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ADHD is often misunderstood as a static diagnosis, but what if there’s more to it? Could the symptoms of ADHD be linked to the states of our nervous system? In this post, we’ll explore ADHD through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, breaking down how sympathetic arousal might underpin many ADHD behaviors. A Sympathetic Game: Flight, Fight, or Both? When we think of ADHD, terms like inattention , hyperactivity , and impulsivity  come to mind. But these aren’t isolated behaviors—they emerge from our nervous system’s state. As you read, ask yourself: are these behaviors more indicative of a fight  response, a flight  response, or both? Let’s explore the two core symptom clusters: 1. Inattention: Sympathetic Activation or Shutdown? ADHD’s inattention symptoms include: Failing to pay close attention to details. Trouble holding attention on tasks or play. Not listening when spoken to directly. Trouble organizing tasks or activities. From a Polyvagal perspective, inattention could stem from either sympathetic activation  (flight/fight) or shutdown . For example: A flight state might lead to distraction or an inability to focus, driven by hypervigilance. Shutdown, however, presents as a checked-out, dissociative state—often mistaken for “daydreaming.” But ADHD isn’t typically marked by the lethargy of shutdown. Instead, there’s an energy  to ADHD inattention, suggesting a sympathetic root. 2. Hyperactivity and Impulsivity: A Sympathetic Overflow Symptoms of hyperactivity and impulsivity include: Fidgeting or squirming. Leaving seats when it’s inappropriate. Excessive talking or interrupting others. These behaviors clearly suggest sympathetic arousal —a body in flight or fight mode. For instance: Flight might appear as a constant need to move, such as pacing or fidgeting. Fight could manifest in interrupting others or blurting out answers—behaviors tied to impatience or defensiveness. The Polyvagal Ladder: A Guide to Understanding ADHD According to Polyvagal Theory, our nervous system exists along a ladder of states: Safe and Social : Calm, connected, and present. Sympathetic (Flight/Fight) : Energized and activated. Shutdown : Collapsed, disconnected, or dissociative. ADHD behaviors often occur in the  sympathetic zone , where the energy to focus is scattered. When safety and mindfulness are added, this energy can transform into motivation, productivity, creativity, and play . Recommended free resource: Polyvagal Ladder ADHD and Polyvagal Theory: Practical Tips to Help Manage ADHD isn’t just about managing symptoms; it’s about understanding the nervous system. Here’s how mindfulness and movement can help: Fidget with Awareness : Tools like stress balls or infinity cubes can help discharge energy, but the key is mindfulness. Pay attention to how your body feels as you use them. Focus on the sensory experience of fidgeting. Structured Movement : When done mindfully, physical activity can release stuck energy. For example, walking while focusing on the sensation of your feet can ground and calm you. Cues of Safety : Safe environments with supportive co-regulation—like therapy or engaging with a trusted person—can help passively regulate ADHD symptoms. The Role of Co-Regulation in ADHD Cues of safety  can help reduce ADHD symptoms. In therapy, I’ve observed children and adults diagnosed with ADHD calm significantly during sessions, suggesting their environment and co-regulation play a key role in reducing symptoms. Why is this? The cues of safety from the environment and the co-regulation from a therapist activate the ventral vagal safety pathways, reducing the impact of sympathetic activation. ADHD or Sympathetic Arousal? While ADHD is often labeled as a disorder, understanding its connection to Polyvagal Theory opens new pathways for compassion and management. Whether symptoms lean toward flight or fight, mindfulness and safe relationships can help shift behaviors toward a more regulated state. Further reading Complete DSM and Polyvagal Theory episode list Adaptations to a Stuck Polyvagal State Reference American Psychiatric Association: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders , 5th edition. Arlington, VA., American Psychiatric Association, 2013 AD/HD Criteria from the CDC - https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/adhd/diagnosis.html Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach who specializes in trauma relief. He hosts the  Stuck Not Broken podcast  and is the author of the Stuck Not Broken book series . Justin is also a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board.

**Disclaimer: This information is NOT meant to diagnose. If you feel like you may be experiencing symptoms of obsessive compulsive disorder, consult with a mental health or medical professional. I am speaking in generalities. Your specific situation, diagnosis, treatment and medication are entirely between you and your provider. **This is how I am conceptualizing and would begin with a client, but every situation is very different in every way. OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER "Obsessive-Compulsive and Related Disorders (OCRDs)," which also includes body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), trichotillomania (hair-pulling disorder), excoriation (skin-picking) disorder, hoarding disorder, substance/medication-induced OCRD, OCRD due to another medical condition, and other specified OCRDs - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/24616177 These probably have similarities in polyvagal terms RUMINATION vs OBSESSIONS Obsessions are different than rumination in anxiety - Ruminating is simply repetitively going over a thought or a problem without completion. - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/depression-management-techniques/201604/rumination-problem-in-anxiety-and-depression Basically, rumination means that you continuously think about the various aspects of situations that are upsetting. - https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201002/rumination-problem-solving-gone-wrong Rumination is : stuck thought due to a stuck state. Stuck flight energy with no direction leads to anxiety which leads to repetitive thinking, searching for a solution but there is none. Because story follows state. Perceived danger trigger or stuck anxious state → Neuroception of danger leads ANS to shift into sympathetic flight energy. → Thoughts change to match. (“Story follows state”) → But there’s no actual danger, so the state gets stuck. Which means the thoughts get stuck as well. Different than an actual danger trigger, then shifting, then using the energy to get to safety Rumination is also grounded in real world events . It’s anxiety placed onto events from the real world, like with the recent coronavirus pandemic. Compare this to an obsessive thought : “I couldn’t do anything without my rituals. They invaded every aspect of my life. Counting really bogged me down. I would wash my hair three times because three was a good luck number for me. It took me longer to read because I’d have to count the lines in a paragraph. When I set my alarm at night, I had to set it to a time that wouldn’t add up to a ‘bad’ number.” “Getting dressed in the morning was tough because I had to follow my routine or I would become very anxious and start getting dressed all over again.” I always worried that if I didn’t follow my routine, my parents were going to die. These thoughts triggered more anxiety and more rituals. Because of the time I spent on rituals, I was unable to do a lot of things that were important to me. I couldn’t seem to overcome them until I got treatment.” https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/obsessive-compulsive-disorder-when-unwanted-thoughts-take-over/index.shtml An obsessive thought is disruptive of daily life, chronic, attached to a solution. (some links will take you to Amazon where I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you.) CRITERIA A: Presence of obsessions, compulsions, or both: Obsessions are defined by (1) and (2): 1. Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or impulses that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress. "Persistent thoughts" - "story follows state" ( Deb Dana ) If the state doesn’t change, the story stays The state is persistent, so the story is persistent But to a much higher degree than a ruminating thought Intense thoughts from intense stuck energy Persistent urges/impulses this seems like it should be under Compulsions since there is a somatic element of doing Extreme sympathetic flight/fight energy, probably freeze Critical thinking is not available when in a severe defensive state All or nothing thinking Also seems to be an element of shutdown , which would be present in freeze Thoughts are from the outside, perhaps a disconnection from the self when immobilized with sympathetic energy 2.The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion). Judgment and evaluation, rather than being with the self in the present moment Not easy in this situation and I generally don’t recommend crisis management as the only tx option Attempt to ignore, neutralize or suppress That’s part of the problem! Our general somatic experiences need to be felt, witnessed, noticed, loved, embraced and allow to go through their process. It’s the opposite of ignoring, neutralizing or suppressing I’m not exactly recommending the person dx’d with OCD to just sit with their feelings, it might be too much, but it’s something that can be worked towards Flight/panic energy → Do this thing, so something in the future doesn’t happen = future oriented, anxious/panicky We need to be in the present moment both physically and mentally Physical bodies are always in the present moment, we need our emotional and cognitive selves to be in the present moment also Compulsions are defined by (1) and (2): 1. Repetitive behaviors (e.g., hand washing, ordering, checking) or mental acts (e.g., praying, counting, repeating words silently) that the individual feels driven to perform in response to an obsession or according to rules that must be applied rigidly. Rules = control When in flight/panic, we need things to be definite, predictable Rules can be a part of this - predictability, order Misdirected energy There is an urge to do something to relieve the distress We all do this on some level, like working out, tapping our feet, grinding our teeth But we have to do so mindfully for the energy to actually discharge The rules create a channel for the energy, but not an exit Like a pipe that feeds right back into itself There may be a sense of momentary completion, but not of relief or actual energy discharge 2.The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing anxiety or distress, or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not connected in a realistic way with what they are designed to neutralize or prevent, or are clearly excessive. Preventing or reducing anxiety or distress Versus welcoming the underlying body sensations Anxiety or distress are conscious experiences, but there’s more underneath But we have to be in the moment to access that. With obsessions, it’s about the future, preventing something... Preventing some dreaded event or situation Again the difference between and anxious rumination and OCD reality-based thoughts CRITERIA D. The disturbance is not better explained by the symptoms of another mental disorder (e.g., excessive worries, as in generalized anxiety disorder; preoccupation with appearance, as in body dysmorphic disorder; difficulty discarding or parting with possessions, as in hoarding disorder; hair pulling, as in trichotillomania [hair-pulling disorder]; skin picking, as in excoriation [skin-picking] disorder; stereotypies, as in stereotypic movement disorder; ritualized eating behavior, as in eating disorders; preoccupation with substances or gambling, as in substance-related and addictive disorders; preoccupation with having an illness, as in illness anxiety disorder; sexual urges or fantasies, as in paraphilic disorders; impulses, as in disruptive, impulse-control, and conduct disorders; guilty ruminations, as in major depressive disorder; thought insertion or delusional preoccupations, as in schizophrenia spectrum and other psychotic disorders; or repetitive patterns of behavior, as in autism spectrum disorder). Yet comorbidity is common: Depression being the most common comorbidity MDD is 10x more prevalent in OCD clients than general population https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3243905/ “depressive symptoms seem to be more strongly associated with obsessive than with compulsive symptoms” Also much higher in Bipolar Disorder clients than general population Suggesting the element of shutdown, which is present in freeze as well Specify if: With good or fair insight : The individual recognizes that obsessive-compulsive disorder beliefs are definitely or probably not true or that they may or may not be true. Reminds me of someone who is doing some level of their own work, whatever that looks like Part of the problem of insight based therapy without the somatic pieces attached to it So they get it on some level, but their stories persist, due to a stuck state With poor insight: The individual thinks obsessive-compulsive disorder beliefs are probably true. With absent insight/delusional beliefs : The individual is completely convinced that obsessive-compulsive disorder beliefs are true. HOMEWORK - Practice being in the moment outside of a crisis Focus on the thing that brings you joy, peace, connection or calm MESSAGE FROM A SUPER FAN I’ve just said to my 9 year old daughter, ‘we’re going to listen to Brene today whilst we’re building the desks.’ Her reply, ‘ah why can we not listen to the guy. I like him better.’ Turns out she was talking about you. Shrug emoji, laugh emoji, orange heart emoji -Anonymous

I have recently become pretty much in love with fidgets. I know they look like they're toys... and, well, they are. But they're more than that! And they're just as valuable for kiddos as they are for adults. (Some links will take you to my Amazon Influencer store, where I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you.) We All Fidget Already So you know how you probably do something without being consciously aware of it? Okay, maybe not, since you're not consciously aware of it. But I'm talking about stuff like chewing your nails, tapping your foot/leg, clicking a pen, rolling your fingertips on the table or grinding your teeth. These are all movements that we do because there's some level of sympathetic charge within us. It's probably a mild level of flight/fight energy that comes along with being still too long (especially during a boring meeting. Which they all are). Or maybe we've got that energy stuck within us and it's attempting to discharge. Or maybe it's returning - your body being in a shutdown state and not having access to the energy previously. Either way, it's there, no matter what path that takes. When it comes to fidgets, these can be helpful during a meeting that's absolutely numbing your mind. Or for kids in a classroom that have a truly difficult time with being still. But they're also useful as a way to release some of that flight/fight energy, like an aid to meditation. If you've got a fidget and the time, you can fidget with a purpose and learn more about yourself with some curiosity. If you don't have a fidget, I've got some collected in my Amazon Influencer store. Fidget With a Purpose Fidgets are handy for having a purpose to the movement. It's an opportunity to consciously point that energy in a single direction. But the key here is to bring the conscious awareness to it. The mindfulness. If you can notice that energy on a more aware level, while it does its thing, you may notice some shifts happen. Breathing may become easier. More energy may emerge or go through. At least, that's what I have found for myself and the students I work with. When I really focus on the physical sensation of a fidget, those shifts happen. Same with my therapy clients. Don't just fidget with the fidgets. Have a purpose. I recommend first starting with the external senses. Like noticing the textures of the fidgets. The colors. The shapes. Then move to the internal sensations, like how your muscles feel when gripping them. And then how your breathing might change as you fidget. And then notice what thoughts pop into your mind. Memories or imaginings. As that physical stuff does its work, your thoughts are going to follow along with it and make some shifts of their own ("Story follows state." - Deb Dana ) Fidget With Curiosity And this is key. We can't enter