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You're stuck. You're not broken. I know it can feel that way, but really, you gotta believe me on this - you're just not broken. You're stuck. This is the central idea of the podcast and also the separate Patreon podcast . And the great news is that being stuck means you can get un stuck. It means that your momentum is still moving forward, but there's something blocking that from happening. The momentum, the potential to get unstuck is there within you. The momentum might be to release the freeze energy that you've got stuck inside of you. Or the momentum could be allowing the sympathetic energy to return, getting unstuck from your shutdown state. The body is ready to make this happen. Your body knows exactly what to do. It's just stuck. And what's keeping it stuck? You are. Okay, it's not that simple, because maybe you're in an environmentally unsafe place. But for the most part, you're stopping this unstuckness from happening. From the bottom up, from the body to the brain, the change is ready to take place. That energy is ready to discharge or to come back. But from the top down, from the brain to the body, that's where things get "a little wonky," as Mercedes says on the podcast . Specifically, we're talking about brainstem area stuff here. Very primitive, but very wise. That's where our bodies and our brains need to connect to help us get unstuck. There's probably something(s) you're doing to keep yourself stuck without even realizing it. Here's a short list: judging yourself escaping your internal feelings somehow distracting yourself from the inner stuff somehow blaming yourself blaming others dismissing or minimizing your pain and more When we do these things, it just serves to keep the energy inside or from returning. It's like putting a cap on a bottle before tipping it over. Or if the internal momentum is like rolling a bowling ball, then these thoughts/behaviors are like placing a wall in the middle of the alley. So what happens is the internal stuff that you're ignoring/avoiding/minimizing/squishing festers and worsens . It doesn't just sit there patiently. You know that already though. It tends to grow and get worse. It infects other facets of your life, like your relationships or work. The pain that you're going through - the anxiety, panic, fear, depression... it's telling you something. And it's your job to listen . Not to ignore the pain. Not to dismiss it. Not to squish it down or fight it off. To listen. Calmly and curiously. Not judging or evaluating it. But to listen in moments where you're actually safe. And look inward at what your body is telling you. Just a little bit at a time. It's hard work , I know. You might be cut off from your body in a major way. I do a lot of therapy work with teens ( and a few adults ) who have survived abuse and are left in a numbness or fog. When they look inward, they find nothing (at first). Or they've been left with a ton of anger or anxiety. And when they look inward, they don't like what they find and escape in one form or another (at first). So looking inward and expecting to deal with all of your stuff all at once isn't always practical or doable. You come face to face with the energy that wants to get unstuck; that's ready to come back to life and do it's thing. And it's too intense . And with that intensity, memories pop into your mind that aren't very comfortable. Which makes things worse. At first . The good news is - you don't have to do any of that. You don't have to . You may want to. That's your call. But to get unstuck, you can basically do the opposite. Focus on the positives, focus on what energizes you safely . Things like art, dancing, music, singing, cooking, playing sports - whatever it is. It doesn't matter. As long as it brings you some energy, some joy, some connection or being a bit more in the present moment. You do these things, but do them mindfully . Listen to your body while you draw. Let it speak to you through your artwork. Or listen while you're running, listen to your muscles as they carry you. Do something safe, which will allow you to listen safely. Little by little, you may notice that the pain isn't as intense. And you might be ready to go inward and listen more directly. But at first, it helps to have a positive energy resource. Or even a safe person . Not necessarily someone to talk to about your pain. But someone you feel safe with. Not protected . Safe. Someone you can smile around. And be a bit vulnerable. This could be a club, a yoga class, being with family or a friend. When we're with safe people, we can become unstuck. But again, bring some mindfulness to the experience of being with a safe person and hold it while it's there. Build the capacity to be able to handle the stuckness. And obviously find a safe place . Might be home or a certain place in your home. Might be a church, might be at the gym or even grocery shopping. Somewhere you feel safe, comfortable and more at ease. A place that helps your energy to return without being overwhelming. You could also do the more direct route of looking inward and allowing the stuck energy to discharge or to return. Peter Levine talks way way in depth about this in his books . This can be done through meditation, in therapy with someone who is incorporating somatic skills, through yoga and of course through Somatic Experiencing. I hope reading this has been helpful for you. There is so much hope it's ridiculous. That momentum is inside of you, ready to take off. Once it gets safety and permission to do so.

Why do some clients have a faster turnaround than others? Why do some clients not see change at all? Or flat-line in their progress? Is there a therapeutic modality or specific therapist that works better than others? Here are some things to consider when thinking about what will or will not work for you as a client. Psychologists now understand that the creation of an expectation to benefit from therapy is one of the common factors associated with a positive therapeutic outcome. - iresearchnet.com The therapy that works... is the one you believe in. I'm not interested in all therapeutic modalities, even the most popular ones. There are some that I don't think I could take seriously and benefit from. Or there may be pieces of a larger modality that I don't believe in and would probably not benefit from just for that reason. It would make sense for me to seek out modalities that I expect some benefit from. The fact that I am not interested and don't believe is a block to its potential success on me. This has nothing to do with the evidence of whether a modality is most likely to work or not. It's more about the client's belief in the modality or for it working on them in particular. A belief in it and an interest in being a part of it. Even if a modality has solid evidence backing it up, that doesn't necessarily equal belief or taking it seriously by a potential client. Belief in the modality is impo rtant. In fact, belief in the potential of therapy in and of itself is important and "...may be even more vital to the psychotherapy process than is often acknowledged" ( Greenberg 2006 ). Not everyone buys into the rapy as a legitimate field. I used to hypnotize my friends when I was in high school. It didn't work on everyone, only those who believed they could be hypnotized or that hypnosis was even a thing at all. Belief was essential to the process of being hypnotized. Same for therapy. You have to buy into it. You have to have some level of belief and positive expectation. At least a little to show up and start the process. Clients may do some research and find a modality that they determine will be the most beneficial. But when it comes down to it, the therapist themselves are probably more indicative of success than the specific modality. Do you believe in the person providing the service? Besides the belief in the modality, the client has to have some belief in the provider as well. And I think this is more important than the modal ity - "... the quality of the alliance [is] more predictive of positive outcome than the type of intervention... " ( NCBI ) . If you think the provider is a [fill in the blank], then no mater what they do, it probably won't go very far. The therapeutic alliance is the most important part of change in therapy (factors outside of therapy play a much bigger role though). So the client needs to have some belief in their ability to help in general, but also in their specific abilities. Things like: listening validating understanding holding the client in positive regard knowledge base ability to adapt to the needs of the client If the client does not believe in the therapist, the possibility of therapy being as effective as it could be is probably reduced. This lack of belief in the therapist could be due to: the therapist's actual shortcomings in their role as a therapist the client's capacity to trust and be vulnerable ruptures in the therapeutic alliance I expect that my clients are going to have some difficulties with trust and vulnerability. That's probably going to be something that we work on. It's pretty normal for therapy. It's up to me to make sure I am doing as good as a I possibly can when it comes to basic therapeutic skills . I need to be in my most safe and social state, as much as possible, when I am providing therapy. From there, I can use those fundamental skills with more efficacy. If I lose access to my state of ventral vagal safety, then I also lose access to necessary pieces of co-regulation. It's also up to me to notice and repair ruptures . An easy way of doing this is by simply asking the client for feedback at the end of a session. "Was this session helpful for you?" "Is there anything I did today that you hated or would like to see different?" But I also regularly provide opportunities for feedback during a session - "I want to make sure I'm doing a good job listening to you" and then opening a question or discussion. I listen to those ruptures within my nervous system; the flight/fight, shutdown or freeze energies that may pop up. I discern if these are empathetic feelings, my own feelings or indications of a rupture, then open the dialogue with my clients . The point is the belief in the therapist is essential . And there is a lot the therapist can do to build and support that belief. The belief in the specific therapist comes from the rapport with the therapist. And a stronger rapport leads to a higher chance of a positive outcome. Is it the right time? Another thing to consider in what "works" or not is the timing of it. Although I am not interested in Therapy X currently, it might be of interest to me later. So my lack of personal belief in it is a hindrance to success right now, but maybe not in the future. I may be looking for something with a more novel feature. Or maybe there's a therapist influencer out there that peaks my interest who uses Therapy X. At that point, I may become more interested. If we look at the five stages of change model, a client in the precontemplation stage of change is probably not going to respond well to interventions that are more for the action stage. The intervention is too early , they aren't quite there yet. The client that arrives to the therapy office due to a court mandate to address their addiction is potentially in the precontemplation stage. They aren't seeing their addiction as a problem. Working on how to stop their addiction doesn't match their stage of change. It may not be the right time for a specific modality or a specific technique. The client might not be ready to talk about the trauma narrative. So meeting with a therapist that uses a modality focusing on the narrative might not be the best idea. We can help the client to prepare or become more interested in a technique. Simply explaining it to them, the reasoning of it, what to expect and how we apply it can help. But for the client that doesn't want to go into their trauma narrative, they might want someone that focuses more on somatic stuff. Or maybe focus their time on psychoeducation around trauma and the body. As they learn more, they may become ready to go into their feelings or even into the story. (BTW I talk about whether or not I think telling the trauma story is necessary in the first Therapeer Content Event .) Attempting a modality before they are ready probably reduces the chances of success. When I work with my clients, I have to be assessing and collaborating with them about their readiness to make change and be a part of techniques that I may use. Discussing the plan with them and making an agreement on these things is a good way to build their belief in both the process and the provider. If they believe in the process and believe in the provider, their willingness to try something different might increase . Or to be more open to thinking differently about their presenting problems. Opportunities and readiness for change opens up once the other pieces are more solidified. We put a lot of emphasis on the techniques and modalities, but these things are not necessarily going to be the biggest predictors of change for clients. The therapy that works is the one that the client expects to work. With the clinician they expect to be helpful. At the stage they are ready for change in.

