. You will probably notice many positive changes, like less dysregulation and more curiosity. But to truly relieve your stuck defensive state, stage 3 is necessary. In the context of the Polyvagal Theory, a "stuck defensive state" refers to being caught in a chronic state of fight, flight, shutdown, or freeze. These are natural responses to dangerous and life-threatening situations, but when we're stuck in these states, it can lead to a range of physical and emotional challenges. The point is not coping or forcing your pains to go away. Mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state is not about forcing yourself out of these defensive responses. And it's not about coping with the obvious manifestations of your dysregulation, like anxiety and panic. Instead, it's about bringing a gentle, non-judgmental awareness to these experiences. It's about observing your defensive responses without getting caught up in them or judging yourself for having them. Stage 2 - developing your vagal brake strength - is essential for this process and completely overlooked by most therapists and the modalities they use. Mindful awareness can be a powerful tool for healing. It can help you recognize when you're slipping into a defensive state, understand what triggers these responses, and develop more compassionate ways of responding to them. But it can also bring a compassionate and curious observer to what is inside of you. Mindfulness can help you identify where your stuck state resides and how to experience it nonjudgmentally. As you mindfully experience your Polyvagal defensive states, the natural process of self-regulation unfolds. Self-regulation is not forced; it is allowed, witnessed, and experienced. I call this the A->W->E Method in my Polyvagal Trauma Relief System. This comprehensive System addresses all three stages of trauma healing with in-depth lessons and practical steps you can use starting today. The 3rd stage of trauma healing can be challenging, and it's okay to seek support as you navigate it. Whether that's through a trusted therapist, a supportive community, or resources like the courses and community in the Total Access Membership, remember that you don't have to go through this process alone. Get all 3 stages of trauma healing in one subscription. If you're ready to delve deeper into these stages of trauma recovery, consider joining the Total Access Membership. Total Access provides you with a wealth of resources, including courses that guide you through each stage of trauma recovery. You'll gain access to in-depth information, practical strategies, and a supportive private community to assist you on your healing journey. Don't navigate this path alone - join the Total Access Membership today. I want to learn more about the Total Access Membership > You're Allowed to Grow and Change. You Don't Need Permission. For further reading, I recommend checking out the blog post Personal Growth is Allowed and Necessary: You Don't Need Permission from Others!. This article will empower you to take control of your personal growth and break free from the need for validation from others. 3 Quotes from this Blog: Knowledge is power, and in trauma recovery, it's the power to understand, normalize, reframe, and ultimately change your responses to traumatic experiences. Building your vagal brake is a process, not a one-time event. It takes time, patience, and consistent practice. But with each step, you're strengthening your capacity for self-regulation and resilience. Mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state is not about forcing yourself out of these defensive responses. Instead, it's about bringing a gentle, non-judgmental awareness to these experiences. Q&A from this Blog: Q: What are the three stages of trauma healing? A: The three stages are learning clear and accurate information, building the safety state or "vagal brake," and mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state. Q: What is the "vagal brake" in trauma healing? A: The "vagal brake" refers to our body's ability to regulate physiological arousal, reducing defensive activation. Building the "vagal brake" is about enhancing your body's capacity to return to a state of safety after experiencing stress or trauma. Q: How can I mindfully experience my stuck defensive state? A: Mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state involves bringing a gentle, non-judgmental awareness to your defensive responses. It's about observing these responses without getting caught up in them or judging yourself for having them. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast, and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Play is not just for kids - it can also bring joy, relaxation, and creativity to adults. In fact, incorporating play into your daily life can have numerous benefits for your mental and emotional well-being. If you're looking for ways to add more playfulness to your adult life, this guide is for you. Discover what play is, the benefits of play, and explore seven potential play paths that will help you tap into your "inner child" and have fun. Let the games begin! Jump to a section: why is play for adults important? but what is play, really? safety is essential for minds and bodies 7 ways to play for adults Why is play for adults important? Play is often seen as something reserved for children, but it is just as important for adults. Engaging in playful activities can have numerous benefits for adults, including reducing stress, boosting creativity, improving problem-solving skills, and enhancing social connections. Play allows us to let go of our responsibilities and obligations for a while and simply enjoy the present moment. It can bring a sense of joy, relaxation, and fulfillment to our lives. These are things everyone needs, not just kids. But what is play, really? I'm glad you asked! When I say "play," I mean something very specific. The word "play" here refers to an interaction between two or more mammals. But more specifically, the interaction is between two nervous systems. Play is an unconscious biological process occurring between two individuals. You see, play is not just throwing a ball back and forth. Play is much more. Play is when a mammalian body is mobilized while safe. In neurobiological Polyvagal Theory terms, play involves accessing one's ability to use their flight/fight system (sympathetic) along with their safety system (ventral vagal parasympathetic). Read more about play and the Polyvagal Theory > Which of these examples is play? I will give two examples to illustrate what is and is not play. You tell me which one of these is play: Two friends are playing basketball. They smile and laugh with each other, making eye contact, even when one is losing. Two friends are playing basketball. They don't make eye contact or smile. They yell at each other and shove. When one loses, they kick the ball as far as they can. The winner laughs and taunts the loser. In both scenarios, the individuals seem to be playing, right? I mean, there's a ball and points involved. But these examples have starkly different feels to them. Example 1 is play. Both individuals have access to their ability to be mobile, using their flight/fight system. But they also have access to their safety system, allowing social engagement. They unconsciously provide each other with safety cues, a process called co-regulation. Example 2 is not play. Neither individuals have access to their safety state, resulting in breaking the norms and rules of basketball and relationships being forever broken, most likely. What's the difference between the two? The activation of the safety state. When the safety state is active, one's flight/fight activation is calmed. The mobility of flight/fight can be used for play and social engagement rather than survival. Play does not have to be mobile. One more qualifier - play is mobility combined with safety. But play does not have to involve movement. Someone sitting down can still exist in their flight/fight state and their safety state. Play simply means the flight/fight mobility state is active with safety. That doesn't mean you are running around or biking. It can be much more subtle. Safety is essential for healthy minds and bodies. Play isn't just fun. Play is beneficial to your mental and emotional well-being. Of course, there are lots of exercise benefits to play. But besides that, when playing, the safety state is active. The body's homeostatic processes are optimized for improved health and healing when the safety state is active. The more time you spend in your body's ventral vagal safety pathways, the better it is for your overall health. Does this mean you should be playing nonstop? No, of course not. Accessing the safety state can happen in others ways as well, like in meditation or sharing a hug with someone. Read more about Polyvagal safety > 7 Ways to Play for Adults Now that we have an understanding of play, let's look at 7 ways to incorporate play into your life. 1. Incorporate Physical Activity into Your Routine. Sure, you can exercise and get helath benefits from it. And you can feel great doing so. But remember, play means something very particular in this discussion. Play involves being with someone else, being mobile and accessing your safety state. So instead of being active alone, be active with someone. A few ways to be active with someone are: take a walk or ride a bike go to the gym play a sport dance 2. Explore Creative Hobbies and Crafts. Just like #1, engage in hobbies and crafts with someone else. Yes, it's always okay to exist in peaceful solitude and let your creativity out. But doing so alongside someone else can invite play. I used to get together with a few friends every Friday night and draw. Each of us loved to draw and could do so on our own just fine. But being together invited more energy, smiles, and laughter. 