into some mindful fidgetyness from a place of evaluation. Allow yourself to be curious. Not judgmental . Go in with an expectation of learning. Like you're entering a class that you're super excited about being a part of. And the best part of this class is there is no grade. You're just there to learn. But it's also okay to experiment. I think it's a great idea, actually. To hold these fidgets and do mini experiments. There is no right way to fidget. So when you hold something like this rubber ring , try to squeeze it with one hand, then pull it from both of your hands, then use both your hands and wring it like you're squeezing out water from a washrag. And then do whatever else pops into your head. And you might find that one of those ways feels more grounding or releasing than the others. And congrats, you've learned something new about yourself and what your nervous system likes. Everyone Fidgets Differently You can probably guess that the way one person works with a fidget is going to be super different from the next person. So when I use those rubber rings, I like to pull on them. But for many of my clients, when I recommend they do the same, they don't like it. It's not what they need. Same with the infinity cube - I love folding and unfolding it. But I get clients who try the same and are like, "That's it?" It just isn't for them, at least in that way. But come from a place of curiosity and you'll learn what works for you and what doesn't. There's one more level to make things more complex too.. We Fidget Based on State The energy that we have is going to be based on the polyvagal state that we are in. If we're in a flight energy place, the fidgeting might be more anxious and nervous. If we're in a fight place, it might be more tense, rigid and aggressive. And if we're shutdown, there might not be a whole lot of fidgeting going on at all. I pull on the rubber rings when I'm in more of an aggressive place and need to use my upper muscles in my chest and shoulders and arms. When my clients attempt to use them when they are in their fight state, they get worried about breaking it. I encourage them to try to break it and assure them if they do, it's okay. (No one has been able to break it so far.) But when I'm in a shutdown place, that same aggressive pull movement isn't helpful for me. I find that my clients who are in an anxious flight energy tend to gravitate toward things that are more challenging cognitively, like a Rubix cube , infinity cube , fidget cube , whatever these things are called or this ridiculously cool pen . Point Being Point being, we all fidget differently. And the most helpful fidgeting is probably going to be based on what state we are in, combined with the right fidget and then combined with mindfulness. And also combined with being in a safe environment. Therapy can be a great opportunity to do this, wile processing what comes up for you. But I also think doing so in your own private time and space is fine as well.

I don't exactly have the best of news on this one, but I have to be honest, as best I understand it. You can't change your parents. You don't control that. You can't change anyone, really. Anyone. Except for yourself, I suppose. That limitation is our bumper lane. We have to stay within those bumpers, or else we end up in the gutter of trying (and failing) to change someone. Still, though, you're dealing with a parent (or anyone) in a defensive state. That means they are stuck in a shut down and disconnected place, or a sympathetic angry or avoidant place. They don't have access to their safe and social system. This can be tremendously frustrating, painful, depressing, hurtful, rejecting and more. Take your pick, am I right? First thing is to work on you. Make sure you're in your best state, with as much of an anchor in safety and sociability as you can. If you're not there yet, that's your task. That's it. Once you get a stronger anchor in safe/social, the rest of this is going to make more sense and be more doable. When approaching a parent in their own defensive state, it needs to come from love. From curiosity. From compassion. Not from wanting to change them. Not from an agenda. If your motivation to reach out to a parent in a defensive state has something to do with, "I need them to..." or "If they would just..." or "Why won't they...?" , then you've probably got an agenda. That's not what curiosity sounds like. Nor compassion. Someone in their own safe/social system doesn't need something along those lines from someone else. They don't need anyone else to change , because they're already in a good place and they know that their own happiness is not dependent upon someone else's. If they find another to be toxic, they create distance, listening to their cues of danger they're picking up on. If they find another to be toxic, they create boundaries until it's safe. Until that person becomes safe to be around again. "I'm in a good place and I would love for you to join me, but you don't have to and I respect that" is what compassion sounds like to me. That sentiment has nothing to do with changing someone and is fully respectful of the other person's choices they make for their own life. When reaching out to a parent in a stuck defensive state, it may be helpful to look at it as an opportunity to make a brand new connection. As a new relationship without an agenda. Like with any new relationship, you'll be sensitive to potential danger cues. You won't give away too much or take too much either. Does this mean you somehow forget about any pains that this parent may have caused you? No, I don't think so. I think it's always important to honor our pasts. Your parent is probably the same person. Time doesn't necessarily change someone and we can exist in our states for a very, very long time. They're probably the same. But you're not. You may have a stronger safety anchor now. Or healthier boundaries. So when I say it may help to start over, that's what I mean. You're a different person. You see the world differently. You're more confident, self-assured, feel more connection. You're bringing this new version of you to your parent who is stuck. You're reintroducing yourself in a way. They're going to get to know you (if you allow it) and you're going to get to know them. We don’t control others. We can’t fix others. But we can be well. We can insist on it for our own sake. Insist on it , just for you, just for yourself. Or out loud if you need to. Put yourself first. You need to be the best version of yourself. Only then are you able to make stronger connections for your own children, to function better at work or have a healthier romantic relationship. All of these depend on you being the best you. You don't control your parent in a stuck state, but they don't control you either. No one does. Creating boundaries doesn't mean you're ending a relationship. To me, it's physical and emotional distance to create some safety for ourselves. It's not a complete disconnection (unless it needs to be) - just some distance. And the great news is that someone can earn their way back into our boundaries. If they're healthy, safe and making positive choices in their life, they might be able to earn that back. Be available for a loving relationship if you’re available for a loving relationship. Don't force it. You don't owe anything to them or anyone else. Stuck parents might use guilt, shame or blame to get you out of your healthy place. Trust yourself, enlist some support from someone else in their safety state. Trust in those danger cues your nervous system tells you about - check your gut, check your breathing, muscle tension and heart rate. It's difficult to create boundaries, especially when it comes to parents. But we're supposed to do this in adolescence. We're supposed to be working toward independence. Not all parents allow this process to happen. But it's supposed to. That's what we're wired to do. So you might not have done so during this time, but it's not too late. You're just a little late to the game, but you've arrived! You'll still love your parents. That doesn't have to change. But it might look different. You may love them so much that you're not willing to be a part of their defensive state anymore. You may love them so much that you're willing to be infinitely patient, without putting your life and well-being on hold.