YOU'VE LEARNED I'm willing to bet you've learned. I'm willing to bet that you've put your time into learning in various forms: devouring Instagram posts reading blogs exchanging information in Facebook groups reading books on mental health buying video courses And surely more I'm not thinking of right now (comment and let me know what I missed). I'm willing to bet you're put the time in. YOU'VE LEARNED TOO MUCH And I may even be willing to bet that you've put in more than enough time . Of course I don't know the right amount of time, especially for you and your wonderful nervous system. No idea. But you might be able to tell when you've learned enough to act on and when you've gone too far. It's easy to miss . Especially because you're probably learning a lot through social media and their algorithms have a tendency to keep you scrolling mindlessly. And I think that's the key, as always, is the mindfulness part of it. When you're learning, are you mindful and conscious of what you're taking in and when it's time to practice it? Are you asking yourself if something will be helpful for you or not? You might be taking in information and then judging yourself. Seeing how some technique or whatever is so beneficial to someone and then doubting it will be on yourself. That you can't obtain what that other person is doing. That somehow you can't be successful. You may not be noticing what's happening within you while you're learning. Like what was the last piece of information that you learned about that you felt legitimately excited about? That you felt some hope in? If you pay attention, you might feel a pull toward some piece of wellness information that your body feels hopeful about. ACT ON YOUR HOPE When you feel that positivity and excitement and interest, did you take an action to use what you learned? I call those things that our nervous system lights up about and sees an avenue for change in "hope." It's like our gut and our chest say " yes " to some things and dismisses others . We want to listen to the things that light us up and move on from the other things. Of course the other things may be helpful at some point, but maybe not right here and right now. Listening to my podcast might feel like a "yes" and fill in some knowledge gaps that you have, so you keep listening. But my course might feel like a "no" for you right now for whatever reason. But it might become relevant for you later on and you might feel some curiosity about it. I think of it as taking one step forward or maybe peeling back one layer of an onion. We all have multiple layers of change to us. The first layer we peel away might be brought on by something very different than the 18th layer. Deep breathing could be your first step and dance might be your 18th. I don't know. But your body does and you need to mindfully listen. It will feel like hope. Or curiosity. Or excitement. JUST F**KING DO We have to take that step forward though. Learning and learning and learning may not be helpful. Although it might feel helpful to learn something new or make a new connection or gain a new insight. But the clarity gained from learning may not translate to the blossoming that is felt from actually climbing your polyvagal ladder (too many metaphors?). I just don't know how else to say this. Change doesn't happen from continuous learning. If it did, I don't think you'd be stuck where you're stuck. You've learned enough by now, right? And if not and you're just starting to learn, welcome to my blog. Thanks for starting here. :) LEARN FROM DOING Doing or attempting to do is an opportunity to learn. When you do something, when you act on what you're learning, you're allowing yourself the opportunity to gain new information. You will learn what you do or do notA like. You will learn what is a clear yes and a clear no and maybe even a maybe later. After you attempt something new, like meditating or a new deep breathing technique or some sort of artistic expression - evaluate the effectiveness of what you experienced. First, you have to actually experience what you're doing. If you're meditating for the first time, really look inward and see if you feel some hope there or not. Something you're willing to come back to. You can rate your comfort level with what you're doing. You can rate your level of hope in what you're doing. You can keep a short running list of things that "work" for you. I'd recommend asking yourself what you think will bring you to the present moment (what I call a Safety Anchor ) and what actually does bring you to the present moment. PRACTICE After you've learned and discovered some techniques that you would like to return to, practice them daily . I don't think this needs to be anything intensive, but it should be a deliberate effort to build a new routine involving grounding yourself in the present moment. Use that breathing technique that felt right to you. Pick a time that works for your schedule. Allow yourself to feel some of that ventral vagal safety every day. The more you do, the easier it will be to access. Do what you can tolerate and then build . I believe some things will be good for micro doses of safety and other things will be better for a heavier access to your safety system. Micro doses are great and can be built upon, but keep an eye out for other things as you build your capacity to tolerate them. LEARN ABOUT SOMETHING NEW Okay, you've discovered something you felt hope in. You tried it out and you want to do more. Then you did some daily practice. The next step is to ask yourself if it's time for something different or to alter what you're already doing. It might be time to get to that second layer of change. I've only described the first layer! As your vagal brake increases its strength to tolerate what you're already doing, you'll need to exercise it further. And that means more learning and repeating this process! Start from scratch, assume you know nothing and begin the search for what might help your nervous system to continue to blossom. Notice what or who you feel some hope and curiosity in. This is actually how I designed my Building Safety Anchors course. It's 30 days of structured learning and practicing! Small doses each day to not overwhelm participants.