3. Play board games with loved ones. Board games are another example of play without obvious mobility. You are still accessing your flight/fight system when playing a board game. For example, we get loud when my family and I play games. We have energy. It's not a quiet, passive experience. Even with Battleship, I like to make sounds of explosions and simulate explosions with my hands and arms. My 7-year-old son loves it. He laughs hysterically as we play. Pick your favorite board game and invite someone to come play with you. 4. Play video games. Video games are a great way to interact with each other... even though a screen is involved. Video games use the flight/fight state, as many of them are competitive. But as long as you are anchored in your safety state, the flight/fight energy can be contained and turned into play. Video games are often tense, loud and competitive. My family loves Mario Kart... and it gets intense! But along with the intensity is congratulations and encouragement. 5. Work with someone. Work?! As play?! What? Yes, work can actually be play! Work can be doing chores, making dinner, creating a podcast, or even actual paid work. Remember - play is mobility along with social connection. You're mobile when doing chores, but if you're with someone, it can be play. My kids used to volunteer to help me with chores around the house, like pulling weeds or cleaning the pool. They'd get their hands dirty with me, but we'd smile and socially engage as we worked. Long-time listeners of my podcast will remember that I co-hosted with Mercedes. She and I worked on the podcast week after week, but we played a lot too. As we were working, we would joke around, use our imagination and laugh nonstop. We were working, but playing. 6. Find social activities with other adults. If initiating play is difficult for you, or you don't have a clear avenue for incorporating play into your life, find other possibilities for adults to connect and engage in play. There are ready-made options for you to join. Some possibilities for adults social play activities are: amateur sports leagues art or music clubs trivia nights Option 6 is great because the work is done for you. Someone else has set it up, they're just waiting for you and others to find them and join. Option 6 is also a challenge, because meeting and interacting with new people is not easy. 7. Play with the kids in your life. To be clear - I don't mean random kids. I mean the kids you already have in your life. Like, your own kids, or nieces and nephews... you get the idea. (Right?) If you suck at playing, that is totally okay, because kids are f***ing great at it. Put the ball in their court next time you're with one of your kids. Just say, "Alright, it's time to play. What are we doing?" And give them control. Trust me, they won't let you down. You need to be open to trying something they're into, like LEGO, dolls, or whatever kids are into. And if all else fails, throw or roll something. It'll get that child's interest, and they'll know what to do. Before you know it, a game will evolve from nothing. Boom! You're playing. How to start playing as an adult. It can be difficult to start playing as an adult, especially if you don't have a strong history of healthy play with others. Plus, we adults get sucked into the things that cause stress and tend to prioritize those things. When we try to focus on play or connection, it feels like the stresses will get worse. Here are some tips to help you start playing as an adult: Be drastically honest with yourself - Are the things causing you stress truly going to worsen if you allow yourself to play? Or do you have an opportunity to allow yourself to connect with someone and have fun? Turn off your phone, tablet, and other screens - Once distractions are off, you can use your pent-up flight/fight energy. Give yourself permission to feel silly - Play can involved imagination and spontaneity. Now that you know this, give yourself permission to feel it. Before you play, build your Polyvagal safety state. You can approach play more easily if you develop your safety state. When you do, you will be able to tolerate the activation of flight/fight that is required in play. Anxiousness will instead be felt as fun and excitement. If you know you need to develop your safety state more, Building Safety Anchors might be a good fit for you. BSA teaches you all about the safety state and then teaches paths for building the strength of your safety state. As you build the safety state strength, your defensive activation will be reduced and even repurposed into something else. Flight/fight is turned into play with safety. And shutdown immobilization is turned into stillness. But the safety state is the center piece in all of this. Building Safety Anchors is available along with my other courses and private community in the Total Access Membership subscription. You get all my trauma recovery courses, private community, daily challenges, second podcast, live Q&As and more. I can't wait to see you there! Strengthen Your Personal Boundaries When your body shifts into a defensive state, you may compromise your personal boundaries and values to get out of the situation. If you can relate, check out this blog to learn what you can do about it. Read more here > Q&A Q: Why is play for adults important? A: Engaging in playful activities as adults can reduce stress, boost creativity, improve problem-solving skills, and enhance social connections. Play allows us to let go of responsibilities and enjoy the present moment, bringing joy and fulfillment to our lives. Q: What is play, really? A: Play refers to an interaction between two or more mammals, specifically the interaction between their nervous systems. It involves accessing the flight/fight system along with the safety system, creating a state of mobilization while feeling safe. Q: How can adults incorporate play into their lives? A: Here are seven ways to incorporate play into your life: Incorporate physical activity with someone else, such as taking a walk, playing a sport, or dancing. Engage in creative hobbies and crafts alongside someone, inviting more energy and laughter. Play board games that activate your flight/fight system and bring excitement to social interactions. Enjoy playing video games with others, channeling the competitive energy into playful engagement. Find opportunities to turn work into play by doing chores, creating projects, or working alongside someone else. Join social play activities for adults, such as amateur sports leagues, art or music clubs, or trivia nights. Play with the kids in your life, giving them control and embracing their natural ability to play. Quotes from this Blog: Play involves being with someone else, being mobile, and accessing your safety state. Work can actually be play! Work can be doing chores, making dinner, creating a podcast... As we were working, we would joke around, use our imagination and laugh nonstop. If you suck at playing, that is totally okay, because kids are f***ing great at it. Put the ball in their court next time you're with one of your kids... Boom! You're playing. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

What is Personal Growth? Personal growth is the ongoing general process of improving oneself, typically resulting in more emotions of pride, confidence, and satisfaction. Personal growth also leads to more connection with the self, others, and more energy to meet your life's goals. In this blog, I'll share a general four-step process for making improvements in your life, no matter what they are. I will also discuss how you don't need permission from others to begin to make changes today. Jump to a section: what is the process for personal growth? personal growth is more than external success why is personal growth so important? you're allowed to make positive changes in your life take responsibility for your personal growth set clear goals for personal development take small, mindful steps in the right directions surround yourself with supportive people What is the Process for Personal Growth? Achieve personal growth through these four general steps. Each step is much more intricate, but the overall process is helpful to conceptualize. The four general steps are: Self-reflection: Be honest about what you need to change. What you identify will likely be a behavior, like reducing junk food consumption. It might also be emotional, like reducing anger. Learning: Learn about what you identified in step 1. For example, if you need to reduce anger, learn about what anger is and what others have done to reduce their anger. Achievable Goals: Give yourself something specific to work towards, like feeling more calm and relaxed daily. Create action steps to work towards the larger goal, like