Some links below will take you to an Amazon page where I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you- This was an absolutely incredible experience for me. I got to interview the one and only Deb Dana! I've broken down the entire chat below (which will match the audio better than the video), quoting some gold nuggets from her. I'd love to see how you benefited from her, so please leave a comment below. She is the second member of my Polyvagal Trinity that I have interviewed. If you haven't watched or listened to it already, give it a shot after this one. I highly recommend buying her book . It's a great breakdown of the PVT in easy to understand terms. If you're a therapist, it's a must own. Also this one . It's co-edited by her along with Dr Porges. In it, they've collected a wide range of essays where the PVT is applied: nursing, grief, therapy and more. It's a great one for those in the helping professions. And also her third book , which is good for clients or professionals. STORY FOLLOWS STATE :45 - “Your autonomic state comes to life and then the information is fed up to your brain and it’s your brain’s job to make sense of what’s happening in the body, so it makes up a story.” 1:46 - “You can see how the story changes dependent on the state, not depending on what I choose to think.“ 2:08 - Listening Through Three States Take a simple experience and then imagine that you’re looking at it through the 3 states and see what the story is that emerges 3:25 - Autonomic profile is created over our life span “Our preferred home is hopefully [safe/social]... we [also] have a home away from home… That’s where I visit. That’s where my system was shaped.” “I think we have a theme to our dysregulated stories.” 6:28 - “If you can look across the way and say, ‘oh, thats a dysregulated nervous system.. And if you can say, ‘it’s not that he doesn’t want to be in connection with me, it’s that his biology won’t let him right now,’ then that helps to give it a different story.” 6:54 - “We are story making beings, that’s what we do as humans. I’d like the story to be based in the biology. What’s your autonomic story, not what’s your cognitive story.” STORY vs BODY STATE 8:19 - Stories in therapy “I’d like for us to listen to your autonomic story, because I’ll bet you haven’t heard that one yet.” “I like to start by witnessing the nervous system story first.” BEFRIENDING 8:45 - “Gotta befriend, and so many of us have a hard time doing that. Befriending involves some self-compassion which is also hard to get to.” 9:15 - “Every behavior is in service of survival. No matter how crazy. Your nervous system has enacted something because it’s trying to keep your alive.” 9:35 - gety to know nervous system before befriending “When you’re in each state, to fill in the sentences - The world is and I am… Because those two sentences are the core beliefs that are at work when you are in that state.” 10:15 - “get to know, then get to befriend” “Of course I think everybody’s against me when i’m in sympathetic. Because moving into sympathetic - that’s the feeling - you’ve not become my enemy, not my friend. I no longer care about social engagement because my biology simply wants to keep me alive.” “If in sympathetic you’re my enemy, in dorsal you don’t exist. In dorsal, I’m just floating on my own out there somewhere.” 11:10 - “When we begin to take away some of that judgment, that self-criticism, then there’s room for curiosity. And curiosity is what you need in order to befriend.” DISCERNMENT 12:20 - “There have to be more cues of safety than danger in order for me to move into ventral.” 13:25 -”The adaptive response come out in response to cues of danger and often times what happens, there’s a cue of danger that has a bit of familiarity to something in the past and so my nervous system is going to go into that full blown response because it can’t discern.” 13:45 - “In this moment, in this place, with these people - is this intensity of response necessary? I get it was necessary then but i’m not sure it is now.” CLIMBING THE LADDER 14:30 - “In the beginning, for many people, climbing out of dorsal is really difficult... They need a co-regulator. They need somebody to accompany them.” 15:04 - a gentle return of energy to exit dorsal “To begin to leave dorsal, you have to travel through sympathetic… we have to have our energy used in an organized way and often in connection with somebody else.” 15:34 - “None of us are going to spend all of our time in ventral. That’s even not the goal. The goal is to be flexible in how you navigate between states.” 15:55 - “Your nervous system knows just how to do this, we are just reminding your nervous system. It knows the way back to ventral. And we’re going to keep doing it so it remembers it more easily.” 16:15 - “Our trauma stories live in sympathetic and dorsal. So when we hit those states our truma stories grab use. They come alive and grab us.” 17:10 - celebrate mobilization! TRANSPARENCY 17:40 - “Therapy is often this lovely, magical thing that happens, but it’s a mystery. I don’t want this to be a mystery to my clients. I want them to be active operators of their nervous systems.” 18:45 - “What I keep telling people is you think you can get away with not being regulated with your clients and you can’t because their nervous system knows it.” 19:00 - “We want our clients to be able to accurately identify when someone they’re with is dysregulated, but also accurately identify when they come back into connection. And those things are missing for many trauma survivors.” THE REACH OF THE POLYVAGAL THEORY 20:00 - how it took off and her role in it 20:50 - Clinical Applications of the Polyvagal Theory - (link is to Amazon item, where I will get a portion of the sale) https://amzn.to/2ZuowMD 22:00 - “It is our responsibility to be regulated and offer that regulation to our clients. Because otherwise they can’t engage in the process of change that they want. If we... broaden that into society, if we move through the world from a regulated place and offer that to others, the world will change.” GLIMMERS & GLOWS 22:40 - glimmers and glows in the 2nd book! 23:00 - “A glimmer is that micromoment [of safety]… 10-20 seconds… if we can notice a glimmer and hang out with it and really just invite it in, let it fill us and spend some time and listen to the story, then it becomes a glow.” 23:45 “If you don’t have some ventral flavor in your system, you’re not going to see the glimmers because you’re not set up to find them.” 24:25 - “In a survival response, why would you want to see something beautiful and regulated? That’s not going to keep you alive.” Make an intention to look for glimmers THE NERVOUS SYSTEM & HOPE FOR CHANGE 25:10 - Nature vs nurture and a default state 25:40 - “It’s that moment you enter the world. How were you met? Were you met in loving arms? Were you met with someone who was afraid? We think about generational legacy… and I like to simply look at the nervous system and say, “If my mom grew up in a family system that was dysregulated, then she was probably dysregulated. And if her mom grew up in a system that was dysregulated…” 26:15 - “We’re shaped over our experience. The nervous system is a system of relationship. It’s shaped in relationship with others. The beauty of that is it can be reshaped as we go.” CLIMBING THE LADDER IN THERAPY 28:00 - common themes to climbing the ladder and individual responses 29:35 - exiting sympathetic and channeling energy into relaxation, dorsal need to bring energy in 30:25 - “The nervous system language is about connection.” 31:00 - flat affect from the therapist “Your flat affect is a cue of danger to your clients… Do not do therapy with a flat affect… You have become a threat to your clients.” 32:00 “If you don’t come somewhere close to the energy that their system is bringing… their nervous system is saying that nervous system has no clue what’s happening over here... Their nervous system is going to send a message of misattunement.” 32:30 anchoring in ventral as a therapist and simply being there 32:50 - turtle analogy “To get a turtle to come out of the shell, you don’t knock on its shell and you don’t shake them... You just kinda sit there patiently... But you really have to be beaming that ventral vagal energy to that system.” 33:18 - “I like to say in dorsal I'm more of a guide, I can lead the way, show the way home. In sympathetic I’m following right along with ya… Let’s do it!” 33:55 - therapy and building the ventral capacity = resilience 34:25 - Dorsal takes longer to “make our way back.” 34:35 - sympathetic messages of impatience from therapist about making progress 35:20 - “notice and name” 42:00 - typical sensations and body posture of climbing the ladder in therapy IDENTIFYING STATE 37:10 - How do you tell if someone is just smiling away the pain versus being actually happy? 