Psychology traditionally approaches trauma through its affects on the mind. This is at best only half the story and a wholly inadequate one. -Peter Levine Trauma needs to be discussed in a biological perspective and psychological. But we need: a clearer understanding of what trauma is to understand that our thinking mind is an extension of our physical bodies to understand the relevance of psychology in getting unstuck 1. WHAT TRAUMA IS Trauma isn’t a thing that is survived and then becomes a psychology issue. Trauma is the biological result of surviving something(s). Trauma is the autonomic nervous system being stuck in a defensive state : sympathetic flight/fight, dorsal shutdown or the mixed freeze state. Trauma is the impact of what our bodies survive and is different from one nervous system to the next. We drop down our polyvagal ladders and into defensive states in order to increase our chances of survival . As we drop down the ladder and lose access to our safety state, we unlock the ability to run, fight or collapse. This shift up and down the polyvagal ladder is called " neuroception " and directly involves the unconscious detection of safety or danger . We are biologically hardwired to react to danger cues. Cues that have been imprinted within us through evolution. Cues that cause a neuroceptive shift into a defensive state before we've even become consciously aware of the cue itself or of the shift. Again, this is different from one nervous system to the next. If you and I survived a car crash, we would walk away from that with potentially very different results. I may be in a very traumatized state, stuck in a freeze response; while you could potentially self-regulate and be more or less fine. Your ANS didn't get stuck in a defensive state like mine did. Even though we both survived a car crash, it wouldn't make sense to say we were both traumatized or to say that we went through a trauma. What we went through is a car crash. Whether or not we are traumatized from the car crash event is dependent on each of our nervous systems and the strength of our vagal brakes . Yes, some things are probably more likely to result in a traumatized state . Sexual assault, war, child abuse in all its forms are probably more likely to result in a stuck autonomic nervous system. There are actually two paths to trauma - an acute life threat reaction, likely resulting in a freeze state chronic disruption of connectedness, likely resulting in a flight, fight or shutdown state As you can see, trauma isn't just some psychological issue that is the result of a traumatic event. It's a fundamental hijacking of the autonomic nervous system, which then gets stuck in that state even when the body is otherwise safe and no longer needs defensive behaviors. 2. MIND & BODY They go together. In particular, I am discussing your thinking mind and your autonomic nervous system. We know from the Polyvagal Theory that our biological autonomic state is the driver of our thoughts. That " story follows state " as Deb Dana says. Depending on our ANS state, our thoughts and their intensity alter, even about the same thing, like our own children: ventral vagal safety - "My child needs some extra love and support." sympathetic flight - "My kid is going to grow up and be a criminal! sympathetic fight - "You're going to listen to me whether you like it or not!" dorsal vagal shutdown - "I give up." As our polyvagal state changes, our thoughts change and so does the intensity of those thoughts: ventral vagal safety - calm, peaceful or playful thoughts sympathetic flight - intense , evasive thoughts sympathetic fight - intense, aggressive thoughts dorsal vagal shutdown - small, hopeless thoughts And as our polyvgal state changes, how much access we have to our higher brain functions changes as well. Our ability to think clearly and critically, to plan, to weigh pros and cons is entirely dependent on the access that we have to our ventral vagal pathways. When we neurocept safety, we activate the ventral pathways and unlock access to our prefrontal cortex responsible for critical thinking. When in defensive states, survival is prioritized, not critical thinking. In defensive states, priority is placed on identifying, evading or combating danger. We become much better at scanning for danger, though not necessarily better at identifying actual danger. As you can see, this directly impacts our day to day functioning and our very own fundamental experience of the overall sense of "self". So it's not as if you have your thinking self which is somehow independent of your bodily self. They go together and directly impact each other . We can alter our thoughts from top down cognitive shifts, but also from bottom up somatic shifts. If we can utilize and discharge that stuck defensive energy, we can climb our polyvagal ladders. If we do that, our thoughts change along with the autonomic shifts. Likewise, altering our thoughts can help to self-regulate our biology. Thinking more positively or seeing another angle can help our defensive energy to calm itself. Yes, much easier said than done. And this is where the field of psychology becomes significant. 3. THE RELEVANCE OF PSYCHOLOGY A big big part of being stuck is the detaching of the conscious mind from the physical body. In a defensive state, we might not be aware of anything below the neck - feelings, emotions, bodily sensations and movements. We get stuck in our thoughts . We ruminate, obsess, dwell, anticipate and more. This detaching ensures that our bodies remain stuck in a defensive state. We need to reattach the conscious mind to the physical body in order to get unstuck. Not that body and mind were ever separate. I'm talking more metaphorically. Even if they feel separate, they're still very much together and influencing each other. We're just not cognitively aware of it. Conscious awareness accessed through the felt sense provides us with a gentle energetic discharge just as effective as that which the animal accesses through action. -Peter Levine, Waking the Tiger Psychology becomes important because we can mindfully attune to our biology and begin the process of getting un stuck. Only then, when attempting to use our conscious mind to get unstuck, does psychology become relevant and a driving force for change. But it's combining the psychological with the somatic. The psychology field looks at the cognitive/emotional/behavioral obstacles to getting unstuck in the nervous system. Psychology can assess and treat the cognitions in our mind. We know that thoughts stem from the autonomic state. The field of psychology has come up with many cognitive grounding skills and therapeutic modalities like CBT and DBT. If the thoughts can be addressed, it's possible to begin a top-down method of getting unstuck. Addressing the thoughts first, then reattaching to the body. Psychology can assess and treat the emotional experiences that we have. In a stuck defensive state, emotions become much more difficult, chaotic and long-lasting. Depression, anxiety, rage, panic, overwhelm, shame and guilt are examples. Noticing and discussing the emotions we have can open an opportunity to feel more deeply into the bodily feelings. We can see that the emotions are just extensions of the stuck and frustrated autonomic state. And then attune to the state. Psychology can assess and treat the behaviors that we do to cope with the autonomic state, what Dr Porges calls "behavioral adaptations." The coping behaviors ultimately end up reinforcing the autonomic state, not helping. Things like addictions, self-harm and compulsive picking. All of these (and many more) are ways to attempt to handle the defensive energy that is in the body, but detached from the mind. Eliminating the behavioral adaptations opens an avenue for feeling and then appropriately utilizing the defensive energy. Doing these pieces can often times look like therapy. In therapy, the client can discuss the cognitive, emotional and somatic impacts of their traumatized state in the here and now . Not only discuss these things, but feel them. Be with them. Develop a fuller and more present felt sense through reattaching the conscious, thinking mind with the body. Doing so in a safe environment with a safe person can help to re-regulate the autonomic nervous system back to where it functions the best - the ventral vagal social engagement system. But self-regulating the nervous system doesn’t have to come only from therapy. Other methods can be helpful, but they all require mindfulness of our biology while in the present moment. Things like yoga and meditation can be helpful. There are also other things to help self-regulate: dance, art, music, breathing techniques, socializing and more. All of these things help to re-regulate the autonomic nervous system. BASIC IDEA In short, trauma is a stuck autonomic nervous system defensive response to something(s). To get unstuck, the individual needs to bring their conscious, mindful awareness to their bodily sensations. The field of psychology and the practice of therapy can be valuable in that process. Psychology helps to identify thoughts, emotions and behaviors that are keeping the individual in their stuck defensive state, then treat those identified problems. Doing so opens up the opportunity to bring the conscious to the somatic.

