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(This originally appeared in the January 2021 edition of Stuck Not Broken: Quarterly free ebook. To get it, just sign up for the email list or become a Patron ) A week of sympathetic activity The week started off on a high. I was very much ventral-vagally activated after my Thursday afternoon coaching session ended. That lasted for a couple of days, with me being able to meet some new challenges that had been talked about and planned out during the session. But after those couple of days, the vagal brake began to come off and my sympathetic energy took over… I just didn’t realize it until the day before my next Thursday afternoon coaching session. My wife had noticed it, asking if I was okay and pointing out that I seemed irritated for a few days. I attributed it to being stuck at home and not being able to leave the house to go to work. Which I think definitely contributed to my sympathetic activity. I was also on a motivation high. Those first couple of days I was sympathetically charged along with the ventral activation. That resulted in a playful, motivated state. But when the vagal brake began to turn off (safety system turning off), I was left with just the sympathetic flight/fight energy. It didn’t result in me actually running or fighting, but it definitely left me with some feelings of pressure, panickyness and irritability. I was still functioning just fine in my life domains, but the defensive feelings were there and were guiding my decisions and interactions. Instead of acting from a motivated and joyful place, it turned into a frenzy of creation. You see, the JustinLMFT stuff (podcast, Instagram and such) is - in part - my way of expanding my nervous system capacity. The JustinLMFT content is my growth but also my challenge. It’s my Path of Change with obstacles along the way. So I went into a frenzy of content creation, guided by this intense pressure and frantic energy. And wow, did I create and create and create. At first, it was combined with joy and love for my audience. Then it just sort of morphed into something else. And that lasted for about 4 days of a buzzing, frenetic energy. The weekly Thursday coaching session rolled around and I was still in a pretty high charge. That day I had attempted to do some journaling but struggled. I was still very much in a sympathetic state. And it turned out to be more of a fight sympathetic state. I was probably more confrontational and resistant during this coaching session than I ever had been. I argued with her about what she was telling me and why she was wrong. I basically drew a line in the sand, fueled by irritability. The more conscious part of me was watching this from above, knowing she was trustworthy and probably had some wisdom that I could benefit from. But the sympathetic energy had to run its course and wasn’t slowing down. Luckily, she’s incredible at what she does and was able to not only match my sympathetic energy, but maintain her own vagal brake and smile at me as I was irate. She’s got this smirk she does that I just shake my head at, knowing it’s from compassion, but there’s also an “I told you so” sort of air about it. Or at least, that’s the story I have about it, which could very well simply be a reflection of the state. Through her patience and her compassion and her ability to contain my state, I eventually started to ease up and become much more humble. By the end of the session, we were smiling together, laughing about the session and about me. In a fun way. Her co-regulation and our solid rapport was keeping me in a safe state. After that… I crashed. The crash It wasn’t all at once. I left that session and played video games with my kids. We had some time as a family together. We had dinner, did bathtime, brushed their teeth and got my 5 year old son to bed on time. After he was in bed, I laid on my own bed and didn’t move for about ten minutes. I talked a little with my wife, she was asking me if I was okay. I told her I just needed to crash and be still for a while. I ended up having to get up for a chore (turning off the sprinklers for the next day?). When I came back, I needed to put some lotion on the back of my knee. It had been really itchy that afternoon and I left it pretty pink from all the scratching. I put some lotion on it and felt a sting. We all have fairly sensitive skin in this family, so it didn’t seem odd at first. But the sting didn’t stop. It dawned on me that maybe what I put on my leg wasn’t lotion, but soap from another white pump bottle from the bathroom. And I was right. It was soap and it stung pretty bad. Climbing my ladder So instead of the original plan of laying down and checking out, I took a shower to relieve the sting (and also get the damn soap off of my leg). I had some negative thoughts in my head, beating myself up cognitively. One of the negative thoughts is how I should know better than this. That I have a course in being grounded in the present moment. That I should be able to feel better. That I wasn’t doing good enough. My sympathetic thinking might sound similar to yours. Lots of “shoulds” and negative evaluations. In the shower was when my thinking started to change. I think the warm water helped me to start the process of ladder climbing . Instead of mentally berating myself for not using my course, I began to remind myself that I have a course ! My thoughts had some sympathetic energy to it, but also some safety. I began to see a light that I could follow. So I used the sensory safety anchor from chapter 4. Specifically, the sense of touch. The warm water on my skin and how that felt. Really feeling into and experiencing the reassuring warmth. Then I used another of the sensory safety anchors, my sense of smell. My beard shampoo/conditioner that I have is marajuca oil and shea butter (I don’t know either but they smell good). I inhaled it with my eyes closed and in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Soon I felt more ventral activation. I could tell because my breathing was becoming easier/lighter. Along with that ventral activation, I could feel the sympathetic energy return from my crash. But this time, it wasn’t a frantic or irritable sympathetic charge. It was more of a playful energy. I smiled in the shower and shook my head, feeling into the returning energy and feeling kind of silly for my confrontational behavior in the coaching session. Then I noticed an image pop into my head, something that came from a coaching session. And that’s of me being stuck in a transparent tube. But the follow up image is me using my arms to push up and open a window in the tube. Being stuck in the tube is a good analogy for pent up energy, but also being closed off. Pushing the window open is a good analogy for using my arms to channel some sympathetic fight energy out and then relaxing my muscles. The window represents