setting aside time for daily meditation. Attempt & Adjust: Implement the techniques from step 3, then change the action steps as needed. Personal growth is more than external success. You could work on something related to your behavior, like achieving concrete marketing goals in your business. But to do so, you will probably identify another goal to work on, like believing in yourself more and saying kinder things to yourself. And when you achieve your marketing goals, you will probably notice that it impacts you internally. You will feel accomplished, proud, and even more determined. Personal growth involves observable behaviors, yes. But it also involves an inner change. It requires a willingness to challenge oneself, step outside one's comfort zone, and commit to continuous learning and improvement. Ultimately, personal growth is about becoming the best version of oneself and living a fulfilling life. You will be the one to decide what "the best version of yourself" is. And you will also be the one to decide what a "fulfilling life" is. These two things are ever-evolving and never static. There is always room for growth and no such thing as perfection. Why is personal growth important? Personal growth is not only allowed but also necessary for our overall well-being and fulfillment. As you change your life, you will access more of your body's "safety state." The safety state is your body's natural biological capacity to feel safe and then optimize its resources for "health, growth, and restoration," as Dr. Stephen Porges often says. He is the creator of the Polyvagal Theory, the science of human connection. Personal growth connects to accessing more of your safety state. As you grow, your defensive activation (like flight/fight) reduces, allowing more safety in your system. Accessing your safety state improves your body's physical and mental health. Physically, your body will utilize its natural homeostatic functioning while in its safety state. Oxygen and other resources are used optimally for improved general health and even healing. Mentally, you will feel calmer, more confident, and more curious about yourself. You will be more compassionate toward others. You will experience deeper and more meaningful connections with yourself and others. You can access your safety state through the process of self-regulation. You're allowed to make positive changes in your life. You don't need permission from others to make positive changes in your life. It might be nice to have approval and support, but this is also unnecessary. You are in control of your own life, and you have the power to make decisions that will benefit you. Whether you want to start a new hobby, improve your health, or work on your relationships, the choice is yours. No, it's not easy. And yes, it's a long process. But no one will do it for you. And no one has the power to permit you to begin. That is entirely up to you. It's always possible to start. You don't need to wait for someone else to tell you it's okay to make a change. And if you do, welp, you have something to work with in step 1. Take Responsibility for Your Growth. Personal growth is a journey that requires taking responsibility for your development. You don't need permission from others to pursue your goals and aspirations. You have the power to shape your future and make positive changes in your life. Instead of seeking validation from others, focus on your growth and take proactive steps toward achieving your goals. Are other people to blame for aspects of your life? Undoubtedly. I am sure that your parents, spouse, family, society, religious institutions, and more all have some level of blame for who you are today, for better or worse. That may be valid. And your current life context is a normal reflection of that. Regardless, you are still responsible for making change. Both of these can be true at the same time. You can blame whoever you like. That may be valid. But you are also responsible for making a change. It is your life. It's not theirs. You can make your own choices. And that can start right now. Set clear goals for personal development. It sounds like a daunting task. I'm asking you to take responsibility for change. And I am also telling you that you don't need someone else to permit you. This line of thinking might be very different and feel out of control. The solution to this is to focus on clear goals and action steps. Setting clear personal development goals is crucial to make progress and achieve growth. Step 1 is to identify areas where you need to grow. Do so with honesty and compassion. Step 2 is learning new information, like learning more about your body's Polyvagal state and how it keeps you stuck. Step 3 is to identify a large-scale goal, like increasing relationship satisfaction. Use action steps to meet your goals. But large-scale goals can be overwhelming and must be broken into smaller action steps. These action steps should be measurable and achievable. With clear goals and practical action steps, you'll be more motivated and focused on your personal development. You'll be able to track your progress and see how far you've come. Here is an example of a goal and an action step: Goal: "I want to live with more calm and stillness in my life." Action step: "I will start each morning with no electronics for one hour for one week." The practical action step leads to the larger goal of increasing calm. However, it may not. This action step might be too much for you. Or prove ineffective at helping you reach the larger goal of more calm and stillness. And that's why taking small, mindful steps toward personal growth is important. Take Small, Mindful Steps Toward Personal Growth. Personal growth is not a one-time event but a continuous process requiring consistent effort and dedication. Taking small, mindful steps toward personal growth can help you stay focused and make progress toward your goals. Try things out and change what you need to. And that brings us to Step 4: Attempt & Adjust. Try out the action step you created, but do so mindfully. When you use it, ask yourself how you feel. When you exist without electronics in the morning, here are some questions to help you experience the action step mindfully: Does this feel more like goodness or badness? Do you like it or dislike it? Does it feel more calm or less calm? Is there another emotion that comes up for you? Is that emotion tolerable? Does the action step help you to breathe easier and think more clearly? When you find that your action step proves ineffective, be honest about it and then try another action step. For example: Goal: "I want to live with more calm and stillness in my life." Revised Action Step Option A: "I will start each morning with no electronics for thirty minutes for one week." Revised Action Step Option B: "I will walk for 10 minutes every day before my lunch." You will need to step outside of your comfort zone. Do so in ways that are challenging but manageable. As you master those, then find new difficult but manageable action steps. Surround Yourself with Supportive and Positive People. Surrounding yourself with positive people takes work, but I have a realistic solution for you. When you surround yourself with positive and supportive people, this helps to provide you with co-regulation. Co-regulation is the biological process of giving and receiving safety cues from one another. Co-regulation activates your body's safety state, which is foundational for personal growth. This co-regulative benefit multiplies if you connect with people with similar goals and provide mutual support, especially in person. The people in your life influence you. The people you spend time with can greatly influence your mindset, beliefs, and actions. Seek out individuals who uplift and inspire you, believe in your potential, and support your goals and aspirations. These people can provide encouragement, guidance, and accountability as you navigate your personal growth journey. Surrounding yourself with positivity and support can help you stay motivated, overcome obstacles, and maintain a positive mindset. You deserve to be surrounded by people who believe in you and want to see you succeed. Distance yourself from those that deserve it. Don't be afraid to distance yourself from negative influences and seek out those who will encourage, challenge, and support you. Find the right people and prune what needs to be. There may be people in your life that you cut out entirely, and there may be people you choose to spend less time with as you reprioritize. Finding people in person is ideal, but virtually is a great option. Finding people in person is best, as face-to-face contact provides the safety cues of co-regulation. You can find people locally with similar goals by searching for your interest in your area and connecting with established groups. Finding others online is a great option if this is unrealistic for you. Countless groups can be found online, in discussion forums, or social media groups. Make sure you vet what groups are out there, be bold, and leave them if they are not a good fit for you. You might be looking for a group of people making changes in their lives and actively recovering from trauma. In that case, the Stucknaut Collective private community might be a good fit for you. The Collective members