Avoidance and Comfort Anger seems to be an emotion that we avoid altogether. Like, if we feel it we're somehow "bad" or out of control or something. It's a powerful emotion, one that we might not be used to. If coming out of a dorsal shutdown and up one rung on the polyvagal ladder , anger is way way different than the norm. If dropping down into fight energy anger from a ventral safety state, then it could be experienced as a failure of not having enough self control. Likewise, anger could be something that we find comfort in. When angry, the world is tamable. We can get the world to submit. To bend. We can feel a sense of power through anger. It could be a relief from feeling like a constant victim. It might feel so good that we think the anger is justified and righteous (and at times, it is). On the recipient end of anger, it's a scary thing. When someone gets angry and raises their voice or intrudes upon your space or worse, it can be a terrifying thing. We want to get away from it, which completely makes sense. It's hard to be with someone in a very angry place, even if they are not a direct threat. Our bodies tell us to either get away from that angry person or to aggress back. Or maybe to collapse or paralyze in fear. Anger & What it is Anger is an emotion that stems from the fight energy of the autonomic nervous system. If we can't be safe at the top of the ladder, we drop down into flight energy. If we can't run away or escape the situation, we drop down further into fight energy of the sympathetic ANS. When these autonomic states are activated, they can be felt as emotion. For examples: ventral vagal safety = happiness sympathetic flight = anxiety sympathetic fight = anger dorsal vagal shutdown = sadness But before existing as an emotion, anger exists simply as an activation of the sympathetic fight pathways and can be experienced as such . The fight energy serves a purpose - to encroach upon space. In the wild, this is useful for hunting. It's also useful for getting a would-be threat to back off. The lurched forward body posture, tense muscles and furrowed brow are indicators that the organism is not safe and is ready to attack . The upper body would be used to push, punch or throw to create space. And then the legs would be used to get to safety once there is an opportunity. Anger isn’t just some thing that we feel in the air. Or in our brain. It exists in our bodies. In our muscles. In our heartbeat and in our faces. But since anger is something we tend to avoid or even relish in perhaps, we don't really feel the anger in this way. So underneath the experience of anger on a conscious level is the autonomic felt somatic experience of the sympathetic fight energy. That fight energy is there for a reason and needs to be utilized mindfully. Too Much When we become too sympathetically charged, it can look like anxiety or aggression, which is the flight or fight energy on the polyvagal ladder. If we drop down the ladder, then that means we are moving away from our safety biological pathways and into defensive energy. If we lose access to our safety biological pathways, we lose access to being in the present moment and especially to feeling connected to our physical bodies. But this is exactly what we need in order to relieve our bodies of the taxing strain of the sympathetic system. That system is intended to be utilized in large bursts of movement. For running or fighting. Not ongoing, unused accumulation of flight/fight energy. This presents a significant misuse of bodily resources that are otherwise intended for "health, growth and restoration," as Dr Porges says. I'm not recommending you go and push someone. Or hit them. Or throw them. Please don't. Though something needs to be done. We need to be able to get that "too much" sympathetic fight energy down to a tolerable level. The Present Moment The present moment is the answer. And we get to the present moment by accessing the ventral vagal safety pathways. The biological circuitry responsible for social engagement, play, calm and joy. We have to have enough access to these pathways in order to return to the present moment and actually feel the sympathetic fight energy. If we can actually feel the experience of anger on a bodily felt sense, then we can build a tolerance to the sympathetic fight energy. We can retain a hold on the ventral pathways for longer and longer. If we can be with that anger, then we can notice the intensity of it lessen. We can feel the stuck sympathetic energy discharge with mindful watching. During this discharge of stuck sympathetic energy, it's not uncommon to feel tingles, waves, temperature changes or muscle contraction and relaxation. Breathing shifts on its own, from the chest to the belly. From short breaths to fuller and slower ones. But these feelings have to be watched with curiosity, not evaluation. We need to be able to sit with these feelings with compassion and not fear. No, it's not easy and probably won't happen immediately, depending on what you capacity is for doing so. We have to be gauging our capacity for doing this. And be brutally honest with ourselves about what we can handle. There is no shame or embarrassment in this work. It is what it is. If you can't handle it right now, it is what it is. If you can handle some, it is what it is. If you need someone to be with you, whatever. If you need to buy a program, then whatever. Stop the judging and be honest with what you can handle. We have to approach this intense stuck fight energy a little at a time . It can be overwhelming. It's probably not going to happen all at once. A little at a time is ideal if your vagal brake is a bit on the weaker side. That's how we strengthen anything. A little at a time, but with practice and intent. This is no different. I actually have a course that I designed with these factors in mind. Building Safety Anchors is 30 days of specific learning and doing. It's not for everyone. It's for the person that knows they would be best served through a digital course and can commit to 30 days of guided, practical and bite-sized actions. You can actually learn what the heck a "safety anchor" is by reading the first learning module for free. The Starting Place But that's where I would recommend anyone start. What brings you to the present moment? What brings your specific consciousness to the present moment? What helps you to feel safe? Connected? Calm? Playful? What brings you to smile? If you don't know, that's okay. Now is the perfect time to start figuring it out! Yesterday is done. Tomorrow is coming. Wouldn't it be great to have a step in the right direction today in preparation for tomorrow? That last line sounded bad but you get the idea. Anger isn't the issue. The stuck fight energy is the issue.

The Impact vs the Event The key here is the impact of the event on the autonomic nervous system. Not the event itself , but the immediate and potentially long-lasting impact. When anyone survives something, they may have to shift down their “ polyvagal ladder ” into a defensive state: flight, fight, shutdown or freeze. Typically, when people say "trauma" they are referring to the event itself - the war or the car crash or the abuse. But this is not entirely accurate. Some events are probably more likely to result in a stuck autonomic nervous system. But every individual will walk away from these events with different levels of stuck defensive autonomic states, including not at all. Again - some events are probably more likely to result in a stuck defensive state. If the strength of their social engagement system (ventral vagal pathways) are not strong enough, the potential to be left in a traumatized state increases . Meaning, their chances of being stuck in one of those defensive states. Luckily, the strength of the ventral system can be exercised and strengthened, which will eventually result in the capacity to allow, tolerate and channel the stuck defensive energy. This is called the "vagal brake." The vagal brake is the influence of the safety system on the heart. A stronger vagal brake results in a calmer heartbeat. Building the safety system and thus the vagal brake is a core concept of my course - Building Safety Anchors . How the World is Filtered If someone is stuck in a defensive state, their perception of the world significantly shifts . The world - to them - becomes a lot more dangerous. They filter the world through danger-colored glasses. Because their very biology is primed to do so. When stuck in a flight sympathetic energy, the world is scarier. It's something to be avoided. To run from. In a fight sympathetic energy, the world is now something to attack, retaliate against or blame. In a shutdown state, the world is something to hide from or collapse in fear from. The inner world is experienced as a threat as well , not just the outside world. As just a factual matter, there is no value to the polyvagal states. They are not good or bad. They just are. And they are a response to neuroceptions of safety or danger. But the energy of the defensive state can be experienced as "bad" or "painful" or "too much." When there is a strong enough hold in the ventral safety system, the experience of the sympathetic energy will be welcomed and thanked. It's a much different experience. In a world experienced in the more fearful and defensive way, the capacity to be with a wider range of feelings is obviously very compromised. Because it's now a danger. Without the safety system active enough , it's experienced as a danger and something to be avoided, pushed away or numbed. So emotional development swirls around avoiding “danger,” aggressing “danger” and shutting down or freezing in the face of “danger.” Co-regulation On top of this, making safe, trusting connections becomes a lot more difficult . The ability to notice safety in others is compromised. Neurocepting safety becomes a lot more difficult. When stuck in a defensive state, there is a higher chance of detecting danger, even if it's not there. So when in the company of someone who is actually safe, it could be experienced as danger. Because the feelings of safety are uncomfortable, vulnerable and therefore dangerous. It's not the other person. It's the neuroception of safety and the foreign feelings of safety when the ventral system is accessed. The ability to function at a healthy level in a relationship then is compromised. If you can’t be in a co-regulative relationship with a safe other, climbing your own polyvagal ladder and back into your own safety system becomes a lot more difficult. So if we are not handling the feelings of safety and aren't accepting co-regulation, then the ability to stay in the ventral system is compromised. Again, it needs to be exercised. Someone who is not accessing these things is not going to have a full range of emotional experience. They are not accessing their safety state in order to experience the broader range of human emotional experience. Behavioral Adaptations And finally, the person stuck in a defensive state will engage in “ behavioral adaptations. ” These are things that they do to cope with the intensity of their defensive state. Addiction, abuse, skin picking, obsessions and more. These coping behaviors might help with the immediate pain/discomfort, but prevent them from feeling and releasing their defensive state energy. These behavioral adaptations don't actually help in the long term. They are only immediate answers to high distress. They flatline the range of emotional experience possible. They ensure that the individual stays stuck. They are a result of not having enough tolerance to the somatic experiences. They are a result of not having built the strength of the ventral pathways. Access Safety and the Present Moment As you can see, these and other factors make life a lot more difficult and will stunt that person’s capacity to feel and to be with their wider range of feelings. They need to have access to their ventral pathways - their own safety and social engagement biological system. But these three factors get in the way of developing that. So they perpetually are stuck in their defensive state, brought on by the event(s). The answer is to continually practice accessing the ventral vagal pathways and building the strength of that system. It might take a long time. But the individual may notice changes happening within them. What was previously an emotionally highly upsetting situation with a co-worker is now more tolerable. They can notice their anxious flight energy and be with it instead of escaping the situation and engaging in some sort of self-soothing behavioral adaptation. Being more in the present moment through the ventral pathways results in a greater range of human emotion, experience and connection. From the ventral pathways, the individual can now tap into and actually mindfully experience their full range of emotion. Again, this is something that can be exercised and strengthened. I created a 30-day course/challenge for people to help with exactly that. The  Building Safety Anchors course  has learning and practicing steps. It's spread out over 30 days, so it's not overwhelming. But it's a 30-day commitment to learning and practicing change. It's really for those who want to get a firmer hold on the present moment and maybe even experience a fuller range of their emotional potential. Join the Stucknaut Collective for free  and gain instant access to a course on trauma recovery, practical Polyvagal Theory resources, and exclusive downloadable tools to support your healing journey.

