How to Use Breathwork for Self-Regulation and Trauma Recovery: A Polyvagal-Informed Approach
- Justin Sunseri, LMFT
- Aug 12
- 7 min read
As a therapist and coach, I frequently get questions about breathwork and self-regulation. Recently, a YouTube viewer asked about "Polyvagal rebel breath" and how to use breathing when "traversing difficult experiences." While I'm not familiar with that specific technique (and honestly, I'm skeptical of most breathing "hacks"), I can share what actually works in my practice with clients and in the Unstucking Academy.
If you're tired of complicated breathing protocols and want a straightforward, body-centered approach to self-regulation, this article is for you.
The Problem with Prescribed Breathwork for Self-Regulation Techniques
Here's my honest take: I prefer that people allow their body to breathe the way it needs to breathe.
Most prescribed breathing techniques—such as counting breaths, holding for specific seconds, or following rigid in-and-out patterns—add an unnecessary layer of cognitive interference. When your goal is to connect with your internal experience and practice self-regulation, these mental gymnastics can actually pull you away from your body and into your head.
Think about it: If you're busy counting "breathe in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8," you're not really present with what's happening inside you. You're evaluating whether you're "doing it right" instead of being curious about what's naturally arising.
When Structured Breathing Makes Sense
Don't get me wrong—there's a place for structured breathing techniques. If someone is in a highly activated state and needs containment as a coping skill, counting breaths can be helpful. But that's different from mindful self-regulation.
The key distinction is this:
Coping skills help you manage overwhelming activation in the moment
Self-regulation skills help you build long-term capacity to stay present with difficult experiences and actually get unstuck
Both have their place, but they serve different purposes.
Simple Breathwork for Self-Regulation: One Intentional Breath
In the Unstucking Academy teachings or when I guide people through self-regulation practices in my client work, I'll often use one intentional breath. This isn't a complex protocol—it's simply:
Take in a bigger breath than your previous one
Let it out slowly if you can
This one intentional breath acts as an anchoring point to return to safety and check in with the body in the present moment.
That's it. No counting, no holding, no imagery. This single intentional breath serves as a way to:
balance defensive activation when it gets too intense
bring awareness back to the body
re-anchor in your safety state before continuing
The Polyvagal Foundation: Safety First, Always
My approach is grounded in Polyvagal Theory, which teaches us that healing happens when we can access our safety state (ventral vagal) while mindfully exploring defensive states like fight/flight or shutdown.
Here's the process I guide people through:
Anchor in safety first - Connect with what safety feels like in your body at a deep level
Mindfully explore defensive activation - Only as much as your safety state allows
Stay curious about what arises - Notice sensations, emotions, and impulses without judgment
Use breath as a gentle anchor, not as a forced intervention
The goal isn't to eliminate defensive states but to build your capacity to stay present with them while maintaining access to safety.
Trust Your Body's Wisdom
Your body knows how much oxygen it needs, so let it breathe the way it needs to breathe.
This might sound too simple... and yeah, you're right, it is. Your nervous system constantly adjusts your breathing in response to your internal state and needs. When you override this natural process with artificial counting or patterns, you're essentially telling your body you don't trust its wisdom.
Instead of fighting your natural breath, become curious about it:
is it shallow or deep?
fast or slow?
where do you feel it in your body?
what sensations arise as you simply observe?
Practical Steps for Breath-Centered Self-Regulation
If you want to try this approach, here's a simple framework:
1. Find Your Safety Anchor
Before exploring difficult emotions or sensations, connect with something that helps you feel safe. This could be:
a physical sensation of groundedness, like your feet on the floor
a comforting memory
connecting mindfully with a passive safety cue (we practice this one extensively in the Unstucking Academy through live Skills Practices and meditations)
2. Notice Your Natural Breath
Without making any changes, observe how your body naturally breathes in the present moment. There's no right or wrong way—just curiosity about what's present.
3. Use One Intentional Breath When Needed
If you notice defensive activation getting too intense (anxiety, overwhelm, shutdown), take one deeper breath and let it out slowly. This isn't about following a formula—it's about giving yourself a moment to re-anchor in safety.