can connect and work through trauma recovery courses. It's a paid group, so everyone there is motivated, and there is zero toxicity or negativity. It's a safe space to connect and further your personal growth, especially in trauma recovery. To join the Collective, subscribe to the Stuck Not Broken: Total Access Membership. Strengthen Your Personal Boundaries When your body shifts into a defensive state, you may compromise your personal boundaries and values to get out of the situation. If you can relate, check out this blog to learn what you can do about it. Read more here > Q&A Q: What is personal growth, and how can it benefit me? A: Personal growth is an ongoing process of self-improvement that leads to increased satisfaction, confidence, and connection. By taking responsibility for your own development and implementing the four-step process of self-reflection, learning, setting achievable goals, and attempting and adjusting, you can make steps toward more personal development. Q: Why is personal growth important for my well-being? A: Personal growth is not only allowed but necessary for your overall well-being and fulfillment. It enables you to access your body's safety state, reduce defensive activation, and improve your physical and mental health. As you grow, you'll experience greater calm, confidence, curiosity, and compassion, fostering deeper connections with yourself and others. Q: How can I set clear goals for personal development? A: Setting clear goals is crucial for making progress and achieving personal growth. Begin by identifying areas where you need to grow with honesty and compassion. Then, learn new information related to your growth areas. Next, break down your larger goals into smaller, measurable, and achievable action steps. With clear goals and practical steps, you'll stay motivated, track your progress, and witness the positive changes you've made. Quotes from this blog: Personal growth involves observable behaviors, yes. But it also involves an inner change. It requires a willingness to challenge oneself, step outside one's comfort zone, and commit to continuous learning and improvement. You're allowed to make positive changes in your life. You don't need permission from others to make positive changes in your life. It might be nice to have approval and support, but this is also unnecessary. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people can help you stay motivated, overcome obstacles, and maintain a positive mindset. You deserve to be surrounded by people who believe in you and want to see you succeed. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

I received this question in blue from a member of my Stucknaut Collective community. I will call her Hilda. I asked Hilda if it would be okay to address more publicly, and she agreed. I think it's something you may be able to resonate with. I'm hoping that reading this will normalize your experience and also bring some clarity to how you responded. In this blog: Hilda's situation & question Polyvagal autonomic state shifts lead to behavioral responses. Learning skills vs. using skills for personal boundaries How to strengthen personal boundaries. Why does someone lose their personal boundaries in danger? I will address this more generally, pretending it's a fictional character. This is not therapy, nor is it intended to be a replacement for therapy. Do not take this as life advice or a specific recommendation for you in particular. These are my general thoughts about a situation I will generalize and fictionalize. I have a rambling question that doesn’t need to be addressed right away. I’m not sure how to ask this, but I’m going to give it a shot… how do others handle when your overactive defensive states expose you to danger? Yesterday, I was approached by a man in the parking lot at my work, and nothing “bad” happened. He cornered me although I was in no way trapped. We chatted and he kept pushing for information about me. It may have been innocent, but after he finally left I felt super exposed and unsafe. He knows where I work and how to contact me. 😳 I was reflecting on that and why I react the way I do. And if I hadn’t been in my defensive state, I would have had the clarity to not give him my number. Idk if my defensive states are supposed to protect me, they do the opposite 😆 🤷‍♀️. I know this has to do with setting boundaries and speaking up for myself and skill sets I do have! But in my defensive state, all those helpful tools are gone. I don’t land in fight/flight unfortunately. I freeze. Regardless of what level of un-safety I am in. How have others found enough of their safety state to assess danger? I’m working on increasing my access to safety, but How do you access appropriate levels of defense? Let's first look at Hilda's situation through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory. If you are brand new to the Theory, start with my free Polyvagal Intro page and then come back here. In this situation, we can identify that there are autonomic shifts, which lead to behavioral responses. If you've been through something similar, you may just focus on the behavior and engage in self-shaming thoughts that make things worse. But there is more to your experience that is driving the behavior and the thoughts. Polyvagal autonomic state shifts lead to behavioral responses. In this situation, Hilda gave the man her phone number and "chatted," which she regretted. If we were to simply look at the behavior without any other context, it would look like Hilda wanted to chat with the man, give him her phone number, and have more contact with him in the future. From the outside looking in, with no other context, this would be a reasonable assumption to an onlooker. However, if we were to understand what was happening within Hilda, we would get a different story. Hilda identified that she shifted into a Polyvagal defensive state. When she did, she lost access to skills and knowledge she otherwise would have, such as: critical thinking and clarity boundary enforcement being assertive Polyvagal safety is important in enforcing healthy boundaries. All these skills require access to one's Polyvagal state of safety. These skills and more can be utilized with clarity and assurance from the safety state. If the safety state is inactive, the defensive activation becomes overwhelming. If the safety state is active enough, then dysregulation does not occur. Accessing the safety state enough allows one to access their defensive states and repurpose them into something different. When in flight/fight with safety, the result is play. When in shutdown with safety, the result is stillness. (These are two of the three Polyvagal mixed states, the third is discussed soon.) Hilda, soon after, felt regret and exposure. She did not want to have contact with the individual again and is fearful of the man knowing how to contact her and where she works. Her behavior did not match her actual wants. So what happened? The behavior serves a purpose. In situations like these, the behavior serves a purpose. The purpose here is not to have more contact with the man. Instead, the behavior's purpose is to get out of the situation without immediately worsening things. It's a means to resolve the immediate situation - being cornered by a strange man in isolation in a strange place filled with danger cues. We know what Hilda wanted - to be left alone and escape the situation without compromising her personal boundaries and safety. And, of course, we all want that for ourselves and her as well, right? This situation could have many outcomes, but let's narrow it down to a few: escaping the situation through flight activation freezing and complying enforcing personal boundaries through empowerment Escaping the situation One likely possibility for this situation was the body activating the sympathetic flight system for escape. It's very normal and appropriate for some flight activation in these situations. It's completely okay to simply walk away from the situation, there is no explanation owed to the other person. Freezing and complying However, escaping this situation relies on being able to access flight energy and utilizing it. Hilda was likely activated for flight, but her shutdown immobilization state also came online. This is called "freeze," and results in immobility. The body is prepared to flee, but is also immobile. A large-scale example of a freeze would be a panic attack. Hilda was not forced to immobilize in this situation, but her system seems to have immobilized itself. She likely experienced some level of panic. The immobilization could have entered her system from many different possibilities. These include: the body detecting that the situation would worsen by fleeing (by maybe detecting something the man was portraying in his body language or face) detecting that escape was not possible due to physical limitations not identifying a likely escape route cultural and familial norms teaching an expectation to be polite learning in childhood not to "make a scene" or bring attention to danger contextual cues that were similar to past trauma The compliance behaviors should be seen to be stemming from a Polyvagal mixed state, likely freeze. The compliant behaviors served their function and successfully got her out of the immediate perceived danger, even