38:15 - tracking across time exercise from 2nd book In a five minute period, check three times: My nervous system state is… And now i am.. And now i’m thinking… 40:00 - “When you’re in sympathetic, you have two ways you can go - you can come back to ventral or go to dorsal - and one of the jobs of sympathetic is to keep us out of dorsal because dorsal is the most life-threatening for us as humans, the most difficult place to go. Sympathetic works really hard to keep you mobilize because if it calms down, the worry is you’re going to go to dorsal and not come to ventral.” 40:55 - “Stillness is the most complicated autonomic blend of states, because how do you come into quiet, into stillness, without stimulating shut down? It’s a tricky thing to do, especially for people with a trauma history. Because stillness is a very vulnerable place and I have to really feel safe to come into stillness.” DIAGNOSIS 43:45 - “It is the bane of our clinical existence.” 44:05 - “Through the lens of the polyvagal theory, almost every diagnosis in the DSM is a dysregulated nervous system.” 44:35 - you give a client a diagnosis it follows them forever… I am very careful about that… I don’t think they’re useful in a lot of ways… 45:00 - Adjustment Disorder as an appropriate diagnosis, since it’s a response to a stressor and goes away 45:30 - anxiety as more sympathetic and depression as more dorsal 45:50 - “What you’re looking at is not so much what happened, but what was your client’s response to what happened? What was their autonomic response to what happened? You can begin to frame their dynamic formulation through their autonomic challenges and their autonomic things they do well.” HELPING PROFESSIONS 49:00 - “Wouldn’t it be cool if every kid could identify where they are? And the ones who are ventral could go help the ones who aren’t. Because then the next day the ones who aren’t are and the ones who are aren’t - they all help each other. That would be my wish. Because it’s about co-regulation.” 49:50 - “Polyvagal family” and shared language POLYVAGAL TRINITY 50:50 - Wonder Woman! “I’m definitely going to be Wonder Woman… I’m going to take some of her energies… She’s pretty amazing.” 51:20 - Autonomic experience of elevation “When our nervous system has this mix of sympathetic and ventral and you see someone doing a good deed and you are then pulled to want to become a doer of good deeds yourself. That was the experience I had when I watched the Wonder Woman movie. I left there thinking - 'Change the world. What are we doing?'” DEB DANA - http://www.debdanalcsw.com/ Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

WHEN YOU ARE NOT LISTENING... You say you understand. Just understand and listen, then speak from empathy Understand their experience, not just their words or the story itself One person’s experience of something might be different than yours You say you have an answer to my problem before I finish telling you my problem. Or even after you finish saying the problem If you ALREADY have an answer to my problem, then you weren’t listening to me, you were thinking about a solution Problem solving is done with someone, not for them. Answers can come when they’re asked for or maybe after listening and truly understanding the problem Major dividing line for parents and kids You cut me off before I have finished speaking More interest in what you have to say Sympathetic arousal, lack of patience You finish my sentences for me. You might think this is conveying a message of understanding, but it’s just talking over me If you think you know what I’m going to say, you aren’t listening to MY words, you are listening to your own thoughts about my words As we mentioned before, this is sympathetic arousal and lack of patience You are dying to tell me something. Then you are caught up in your own thoughts and state What you have to say is more important Again, sympathetic arousal You tell me about your experiences, making mine seem unimportant. Another technique that might seem like “understanding” but it’s actually more like comparing You can empathize without having experienced it yourself (regardless of whether you have a similar experience or not) Shifts the focus away from my needs Can be read as a cue of danger: (its a potential rupture that has a story that follows about the self or other person) “Maybe they don’t want to hear what I have to say…” “Maybe I’m boring…” We can commiserate about similar experiences as a method of connecting/relating later, when I’m back in my own Safe & Social state This was a theme with the Bad Therapy Stories. You refuse my thanks, saying you really haven’t done anything To accept my gratitude is to HEAR me, to be connected, to feel understood To refuse it is to negate my feelings of gratitude. It’s a rupture. It’s a misattunement. YOUR HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT - Notice when you are not listening Accept gratitude Harry Poliak, Big Leap Coaching - http://www.connectedconsciously.com/ Parents by Choice presentation is available to watch here - https://www.justinlmft.com/parentsbychoice Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

#1 - You are listening to me when… You really try to understand me, even if I’m not making much sense. You will ask clarifying questions You’ll attempt to identify feelings You’ll attempt to understand the problem if that’s what’s being expressed You withhold your own judgments of the person and the situation #2 - You are listening to me when… You grasp my point of view, even when it’s against your own sincere convictions. You’re open to new ideas You’re attempting to find common ground You’re not threatened by ideas that contradict your own and don’t take it personally #3 - You are listening to me when… You realize the hour I took from you has left you a bit tired and a bit drained. Listening can be a marathon because we’re feeling along with that person We’re experiencing not just words, but also the emotion of the speaker Empathy can be draining! If you’re tired, you did a good job of really listening This is different than being emotionally abused or attacked through blame, shame or judgment or “whatever thing” #4 - You are listening to me when… You allow me the dignity of making my own decisions, even though you think they may be wrong. Dignity - the state or quality of being worthy of honor or respect; a sense of pride in oneself; self-respect. A listener does not allow dignity, they honor it, they recognize it A listener understands and accepts they do not control someone else, including the thoughts and feelings of the person speaking Understanding versus control is key in listening Trusting the other person is able to make their own choices and live with the consequences of those choices #5 - You are listening to me when… You do not take my problem from me but allow me to deal with it in my own way. Same as the last one. Trusting the other person to do the right thing. Allowing the other person to make mistakes and learn from it. Letting go of control. #6 - You are listening to me when… You hold back the desire to give me good advice. Unless asked. Listening to the experience and emotion of someone is not the same as solving their problem As we mentioned in the last episode about parents jumping to solve problems. You have to be able to tolerate and hold the experiences of the other person At the heart of therapy, joining with someone, holding it and allowing them to work their way up the polyvagal ladder with you also being a safe person But you don’t have to be a therapist to hold space for another person #7 - You are listening to me when… You do not offer me religious solace when I am not ready for it. Or don’t want it Human connection needs to happen first, imo Connect with the person right in front of you, then the religious aspects can come into play This goes back to your needs vs. their needs If you are giving support to another person, then you are actively choosing to focus on their needs, not yours #8 - You are listening to me when… You give me enough room to discover for myself what is really going on. This is part of the whole ‘not controlling’ part of listening It involves trust Someone is able to work their way up the ladder and make their own discoveries Their thoughts will naturally change along the way, realizations will be made This can be difficult to do, especially if you really care for the other person #9 - You are listening to me when… You accept my gratitude by telling me how good it makes you feel to know that you have been helpful. To build on last week’s. Saying “you’re welcome” is great, but this is the next level. SUPER FAN EMAIL Morning Justin & Mercedes, I just wanted to drop in and say thank you for your fantastic podcast - it's been instrumental in the last few weeks since I've found you in changing how I parent my kids and interact with my partner. It's also lead me down the road of somatic healing and breathwork and I'm trying to learn more about these things. I started listening to you guys to learn how to help my 9 yo, ocd daughter move from flight to safe and social, specifically in school drop-offs, and have learnt so much more and I have so much more compassion for her struggle when she drops down the ladder. I live in South Africa and while $5 might not be a lot of money (or it might I have no idea what $5 can buy) in my own currency it's 14 times more as my country's economy sucks. I really believe in what the two of you are doing and am trying to spread the polyvagal gospel wherever I go and this way I can make a concrete contribution to this. Hope you have a lovely day and thank you again for the valuable role you play in my life and the lives of my kids and husband (who doesn't get polyvagal theory but seems to get that I'm trying harder to move up my ladder and help the kids move up theirs). Cheers - or as we say in my language of Afrikaans - “Totsiens” (which means till we see each other again), Sophie Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