and feels like openness, opportunity and freedom. I used the image and then used a body movement to further allow some energy to return and discharge. I cover memory anchors in chapter seven. The tube isn’t a memory, it’s an imaginative image. So it serves the same purpose and uses the same basic functioning. As I imagined the tube in my mind, I used my arms to act out the motion of opening the window. I felt the sensation of being more open as my upper body stretched out and a larger breath came in. I smiled as I did so, an indication that more safety was coming online. Body anchors are covered in chapter 3. I got dressed in clothes that I feel good in - a black t-shirt with tiny white dots on it. And my grey super soft sweats that hug my legs right above the ankles. The ankle hug and the softness are great sensory anchors for me. Again, something from chapter 4. My next step was to go to my office and do a bit of meditation and journaling. I had about an hour before my online therapy session was going to begin. I wanted to be in my most ventral state as possible. I felt a bit of pressure and time crunch, but ultimately had confidence that I would be where I need to be when I needed to be there. In chapter 2, I cover environmental safety anchors. Being in my office was a great use of my own. I’ve designed the office to be as ventrally-activating as possible. Dark woods, black iron, blue walls and gold accents. A few spots of green in the fake plants. Most importantly for me - I have two orangish lights that are more on the dim side. I turn off the main ceiling light and turn on the two smaller lights, creating a much calmer environment. The office is minimal clutter, wires are mostly tucked away or clipped under the desks. The desk surface is made of beautiful reclaimed woods from California wildfires. I sit on my favorite chair which is placed in the corner and faces the large windows of the office. From here, I can see the entire room. It’s a comforting space. A dim light within arm’s reach to my left. The other dim light in the corner to my right. I sit in my chair and breathe. I bring my legs up and put them on the ottoman. From here, I do a bit of journaling, which would probably fall into the chapter 6 cognitive anchors. At first, I’m in silence. Just taking it in. Then I put on chill hop music, which consistently helps me to ground myself. Music is discussed in chapter five. More breathing and journaling. I’m working my way up my ladder and use some time before the session to record something for IGTV and the podcast. It’s a ten minute audio/video journal. I thought others could benefit from it, but really it’s primarily a way for me to process the events that just unfolded. The tone of the content is still fairly depleted. I’m ventrally activated enough to feel my feelings and share them. But I don’t post it, deciding to sit on it for now. I do my 9pm session , which goes well. The 10pm session of the night cancelled last minute, giving me more of an opportunity to do some further anchoring. I felt like the audio/video journal was the right move and I wanted to share it with others, but by this time was feeling more present, so I decide to redo it . Not out of anxiety or worry, but just felt more whole and complete and wanted to come from that energy. It also felt like an opportunity to more clearly process what had happened that day and the week more generally. I find that writing or saying things out loud helps me to get to the next step. Versus the words simply living in my head. By this time, I’m in a pretty well-anchored ventral state. I feel appreciation for things. I’m prioritizing my self care and go to bed earlier than I typically would. I’m content with what I recorded on both a personal and a content-creation level. What went right What went right was I knew what I needed for getting more anchored in the present moment. Now, it took me a week to realize that I had lost it, but I got there eventually. And when I realized it and set the intention to self-regulate, I knew the pieces of what my nervous system responds to. I had things ready to go already, like my office that is a predictable cue of safety through and through. I had someone that could co-regulate. My coach is phenomenal. She was what I needed to be contained but also brought up to ventral. I also had my wife checking in with me a few times that week, non-judgmentally noticing that I was irritable. It actually did help me to notice it myself a couple of times, but I didn’t act sooner on using my anchors to come more fully into my body and into the present moment. What went wrong I got caught in my sympathetic activity, which easily gets disguised as productivity. I started off in a very ventral place that week, but didn’t notice as the vagal brake loosened and left me with a tad too much sympathetic. It wasn’t entirely out of control. I still got enough sleep throughout the week. I still functioned as a husband, a father and an employee. I still provided therapy at night that I was proud of and benefitted my clients. But was I at optimal levels for each of these? No. I didn’t have any consistent, daily practice during this week. Typically, each day I do what I need to in order to stay in the present moment. Playing with my kids, brief meditations, journaling, chatting with my wife, being creative, slow exhales. But those simple practices more or less stopped. Or were in decline. Or I didn’t do so with mindful conscious participation. On top of this, my coach and I had been working on some challenging stuff the session before that. Beneficial, but very new and very challenging. She and I had been getting me out of my comfort zone and into some new territory that I didn’t have a map for, nor the window of tolerance for. Combining that with a loss of dedicated practice makes for a sympathetic combination. I quickly reverted to my own behavioral adaptation, which is hyperfocusing on creation from defensive energy. Plus on top of all of this, I had been creating at the beginning of the week from a very ventral state. And the week before that too. These marked major milestones for me, as it was evidence of more safety being present when it comes to all these new challenges of being an entrepreneur. But there was a rubber band effect on my nervous system. As high as I was on the ventral energy, it snapped right back to my defensive energy. And then I stayed in my behavioral adaptation, unconscious of the response I was stuck in. For you I hope this simple story illustrates for you what it might look like to use the information in the Building Safety Anchors course . I think every piece of this is important. Discovering what works for you. Making it a dedicated practice. Being curious and assessing what works and what doesn’t. If you'd like to find out more about the course, please contact me (justinlmft@gmail.com) or open the image below.