Why are you numb if you've been through something traumatic? Can you truly ever regain your ability to feel emotions? And can therapy be helpful? This blog will answer these questions and provide some next steps to start regaining your emotions from numbness. Numbness after trauma is more than your emotions. I'll first expand the scope of what we're discussing in the question - Why are my emotions numb after trauma? Likely, you're numb to more than just your emotions. There are, many dimensions to who we are as humans. We have emotions, thoughts, impulses, sensations and our underlying Polyvagal state. If we look at things in this more expansive way, do you notice numbness anywhere else? More specifically, in your bodily sensations. Let me explain. Emotions live in your body. When we have emotions, they don't simply exist in our brains. We feel our emotions in our bodies. Emotions are felt from the bottom up, from the body to the brain. And then we have thoughts about our emotions, often judgments or rejections. But underneath those emotions are our sensations. Our emotions have an experience, something we can notice and feel. For example, when you're angry, you have sensations that underlie the emotion of anger. Sensations of anger might include: heat racing heart tense muscles pressure If you're numb to your emotions, you may also be numb to your sensations. The Polyvagal state of your body determines your emotional range. I'll take this one step further. Emotions and sensations are both directly connected to the state of our bodies. If our bodies are in a state of defense, the sensations and emotions experienced will be limited. Likewise, if our bodies are in a state of safety and prepared for connection, then the range of emotions and sensations will shift. The Polyvagal Theory explains how our bodies can be prepared for safety or defense. These bodily states directly contribute to our emotions, sensations, impulses, and cognitions. Everything changes based on what state we are in. And this applies to numbness as well. The Polyvagal Theory explains being numb after trauma. The Polyvagal Theory has a possible explanation for why one might experience being numb after trauma. The PVT uses an evolutionary hierarchy to describe mammals' biological responses to danger. If we can’t be safe, we drop the “ Polyvagal Ladder ” into flight energy, then fight. If we can’t run or fight, we drop to the bottom of the ladder into a shutdown collapse. Emotions come from your body's autonomic state on the Polyvagal ladder. As we drop down the ladder into evolutionary older biological pathways, we lose access to the skills, functions, and experiences higher up the ladder. And this includes the emotional experiences of each state. Here's a simple breakdown of emotions associated with each state: Safe & Social - happy, joyful, connected, safe, peaceful Flight/Fight - anxious, angry, irritable, nervous, worry Shutdown - numb, disconnected, sad, alone Emotions of joy and calm stem from the ventral vagal safety pathways at the top of the ladder. When we’re in the flight/fight sympathetic pathways, we lose access to those feelings of joy or calm. We also lose access to our ability to connect safely, critically think, or play because those skills and abilities are available only when the ventral vagal safety pathways are active. If we can't escape a dangerous situation using sympathetic flight activation, we drop further down the Polyvagal ladder into sympathetic fight energy. In this sympathetic fight state, we unlock feelings of anger, aggression, and irritability. Aggression allows us to fight back against a predator to create space so we can then run away to safety. Feelings of worry or anxiousness from flight activation disappear, as they are no longer useful for surviving through aggression. Numbness after trauma comes from shutdown. Suppose we drop down to the bottom of the Polyvagal ladder and into our shutdown system. In that case, we basically lose access to a much wider range of feelings, leaving us with numbness, disconnection, and emptiness. A dorsal vagal shutdown is a very disconnected and isolated way to exist. Everything gets slowed down to mimic the collapse of death. In this state of biological conservation, the organism has no use for emotions of joy, anxiety, or anger. Entering into a shutdown state could come from traumatic incidents through a couple of different paths: acute life threat reaction - the individual went through something that brought them to shutdown and immobilization. If this path of trauma involved a freeze response, shutdown was also involved since shutdown is an aspect of freeze. Read about the important difference in this blog article . chronic disruption of connection - the individual was repeatedly cut off from safe connection and attachment with others. Typically, this occurs in childhood during the essential early attachment period. This can also occur throughout life if disconnected from safety, like with domestic violence. Trauma means that one is unable to access or maintain access to their Polyvagal state of safety. One could be stuck in any of the defensive states, but the shutdown state is the state that brings numbness. Being stuck in this state has a unique experience to it. The experience of shutdown is one of emptiness, numbness, and loneliness. One stuck in shutdown is numb to their emotions, sensations, and impulses. Life is pointless and they lack energy to make change. From numb after trauma to fulfillment and connection. It's possible to emerge from shutdown and live with more fulfillment and connection with yourself or others. To come out of shutdown, you need to allow shutdown to be felt and experienced mindfully. If you can experience shutdown mindfully, then the natural process of self-regulation can begin. No, this is not easy. It requires patience with yourself and with the process. And no, you shouldn't allow your shutdown state to be fully present unless you can experience it mindfully. From curiosity and with self-compassion. To experience any of your defensive states requires that your safety state be developed enough to handle the defensive activation. And to allow defensive activation, it's best to know what to do with it. And that's why I created Building Safety Anchors and Unstucking Defensive States. These courses and my private community are available for one subscription price in the Total Access Membership . Click below to learn more. Can therapy stop numbness after trauma? So can therapy help reduce your numbness after trauma? Yeah, if someone has the right therapist, therapeutic environment, and therapeutic modality for them. Therapy can work wonders and help the client to access their Polyvagal safety state. But it's not a guarantee and largely relies on the relationship between the therapist and client. The client's life context also plays a major role in the potential to come out of a chronic shutdown. I'm a therapist and often see people slowly emerge from shutdown. Coming out of shutdown is noticeable. When someone comes out of their dorsal vagal shutdown and into their sympathetic fight energy, it's very noticeable. Their posture changes. Their thoughts change. Their face changes. And so do their self-reported feelings. When they look inward and notice, they can feel the emotions and the bodily sensations underneath those emotions. Therapy provides a co-regulative relationship that gently encourages the client to emerge from shutdown. Neurocepting safety in the therapeutic alliance is central to this process. The therapist can also teach them and practice how to welcome their emotions back into their system. I recommend safety emotions being the first that are addressed. As that becomes easier, then the defensive emotions can be welcomed. Get all of my courses and community in Total Access . If you're ready to take the next step in your trauma recovery journey, consider joining my Total Access Membership . This membership gives you access to my entire Polyvagal Trauma Relief System and a supportive community, providing you with the resources you need to navigate your path to healing. Q&A Q: Why are you numb if you've been through something traumatic? A: Numbness can occur as a result of trauma because the body enters into a shutdown state, which disconnects and isolates the individual. In this state, emotions, sensations, and impulses are suppressed. Q: Can you truly ever regain your ability to feel emotions? A: Yes, it is possible to regain the ability to feel emotions after experiencing numbness due to trauma. By mindfully experiencing the shutdown state and allowing self-regulation to occur, individuals can gradually emerge from shutdown and reconnect with their emotions. Q: Can therapy be helpful to feel emotions after trauma? A: Therapy can be helpful in reducing numbness after trauma. The right therapist, therapeutic environment, and modality can support the client in accessing their Polyvagal safety state and coming out of chronic shutdown. However, therapy's effectiveness depends on the therapist-client relationship and the client's life context. Quotes from this blog: Emotions live in your body. When we have emotions, they don't simply exist in our brains. We feel our emotions in our bodies. Emotions are felt from the bottom up, from the body to the brain. If our bodies are in a state of defense, the sensations and emotions experienced will be limited. Likewise, if our bodies are in a state of safety and prepared for connection, then the range of emotions and sensations will shift. Entering into a shutdown state could come from traumatic incidents through a couple of different paths: acute life threat reaction or chronic disruption of connection. Trauma means that one is unable to access or maintain access to their Polyvagal state of safety. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast , and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

