Unstucking from Lifelong Freeze: Janie's Journey to Safety
- Justin Sunseri, LMFT
- Jun 24, 2025
- 6 min read
Updated: Apr 30
You've learned the Polyvagal Theory and can now recognize yourself as being stuck in a defensive state. Now you're wondering what to do next.
Is it Possible to Get Unstuck?
Is it really possible to get unstuck, especially from a chronic, lifelong freeze? Can you genuinely build your body’s capacity for safety after a lifetime without it?
These questions are not just academic; they are deeply personal. The answers can feel out of reach. That’s why I want to share a story from a member of the Unstucking Academy, Janie.
She volunteered to share her journey of successfully unstucking from a lifelong freeze, offering her story, her tools, and her hard-won wisdom.
What Being "Stuck" Felt Like
Janie began by describing her baseline state for most of her life as freeze.
I would say in general terms, it was more or less a freeze. Sometimes maybe dorsal, sometimes maybe flight, depending on my age and circumstances. But I really had very little acquaintance with ventral vagal, given my early circumstances.
This lifelong freeze wasn't just a concept; it had real-world consequences. A major turning point came after her husband, who had been a source of safety and connection, passed away.
After my husband died, no tears would come. I was numb. I mean, it's okay to be numb for a short time, but I was numb for five years and I said, 'Something is stuck in here.' I'm emotionally frozen.
Another decisive moment of realization occurred during a women's retreat in Hawaii. A ceremony there unexpectedly surfaced a core wound of feeling unloved, sending her into a deep spiral of shame. That raw, painful experience became the catalyst. It was a messy, difficult "unstucking," but it was the moment she knew she had to get help.
She reached out to a therapist.
The Path to Freeze State Recovery: Tools and Practices
Getting unstuck is a process; it is not a single event. For Janie, it involved finding the right support and committing to consistent practices.
1. Finding the Right Therapy
Her first therapist, while kind, used Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which wasn't the right fit. She was eventually referred to a trauma specialist trained in Somatic Experiencing. This changed everything.
We were dispensing of the stories from pretty much the get-go. Her particular protocol is just gazing, being very present, supplying her spirit of generosity, her mirroring... She likened it to a plant that has completely dried up... it will take some time for me to start being able to absorb those wonderful, relational, ventral vagal vibes from her.
2. The Power of Co-Regulation
One of the most critical pieces of Janie's journey has been connecting with a small, dedicated group of women. This is not group therapy; it is a structured, supportive space for co-regulation.
We are sharing with each other what is kind of moving through our system... Then the other members mirror back to us what we have said in a way that is to aid us to clarify what our process is. And to offer connection, support, complete acceptance, affection, encouragement.
3. Daily Rituals and Deepening Insight
Janie integrated daily practices to ground her system and build self-awareness.
Meditation: Using Dan Siegel's Wheel of Awareness to connect with a deeper sense of self.
Learning: Reading books by authors like Lindsay Gibson (Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents helped demystify her experience and remove self-blame.
Nightly Ritual: An "acknowledgement meditation" in bed to quiet her mind, tune into her felt sense, and process the day.
4. A Nervous System "Transplant"
Janie also experienced the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP), which she described as feeling like a "nervous system transplant." It provided a powerful, tangible experience of a "10 out of 10" safety state, serving as a touchstone for her nervous system to return to.
Transformation: From a 1 to a 10
After years of dedicated work, the change is huge. Janie used to live at a 1 or 2 out of 10 on the safety scale, in a constant state of anxiety.
Today, her baseline is a 5 to 7 out of 10. The anxiety is almost gone, and she can now access a 10 out of 10. What does that feel like?
It's fantastic. It's a place where I can kind of spread out internally. I don't feel constricted. It offers a clarity of thought, a certain kind of vitality and interest in life... It's a place of safety and affection.
This isn't just an internal feeling. It shows up in her life.
She shared a story about a neighbor who used to intimidate her. Recently, when he voiced an opinion about her property, she didn't shrink. She assessed the situation and realized she didn't need to feel intimidated. The discomfort was gone.
The deep, meaningful connections she’s built are now sustaining her.
Those connections, those meaningful connections are very sustaining. That sustaining nature carries itself through situations that used to cause me anxiety and have me freeze up.
Janie's Advice for You
I asked Janie for one piece of practical advice for someone who is stuck. Her answer gets to the heart of the matter.
1. Find a Buddy and Co-Regulate
Reach out to somebody to have regular conversations about this stuff. It's one thing to get it cognitively, but for the nervous system to relearn, it needs to occur in relationship. There must be a degree of co-regulation.
2. Honor Your Own Pace
Honoring one's own pace is crucial. It's the wisdom of the nervous system—it will let you know when something is moving too quickly or if you’re pressing too hard. When one works alongside it, it will find its way. It really has our best interests at heart.
You're Stuck, Not Broken
Janie's freeze state recovery story is a powerful testament that you are stuck, not broken.
Her success continually comes back to two pillars: safety and co-regulation.
She found these in her therapist, her women's group, her SSP experience, and the Unstucking Academy.
Even when virtual, a connection remains a connection. It may not be ideal, but it is far better than nothing and a powerful supplement to other safety-building practices.
Your Next Steps
I challenge you to examine your own life. I bet you have connections right at your fingertips that you're neglecting. An old friend, a family member, or a neighbor. A text or phone call is better than silence. Perhaps you're already in a community, whether free or paid, that you've been overlooking.
Maybe it’s time to take advantage of what’s already in front of you.
Build connections and work at your own pace in the Unstucking Academy.
In the Unstucking Academy, you gain the knowledge you need through my clear and simple coursework and connections with others so you're never alone. As Janie recommends, you can work at your own pace—learn and implement when you're ready.
Q&A
Q: What were the key tools and practices that aided in the recovery from a lifelong freeze state?
A: The recovery process involved several critical components: finding a trauma specialist trained in Somatic Experiencing, co-regulating with a small and supportive group, and integrating daily rituals like meditation and learning. A profound experience with the Safe and Sound Protocol (SSP) also provided a tangible reference point for what deep safety feels like.
Q: How did the experience of safety change after dedicated freeze state recovery work?
A: Before the work, the baseline was a 1 or 2 out of 10 on the safety scale, characterized by constant anxiety. Afterward, the baseline shifted to a 5 to 7 out of 10, with anxiety almost gone. A "10 out of 10" became accessible, described as a state of internal spaciousness, clarity of thought, vitality, and comfort.
Q: What is the primary advice for someone who is currently stuck?
First, find someone to co-regulate with, because the nervous system relearns through relationship. Second, honor your own pace and trust the wisdom of your nervous system, as it knows when you are pushing too hard and will find its own way toward healing.
Quotes from this Blog:
Getting unstuck is a process, not a single event.
Her success continually came back to two pillars: safety and co-regulation.
You're stuck. Not broken.
Author Bio:
Justin Sunseri is a licensed Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and authored the Stuck Not Broken book series. Justin is passionate about the Polyvagal Theory and proudly serves on the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.