I. Encouraging/demanding secrets People need to feel safe in coming forward with something they've survived or just feelings they have that need to be discussed. People need to feel like they can safely connect with another person ( pets can help too ). And that other person ideally is able to stay in their ventral vagal state of safety and provide co-regulation. Or maybe they can even mobilize to help the individual to get help. Both of these can help to keep a predator's victim from developing or remaining in a traumatized state. Sadly, when maybe a parent is in their own stuck defensive state, their capacity to provide these things is hampered, to say the least (much more about parents in this blog/podcast episode ). That parent or other adult might encourage their child to keep a secret, rather than provide safety for the child. They may even be the predator themselves. Either way, secrecy is encouraged. Being open about the danger in that child's life - and to the rest of the family unity - is discouraged. The child remains stuck. On a more general level, we don't really encourage openness and honesty. We tend to shame each other for how we feel, don't we? We're instead encouraged to "be strong" or "get over it." All this does is to encourage silence about things that need to be spoken about . Maybe the secrets aren't encouraged by a specific other, like an abuser. Maybe the secret is more of a familial or cultural expectation. II. Isolation/rejection Not only do we self-isolate, but we also isolate each other. "Rejection" might be a better word. But "isolate" seems to work for a more complete picture when compared to my last blog article . We cut others from our lives when we can't handle their defensive energy. Part of the isolation/rejection process is to mentally construe the stuck individual with labels or judgments. The family member that comes forward and discloses a long-held secret of abuse can be rejected by the rest of the family. That individual might be labeled as a "liar" or questioned about their motivations for coming forward. This serves to reject the person that is coming forward; one with knowledge that the rest of the family should have. When the family isolates/rejects that individual, the family system continues on . Nothing has to change. It probably should change. But isolation serves the larger function of ensuring that none of the family members have to make any changes within themselves or in their role as a family member. The other family members don't have to confront their role in the family system that enabled this. They don't have to confront the abuser. The family system remains in a state of perpetual denial and active isolation of the individual that disrupts the system. Does something similar to this happen on a larger social level? Of course. Active otherizing, demonizing, blaming, questioning and isolation/rejection of entire groups of people. We see this throughout history across the globe. I think this is very active in today's cancel culture as much as it is in fundamental religious institutions. The otherizing and rejection of some group is essential to the emotional functioning of another. At least, it's essential to the current emotional functioning as it already stands. It's also essential to the powerful of these groups to retaining their power. III. Co-dependency This one really goes hand in hand with the "behavioral adaptations" that I laid out in the previous blog about how we keep ourselves stuck on an individual level. Behavioral adaptations could potentially come with a close sibling - co-dependency. Behavioral adaptations on their own serve to alleviate the stuck individual from the pain of their defensive energy. Behavioral adaptations can be as benign as clicking a pen in a boring meeting. There's a bit of sympathetic energy that is being directed toward the pen clicking, instead of being used in a co-regulative laugh with a safe other. Behavioral adaptations can go to extremes as well though, like substance use. Eventually, the more severe behavioral adaptations may require and even rely on the participation of others . Like when the friend or the parent gives the addicted individual money or a place to stay. That act - which may come from wanting to help - may actually reinforce the behavioral adaptation, which reinforces the stuck defensive state. The addict does not get any closer to getting unstuck. These types of co-dependent behaviors might be that individual's alleviation of their own stuck defensive energy. The co-dependent behavior could arguably be the co-dependent's own specific type of behavioral adaptation. Rather than working on getting unstuck themselves, they focus on the pains of another. "If they're okay, then I am okay." On a larger level, do we engage in things that are co-dependent? I think we can see this in some public schools. I see and I hear from staff that have been around long enough that there is a constant decreasing in the standards and expectations of academic success and behavior. Teachers are flat out ordered to not fail students, even if they have earned an "F." As an individual student does worse, they may be put into a continuation school where their school days are shortened, they get less homework, do more computerized work and the general expectations for timeliness and work completion are lower. Rather than holding everyone to the same expected outcomes, the bar is consistently lowered. Some of this is to get funding, some of this is to prevent possible legal attacks and some of this is due to whatever current political demands there might be. They don't exactly cause the poorer academic outcomes and behavior, but definitely reinforce them and arguably worsen them. Does this describe all public schools? Of course not. IV. Minimizing & other BS People tend to minimize the severity of things, even in relation to traumatic events. Minimize, rationalize, excuse and other BS: "It's not that big of a deal." "You'll get over it." "Sometimes it's best to just put these things behind us." "Okay, but just don't make a big deal out of it." When we minimize and do these other BS things, it reinforces the stuck defensive energy of the person seeking help. It tells that person that their pain is not that big of a deal. It's almost a direct denial of the severity of the person's stuck state or what they went through. That individual is at a point where they are probably feeling the pain of their stuck state and seeking help for it. So to have that pain minimized would not align with the severity of their state. In response, they may have that state reinforced. They will stuff it all down again, now attaching the minimization with the impulse to find safety. They might adopt that mindset and use that cognitive coping strategy to continually minimize, rationalize or otherwise dismiss the severity of their pain. This could easily become something that they in turn pass on to their own kids. This unhealthy way of coping is passed on for generations. When my clients look back on these types of cognitive coping strategies, they can see that they are passed down from their parents, and from their parents' parents. V. We're strangers to ourselves These polyvagal state shifts have no inherent value. They're simply the bodily organism's way of increasing the chances of survival; and thus increasing the chances of reproducing that strand of genetic material for another generation. There is no judgment or value assigned to this. It's simply the mechanics of evolution. The bodily shifts of going up and down the polyvagal ladder are a part of the process of survival. Despite this simple and natural truth, humans seem to have lost the capacity to be with their bodily sensations. It's something we need to learn and practice. Animals don't need to do this. They're at one with their bodies. Humans do all the things that I've listed above and a lot more. We strive to live lives that are free from actually being with these polyvagal states. We focus on what we do or do not have. We focus on what others are or are not doing. We focus on what we think needs to change in society and then evangelize in the comment sections of our social media. We seek incessant entertainment or distraction from what is happening within. We've become absolutely fixated on the external and complete strangers to the internal . So when these shifts happen, we have no idea what is happening. We don't know how to tolerate it. Our vagal brakes are not developed enough to be able to handle it and allow the shifts to happen. Having a weaker vagal brake is a consequence of an underdeveloped social engagement system. Those biological pathways are not exercised enough. And instead, the defensive pathways are probably overused. Overused from numerous different sources: outright traumatic events in our lives constant fear-mongering from media outright oppression from one group to another advertising that stokes our fears in order to compel a purchasing behavior Then we live in states of defense. We're scrutinizing ourselves and each other. We're judging and labeling and otherizing and manipulating. All to fulfill some sort of selfish impulse to feel dominant or satiated. And others live in a defensive state, disconnected from themselves and feeling helpless to the world around them. We're strangers to ourselves. To ourselves on a personal level. To ourselves on an interpersonal level. We can't handle the personal s**t inside. And then we definitely can't handle the interpersonal s**t outside. It all becomes alien to us. But really, it's just biology. It's just our internal stuff that's trying it's damndest to self-regulate and optimize bodily resources. It's the cues of safety or danger that we give off and give to each other. It's not that complex to understand. So we can learn what's happening and what to do. But we have a very very hard time with executing all of it. I'll leave it at that, but also want to tell you about how to increase the strength of your vagal brake. I've got a course called Building Safety Anchors that is designed to do just that. It's 30 days of learning and doing. It will help you to recognize what is happening within you. Specifically, the feelings of safety and peace that are within you. These feelings are unlocked once your safety pathways activate and this course goes through six different learning modules to help that process. Learn more by going here or tapping the image below. I hope you've enjoyed this blog and found it useful for your life in particular. I know there's a ton more I could go into here. Leave a comment below and let me know what you would add to this list.