This article originally appeared in issue 1 of my e-book, SnB Quarterly . If you want to receive this quarterly ebook, just sign up for my email list at the bottom of the screen after you read. “Mindfulness.” One of those highly overused words, I know. What it means at this point seems to fluctuate depending on who is talking about it. So I will start off by being explicit about what I mean by “mindfulness.” Mindfulness is the conscious awareness that you bring to the present moment; the ability to guide your conscious awareness. Mindfulness is not the present moment itself. It’s something you bring to the present moment and experience the present moment through. Mindfulness is the conscious viewing of what is happening in the present moment. But not just the stuff in the world. Mindfulness is also viewing what is happening within your: senses feelings thoughts somatic sensations From what I have experienced and learned from others in their practice, when you’re really in the present moment, you can attune to all of these pieces of the present moment. And you will do so without judgment. It’s a curious watching. It is a strong but gentle hold on the ventral vagal pathways of your autonomic nervous system . In these pathways, you can be curious. And I have found curiosity to be central to mindfulness. If not, what may be unearthed will be met with reflexive defensiveness stemming from a sympathetic or dorsal state. By the way, these 5 tips are all a part of my Building Safety Anchors course . In the course, I teach and guide into utilizing these tips every day for 30 days. And by doing so, you will discover what unique safety anchors you have. Things that bring you to the present moment. 1. Make it a Practice Mindfulness needs to be a practice. Maybe it’s something you schedule for the same time, day after day. That’s fine. Maybe it’s an alarm you set on your smart device to remind you. But it could also be something that you set the intention to practice more sporadically. Either way, the intention that you set and then follow through with is important. Practicing being in the present moment takes... Well, practice. If you were playing on a sports team, you would practice in order to improve your skill level, right? Same with an instrument or drawing. Really, when it comes to anything, practice is important. Same with being in the present moment. You have to practice it. If the best you can dedicate yourself to is a sporadic once a day, do it. If you are ready for a more dedicated routine, do it. Practice is going to be important when it comes to tolerating the stuff that may come up as you gain more ability to access your feelings. 2. Start With the outside The internal stuff might be too much. If you do not currently have the capacity for the internal, like feelings and sensations and memories that come up, then start with the outside. If you have the opportunity to practice mindfulness, then you’re probably in a safe environment. So use that to your advantage and begin with the external world. Remind yourself that you’re safe and begin to use your senses to be more in the present moment. Direct your attention to the experience of your sense(s). Smelling a lemon isn’t just smelling a lemon. Your body will give you a sense of a general like or dislike. If you drill down further, you might notice where you feel that sensation. Or how intense it is. You might notice feelings of ease or disease. An increased likelihood to smile or pull away. 3. One Thing at a Time Maybe not all at once. There are kind of a lot of pieces to the outside world. Taking them all in at once is probably overwhelming. So utilizing one of your senses at a time might be ideal. Maybe using your scent is a good place to start. Or maybe using your eyes, like in my Present Moment Present #1 where I guide the listener to use their eyes in becoming more present. Focus on that one sense and the details of that one sense. If you’re using your ears, first start with listening for sounds that are far away (or close), then focus on another depth of sound. 4. Find a Safe Spot Be mindful in a place that boosts your potential to access your ventral vagal pathways . Yes, you could practice mindfulness anywhere. But some locations, like a public bus, might not be ideal. Notice environments that are a clear no for your nervous system. Places that don’t feel safe enough to slow down and be curious. Notice environments that are a yes for you as well. Notice what about these environments give you a sense of safety. Is one spot in the environment more of a yes than another? And what can you do about your environment to increase the feelings of safety? 5. Allow movement We associate a still meditation with practicing mindfulness. But why? Why can’t we be mindful while moving? Of course, we can. You can bring that same curiosity of the inner world while moving. And I think that can be very helpful, especially when in a sympathetic flight/fight energy. You could tap into that energy in stillness and discharge it. But you could also experiment with movement based on what state you are in. Experiment with what types of pushing feels right or wrong for you. Or leg movements - sprinting, swimming or just flexing and releasing your calf muscles while sitting? Movement is a way to really individualize your personal mindfulness experiences. Your body needs to move the way that it needs to. Which is going to be different than mine or anyone else’s. In Sum Mindfulness is not a cookie cutter thing. Make it work for your unique body. Take what others recommend, try it, then rule it in or out. Don’t worry about doing it right or wrong , just focus on the experience and what you’re learning about yourself in the process. Really, that’s what it’s about. The process and not the result. In the process is where you actually become more in the present moment. Through curious self-reflection and intentional practice. The result will continually shift and never really be final. You will always - and wonderfully - have opportunities for curious mindfulness. If this piqued your interest and you're ready for more in-depth work, I highly recommend my course. It's for the person that wants to be more in the present moment and is ready to commit to putting in the work every day for 30 days in small doses. Learn more about Building your own Safety Anchors .

What the vagal brake is The social engagement system is at the top of the polyvagal ladder . It's the newest autonomic pathway, exclusive to mammals. As mammals developed the social engagement pathways, the sympathetic flight/fight and dorsal shutdown pathways became repurposed with the ventral pathways active at the same time. Without the ventral pathways active, the sympathetic and dorsal systems still function for defensive reasons. With the ventral pathways active at the same time , these defensive postures are now repurposed for pro-social behavior. The vagal brake is the influence of the social engagement system on the heart . If the ventral pathways are active, it will keep the heartbeat at a calmer pace. Without the ventral pathways active, heart rate increases about 20 beats per minute. How to Strengthen Your Vagal Brake You'd strengthen your vagal brake like you would anything else - by exercising it . Meaning, utilizing your ventral vagal safety and social engagement system. Accessing it. Moving up and down your polyvagal ladder. If you have a goal to lift heavier weights, then you have to start by actually lifting weights. You won't be able to lift 200lbs before you lift 100. And you won't life 100 before you life 50. But you'll be able to reach your goal of 200lbs by starting with what you can and then building from there. You meet your goal of utilizing your safety pathways by starting with what you can. It may not be much, but it's better than nothing. "Cool, Justin, but how ?" Okay, okay. It's okay to be a Polyvagal know-it-all (just make sure you know it all! Download my Polyvagal Checklist to make sure you're learning all the PVT Fundamentals!) Return to the Present Moment If you're consciously existing in the present moment, that's probably a really good indicator that you're utilizing your ventral vagal pathways. And if that's true, then that means you're now exercising that system and building the strength of your vagal brake. It gets more complicated, but that's the basic idea. I teach and guide the participants of Building Safety Anchors on exactly this concept. I take the general idea of building your vagal brake and help people discover what "anchors" them in the present moment. Things like sensory experiences, cognitive skills, their environment and even their memories. All of these and a lot more can be used to anchor someone into the present moment. This means they are utilizing their safety pathways. But let's get a little more complicated... Pendulation Pendulation is a concept I first heard about through Peter Levine, the creator of Somatic Experiencing . It refers to the action of pendulating - going back and forth - from the stuck defensive state to the state of safety . In polyvagal terms, it is going up and down the polyvagal ladder. Pendulating requires an anchor, something that grounds the individual in the present moment. The act of pendulation can strengthen the vagal brake. It's like the polyvagal way of lifting weights. It builds the autonomic nervous system's capacity for tolerating distress. Titration Another concept from Peter Levine - titration. This is the act of feeling into the stuck defensive energy a little bit at a time . This is not easy. Feeling the pain of a defensive state is challenging to say the least. It takes a lot of readiness to do so, in my opinion. It takes a firm anchoring in your ventral vagal system. I think the first step of making change is to actually strengthen the ventral vagal system, not to dive into the painful stuff from your past. Once you're firmly anchored in the safe and social state, then you can begin to look inward at what might be there. You could . It's your call. If you're anchored and then make that choice, I'd recommend you do so in small doses. Don't expect to have the huge, trembling release of energy at first. You may have to get acquainted with tolerable doses of that energy first. Where it lives, how it feels, what your body does and wants to do in reaction to the energy. Why the Vagal Brake is Important When your vagal brake is sufficiently strengthened, a big benefit is being able to use the processes of pendulation and titration. But there are also many more immediate, daily changes that you might see. Here are a couple. Daily life becomes more manageable The work, school and relationship stresses of daily life are not as triggering. The parent that would otherwise yell at their child has more patience. The jerk at work is no longer as upsetting. Listening to friends and partners is more likely to come from empathy and understanding. There is less experienced threat Your daily life now has a calmer heartbeat and less potential to be triggered by benign or even negative things. People and events that are truly dangerous will still be neurocepted as dangerous. Responses to previous "threats" will be more tempered and attached to empathy for the other person. Our World Needs Stronger Vagal Brakes We need our "leaders" at all levels to come from empathy. Our elected leaders, our religious leaders, our familial and our teachers too. But they aren't (blanket statement, not intended to be all-inclusive). The people we trust on and rely in the most are not coming from a place of safety. They are reactive and defensive, just like you and me. Because they're human. But we need to individually each increase the strengths of our own vagal brakes. We obviously need to approach each other with love and compassion, not judgment and shame. With a stronger vagal brake, there will be more curiosity and understanding and less evaluation and dismissiveness. Because if the vagal brake is active, that means the safety and social engagement system is active. That means the biology is prepared for connection. Our world needs a lot of that.