though the longer-term repercussions were less than ideal. Enforcing personal boundaries A third potential outcome of this situation is enforcing personal boundaries directly and assertively. Enforcing personal boundaries relies on accessing both fight and safety state activation. Combining the two results in empowerment, motivation, and assuredness. If Hilda were able to allow fight energy along with safety, the behavior she exhibited would have been much different. Learning skills vs. using skills for personal boundaries Skills like assertiveness and communicating clearly to enforce personal boundaries are great. If you are currently learning these, I recommend to continue. There is nothing wrong with learning new skills. However, learning new skills does not guarantee that you will be able to also utilize those skills. Throughout my career workplaces, I have been taught how to manage assaultive behaviors. I worked in a non-lockdown facility for high-risk juvenile offenders and this was standard training we all got as guards/counselors. It's also standard in my public school district. I've been taught these skills, but does that mean I will actually use them? I hope so... but realistically, no. And even if I did, would I use them effectively and with fidelity? Again, I hope so... but realistically, no. It's not because I don't want to. Learning these things cognitively is great, but it is way different than real-world application. Part of this is practice and muscle memory, sure. But there's another reason I want to focus on. In danger, your learned skills are less available. The primary reason people might not use the skills they have learned is that those skills are pretty much gone when they are in danger. Cognitively, the individual will not be able to remember the skill. During times of stress and danger, critical thinking and memory recall are difficult. Instead, the individual focuses on what is before them and reacts from their defensive state. The wonderful higher brain functions needed to recall and plan out the learned skills are offline. Survival and quick reaction take their place. Despite the standardized training that the staff goes through at my various historical workplaces, when the s*** hits the fan, for the most part, those skills are not used. Instead, they make it up as they go along to force compliance and control. Conversely, there is a small team of therapists, teachers and security monitors that regularly need to assert physical control over children that pose severe behavioral problems. This small team frequently confronts these behavioral problems and regularly use the skills and techniques they were taught. How is it that they are able to do so? Because they have a tolerance level to the dangers present and have more muscle memory for how to use the techniques. Basically, they have practiced. On top of that, the dangerous situations they confront no longer feel dangerous due to their high level of tolerance to their own defensive activation. How to strengthen personal boundaries. If you've been in a situation like Hilda, I hope it went smoothly and didn't pose any more problems. I also hope that you were able to learn from it and prepare yourself better for the possibility of similar circumstances. To strengthen your personal boundaries for the future, prepare now. Here are 6 things you can do starting right now to solidify your personal boundaries better: Validate your true experience: you went through some sort of autonomic shift, which changed your thoughts and emotions. Just recognize this is true without judgment. You can read more about validation here > Normalize the context of the true experience: your state shift occured in a context that triggered it. Hilda was in a garage and being approached by a strange man. That alone is normalizing of the beginning of the state shift. On top of that, a parking garage is lonely, maybe dark and dreary. Think back to the pieces of the context and ask yourself if it made sense that you shifted in Polyvagal state. You can read more about normalization here> Mindfully allow the true experience: If you can ground yourself in your safety state enough, then allow yourself to re-experience some of the true experience you had in that moment. If it's intolerable, then just a little bit is fine for now, using meditation or journaling or something else you know helps you. If you are Unstucking Defensive States, use the A->W->E Process. Being grounded in safety is the priority for this step. You can read more about giving permission here > Get acquainted with the underlying sensations and impulses: Likely, you experienced an impulse in these moments that you were not able to effectively act on. As you feel into the experience (while grounded in safety!), those impulses and sensations that come with it may resurface. As best you can, allow yourself to feel and familiarize yourself with them. Doing so will build a stronger reference point and less fear when they resurface. Praise your body for what it accomplished: Even if the outcome was not ideal, like with Hilda's, your body still successfully got you through the situation, even if it froze. You're alive. The Polyvagal state shift worked. You successfully identified danger and responded to it. So give your wonder nervous system some gratitude if you can. Practice your personal boundary skills ahead of time: Yes, learn them. But also practice them. Role-play with yourself in the mirror. Role play with a therapist. Role-play with a trusted loved one. Imagine the scenario happening again but doing something different. Set a timer and add a bit of pressure to get your flight/fight energy to simulate better what it might be like. Challenge yourself to be assertive in one sentence or less. In 5 words or less. Practice being assertive without making apologies. Imagine you're the biggest badass you can (whatever that looks like for you), and speak as they might speak. Speak aloud and not in your head. Mastering Panic Attacks: Coping vs Self-Regulation Struggling with panic attacks and what to do about them? In this blog, I teach you the difference between coping and actually self-regulating. Whatever you're currently doing to deal with panic, give this a read to make sure it's the most effective for what you need and are ready to handle. Read the blog here > Q&A Q: What is the role of Polyvagal Theory in responding appropriately to danger? A: Polyvagal Theory provides a framework for understanding our reactions to dangerous situations through a validating and normalizing lens. It allows illuminates that we need to work on strengthening our safety state in order to tolerate higher levels of defensive activation. Q: How does neuroception affect our responses to others? A: Neuroception is the unconscious detection of safety and danger from the external environment, including from other people. When we detect danger, we shift down the Polyvagal ladder into a defensive state. The Polyvagal state shift adjusts our behavioral response possibilities. Q: Why is it important to practice personal boundary skills ahead of time? A: Practicing personal boundary skills ahead of time allows individuals to develop familiarity and confidence in asserting their boundaries. By role-playing scenarios and challenging oneself to be assertive, individuals can build resilience and increase the likelihood of effectively enforcing their boundaries when faced with real-life situations. Quotes from this blog: Accessing the safety state enough allows one to access their defensive states and repurpose them into something different. Skills like assertiveness and communicating clearly to enforce personal boundaries are great. However, learning new skills does not guarantee that you will be able to also utilize those skills. During times of stress and danger, critical thinking and memory recall are difficult. Instead, the individual focuses on what is before them and reacts from their defensive state. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