Wild animals are really really good at self-regulation. Their survival kinda depends on it. If they were stuck in a shutdown state, they would be easy prey. Humans aren't wild animals, obviously. Except for toddlers. So what's with the difference in self-regulation capacity and what do humans do to prevent the natural process of self-regulation? And for those that need me to say so - Am I suggesting that environment isn't a factor in one's self-regulation? No, of course not. Am I suggesting that people should just be able to decide to self-regulate? Nope. Am I suggesting that traumatized people are to blame for their state? Uhhhh no. The purpose of this blog in particular is to discuss what the individual does to keep themselves in a stuck defensive state. This is a non-exhaustive list. Add your own thoughts in the comments! I. Keeping secrets Wild animals don't do this. They actually do the opposite. When something is even potentially wrong, they let the surrounding wild animals know about it. Whether through loud shrills or tense muscles, they communicate potential danger. And even after the fact, after they have survived a predatory attack, a mammal will return to their herd or family and seek safety. I'd imagine that they would communicate what happened if they could. I think at the very least, wild animals communicate in their own way that they need safety and connection. They don't come back to the herd with shame, do they? They simply seek safety and are welcomed and protected. Humans beings keep things secret. I don't think it's a conscious choice. And again, this is not an issue of blame. It's simply the reality for many individuals who are stuck in a defensive state. That person might be the victim of abuse. And they keep the secret due to a threat the predator is making toward them or someone else (or themselves). Or they keep the secret because their support circle is simply not supportive, doesn't believe them or lashes out against them for speaking up. But someone could also keep a secret because of the shame that they feel. They can't bring themselves to disclose to someone else what happened or is happening. Or maybe they keep the secret because they don't want to face the vulnerability of disclosure. Or simply thinking about whatever it is is unbearable. Keeping a secret doesn't have to translate directly to some sort of specific event. It could also just refer to generally keeping feelings within. Not sharing with others but also not even acknowledging to the self. Keeping the feelings/thoughts/memories/somatic sensations as hidden as possible. So why does keeping secrets ensure someone stays stuck? Because the individual is not allowing the stuck energy to mobilize and seek help. Their autonomic nervous system stays in a state of danger. What it needs to do is to utilize the stuck defensive energy to find help. And hopefully, their requests for help will be heard by someone that then can use their own sympathetic energy to make something happen. Or their own ventral activation to be a co-regulator. Or both. II. Isolating This is similar to the first. See, we're social creatures. We need each other. Humans need each other to co-regulate on an interpersonal level. This co-regulation helps to foster self-regulation on an individual level. When we survive something potentially traumatic, it's extremely important that we have safe connections with safe others. These safe others provide co-regulation to help the survivor to climb their own polyvagal ladder and back into their own safety state. When we isolate, the potential to climb our polyvagal ladders is minimized. I know some of us need some solitude to recharge (me!), but that's not what I'm talking about here. I mean isolate. When someone keeps to themselves and cuts others off. Being alone is generally a cue of danger. Again, we're social. We generally do better with safe environments and safe others. Belonging is not uniquely human. All mammals need to belong to a group and we're no different. But we're the only ones that isolate. This is especially true of the dorsal vagal shutdown state. There's a deep feeling of loneliness. And there's an impulse to confine oneself. My more depressed clients often share similar pieces of the puzzle - staying in their rooms, wanting to be alone, laying in bed. Maybe a small light on or sun coming in through the closed blinds. They feel tired but never get enough rest. And I think the impulse to fulfill this scene has a lot of truth in it. The body is saying something about what it needs: safety, security, predictability, low stimulation. But my clients are detached from the impulses of their body and the significance of it. So they perpetually repeat this scene day after day. Part of the problem is the disembodiment. Part of the problem is the thoughts they have around this (more on that in part IV). But part of the problem is cutting off others that can act as co-regulators (if they have them). III. Behavior adaptations The autonomic nervous naturally wants to self-regulate. It naturally wants to release the stuck defensive energy and gain more access to the safe and social biological pathways. From there, the mammalian body can optimize its use of bodily resources. But when humans feel that defensive energy lingering in their system, they do something to get some temporary relief. Especially as it builds in intensity. That's called a "behavioral adaptation." Generally, we do minor things like grind our teeth, pick cuticles or shake our legs. We also engage in more serious behavioral adaptations, like substance use, hair picking or overeating. That individual does not have the vagal brake strength to tolerate the stuck defensive energy, so they engage in these behaviors for some relief. No,. these behaviors don't actually help in the long run. It's a short term benefit. They probably make life more difficult and have larger consequences. But in the short term, they serve their purpose. Rather than doing these behaviors that divert the stuck defensive energy, we need to build the vagal brake strength to tolerate the energy and allow it do return or discharge. To do so, we need to activate the ventral vagal pathways more and more. My Building Safety Anchors course teaches you how to do so in 30 days of small steps. Learning and practicing how to activate those safety pathways to get more in the present moment and build the tolerance for the stuck defensive energy. I've got a deeper look into behavioral adaptations in this episode of Stuck Not Broken. IV. Creating Stories Humans have the capacity to build complex language. And with complex language comes complex ideas, reasoning, excuse making and stuff we just kinda make up. When it comes to being stuck, we create "stories" which can be one more of these things. First, we need to understand the concept of " Story follows state " from Deb Dana. Basically, the thoughts that we have in our head are directly related to and stemming from the polyvagal state that we are in. So the same situation can elicit different thoughts ("stories") from us depending on what state we are in. The conscious mind is attempting to make sense of the polyvagal state. Someone stuck in a shutdown state is going to have thoughts about how worthless they are (they're not worthless, btw). Someone stuck in a fight sympathetic state is going to have thoughts about what a jerk someone else is. Both of these thoughts are there because of the polyvagal state and the stuck defensive energy. If these individuals were to climb their polyvagal ladders , their thoughts would change. But these thoughts also serve the unintentional consequence of keeping that person in their stuck defensive state. Instead of focusing on their thoughts of worthless, the shutdown individual could instead focus on the experience of worthlessness in relation to their bodies. As in, where they feel that feeling. What it feels like, what it looks like, what texture it has and how long it wants to stick around. Once more attuned with their somatic experiences, the ladder climbing can begin. Human beings shame and judge themselves. You do. I do. We all do. Animals don't do that. Yes, they can feel shame. But it's not a self-directed shame toward the self. V. We feel fear with polyvagal state shifts I know, I know. None of this is all that easy whatsoever. It takes time, it takes practice. It takes patience. One of the problems with all of this ladder climbing stuff is the experience of the ladder climbing stuff. It's intense. And if you don't know what to expect and you're not ready for that inner stuff you have going on, fear is going to be involved. Fear that accompanies the returning or discharging sympathetic energy. Ideally, the individual has built their vagal brake strength and is able to pendulate and titrate the defensive energy. Instead of a fear response, the defensive energy will be met with curiosity, acceptance and relief. Not temporary relief through a behavioral adaptation. But the relief one gets from actual discharge. Waves of sympathetic energy coursing through the system. Shame expunging itself. The ability to smile and feel grateful for the release that has just occurred. Not easy, but doable. Eventually. Next blog I will release a blog on what humans do to keep each other stuck. It'll be the sort of inverse of this one from a social level. If you're interested in my course, you can find out more information through the banner below. Thanks for reading.