What do we mean by "trauma"? First, we have to discuss what "trauma" actually is. When we use the word "trauma" in the world of the polyvagal theory and psychophysiology, we're referring to the condition of the autonomic nervous system . We mean that the ANS is stuck (not broken!) in a defensive state of flight, fight, shutdown or freeze. The ANS is functioning day in and day out a rung or two down the polyvagal ladder . So it's not the event(s) we're referring to when we say "trauma". More accurately, it's the impact of the event. If we were involved in the same bus crash, we would potentially walk away from that accident with very different reactions in our ANS. One of us might have gone into a freeze response in reaction to the crash and stay there for months and months. Self-regulation back into the ventral vagal state of safety may not be an option. The other one of us may have been able to self-regulate back into our ventral pathways. Our differing capacities for self-regulation is what determines whether or not we are in a traumatized state. The person who is stuck in a freeze state can be said to be traumatized. The person who is able to self-regulate is simply not traumatized. Same event with different outcomes. It wouldn't make sense to say both people are traumatized because they went through the same event. Some events are probably going to be more likely to result in a traumatized autonomic nervous system. Probably. But the severity of the state is going to differ. The capacity for self-regulation before the event is going to differ. The persons' history of having and accepting co-regulation before the event is going to differ. The individuals' available co-regulative support group is going to differ. Many factors obviously come into play. Stuck state without the event(s)? So it begs the question - can someone have a stuck autonomic nervous system without having a preceding event that may have caused the stuck state? And to be clear, I am not talking in reference to things like repressed traumatic memories. It's simply a discussion of whether or not the ANS can be stuck in a defensive state without a specific antecedent event causing that stuck state. And I think the answer is yes. Mainly because trauma is not simply some event happening to us. Trauma is also the lack of necessary events and conditions being provided as we age. Babies have less self-regulative access to their ventral pathways and no access (I would assume) to their prefrontal cortex. These things develop over time with good enough conditions in upbringing. But this is honestly not what I'm even interested in for this conversation. So to refine the question further - Can someone's autonomic nervous system be stuck in a defensive state even if they received good enough care and did not survive some potentially traumatizing event? And again, there is an obvious answer of yes. Those on the autism spectrum seem to be biologically hardwired to have less access to their ventral vagal safety and social engagement pathways. Dr. Porges does some interesting work with autistic kids and his Safe and Sound Protocol . So there could be an argument here that perhaps someone is simply born with less access to those pathways, independent of upbringing or other factors, which autism might be evidence for. So we have to refine the question further - Can someone's autonomic nervous system be stuck in a defensive state even if they received good enough care, did not survive some potentially traumatizing event and would otherwise have the capability to regulate itself ? I don't think so. If someone would "otherwise have the capability to regulate" themselves, then no, there would not be a stuck defensive state . I don't think being stuck in a defensive state comes out of nowhere. If there is a significant stuck defensive state, then they probably went through something that got them stuck. If this individual survived a sexual assault, then that individual could potentially be stuck in a defensive state. Though if they had "good enough" upbringing and could otherwise self-regulate, then their potential to be stuck in a defensive state is probably going to be significantly less, because their vagal brake is probably going to be stronger. Especially if they also have people ( and pets ) in their lives that provide co-regulation, live in a safe environment and can get adequate help for what they went through. Nervous System Capacity Now let's say that a non-traumatized person, with good-enough parenting and the capacity to self-regulate set out to do something new. Like start a business. Or create an Instagram account to showcase their artwork. Or ask for a raise from their boss. Or go to a dinner party with their friends that would have new people there. For this non-traumatized individual, any of these new pursuits could trigger their defensive flight sympathetic energy . I would assume not the fight sympathetic energy, since this person is otherwise pretty well-anchored in their safety state. But these scenarios could bring them out of their safety state and down one rung into their flight energy. They might feel extremely anxious about these situations. They would experience it as anxiety, worry, nervousness. So they would still access their defensive state, but they wouldn't be stuck there. After they accomplish their goal, they would be able to self-regulate back to their safety state. They aren't traumatized, they're simply accessing their defensive energy. Not because there's actual danger. But because it's an experience that's new. They don't have the vagal brake strength developed for these specific situations. The nervous system capacity for the traumatized individual is going to be less. This individual is going to need to build the strength of their vagal brake, something I had in mind when developing Building Safety Anchors . Trauma vs Vagal Brake Strength "Trauma" refers to the individual's inability to self-regulate and get to the top of their Polyvagal Ladder. Their inability to access their ventral vagal state of safety and social engagement. The vagal brake is the influence of the safety state on the heart. A traumatized individual will have less access to their safety state, and therefore a weaker vagal brake. A non-traumatized individual is going to have more access to their safety state, and therefore a stronger vagal brake. Their ability to tolerate distress is going to be greater since they have a stronger vagal brake. The non-traumatized person's window of tolerance (or 'distress tolerance') is going to be greater for this reason. But even the non-traumatized person is going to access their defensive states when they are confronted with or confront a novel situation they have not yet built the capacity for. These polyvagal biological pathways evolved within human beings and still function within every single one of us. They switch off and on throughout the day. So well all access them. But we don't all get stuck in one of them, depending on many factors.