You've embarked on a path toward healing and self-discovery. You have crossed paths with numerous potential avenues of doing so, like therapy, coaching, courses, and more. And within these paths lie more, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems, psychoanalysis, etc. There is a new pathway to recovering from trauma everywhere you turn. If you've gone deep enough, you probably encountered the Polyvagal Theory and wondered how a "Polyvagal Therapist" can benefit you. But to understand that, you will first need to understand what the Polyvagal Theory is and get clarity on what a Polyvagal Therapist is, if anything. Understanding the Polyvagal Theory. The Polyvagal Theory is a relatively new concept in the field of psychology and the practice of therapy, although it has been around since 1994. The Theory has become very popular in trauma recovery, providing an understanding of trauma that does not rely on abstract psychological concepts like "parts," "archetypes," or a "shadow self." Instead, the Theory provides a scientific foundation for understanding trauma and mental health. However, it's not solely a psychological theory; it applies to numerous fields. Psychology is simply one field that has embraced the Polyvagal Theory, especially in trauma recovery. The Theory proposes that there are three branches of the autonomic nervous system. These three branches can be on or off (though it is more complex!). When these branches are activated, they result in different experiences. The three branches of the autonomic nervous system are: Ventral vagal parasympathetic - responsible for social behaviors and emotions when safe. Sympathetic - which is responsible for flight/fight behaviors when in danger. Dorsal vagal parasympathetic - responsible for shutdown immobility experiences when in life threat. The Polyvagal Theory is much more complex, but this is a good enough overview for now. At a minimum, a Polyvagal Therapist understands the state of their client's body and its preparation for safety or defense. But it gets much more complex... "Polyvagal-Informed" is probably a better title than "Polyvagal Therapist." While "Polyvagal Therapist" seems appropriate, it might be misleading. No therapist is directly measuring the state of their client's autonomic nervous system. We don't have monitors or gadgets to gauge our client's autonomic state throughout a session. Instead, we use the client's presentation and reporting as our assessment tool. We can use these measures, compare them to our knowledge of the Polyvagal Theory, and make inferences about the client's Polyvagal state. So the term "Polyvagal-informed" may be more appropriate. The Polyvagal Theory is not a prescription or a therapeutic modality. Also, there is no one right way to be a Polyvagal-informed therapist. The PVT is the science that helps us understand our clients' state and capacity for change. PVT is not a therapeutic modality with a set of techniques to apply like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is. A therapist may be Polyvagal-informed and use their knowledge within their therapeutic modality. So a somatic therapist can use their PVT knowledge just like a psychoanalytic therapist. The PVT knowledge fits in better with some modalities vs. others, especially the ones that utilize more mind-body and somatic interventions. Benefits of Polyvagal-Informed Therapy. Not all Polyvagal-informed therapists will utilize their knowledge the same, but some expected benefits would include the following: A focus on the client's capacity to feel safe and present The therapist provides co-regulation to the client to assist them with feeling safe and present Meeting the client where they're at in their capacity to continue with difficult material A Polyvagal-informed Therapist will be able to deeply understand their clients' present-day experiences in light of their current and past circumstances. They will do so through the lens of the autonomic nervous system and their clients' shifting into and out of states of safety and defense. The Polyvagal-informed therapist will provide compassion to their clients without judgment. They will see their clients as having experienced autonomic shifts that were out of their conscious control and bring a non-judgmental, non-blaming attitude to the therapeutic process. The PVT-informed therapist is less likely to utilize a neutral or unemotional presence. Neutrality is what people may typically expect from a therapist. Instead, the PVT-informed therapist will utilize their face and voice to convey warmth and safety to the client. They don't shy from expressing emotion compassionately with their client. However, to be compassionate with their client, this therapist will prioritize their self-regulation to ensure they are first grounded in their safety state. Being grounded in safety allows the therapist to provide the client with co-regulation and project safety cues. A PVT-informed therapist will go beyond clients' thoughts and emotions and utilize their internal sensations and impulses better. Many therapists focus on changing their clients' thinking. This cognitive focus can be frustrating for both the therapist and client. The Polyvagal-informed therapist understands there is more to their client and incorporates everything that stems from their Polyvagal state, not just the client's cognitions. I created a free resource for you that connects all of these domains together. It's called "State Sensation Impulse Emotion Cognition" and can be downloaded here. Finding a Polyvagal Therapist. If you are interested in working with a polyvagal-informed therapist, you will need to research and find a licensed therapist who has received specialized training in this area. However, this may be easier said than done. The Polyvagal Theory is not widely adopted in common graduate-level curricula, though it is growing. Typically, this is information that a therapist acquires through their own continued research and learning. So to find a Polyvagal-informed therapist, you will need to search for therapists in your area and then vet them through their website and social media content. Vetting is more difficult than simply using Psychology Today to find someone. It requires you to set aside time to comb through who is in your area. But it allows you to spend more time with your potential therapist match and get to know their values, skills, and knowledge level. If you are in the United States, you will need to find a licensed therapist within your state. Due to state regulations, they are not necessarily allowed to practice outside their state. You can attend therapy sessions virtually if the in-state provider is too far from you. Virtual sessions are a great option and provide you with more possible candidates to work with. Other options if you cannot find a Polyvagal Therapist. I have also heard from podcast listeners who have introduced my Polyvagal work to their current therapist and have found this beneficial. My podcast episodes 101-109 are a great free resource to bring to your current provider. You could also find a Polyvagal-informed Coach. But I would encourage you to scrutinize these possibilities even more, as anyone can call themselves a coach with little or no training. Coaching is not therapy, but it can be helpful, depending on your level of need. Another option is to work with a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner. SE Practitioners should be Polyvagal-informed and can be therapists or coaches. Somatic Experiencing is a trauma treatment modality anyone can train in and utilize. Take Polyvagal-informed courses. This next option isn't therapy, but it might be good for you, depending on your needs. If you do well with learning new concepts and being guided in a course structure, then consider purchasing and joining a Polyvagal-informed course. The main source for the Polyvagal Theory and education is the Polyvagal Institute. They offer numerous courses, many for providers, but may have something for those just looking to deepen their learning. This page has options ranging from $50-300 for beginners. I also have free Polyvagal learning on my site. My Polyvagal Intro is a great place to start, and it's free. I have two more Polyvagal-informed courses, plus a private community, to take things further into trauma recovery and living with more emotional freedom. All my Polyvagal-informed trauma recovery courses and my private community can be accessed through one subscription in the Total Access Membership. Is there a risk to working with a Polyvagal Therapist? I believe there is no greater risk to working with a Polyvagal-informed therapist than any other therapist. The Polyvagal Theory is a scientific foundation, not a modality. The PVT does not prescribe what to do in therapy. So the therapist is still very much guided by their therapeutic modality. Conversely, if a Polyvagal-informed therapist misapplies their knowledge of the PVT, this could lead to problems. For example, suppose the therapist misunderstands the difference between shutdown and freeze. In that case, they may recommend unhelpful interventions or even worsen things. But this applies to any therapist using any piece of knowledge or modalities. I recommend that you work with a Polyvagal-informed therapist that can focus on your direct experience in the present moment. The PVT is great as foundational knowledge and can act as a springboard or a common language between therapist and practitioner. But ultimately, the therapist can only work with what the client is bringing to them. A good therapist can work compassionately with their client in the here and now, no matter their training or knowledge base. They can clearly share their thinking process and work together on the necessary steps with their client. I'm a Therapist & I was Wrong About Trauma Recovery. When I first learned the Polyvagal Theory and the autonomic aspects of trauma recovery, I got something wrong... Read more here > Q&A Q: What is Polyvagal Theory, and how does it relate to trauma recovery? A: Polyvagal Theory is a scientific framework that helps us understand the autonomic nervous system's response to stress and trauma. It provides insights into how our bodies react and offers strategies for recovery and regulation. Q: How can a Polyvagal-informed therapist benefit me? A: A Polyvagal-informed therapist understands the autonomic nervous system's role in your experiences and helps create a safe and present environment for healing. They offer co-regulation, meet you where you're at, and deeply comprehend your experiences through a Polyvagal lens. Q: What if I can't find a Polyvagal Therapist in my area? A: If you can't find a specialized Polyvagal Therapist, you can introduce Polyvagal work to your current therapist and explore its benefits together. Additionally, considering a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner or a Polyvagal-informed Coach can be helpful alternatives. Quotes from this blog: The [Polyvagal]Theory has become very popular in trauma recovery, providing an understanding of trauma that does not rely on abstract psychological concepts like "parts," "archetypes," or a "shadow self." A Polyvagal-informed Therapist will be able to deeply understand their clients' present-day experiences in light of their current and past circumstances. They will do so through the lens of the autonomic nervous system and their clients' shifting into and out of states of safety and defense. The Polyvagal Theory is a scientific foundation, not a modality. The PVT does not prescribe what to do in therapy. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Have you ever felt so overwhelmed that you just shut down emotionally and physically? Perhaps you've experienced a sudden loss of energy, a chronic feeling of numbness, or a disconnection from the world around you. These are all common symptoms of what's known as dorsal vagal shutdown, a physiological response to stress that can leave us feeling helpless and unable to cope. I'm guessing that's what brings you here. You probably think something is wrong with you or things won't improve. You may be feeling hopeless and helpless. But what exactly is dorsal vagal shutdown, and how can we recognize and manage it? In this blog, I'll dive deeply into the topic of dorsal vagal shutdowns and provide you with some concrete next steps. Whether you're a therapist, a coach, or simply someone interested in learning more about the human body and mind, this blog will provide valuable insights into an intriguing aspect of our physiology. I will also connect it to trauma and give you concrete next steps. Jump to a section: understanding dorsal vagal shutdown causes of dorsal vagal shutdown symptoms of dorsal vagal shutdown the experience of dorsal vagal shutdown the link between trauma and dorsal vagal shutdown coming out of a dorsal vagal shutdown strategies to overcome a dorsal vagal shutdown seeking professional help for dorsal vagal shutdown Understanding Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Dorsal vagal shutdown is a potential physiological response to stress that occurs when the body's autonomic nervous system (ANS) is activated. The ANS regulates many of the body's automatic functions, such as heart rate, breathing, and digestion. Basically, it regulates all the stuff we don't have to think about. According to Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory, the ANS has three main branches with three primary states the body can exist in. The three primary states of the body are: safety & social engagement, regulated by the ventral vagal branch flight & fight mobility, regulated by the sympathetic branch shutdown immobility, regulated by the dorsal vagal branch When the body is exposed to danger, the ANS shifts out of the safety state, the sympathetic flight/fight state is activated, and the body prepares to fight or flee. However, when the stress is too intense or prolonged, the body may shift into a dorsal vagal shutdown, a protective response that helps the body conserve energy and resources. In the shutdown state, the body's functions slow down significantly in an evolutionary attempt to appear dead. Heart rate and breathing slow down, digestion is inhibited, and the body may feel numb or disconnected. Causes of Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Various stressors, including physical trauma, emotional trauma, chronic stress, and illness can trigger dorsal vagal shutdown. Any situation that overwhelms the body's ability to cope can lead to dorsal vagal shutdown. For example, a car accident, a natural disaster, or a physical assault can all trigger this response. Similarly, ongoing stressors such as financial problems, relationship issues, or work-related stress can lead to a dorsal vagal shutdown. Of course, there are different presentations and symptoms of shutdown, which I will discuss in the next section. Chronically existing in a shutdown state won't be the same experience as entering shutdown in a life-threatening instance. In addition to external stressors, internal factors can contribute to dorsal vagal shutdown. For example, chronic pain, illness, or inflammation can activate the body's stress response and eventually trigger or contribute to a dorsal vagal shutdown. Similarly, unresolved emotional issues such as past trauma or grief can also contribute to this response. Symptoms of Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Dorsal vagal shutdown can manifest in various ways, depending on the individual and the situation. Shutdown can outwardly look obvious, but it can also be more hidden and difficult to detect. Outwardly in a moment of life threat, someone in a dorsal vagal shutdown will physically collapse and go limp. The evolutionary benefit is to mimic death so a predator ignores the organism and instead focuses on another prey. But the shutdown triggered by ongoing stress is more difficult to detect. Some common symptoms of dorsal vagal shutdown include: numbness or dissociation feeling disconnected from reality or other people low energy or fatigue slow heart rate or breathing digestive problems or nausea These symptoms can be distressing and interfere with daily functioning, making it difficult to work, socialize, or engage in self-care activities. The experience of chronic dorsal vagal shutdown My therapy clients consistently describe their dorsal vagal shutdown in similar ways. Their lived experience is like being all alone in a dark room. They say they are lying down on the floor of the dark room, limp and without energy. They often describe the dark room as a black, endless void without walls—the feeling of aloneness and the lack of energy permeate. The dark room description is one possible experience in a chronic dorsal vagal shutdown. Yes, it probably sounds like depression. The Polyvagal Theory hypothesizes that being stuck in a shutdown autonomic state may underlie depression. The Link Between Trauma and Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Trauma and dorsal vagal shutdown go hand-in-hand. To understand this, let's first understand what "trauma" is. What trauma is Imagine two people sitting in the back seat of a car. A third person is driving and crashes the car head-first into a tree. Both of the backseat passengers have gone through the same basic event. But they may have very different immediate and future reactions to it. Passenger A may leave that accident, check to ensure safety, and breathe a sigh of relief. Passenger B, on the other hand, may not. Passenger B may be stuck in a traumatized state and unable to immediately get back to a baseline where they can breathe that sigh of relief. Passenger B may be terrified whenever they get into a car for months, while Passenger A does not feel those effects. Traumatic events have immediate and long-lasting effects on the state of the Autonomic Nervous System. In our car crash example, Passengers A & B both probably initially panicked, freezing their entire body and bracing for impact. Passenger A may have been able to physically leave the crash and self-regulate back into their safety state once the initial danger had passed. Passenger B may have gotten trapped in the car, and their door was unable to open. Their frozen state did not subside; they remained in that defensive state and could not exit it. On top of that, let's assume that Passenger B was ridiculed for the way their body responded to the event. Or that loved one's in B's life said they did not believe B had been through the accident. Different people can react differently to similar experiences. Two individuals may have distinct immediate and long-term responses to the same event, just like our passengers. I actually collected all of my trauma content for you in the free Members' Center. Sign up as a site member to access my collected content about trauma and more. The point - Trauma is not the event. Trauma is the impact of the event. Trauma is also the lack of events, like when a parent does not provide the basics to form a healthy attachment with their child. More specifically - Trauma is being stuck in a defensive state. Trauma is the inability to access the ventral vagal autonomic pathways responsible for safety and social engagement. How Dorsal Vagal Shutdown Contributes to Trauma The dorsal vagal shutdown state is one of the ANS' potential defensive states. One can be traumatized and stuck in any of the Polyvagal defensive states. These are all of the Polyvagal defensive states: flight/fight shutdown freeze Chronic disruption of connectedness - Shutdown My therapy clients often get stuck in a dorsal vagal shutdown state by repeatedly being cut off from safe others. This path of trauma usually results from some form of abuse when younger. But being cut off from safe others can also occur in domestic violence situations or hostage situations. These are situations that the individual cannot run away from or fight against. The individual