I'm reluctant to phrase things in this way because it might come across as insensitive or dismissive even. And that's not my intention at all, though it is the crux of this blog. I'm speaking to the person that thinks/feels that their life cannot improve. Or that their polyvagal state cannot improve. That they are permanently stuck in whatever state and circumstance that they are currently in. And my goal is to logically convince that person that they're wrong. Things can literally get better. I'm attempting to deconstruct the self-defeating thought that person might have. Whittling away at a thought doesn't exactly fix everything, I know. And it can actually open up some discomfort. But it can also open up the opportunity for a thought replacement or a reframe. And this can help to shift someone's state. Maybe yours. You're stuck, not broken You know this by now, right? If not, I've got an entire podcast dedicated to it! I've also got a blog entry that goes more into detail. In essence, you may have an autonomic nervous system that's stuck in a defensive state. This leaves you with less access to your ventral vagal biological pathways. The world is experienced as dangerous, whether it actually is dangerous or not. The ANS will naturally self-regulate back to the ventral vagal safety state. But humans beings tend to keep this natural process from happening. Animals - especially wild ones - are really good at self-regulating their physiology and not remaining in a stuck defensive state. Humans do things to keep themselves stuck, like: isolating keeping secrets self blame avoiding the discomfort of self-regulation This is in no way an issue of blame. It's simply what we do and I'm not placing a judgment or a value on it. Ideally, we won't do these things and we'd all support each other and there would be no problems in the world. We'd all co-regulate and self-regulate. But that's not happening quite yet. One of the ways that we keep ourselves stuck down the polyvagal ladder is through self-limiting beliefs. Or negative self talk. Or thoughts that reinforce the defensive state. Whatever you want to call them. These beliefs prevent us from feeling the stuck defensive energy and allowing it to return or discharge. If you truly think that change is not possible, then there's no point in feeling your feelings, right? The thought serves the function of dismissing or avoiding the pains of change. It keeps you stuck. This is not an issue of intentionally doing so. Again, this is not about blame. It's just a description of what we do. That's all. You're not choosing to have these limiting beliefs. They simply are there and serve a function. And they are directly connected to your polyvagal state. Your thoughts might be bulls**t Your thoughts are simply an extension of your polyvagal state - "Story follows state," as Deb Dana teaches us. That means the thoughts in our thinking mind stem from our state. When we change the state, the story follows. The pessimistic thought that change is not possible simply goes away when we climb the ladder into a different state. When we're in the safety state, this type of thought simply wouldn't occur. You'd look back on the version of you that had those types of thoughts and chuckle. Then it follows that your thoughts are not necessarily a direct and true account of reality . So if you believe that you're incapable of making the change that you want, it's possible that thought is simply wrong. It's bulls**t. In a very literal way, that thought could be wrong. I'm not expecting you to change your mind right here and now, but I am hoping that you might get to a point of questioning the accuracy of this thought in comparison to the possible objective reality of your potential to change. You could be wrong, right? But I could also be right! is what you're thinking. And I guess so. I mean, we do all have some sort of limitation in one way or another, right? But you're already changing You are! Just look at the evidence right here and right now. Why the hell are you reading this? The fact that you're reading this is evidence of your potential for change. If you're learning something new, that means you're changing . At least a little bit. It starts with knowledge, right? So this is the first step. No, learning isn't the only step. It's not the last. But it's an important one. I'm willing to bet (not really though) that you're also taking in information from other sources. Information about "wellness" or "trauma healing" or "self healing" or something of the like. You're probably doing lots of learning and maybe sort of waiting for something to happen. Maybe you're putting some work in too, besides learning. Learning is important, but there's more to making change. You have to actually do . Or make the attempt to do. You have to put something into action. But there's no point! or It's too hard! is what you're thinking. I have a 30 day course that is designed to help you follow a plan of learning and doing. Building Safety Anchors will help you to feel more ventral safety activation through discovering what anchors you in the present moment. Things around music, thoughts, your environment and more. I teach you about recognizing safety from six different learning modules and then help you to learn more and practice it. Find out more through the image below. So you might be thinking there's not point or it's too hard. Okay... But it's possible I'd imagine that if there was truly zero hope, you wouldn't be reading this. Like, there is absolutely no chance that you will fly, right? There is no chance that you can simply will yourself into the air without some sort of mechanical aid. I'm sure it would be cool if it did happen, but there is probably zero percent of you that thinks this is possible or wills it to be so. The fact that you're reading this and your body want to make change shows me that it's in the realm of possibility. Whether you recognize it or not, your body does want change. Your wonderful autonomic nervous system is compelled to do so. You see, mammals do a lot better when we're anchored in our safe and social system. So on a biological level, mammals (we) compulsively seek out the biology of safety. Remember, the issue is being stuck. Not broken. The capacity for self-regulation is compromised. The ANS is stuck in a defensive state. So your biology is compelled to regulate back into safety, but it's stuck. That means your body has the potential for regulation. It doesn't have the potential to fly and I don't think it's attempting to do so on any level. But your body does have the potential to be in safety and it seeks it out. So it's possible by and large. What that looks like for you, I don't know. How much activation you'll achieve of your ventral system or what's the right amount? I have no idea. These questions are interesting, but for the time being, not terribly significant. Focus on the fact that it's possible to create some change. Thanks for reading this blog. I truly hope that I was able to at least begin to chip away at the limiting belief that you may have that change is not possible. Read more on the blog to gain further insight or listen to the podcast !