Jill Miller! The perfect person to help me understand the connection between yoga and Polyvagal Theory! Links to resources, including her personal yoga brand equipment and books are at the bottom. Links to Amazon, where I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you. PART 1 OF THE PODCAST SHOW NOTES: Some of yoga practices are extremely uplifting and energizing and others are literally putting you into safe shutdown. The corpse pose Your body lies in perfect stillness… utter and complete stillness and your body replicates that of a corpse and you're deliberately attempting to slow down your metabolic processes… it’s lauded for its restorational, regenerational aspects, in that it should replicate the experience of sleep, though its lucid sleep. Making stillness in yoga safe When I have people who have stress-induced relaxation… I will [give them other] options. They can roll onto their side in the fetal position, which is a much more protected position and be supported - have their neck supported, have their waist supported, have [bolsters and blankets]... laying face down (crocodile pose) so your genitals, your viscera, your face are not exposed to the unknown of a strange teacher… self massage work or work done previously done in the class… or opting out. It’s totally a free will thing… There are choices. Cues of safety are critical… veering toward invitational and less commandful. Body blind spots: Overuse, underuse, misuse, abuse or confuse (confusion) Develop more acuity, proprioception and interoception Through using position, breath, mindset and novelty 4 part breath wave: inhale, suspension/breath hold, exhale, vacation Breath is so important. Most yoga formats place a heavy emphasis on breathing and breathing mechanics… breathing directly changes autonomic state… when you start manipulating breathing, it can make you feel very… queasy, dizzy…, but that discomfort eventually can be titrated. "We all have our home base with our breath… we tend to concentrate our breathing in one of three places:" subdiaphragmatic (dorsal zone), supradiaphragmatic (sympathetic zone) or supraclavicular zone (ventral zone). A sedating breath… is a breath where the exhale is longer than the inhale. An upregulating breath is where the inhale is longer than the exhale. If dorsal/upregulating - “amplify inhale and breath holds after inhalation and have shorter exhale with the pause after exhale be shorter than the sum total of inhale plus the breath hold.” If dorsal/upregulating - “employ movements that the person feels challenged by but comfortable and playful.” Sankalpa - ’a deep resolve… like, “I touch light” or “My motion is moving.” Sankalpa is a Sanskrit term in yogic philosophy that refers to a heartfelt desire, a solemn vow, an intention, or a resolve to do something. It is similar to the English concept of a resolution, except that it comes from even deeper within and tends to be an affirmation. https://www.yogapedia.com/definition/5751/sankalpa PART 2 OF THE PODCAST: Jill’s Merch - https://www.amazon.com/shop/justinlmft?listId=3EFKO87WPMGD9 :40 Yoga vs Yoga Therapy Yoga therapy is where... the clinical nerds gather to use the application of yoga to help people with different conditions in collaboration with other teams… We are not diagnosticians. We are there to give holistic support. 3:40 Finding a yoga therapist I would say some really noble, amazing work being done out there by the trauma-informed community, subset yoga. 5:10 Isolation & Yoga 7:25 Identifying safe yoga providers - recommends the Matthew Remski book - https://amzn.to/2QapcqO 8:30 Why/how does yoga work? It’s about polyvagal neural exercises - breath, chant, position, connection Depending on where you’re studying, you will be engaging all of your senses and you’re going to be probably breathing consistently in a patterned way for almost the entire class in a way that is down regulating. You’re going to be having a sympathetic tone to the muscles while ‘cooling the flames’ with this down regulating breath and potentially with chanting and with mental recitation of your sankalpa (intention). You'll be cycling through this concentration exercise as you go through different positions that will impact your musculature and physiology. By the end of the class, you will have climbed from dorsal to sympathetic and maintained this titration between dorsal and sympathetic and the occasional ventral exchange with a teacher or a partner exercise with somebody else… And in the end, you do this long held, safe relaxation pose… that feels like sleep and is deeply regenerative. And then you come up for a closure, which is an eye to eye… or eye to heart connection with those around you. 12:50 Going up and down the polyvagal ladder There might be parts of the class that are extremely upregulating and exhilarating and thrilling. After that would be met by a breath practice or a position that literally cools… I think in the nature of yoga practices you have these oppositional forces that you’re working with at all times. The wins for the students are that they are now sensing a connection between different parts of their body that were asleep before. Maybe felt lost in the dark and didn’t know there was a connection between their rib cage and their shoulder… or their pelvic floor and their feet. Or didn’t realize they were breathing more into their right lungs instead of their left lungs. 15:32 The Dr Porges Story! Check out the Coregous Ball for yourself here - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07VRXJ9BB/?cv_ct_id=amzn1.idea.3EFKO87WPMGD9&cv_ct_pg=storefront&cv_ct_wn=aip-storefront&ref=exp_cov_justinlmft_dp_vv_d 20:45 The connection between the facia and the ANS Facia = “seam system” that gives you your form and your shape, tissue that surrounds and supports every structure in your body Your facial tissue is the thing that interconnects everything. When you get a message you’re mobilizing your facial tissues. When you move, your facia moves with you… It is what allows for differential movement. You know your facia is problematic when is over stiffens and you can’t move well. I’m giving myself a facia facial. Let’s face it. What that [face] massage will do is it will trigger pressure reflexes that are gathering information... in that ventral vagal pathway and its deeply relaxing. So you can immediately have a state change and you can do this with your fingers at your desk. 25:10 Three different best places for massage Vagus Voyage video from Jill https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag3SQBFHKes&t= Face, neck, rib cage and chest 29:00 Tune Up balls and somatic healing Buy her yoga tune up balls for yourself! - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01DJN1V48/?cv_ct_id=amzn1.idea.3EFKO87WPMGD9&cv_ct_pg=storefront&cv_ct_wn=aip-storefront&ref=exp_cov_justinlmft_dp_vv_d 31:30 How to start listening to your body The first thing is definitely the breath. Reclining, typically. And then watching the way your body breathes. The recline already gives me a physiological preset. As soon as I’m upright, I’m sympathetic… when you recline, there is no postural tension and the tension on your heart is gone. A second thing… is to have people become aware of their pulse… because you can really entrain yourself to watch that homeostatic interplay of respiration and heartbeat. 34:25 What is pranayama yoga? Pranayama - exercises that challenge your respiration thresholds. The Matthew Remski book she mentioned - Practice and All is Coming: Abuse, Cult Dynamics, And Healing In Yoga And Beyond - https://amzn.to/2QapcqO Jill’s book - The Roll Model: A Step-by-Step Guide to Erase Pain, Improve Mobility, and Live Better in Your Body - https://amzn.to/32MbyMf Vagus Voyage video from Jill - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ag3SQBFHKes&t= Breath and Bliss Immersion November 8-10 Los Angeles - https://www.tuneupfitness.com/classes/breath-and-bliss-immersion-9 Roll Model Practitioner Training December 4, 5 London, UK - https://ytu.io/2LishB2 International Association of Yoga Therapists - https://www.iayt.org/ Website: www.tuneupfitness.com Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TuneUpFitness Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/yogatuneup YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/TuneUpFitness Pinterest - https://www.pinterest.com/tuneupfitness/