may enter a dorsal vagal shutdown dominant state if these defensive strategies are unsuccessful. Acute life threat reaction - Freeze But another path of trauma could also lead to dorsal vagal activation - acute life-threat reaction. In this path of trauma, an individual's ANS shifts into flight/fight, but cannot utilize the impulse to escape or be aggressive. While this individual is in flight/fight, they are also immobilized through force or perception. The immobilization of flight/fight creates a mixed state - freeze. Freeze is the combination of flight/fight and shutdown activation. Sympathetic plus dorsal vagal shutdown. Mobilization plus immobilization. A panic attack is an excellent example of freeze. If someone is immobilized while in flight/fight, they risk being left in a traumatized state. The immobility of dorsal vagal shutdown freezes their flight/fight activation into their system. This activation may lay dormant until triggered by reminders of the context of the trauma. Frozen activation could also present itself through flashbacks, panic attacks, or explosive rage. Freeze and shutdown are different, though they both involve immobilization. Coming out of a chronic dorsal vagal shutdown Evolutionarily, it's possible to come out of a dorsal vagal shutdown. This Polyvagal state evolved within us as a survival function. Shutdown is intended to increase the chances of survival in the face of life threat by going into an immobile state and conserving the body's resources and slowing down its processes. Wild animals can come out of a shutdown death feign. They are able to shift up their Polyvagal ladder into their sympathetic fight state. If they can successfully utilize their fight energy, they can further climb their ladder into flight and then into their safety state. Shutdown evolved to be a state we enter into and come out of in brief periods of time. However, humans enter shutdown and remain in shutdown. There are many reasons we stay stuck, like things we do to ourselves and things we do to each other. Coming out of a chronic dorsal vagal shutdown is not quick for us. Instead, we need to slowly emerge from shutdown. Our sympathetic flight/fight energy will enter our system as we do so. The return of sympathetic energy can be overwhelming for people, which stops the process and sends them back into shutdown. We often turn to behavioral adaptations as a means to cope with the discomfort of coming out of shutdown. However, we need to move beyond these behavioral adaptations. And even beyond coping or managing the experiences. Instead, someone in shutdown needs to embrace mindfulness and access their state of safety. Strategies to Recover from Dorsal Vagal Shutdown A dorsal vagal shutdown does not need to be permanent. It is generally possible to live a more connected and fulfilling life. Co-regulation & connection I had the pleasure of interviewing Deb Dana, and she provided a beautiful analogy of coming out of shutdown, comparing it to a turtle coming out of its shell. To get a turtle to come out of the shell, you don't knock on its shell and you don't shake them... You just kinda sit there patiently... But you really have to be beaming that ventral vagal energy to that system. She's saying someone in shutdown cannot be forced out of shutdown. Instead, they need to know it's safe to emerge from the shutdown. "Knowing" does not refer a cognitive knowing. It refers to a biological knowing; of receiving cues of safety from the external environment through neuroception. Cues of safety from a safe other come through co-regulation. When Deb says we need to "beam" safety state cues to someone in shutdown, she is referring to this. So if someone in shutdown can connect with safe others that provide them with a sense of safety, this can be helpful. However, this can be difficult, especially for someone in shutdown. So the next option might be a better starting point. Passive safety cues from the environment I recommend starting with the environment you live in. It's possible to increase the cues of safety that your system detects. Passive safety cues are signals from the environment that are neurocepted as safe. They are cues that provide calm to your body. Everything around you right now is affecting your Polyvagal state. Pieces of your environment such as: lighting sound smells proximity and more These and many more passive environmental cues are detected as either more or less safe. For the most part, they're probably benign and don't have a major impact on your feelings of calm. But they might have a significant impact. For example, you might be in an environment that provides you with lots of safety cues. But imagine hearing a train blaring its horn outside of your window. This would probably have a significant impact on your level of relaxation and calm. Extreme example, I know. Let's try another one. Imagine you have a great environment you feel safe in, like a beach. But then, someone invades your space. Your feelings of safety will lessen depending on your relationship with that person and their proximity to you. The point - Environmental cues like proximity and lighting can impact your access to your safety state. Take this idea and apply it to your home environment. Do an assessment of your home and identify what cues provide you with more feelings of safety and which diminish your safety experiences. It's possible to manipulate your environment to provide more passive safety cues. In my Building Safety Anchors course, this is covered in much more detail and I give you specific steps to address to create your own personal safety cue environment. Mindfully experience the passive safety cues. After setting up more safety cues, the next step is to experience them mindfully. Allow yourself to feel a sense of calm and safety. Experience your connection with your external environment. Mindfully allow the dorsal vagal shutdown experience from safety. If you can mindfully connect with your environment, the next step is to allow slight dorsal vagal activation. This is easier than it sounds. In shutdown, the body immobilizes. So allow yourself to immobilize. Allow yourself to be immobile while taking in your passive safety cues mindfully. In shutdown, the environment is typically overwhelming and overstimulating. So listen to this and reduce stimulation. Then experience what it's like to be immobile while safe, with lower stimulation. If you allow a mindful experience of your shutdown, then your body's natural capacity to self-regulate can emerge. As you exit shutdown, your flight/fight energy will return to your system. Seeking Professional Help for Dorsal Vagal Shutdown If you're experiencing symptoms of dorsal vagal shutdown, seeking professional help and guidance is important. A mental health professional or other healthcare provider can help you understand the underlying causes of your symptoms and develop a personalized treatment plan to address them. If you need therapy, find a therapist. I recommend a Polyvagal-informed one if you can find one. There is hope in coming out of shutdown! Existing in a chronic dorsal vagal shutdown is tough, I know. Shutdown has been my "home away from home" my entire life. It's possible to come out of it, though it is a long process. Thanks for reading this blog. I hope you found it informative and have some next steps on what you can do. I created a course and community to help you get relief from your stuck dorsal vagal shutdown state. The courses teach you how to get unstuck, and the community supports you. And better yet, you can get the courses and the community for one subscription through Stuck Not Broken: Total Access. If you want to learn more, click the button below. Do you trust in your ability to self-regulate? As a biological organism, you are compelled to self-regulate. You must. However, trauma gets in the way. Do you still have trust that you can self-regulate? Read more here > Q&A Q: What is dorsal vagal shutdown? A: Dorsal vagal shutdown is a physiological response to stress where the body conserves energy and resources by slowing down its functions, leading to symptoms such as numbness, disconnection, and low energy. Q: What causes dorsal vagal shutdown? A: Various stressors, including physical and emotional trauma, chronic stress, and illness, can trigger dorsal vagal shutdown. Internal factors like chronic pain and unresolved emotional issues can also contribute to this response. Q: How can I recover from dorsal vagal shutdown? A: Recovery involves co-regulation and connection with safe others, enhancing passive safety cues in your environment, mindfully experiencing these cues, and gradually allowing slight dorsal vagal activation while feeling safe and supported. Quotes from this blog: Shutdown evolved to be a state we enter into and come out of in brief periods of time. However, humans enter shutdown and remain in shutdown. Trauma is not the event. Trauma is the impact of the event. Trauma is also the lack of events, like when a parent does not provide the basics to form a healthy attachment with their child. In shutdown, the environment is typically overwhelming and overstimulating. So listen to this and reduce stimulation. Then experience what it's like to be immobile, while safe, with lower stimulation. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.