This is a segment from my Polyvagal One Pagers free PDF in my File Share. There are more short lessons on the fundamentals of the Polyvagal Theory in that PDF as well. These are useful for your own short lessons, classes you might teach or handouts you might give out at a seminar or workshop. The shutdown system is the dorsal vagal parasympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. The shutdown system is important for conservation of bodily resources . If the body goes into shutdown, it’s anticipating that its life is in threat and shuts down all bodily processes. This serves to not only conserve resources, but also provides potential opportunities for survival. Predators are less likely to eat a corpse, which “playing possum” looks like. This conservative shutdown state is intended to be temporary and something the body comes out of when able to mobilize to safety. Shutdown results in significant changes in social functioning: disconnection from the self and others numbness and dissociation removal of eye contact flat facial affect inhibited movement voice becomes more flat and monotone limited range of emotional expression The world is : overwhelming, uninteresting, pointless Thoughts become : hopeless, apathetic Feelings of : hopelessness, fogginess, tiredness, numbness, disconnectedness, aloneness, worthlessness Loss of : energy, motivation, connection, hope Become more : cold, disconnected, isolated, lethargic, unmotivated For even more information on the Polyvagal Theory, check out these other resources I have: You can download a 1-page Polyvagal Theory resource in my File Share . There's this and many many other one-pagers for you to use. The Polyvagal 101 page the Polyvagal Theory on the Stuck Not Broken podcast , episodes 101-109 plus everything else I have in the blog and the Polyvagal 101 course below

This is a segment from my Polyvagal One Pagers free PDF in my File Share. There are more short lessons on the fundamentals of the Polyvagal Theory in that PDF as well. These are useful for your own short lessons, classes you might teach or handouts you might give out at a seminar or workshop. safe & social + flight/fight = play Play is a mixed state combination. It’s the ventral vagal social engagement system being utilized along with the sympathetic flight/fight system. Play is being mobilized while safe . Play is shared, synchronous, in the same state and following the same rules. Face to face contact is an important aspect of ensuring that play remains safe. Using the face signals that the autonomic nervous system is still accessing the pathways for safety and social engagement. Play exercises the ability to self-regulate ; to tap into the defensive states while staying in the safety state. The flight/fight mobilization system is being accessed and utilized, while under the influence of the social engagement system. When playing tag, the flight system is used. In wrestling, the fight system is being used. And when playing hide & seek, the shutdown system is being used. But all while actually safe. Play can also be sharing attention on a task or game. Doing a puzzle, playing soccer, baking a cake or even working together can all be considered play. For traumatized individuals, play may become unsafe or be unappealing. The safety system needs to be accessible, which can be a significant challenge for a nervous system stuck in a defensive state. Both (or all) of the nervous systems that are engaging in play need to be able to give and receive cues of safety. Have you ever heard of kids that “don’t play well with others” ? These are kids who have lost access to their safety state and what was once play becomes something else. This kid in a defensive state may end up hurting others, breaking the rules or quitting entirely. For even more information on the Polyvagal Theory, check out these other resources I have: You can download a 1-page Polyvagal Theory resource in my File Share . There's this and many many other one-pagers for you to use. The Polyvagal 101 page the Polyvagal Theory on the Stuck Not Broken podcast , episodes 101-109 plus everything else I have in the blog and the Polyvagal 101 course

This is a segment from my Polyvagal One Pagers free PDF in my File Share. There are more short lessons on the fundamentals of the Polyvagal Theory in that PDF as well. These are useful for your own short lessons, classes you might teach or handouts you might give out at a seminar or workshop. safe & social + shutdown = stillness Stillness is a mixed state combination. It’s the ventral vagal social engagement system being utilized along with the dorsal vagal shutdown system. Stillness is being immobilized while in safety . The ability to be still while safe is imperative for basic life functioning: sitting in silence practicing self-reflection using the restroom being physically intimate sleeping Individuals that are stuck in a more flight/fight defensive state may experience feelings of danger when still. For them, being immobilized in stillness is simply unsafe. The safety pathways are not active enough to settle into a calm stillness. If you’re already in a flight/fight state of danger, then you need to be mobile. If you were in the wild, your body would be ready to run or fight. You wouldn’t sit in a chair in this state. The gazelle that is running from a lion doesn’t lay down to go to sleep. They use the energy within them. For even more information on the Polyvagal Theory, check out these other resources I have: You can download a 1-page Polyvagal Theory resource in my File Share . There's this and many many other one-pagers for you to use. The Polyvagal 101 page the Polyvagal Theory on the Stuck Not Broken podcast , episodes 101-109 plus everything else I have in the blog and the Polyvagal 101 course below

This is a segment from my Polyvagal One Pagers free PDF in my File Share. There are more short lessons on the fundamentals of the Polyvagal Theory in that PDF as well. These are useful for your own short lessons, classes you might teach or handouts you might give out at a seminar or workshop. flight/fight + shutdown = freeze Freeze is a mixed state combination of the sympathetic mobilization system along with the dorsal vagal shutdown system. Freeze is being immobilized while highly charged . It’s like using the brake and the accelerator at the same time. The freeze mixed state is also possible when the individual is highly charged in sympathetic flight/fight energy and then forced into immobilization . This could be through various potentially traumatic events but could also be from more routine events like surgeries - anesthesia forces the individual into immobilization while they may be in a highly sympathetic state. More commonly, someone may experience freeze as a panic attack . During a panic attack, the body has a high level of sympathetic energy but immobilizes. The muscles are tense, breathing is shallow and thoughts of danger race, yet the body is paralyzed. Freeze energy may become frozen into the body. This is at the heart of PTSD , resulting in flashbacks, nightmares, being easily triggered, intense and prolonged distress, changes in thought and emotion and increased isolation. That frozen energy is either chronically present or easily triggered into overwhelm, panic or rage. The frozen body has less access to the safety pathways. Building the strength of the safety system is important in thawing the freeze mixed state. This builds the individual’s window of tolerance. For even more information on the Polyvagal Theory, check out these other resources I have: You can download a 1-page Polyvagal Theory resource in my File Share . There's this and many many other one-pagers for you to use. The Polyvagal 101 page the Polyvagal Theory on the Stuck Not Broken podcast , episodes 101-109 plus everything else I have in the blog and the Polyvagal 101 course below