What an Autonomic Response is An autonomic response is a shift in the autonomic nervous system that comes along with a neuroception of safety or danger . This neuroception of safety or danger can be from the external or internal environment. From the external environment, the trigger for the autonomic response could be a safety cue, like a smile from a safe other. It could also be a danger cue, like a face with wide eyes and flat affect. From the internal environment, it could be from pain, hunger or illness. It could also be cognitions. When we neurocept safety or danger, our brain stem utilizes the autonomic nervous system to adjust our physiology for what its assessing the needs for survival or connection to be (as best as I'm understanding it). There are countless unconscious cues that are being filtered at all times. Sometimes a cue is detected as requiring the body to become more mobile, triggering the sympathetic flight/fight system. If that system is unable to get the organism to safety, the brain stem neurocepts a need to immobilize, triggering the dorsal vagal shutdown system. Check off what you're learning through the Polyvagal Checklist download below. Join the Stucknaut Collective for free  and gain instant access to a course on trauma recovery, practical Polyvagal Theory resources, and exclusive downloadable tools to support your healing journey. None of these autonomic shifts are planned out . They are unconscious reactions, sort of like software programs in a computer. If there is a certain input from the outside, like typing a keyboard, then the computer responds based on its programming. Humans are similar in that there is a sort of "program" that is within us. There are universal inputs into our human software that are likely to produce similar results. Such as: loud sounds tight spaces darkness flat affect monotone voices wide eyes unsafe touch intrusive space This is obviously an over-generalization, as these universalities will look different per individual. And that's going to be based on things like culture, distress tolerance and that person's place on their own polyvagal ladder . If you're familiar with the Polyvagal Theory , you know that human beings and all mammals have multiple hierarchical autonomic states that can be utilized. We shift to these states in an unconscious sequence of events vs a conscious menu of options that we might be thought to choose from. Here are our autonomic states - Primary autonomic states: ventral vagal safe and social state sympathetic flight/fight system dorsal vagal shutdown system Secondary autonomic states: play = ventral + sympathetic stillness = ventral + dorsal freeze = sympathetic + dorsal Ideally, we are anchored in our state of ventral vagal safety and social engagement. It's not easy and shouldn't be expected to realistically happen 100% of the time. But I think a goal each of us should have is to access that state more and more and build a firm anchor there. I made a course called Building Safety Anchors that will help you to connect more to the present moment, to access that state more and more. If you're ready to feel more in your body and more in the present moment, it might be a good fit for you. What a Behavioral Adaptation is A " behavioral adaptation " is a behavior that we engage in as an adaptation to stuck defensive energy . The stuck defensive energy comes from being unable to regulate back up the polyvagal ladder and into the ventral pathways. When we are in these defensive states (and the safe/social state), it's really important that we actually feel the experience of that defensive state. When we do so, it allows the defensive energy to run its course and discharge. Then the autonomic nervous system can regulate to the top of the polyvagal ladder, into the safe/social state. Instead, what we humans do is ignore the defensive energy. And I don't blame us - it kinda sucks! That energy is experienced as sorrow, despair, panic, rage, anger, anxiety and more. These are all perfectly natural and simply a part of the process. But yeah - feeling them can kinda suck at first. Eventually, we can build our capacity to feel them and actually welcome them. But at first, we typically lean toward avoiding feeling these things . And that's what a behavioral adaptation is. It's something we do to avoid feeling the discomfort of shifting up the polyvagal ladder. Even though we want it - to climb the ladder - doing so is vulnerable and leaves us feeling exposed. Feelings and memories will come up that cause a neuroception of danger and send us right back down the ladder. Being able to tolerate the experience of these states and of ladder climbing is essential to the process of getting unstuck . We have to stay firmly anchored in our ventral vagal safe/social state. But again, instead of feeling into - and not avoiding - the defensive energy, we engage in some sort of behavior. Substance use is an obvious one. It relieves the pain and might give us a pseudo ladder climb. Through using a substance, we can cope with the defensive energy. It doesn't help, but it provides a relief. No, I am not recommending that you use a substance. This is what I've heard from many of my clients. Cutting and self harm could be another behavioral adaptation. I see cutting in particular often as an adaptation to the triggered freeze energy or returning sympathetic fight energy as a client comes out of shutdown. Their capacity to be anchored in their safety state and to tolerate the energy is basically non-existent. Fawn is a Behavioral Adaptation I see providers and mental health content creators getting these confused or not understanding the Polyvagal Theory in relation to how a survivor remains stuck. They confuse behavioral adaptations with autonomic states. For example, "Fawn" is not an autonomic response. Fawn is probably more of a behavioral adaptation to the defensive autonomic response. The behaviors of fawning are in response to the state of the autonomic nervous system of the individual. It's a strategy of getting basic needs met, self-preservation, sacrificing the authentic self for the dominant other in the relationship. But these are behaviors. Not autonomic pathways. Remember, the primary and mixed states listed above are directly connected to specific biological pathways. They are direct representations of the evolutionary functions of those pathways. There is nothing like that for the behaviors of "fawning," as best I know. One could argue that the fawning strategies could actually be an adaptation to any of the stuck defensive states, probably with a significant amount of the dorsal vagal shutdown state.

You’re learning, you’re motivated, you’re doing therapy, exposing yourself to new ideas, reading books and [ insert wellness thing x here ]. Cool! Buuut you're not seeing the change that you want to... so now what? More than learning Remember how Neo downloaded kung fu in the Matrix? He basically learned it all at once and then was able to execute it immediately in a spar against Morpheus. He didn't have to deal with the actual steps of making change and growing. He was simply ready to spar. Bad news -this is not how change works in our reality. Sorry. Change doesn’t come from just learning . It's of course essential to the process of change, but is not the entirety of what needs to happen to make change. You actually need to start doing . "But I am doing, damnit!" I don't doubt it and I’ll address you more specifically in a moment. Do Start doing. Implement the information that you are taking in. If you never actually implement what you're learning, what's the point? Change doesn't come from scrolling through Instagram wellness images. Or Facebooks ones. Or Pinterest. You get the idea. Yes, it can be intimidating to try something new. You're going to feel dumb. You're going to feel embarrassed. You're going to think that you're doing it wrong. You're going to doubt that you'll be successful. Allow these doubts and insecurities to be. It's okay for them to be present. Yes, it's important to be evaluating the efficacy of what you're doing and I'll touch upon that a littler later on. But these doubts and insecurities are a normal part of trying something new and a normal part of challenging yourself. When my coach challenged me to journal, I at first felt irritated. I didn't make journaling a practice of mine at all. But I embraced the irritation and journaling is now something that's a realistic option for me when I need it. But hey, maybe you're already doing... Do again If you’re already doing, then do again. That might be the problem. You can't just try something once and then proclaim that it's ineffective. You can't half-ass a meditation and then disregard it. You gotta give things an honest attempt. So do again. "But Justin, I'm already doing and doing again!" Okay then... Do another If the thing you're doing is ineffective or if you really don't like it, then do something else . Just cross it off the list. There is an absolute slew of free information on wellness pretty much everywhere. If you've got one of those rectangles that accesses the information of the world, this should be a pretty easy solution. So when you "do another," pick something that appeals to you. Or pick something that someone you trust vouches for. Or something that has some evidence behind it. Pretty much anyone and everyone has advice on wellness and it's not all equal. Depending on how desperate you are, I'd really recommend putting in some research before spending money or trusting a stranger on the internet. Do more often Make it a daily practice to do whatever the thing. Doing it once might not be enough. Doing it once every now and again might not be the right frequency. Making something a daily practice might be a good idea though. I created a 30 day course called Building Safety Anchors that has daily learning in doing in small doses. It guides you through what to learn and what to practice every day. It helps you to become more grounded in the present moment. I'm sure there is such a thing as "too much" of whatever wellness technique you're practicing. Just like there's too much of anything, right? So when I say "do more often" I'm not referring to some limitless capacity that you don't have. I'm not expecting you to lose sleep or sacrifice your relationships. It's something you'll have to be checking in with yourself on as you evaluate what you're implementing and the effectiveness of it. Maybe daily is too much for 10 minutes of meditation. What about daily 2 minute meditations? What about 10 minutes every other day? The point is to do your wellness activities on a regular, predictable basis. And one that works for your individual lifestyle and goals. Be So as you're learning and then implementing new things and feeling all insecure about it, don't forget that it's okay to have fun too . Yes, this wellness and getting unstuck work is serious business. But if you allow some fun, spontaneity and customization into the mix, then your willingness to try again tomorrow is probably going to increase. When I began journaling, I was imagining it had to be a certain way - paragraph form, left to right, deep thoughts. But when I put the pen to paper, I immediately allowed my inner creativity to come into play. My journal is more note style. Free flowing thoughts. Phrases. Arrows, sketches, doodles. I like to start with one word or concept in the middle of the paper, circle it and then have a wheel of spokes coming out of it that have ideas that stem from the main journal prompt. It's not just learning and doing. It's also being, feeling, noticing and experiencing. Doing things the "right way" comes from an evaluative sympathetic state. Worry less about getting the right answer and be more interested in the true experience of change . The goal of all wellness work is to eventually be more in the present moment, in my opinion. Just like in Building Safety Anchors , the goal is to feel more in your body. More safe. More present. And from there, change can really happen. Assess and audit Evaluation is going to be important too though. You're learning and doing for a reason. There is a goal that you probably have in mind. So evaluating the efficacy of what you're doing seems at least a little important, right? That means some things you're doing will stay and other things will go. Maybe just for now. The journaling might stay. The meditation might go. The play might stay. Focusing on the pain might go. A certain mindset might stay. A certain therapeutic modality or therapist might go. You would have to look at what your goal is and ask yourself if wellness thing x is helping you to achieve that goal or not . Is it helping you to get closer to that goal or not. Is it something you feel some hope in or not. Is it something you feel a push away from or a pull toward? These questions in comparison to your goal(s) might help you to rule in or out various wellness things. Thanks so much for reading this and I do invite you to check out Building Safety Anchors. It's not for everyone. It's really for that person that is ready to invest in their change, commit to their change and become more grounded in the present moment. Check it out through the link image below or email me if you have a question about it.