Are You Stuck in Survival Mode? A Path Forward When You Feel Trapped.
- Justin Sunseri, LMFT
- Jun 17
- 6 min read
Life can throw things at us that knock us completely off balance. A stressful event, a painful breakup, or a period of intense pressure can leave us feeling like a stranger in our own bodies, operating in a constant state of high alert.
This experience was powerfully shared by a 17-year-old listener of the Stuck Not Broken podcast, who we'll call "Chuck." His story is a perfect illustration of what it feels like to be stuck in survival mode, and his journey to understand it offers a map for anyone feeling lost in a similar state.
A Story of Stuck in Survival Mode
Chuck reached out to share his experience after his first serious relationship ended, and he felt like he was stuck in survival mode.
The relationship itself was intensely stressful, triggering an anxious attachment style he didn't even know he had, he told me. He bravely decided to end the relationship, recognizing it was more than he could handle.
But the relief he hoped for never came. Nine months later, he described his life as a "living hell."
I've been experiencing constant anxiety symptoms... along with fatigue, dizziness, extreme overthinking, persistent worry, high stress, headaches, migraines, weakened immunity, intrusive thoughts, physical weakness, appetite changes, tightness in my chest, and a constant sense of carrying a heavy emotional weight and tension with me wherever I go. I'm overly reactive, constantly on edge, jumpy and stuck in a mindset where it feels like nothing will ever change, like I'm trapped forever. I feel helpless and extremely hopeless.
First, let's acknowledge the immense courage it takes to recognize when something is too much and to take steps to care for yourself, as Chuck did. That is an incredible act of self-awareness.
Decoding the Signals: A Polyvagal Perspective
Chuck’s description is a masterclass in the language of a dysregulated nervous system. While I can't (nor will) diagnose from a distance, we can use the lens of Polyvagal Theory to understand the patterns.
When I hear phrases like "I'm trapped," "helpless," and "hopeless," my mind immediately goes to the Freeze state.
Freeze is a hybrid state of high activation (the sympathetic fight/flight system is floored) and immobilization (the dorsal vagal shutdown system puts on the brakes).
Many of Chuck's symptoms point toward this complex state:
Constant Anxiety & Tension: This could be the high sympathetic activation of freeze, a low-level panic that's always humming in the background.
Fatigue & Physical Weakness: People in a chronic freeze state often cycle between the high-energy tension of being "on" and the subsequent crash into exhaustion and shutdown.
Extreme Overthinking & Intrusive Thoughts: The mind races, trying to find a way out of the perceived trap.
Tightness in the Chest: A classic sign of both anxiety (sympathetic) and the immobilization of freeze.
Chuck also mentioned that despite this internal war, he could still function—go to school, hang out with friends, and even laugh. This is incredibly common. A stuck defensive state doesn't mean you are debilitated 24/7.
When you're with friends, their smiles, laughter, and presence act as cues of safety, temporarily dialing down the defensive activation and allowing your true self to emerge.
The Most Important Step (Even If You Don't Know Your State)
Chuck felt stuck and couldn't definitively name his state. And he's not alone. Many people find it difficult to pinpoint exactly where they are on the polyvagal ladder.
Here is the most important takeaway: You don't have to know your exact defensive state to begin healing.
If you know you're dysregulated, you also know you don't have enough safety activation. Therefore, the most powerful, effective, and essential first step is to practice feeling safe.
Building the strength of your ventral vagal safety state is the foundation for everything else. It calms the defensive systems, allows for clearer thinking, and creates the capacity to handle the difficult emotions that arise.
You're Stuck. Not Broken.
It's easy to feel broken when your internal world is in turmoil. But from a polyvagal perspective, you are not broken. You are stuck.
Your nervous system is deploying ancient, adaptive survival strategies that are no longer serving you in the present moment. This means things are not hopeless, and you are not helpless.
Many people wish they could "get back to their old self." But was that old self truly regulated? Or were they just coping better, using strategies to numb or ignore the dysregulation that was already there?
Instead of going back, the goal is to move forward. To become the version of yourself that has more capacity for safety, connection, peace, and mindfulness. We don't know exactly who that person is yet, and that's a beautiful thing.
Your Path Forward out of Stuck in Survival Mode: A Simple, Daily Practice
So, where do you begin? You start small. You start with hope. You are already learning, reflecting, and seeking help—that is the opposite of helpless.
The next step is to intentionally and consistently practice safety.
Describe, Don't Explain:
When you feel "anxious" or "overwhelmed," try to move away from the story (explaining) and into the body (describing). What does it feel like? "A tightness in my chest, a buzzing in my hands, a hollow feeling in my stomach." This connects you to your direct experience without judgment.
Start a Mini-Practice:
The goal is not to eliminate the defensive feelings, but to balance them with safety moments. Your next step is simple but potentially life-changing:
Once a day, for just 30 seconds, intentionally use one of your senses. Here are a few examples:
Sight: Really look at the intricate pattern on a leaf.
Sound: Close your eyes and just listen to the birds outside your window.
Touch: Feel the texture of your shirt or the warmth of a mug in your hands.
This isn't about fixing anything. It's about giving your nervous system a 30-second anchor in the safety of the present moment. That is an avenue for hope. That is how you begin to build a new foundation, one moment at a time.
Thank you, Chuck, for your vulnerability. Your story is a reminder that even in our darkest moments, we are not broken, and a path toward safety is always available.
The Unstucking Academy
If you're new to the Polyvagal Theory, looking to deepen your learning, and want to connect with others, then the Foundations Membership is just for you - learn through two courses, join Justin and others in a monthly Q&A, and discuss with others in the forum so you're never alone.
Q&A
Q: What is the "Freeze" state from a Polyvagal perspective?
A: Freeze is a hybrid state where the sympathetic (fight/flight) system is highly activated while the immobilizing dorsal vagal (shutdown) system is also engaged.
Q: Why can I still laugh with friends and seem to function normally if my nervous system is stuck in a defensive state?
A: This is very common. The presence of friends—their smiles, laughter, and engagement—can act as powerful cues of safety. These cues temporarily dial down the defensive activation, allowing your more authentic, socially engaged self (your ventral vagal state) to emerge for a while.
Q: What is the most effective first step to take when you feel stuck in survival mode?
A: The most essential first step is to intentionally and consistently practice feeling safe. Since any dysregulated state means you don't have enough safety activation, building the strength of your ventral vagal safety state is the foundation for calming the defensive systems and creating the capacity for healing.
Is there a place for me to go to learn more about the Polyvagal Theory and connect with others?
Yes! The Foundations Membership in the Unstucking Academy is the perfect place. You can learn through two courses, join Justin and others in a monthly Q&A, and discuss with others in the forum.
Quotes from this Blog:
You don't have to know your exact defensive state to begin healing.
From a polyvagal perspective, you are not broken. You are stuck.
Instead of going back, the goal is to move forward. To become the version of yourself that has more capacity for safety, connection, peace, and mindfulness.
Author Bio:
Justin Sunseri is a licensed Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and authored the Stuck Not Broken book series. Justin is passionate about the Polyvagal Theory and proudly serves on the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.