INTRO - In this short book review episode, I… Am going to give you my thoughts on and tell you whether or not I recommend the book - Trauma Through a Child’s Eyes by Peter Levine and Maggir Kline. My name is Justin Sunseri. I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist that thinks the world needs a new paradigm for mental health. Welcome to Stuck Not Broken. TOPIC - TRAUMA THROUGH A CHILD’S EYES by Levine and Kline Do I recommend it? Overall, definitely. What it covers, a sampling: Understanding nervous system and trauma brief overview He covers this a lot, so nice that it’s brief Various ways that children can get traumatized Hospitals and doctor visits Through falls and normal play Also sexual abuse, divorce Very comprehensive Trauma First Aid Acting out and acting in Gang behavior and ‘the rage of the unparented’ Cultural trauma ...and much more Who it’s for: Anyone looking to understand trauma, especially when applied to children Those looking for how to directly intervene in a potentially traumatized child Any profession dealing with kiddos imo Parents definitely Schools definitely Adults looking to get a better understanding of themselves, because we were all once children Pieces will fall into place for you What I like: Great reference Huge book 450+ pages Lots of explicit ideas For multiple ages For multiple environments and populations Parents Teachers Medical staff Therapists, school counselors and school psychologists Culturally appropriate For trauma first aid in the immediate aftermath of something A nasty fall Something severe like a natural disaster Good balance of technique and learning I prefer the theory stuff Great resource, and its advanced, but it’s also an intro of sorts Doesn’t teach the fundamentals to implementing and self-regulation Too large a scope Do some self-regulation work along with this, like BSA What I didn’t like Real situations seem far too easy But they’re done by masters of SE Might be unrealistic for you at first and that’s okay Very very long I wanted it to end Too many interventions for me Listening in chunks helps, esp along with other things that are more light-hearted Audio book is not the ideal way to go about this So long - 16 hours? So slow - i listened to on 1.5x No way to use as a reference If you’re needing something and want to pull from a segment, impossible to find Great breadth it goes into in theory and application Like “In an Unspoken Voice” But some of it is lacking depth Building Safety Anchors - https://www.justinlmft.com/challenge-page/5180d0d1-fa0d-4833-8a96-b41546791435/ Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255 National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233 LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386 National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673 Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741 Call 911 for emergency This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health sx. Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only.

INTRO - In this episode, I tell you what the heck a Stucknaut is. Hint - it might be you! My name is Justin Sunseri. I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist that thinks the world needs a new paradigm for mental health. Welcome to Stuck Not Broken. DISCLAIMERS - But before I get into things -put yourself first. I keep every episode as safe as I can, but just by the nature of the topics, you may experience some stuff come up. Take a break if you need to. This podcast is not therapy, nor intended to be a replacement for therapy. TOPIC - WHAT IS A STUCKNAUT? It’s you. It’s me. It’s the audience of the Stuck Not Broken podcast. I’ve wanted this for a while! It’s those that are interested in PVT and the somatic elements of being human ANS For those that understand there is more to us than whether or not we are “mentally ill” or have a “chemical imbalance” or a “broken brain” or whatever We understand there has to be more That change is possible TOPIC - BELIEFS OF THE STUCKNAUT STUCK NOT BROKEN Change is possible generally A little can happen every day Slow process Not defective, not broken, not born a certain way We become who we are based on many factors Social, economic, religious, spiritual, familial, community, culture, upbringing, attachment, traumatized from things that did happen and also things that didn’t happen that should have happened Fluidity of emotion, sensation, state, cognition, behavior Noticing, being We are these things and we are more There is no mind/body duality outside of the limitations of language We affect each other Good or bad We are individuals, but individuals that need and affect each other True change comes through love, not force Reason and not shame There are not predetermined conclusions from being a Stucknaut This is how we should: Live Behave Think Feel Vote Worship The safety of our ANS will provide a container for these things How we treat each other will look different, but come from safety Anyone is welcome, despite color, creed, sex, gender, sexuality or ability… Come to be a Stucknaut with all of you, even your hateful ideas and feelings I think these will soften, become more... A Stucknaut is welcoming, not rejecting TOPIC - WORK IN PROGRESS The concept is a work in progress You’re a work in progress Me too There may be an ideal of a Stucknaut and I will flesh that out But it comes down to the belief in being stuck and not broken Change is possible More happiness or connection The stucknaut looks and acts differently, but they will ultimately come from love or be headed in that direction Love for others Love for the self They know there is more within them Just haven’t felt it or sustained it It’s a process You’re not alone on your journey, Dear Listener If you’re this far in, you might be a Stucknaut Listen to the next two to find out We may need to be reminded of these things and that’s okay A Stucknaut is not perfect, nor expected to be THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING! I hope you’ve learned something new to help you climb your polyvagal ladder. If you liked this episode, do me a favor and share it with someone you think will benefit. And make sure you’re following or subscribed on whatever podcast platform you listen to so you get updated immediately with every week’s new episode. Bye! This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health sx. Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only. More resources are available in the description of this episode and in the footer of justinlmft.com. Building Safety Anchors - https://www.justinlmft.com/challenge-page/5180d0d1-fa0d-4833-8a96-b41546791435/ Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats

INTRO - In this episode, I discuss the adventures and the treasure of being a Stucknaut! My name is Justin Sunseri. I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist that thinks the world needs a new paradigm for mental health. Welcome to Stuck Not Broken. DISCLAIMERS - But before I get into things -put yourself first. I keep every episode as safe as I can, but just by the nature of the topics, you may experience some stuff come up. Take a break if you need to. This podcast is not therapy, nor intended to be a replacement for therapy. TOPIC - WHAT IS A STUCKNAUT? It’s you. It’s me. It’s the audience of the Stuck Not Broken podcast. It’s those that are interested in PVT and the somatic elements of being human. Last episode was about the general beliefs of being a Stucknaut. TOPIC - THE INTERNAL WORLD Astronauts - space Argonauts - sea Stucknauts - inner world of themselves How their inner world is impacted by external factors, present and past Every Stucknaut exploration is different than others' Common human experiences, sure Learn and share with each other and build In essence, exploring safety and danger, exploring stuck ANS states From past events or lack of events From lack of safety development Lots of peril that may reinforce the stuck state Resulting in flight, fight, shutdown or freeze possibly Past, flashbacks, stuck autonomic states Some known, some not Good chance there is hidden stuff Good chance there is unknown safety Can be vulnerable and scare someone Memories that will be encountered - Episodic Certain events Emotional Present moment that brings up a past event Mammal-universal: surprise, fear, disgust, sadness, joy and curiosity, excitement, gladness and triumph Procedural Especially emergency responses that were thwarted Bracing, contracting, retracting, fighting, fleeing, freezing, setting and maintaining boundaries Organismic Approach or avoid, attraction or repulsion TOPIC - HOW THE INTERNAL & EXTERNAL CONNECT Affect each other People, environment affect internal and vise versa Safe environment means we can go inside Neuroception is the process of this Info from the outside State shift and then info to the outside We do the inner work to affect the outer world Improve relationships Improve work and school Meet goals The Stucknaut is exploring the inner world, but aware of the external and internal TOPIC -the TREASURE OF A STUCKNAUT Not in this for the riches Goal is safety, connection, inner peace, calm, connection Might look different for all of us individually Shared experiences, shared similarity Change for self Change for family Change for community Inner world first, then the external Individual autonomy in a co-regulative and shared communal world Finding the boundary of themselves and others Co-regulation is helpful and maybe a tool to use in a sense, though we don’t control that and we should not be compelling that imo Work on the internal to become the co-regulator for others Can’t compel others to be what we need That’s not the goal Goal is to be for ourselves what we need THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING! I hope you’ve learned something new to help you climb your polyvagal ladder. If you liked this episode, do me a favor and share it with someone you think will benefit. And make sure you’re following or subscribed on whatever podcast platform you listen to so you get updated immediately with every week’s new episode. Bye! Trauma and Memory book - https://amzn.to/3jGI64h Building Safety Anchors - https://www.justinlmft.com/challenge-page/5180d0d1-fa0d-4833-8a96-b41546791435/ This week’s Patreon episode - https://www.patreon.com/justinlmft Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255 National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233 LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386 National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673 Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741 Call 911 for emergency

INTRO - In this episode, I tell you what the equipment of a Stucknaut is. What are we taking on this adventure to make sure we survive and come back home to safety? My name is Justin Sunseri. I’m a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist that thinks the world needs a new paradigm for mental health. Welcome to Stuck Not Broken. DISCLAIMERS - But before I get into things -put yourself first. I keep every episode as safe as I can, but just by the nature of the topics, you may experience some stuff come up. Take a break if you need to. This one in particular should be... This podcast is not therapy, nor intended to be a replacement for therapy. TOPIC - WHAT IS A STUCKNAUT? It’s you. It’s me. It’s the audience of the Stuck Not Broken podcast. It’s those that are interested in PVT and the somatic elements of being human. TOPIC - THE TOOLS OF A STUCKNAUT Tools and equipment Knowledge - paradigm of the PVT and somatic-based ideas of mind/body Application - narrative of these to the self Reduced judgment Judgment is an obstacle to the Stucknaut adventure New narrative leads to reduced judgment Reduced judgment leads to more room for curiosity, less defensive reinforcement The individual Individual capacity for self-regulation Individual curiosity Healthy boundaries Offerings of co-regulation to other Stucknauts Realization that we must do our own work Can work with others Gather resources from others Accept co-regulation from others While also taking ownership over our own adventure Pendulation Going from safety to danger Pendulating back and forth between these Identify safety in the present moment through the senses or through memory or through imagination or through internal resource Titration Feel things a little at a time Not to overwhelm Anchor when climbing too far down the ladder Appreciation and gratitude To the self and others Apology, forgiveness and gratitude to the self I thank my body for what it accomplished (though not separate) Dedicated practice (BSA) Not a one-time thing Determination and motivation and discipline To learn and practice how to explore Safety anchoring, building vagal brake Top-down paradigm, narrative, stories “Stuck not broken” PVT as paradigm, apply to self Bottom-up practice Majority of vagal fibers are body to the brain Feedback loop is the focus, not the nerve Send cues of safety down and up from the internal world Slowed breathing, muscle relaxation or tension Fundamental organismic response tendencies approach/avoid or attraction/repulsion Identify basic safety, even in simple things THANKS SO MUCH FOR LISTENING! I hope you’ve learned something new to help you climb your polyvagal ladder. If you liked this episode, do me a favor and share it with someone you think will benefit. And make sure you’re following or subscribed on whatever podcast platform you listen to so you get updated immediately with every week’s new episode. Bye! This podcast is not therapy, not intended to be therapy or be a replacement for therapy. Nothing in this creates or indicates a therapeutic relationship. Please consult with your therapist or seek for one in your area if you are experiencing mental health sx. Nothing in this podcast should be construed to be specific life advice; it is for educational and entertainment purposes only. More resources are available in the description of this episode and in the footer of justinlmft.com. Building Safety Anchors - https://www.justinlmft.com/challenge-page/5180d0d1-fa0d-4833-8a96-b41546791435/ This week’s Patreon episode - https://www.patreon.com/justinlmft Intro/Outro music & Transition Sounds by Benjo Beats - https://soundcloud.com/benjobeats National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 1 (800) 273-8255 National Domestic Violence Hotline -1 (800) 799-7233 LGBT Trevor Project Lifeline - 1 (866) 488-7386 National Sexual Assault Hotline - 1 (800) 656-4673 Crisis Text Line - Text “HOME” to 741741 Call 911 for emergency