We already know that the environments we spend time in are filled with cues of danger and safety. The workplace is no different. But what about how our coworkers, the work culture and work hierarchies? Mercedes & I take a look at a couple new aspects to the workplace that might be affecting your place on the polyvagal ladder. Before jumping in… why? We spend so much time at work How this affects your nervous system, and subsequently the rest of your life, like your Stories and Relationship patterns Standard ones like in the school series: Sounds, proximity, lighting, temperature, cockroaches or rats? Things that will be a cue of danger and be more sympathetically charging. Also the people - the ones you work WITH. Do you work alone or in a team? Is it a culture of collaboration or competition? How about the people you work FOR? What's your story about your employer? Both the supervisor and the agency. Environment: Being greeted, being comfortable, feeling valued and like you are a part of the team Acknowledged, paid fairly, considered, supported The culture of the workplace Does your workplace value and promote co-regulation? Humor in various settings as a way to cope Is self care encouraged? Is it a culture of acceptance and warmth and support? Hierarchy? Toxic environment? Like gossip, complaints, talking trash about each other, cliques with co-workers. Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

The Polyvagal Ladder is a concept from Deb Dana . It's really a simply wonderful metaphor for how the autonomic nervous system is organized within each of us. I took that, added the three basic state and also the mixed states based from Dr Porges. PRIMARY STATES These are the three primary autonomic nervous system states. At the top of the ladder is the safe/social system, responsible for social engagement, connection, critical thinking, problem solving and use of the head and neck area. In the middle is the sympathetic flight/fight system, responsible for using the limbs for evasion or aggression. And at the bottom is the shutdown system, responsible for collapse, death feign, dissociation and numbness. MIXED STATES It's possible for these primary states to mix as well. Play = Safe/Social + Flight/Fight Freeze = Flight/Fight + Shutdown Stillness = Safe/Social + Shutdown Feel free to download the image and share. You can read more about "the polyvagal ladder," "story follows state," "glimmers" and more in Deb Dana's phenomenal book (links to Amazon where I get a portion of the sale at no extra cost to you). Also, make sure you listen to my interview with her !

You’ve probably noticed by now that I refer to the third defensive behavior set as “shutdown” and not “freeze.” Typically, the word “freeze” is used and was my default word as well ( episode 4 actually mixes the two up). Until I chatted with Dr Porges himself and he clarified that “freeze” and “shutdown” are distinct phenomena, though closely connected. There is this whole ambiguity because people use the word ‘freeze’ when they really mean ‘shutting down.’ The mouse in the jaws of a cat is not frozen, it’s just limp… The limp loss of muscle tone is a dorsal vagal response. Shutdown is collapsing or going limp. Freeze is stiffening. Freeze is the combination of sympathetic arousal plus shutdown. It’s flight/fight in combination with immobilization. There is an intense and rapid buildup of energy to run or fight, while at the same time the body is immobilizing or forced to immobilize. The sympathetic energy ends up getting locked into the nervous system. This is one of the two paths to trauma. When functioning defensively as a fight/flight machine, humans and other mammals need to move. If we are... placed in isolation or restrained, our nervous system… wants to immobilize. (Porges, Pocket Guide 67). The body will immobilize with a neuroception of life threat. This can be through external physical force or the internal perception that the body is going to die. I’d prefer not to go into specific examples of this, but sexual assault is an obvious category. Before someone is sexually assaulted, they instinctively want to run away, but are unable to do so for various reasons. They also aren’t able to fight back. They could possibly drop down into a shutdown and actually go limp. But they may also be physically forced into immobilization with the sympathetic energy in their system. As a result, they enter the freeze state. People can also enter the freeze state in everyday scenarios, like being anesthetized while highly anxious (sympathetic flight energy) before surgery. When someone goes under in this state, they come out of their anesthesia with a sympathetic charge. They wake up in a fit, screaming or flailing. This is something my wife would witness firsthand during her time as a nurse in a surgical room. Panic is probably the most common experience of freeze. When we panic, we are highly charged, fearful, activated and alert. Yet we’re also stiff, frozen in place and unable to move. We aren’t completely gone, we’re present enough to experience the discomfort. Panic might lead to being catatonic (full freeze) and not cognitively available. Example: Melody enters her therapy session at a high level of sympathetic arousal, wanting to fight a group of peers she perceives as being a threat to her. She is not able to run, since they know what school she attends. Melody is convinced they might be waiting for her after school. She is also not able to fight them, since they are not present. Being outnumbered and surprised also leaves her without a clear target or possibility of winning the fight. In session, she ruminates on the thoughts, going deeper and deeper into her sympathetic arousal without the possibility of getting to safety. The therapist attempts numerous interventions, including walking outside, deep breathing and reality testing, as well as discussing safety planning. All these interventions overwhelm her further in combination with the therapist’s desperation and frustration, which sends her cues of disconnection. Her nervous system attempts to shut down, while she is sympathetically charged, resulting in panic, sending further internal danger cues and thoughts that spiral out of control. Finally, she enters a catatonic freeze, her entire body contorting and freezing in place, which lasts for a few minutes. People also experience some version of freeze when it comes to phobias. They are highly sympathetically charged, yet neurocept that their life is in danger. I often have trouble when it comes to heights and don’t really know why. But my body neurocepts life threat when I’m up high. There is a bridge that arches at a drastically high angle on the way to San Francisco, in the Walnut Creek area of California. This bridge is my worst nightmare. In my head, I know I am safe - my car is in good shape, I can drive just fine and the bridge won’t collapse. Yet when I am on that bridge, my body gets highly charged with an increased heart rate, rapid and very shallow breathing, muscles tensing, rapid speech and an inability to ground myself despite my best efforts. Story follows state, so I imagine that the car is going to die in the middle of the bridge and cause people behind me to crash into me and each other. While this is going on, since I am unable to escape the situation, my body begins to shut down. I go numb, the blood exits my face, blood decreases to my brain which results in a noticeable dissociation. I make it over the hump and can see the Earth, but only after talking out loud and basically narrating everything that is happening while forcing myself to keep breathing regularly. The freeze immediately resolves itself after I get to the ground again. The trailer for "Life Overtakes Me" from Netflix is heart-wrenching, but a great example of extreme shutdown. And also a short documentary that is very much worth watching. People fainting on a rollercoaster is another example of shutdown. Unlike the trailer above, these individuals in shutdown come out of it soon after. Some go right back into it though. This video of goats shows the tense rigidity of the freeze response. Notice they are sympathetically charged when they freeze. They're either running and/or being actively scared by some mean humans. I do not condone the human behavior at all! And that's the difference between shutdown and freeze. Hope that clears it up. For more on the freeze state in particular, I highly recommend the work of Peter Levine. His books are easy to understand and he spends a lot of time on the freeze state. In An Unspoken Voice is phenomenal for a deep understanding and Healing Trauma is the go to for, well, healing trauma.

I don't think so. At least, not that I can pinpoint. Peter Levine does some damn near miraculous work by my account. He's able to assist his clients with discharging their freeze energy in what seems like a rapid fashion. I don't know how applicable that is to anyone besides Peter Levine. But here's my thoughts on what might affect someone's timeline: Context Matters One factor in considering this question is the context of treatment. I work in a school setting. The likelihood of a teen I'm working with going through the freeze energy discharge process - in school - is going to be lower than an outpatient or private private practice setting, I would assume. However, the kids I work with are doing this . I've seen a few times now the energy discharge that Levine describes and has in his videos. So it's very much possible. It's not every client. And it's not in the first session. But we have to acknowledge that going through a huge energy release like that, while surrounded by the danger cues of school; and having to return to class right after, is going to impact that individual's timeline. So consider your context of treatment or just in your individual life. Readiness for Change Matters Another factor is the client's readiness for change. And of course this applies to any modality or goal. But if someone is deeply entrenched in their defensive state, they might want help but not actually be ready for that type of help. I'm not blaming the client here, it's simply the truth, especially if they're just starting out. When someone first comes in, all of this is potentially very new. So the understanding of the process isn't there. The normalization of the process isn't there. Getting reacquainted with their bodies below their neck may not be there. So the issue isn't if the client wants change. The issue is being ready for it. And that energy discharge stuff is no joke. If you don't know what's happening, it can feel like a panic or anxiety attack and be filled with fear. If you know what's up, you'll be better equipped to handle it when it comes. Fundamental Needs Matter And this is a major one. If you don't have your basic needs being taken care of, your timeline might be a lot longer. Specifically, I'm talking about environmental safety. And more specifically, I'm talking about within your home. Our homes need to be actually safe, with safe individuals that reside within it. I work with teens, so that means their parents/caretakers. If I have parents who are invested in their children's safety and well-being, things become a lot easier. Change happens faster and is more consistent. If I don't have that, which I usually don't, things take longer. Because my client is going from the safety of our session, to the relative safety of the school environment, but then ends up in a home that is filled with danger cues: anger, betrayal, blame, judgment, yelling, grudges and more. Building Resiliency One goal then becomes to build resiliency. To increase the strength of the social engagement system (the "vagal brake"), which will keep the defensive responses more in our conscious control. We build this through co-regulation within the therapy session. All those fundamental therapy skills are hugely important here: normalizing, validation, unconditional positive regard, non-judgment, empathy and compassion and all the rest. You get the idea. Building therapeutic rapport and relationship is absolutely instrumental in the process of building the strength of the social engagement system. Through this, you'll notice things like spontaneous increased eye contact, the color returning to their face, laughter, smiles and eye crinkles. These things simply return on their own as the social engagement system comes back online. And the more it does, the more strength builds in it. And as I say in the video above, life just becomes easier. Dealing with typical triggers becomes easier. The flight/fight energy isn't as intense. This doesn't fix the problems at home, but it makes like a little more manageable and provides more hope. A Little at a Time Levine describes the process of "titration" in his books . Of doing a little bit at a time. When discharging the freeze energy, it doesn't need to be done all at once. We can do so a little at a time. This can be done in therapy by holding onto those painful feelings in small bursts. Not all at once, just as a client is ready. In doing so, it's important to notice the bodily sensations of the defensive energy. When it becomes too much, it's okay to stop and tap into a safety resource. Then come back to the stuck energy and back again to the safety ("pendulation"). This can also be done outside of therapy, pretty much anywhere. But it's more about noticing what brings you joy or calm or peace. I know, these things might be rare or nonexistent. But it's possible. The task then is to notice what happens within you throughout the day. Feelings of being pushed or pulled away from something represent possibly an unsafe trigger for your system. But a feeling of being pulled toward something might be a cue of safety and a safe way to mindfully release some energy. All those bottom up techniques might be great for this: art, dance, yoga, breathwork, theater, writing. It can even be small things like cleaning or organizing. As we do these things, even the small ones, it's imperative that we're mindful of the experience. Really notice what it's like to do these things. How they affect your breathing. What your muscles are feeling. What's happening in your fingertips, in your temperature and even what pops into your mind. These are opportunities to release bits of energy, but also to orient to the environment and feel the safety of it. And also to learn about yourself. Become curious, experiment a little too. How does it feel to change your breathing? Or to paint in a different way? THE TIMELINE VARIES As you can see, the timeline is going to look a lot different for every person. I'm finding in my client work that the moment of big energy release may happen eventually, but after there is a solid therapeutic rapport. And after the client has had some re-acquaintance with their bodies. And this has been with clients who don't have the safety at home. But they've built the resilience necessary to get to the energy release. This doesn't mean their problems are all solved and there's no residual energy left in there. And it doesn't mean the sympathetic energy doesn't build back up, since they're returning to the same environment. But it does seem as though the energy that got stuck from the trauma(s) does discharge noticeably and make their day to day lives more manageable.