4. Stay Present with What Arises
As you breathe naturally, notice what comes up:
emotions
cognitions
sensations
impulses
The key is maintaining curious awareness rather than trying to change or fix anything. (Curious awareness comes from anchoring into safety, so always prioritize this.)
5. Respect Your Limits
If defensive activation becomes too much, pause the practice. Return to your safety anchor, take that one intentional breath, and permit yourself to stop if needed.
Why This Approach Works: The Science of Safety
This method aligns with what we know about trauma recovery and nervous system regulation. When we're stuck in defensive states, our capacity for self-regulation is compromised. Building what's called the "vagal brake"—your ability to return to safety and social engagement—requires:
consistently connecting with your safety state
gradual exposure to defensive states, even stuck defense ("trauma")
respect for your current capacity, listening to what is enough or too much
It's not about quick fixes or breathing hacks. It's about developing a sustainable relationship with your internal experience.
The Unstucking Academy Difference
At the Unstucking Academy, we do things differently. There are no complicated protocols, no "activations," no psychobabble or woo-woo techniques. We focus on:
Small steps and skill mastery - You don't move to advanced techniques until you've mastered the basics (and I will walk you through all of them)
Present-moment awareness - Connecting with what's actually here rather than what we think should be here
Simplified but not easy - The approach is straightforward, but building self-regulation skills takes practice and patience
One clear pathway - Instead of overwhelming you with a mountain of courses, the Academy provides a step-by-step system to get unstuck, from learning the Polyvagal Theory to building safety to getting unstuck - it's called the Unstucking Pathway.
The Unstucking Pathway guides you through learning Polyvagal Theory, building your safety state, and developing self-regulation skills one at a time, with mastery at each level before moving forward.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Based on my work with clients, here are the most common pitfalls with breathwork:
1. Making It Too Complicated
If you're worried about whether you're "doing it right," you're probably overthinking it. Breathwork for self-regulation should feel natural, not stressful.
2. Forcing Change
Your breath reflects your current state. Instead of trying to force it to be different, get curious about what it's telling you.
3. Ignoring Your Safety State
Never push through overwhelming activation just because you think you "should" be able to handle it. Respect your limits and prioritize safety.
4. Expecting Quick Results
Building self-regulation capacity is a gradual process. Be patient with yourself and trust the journey.
Moving Forward: Building Real Self-Regulation Skills
If this approach resonates with you, remember that sustainable self-regulation isn't built overnight. It requires:
consistent practice in small, manageable doses
patience with your current capacity
curiosity about your internal experience
trust in your body's natural wisdom
support from others who understand truly trauma-informed approaches
The goal isn't to eliminate difficult emotions or sensations but to build your capacity to stay present with them while maintaining access to safety and connection.
Frequently Asked Questions About Breath & Self-Regulation
Q: What if I feel more anxious when I focus on my natural breathing?
This is completely normal. If observing your breath increases anxiety, it might mean you're in a defensive state. Return to your safety anchor first, then try again when you feel more grounded.
Q: How long should I practice this breathing approach?
It's better to have a brief, mindful experience with one breath than build frustration through not following a prescribed breathing technique correctly.
Q: What if I can't find my "safety state"?
Finding safety can take time, especially if you've experienced trauma. Start small - maybe it's just the feeling of your feet on the ground or the support of your chair. Safety doesn't have to feel big or obvious. It may be easiest to focus on the external world to find safety. Identify what you generally like with your senses and spend more time with those things.
Conclusion: Simplicity Over Complexity
In a world full of complicated breathing techniques and wellness "hacks," sometimes the most powerful approach is also the simplest: trust your body, breathe naturally, and stay curious about what arises.
Your nervous system has incredible wisdom. When you create the right conditions—safety, presence, and gentle awareness—it knows how to heal. You don't need a special breathing technique or secret protocol. You just need to show up with curiosity and respect for your own experience.
If you're ready to explore this approach further and learn practical skills for trauma recovery and self-regulation, I invite you to check out the Unstucking Academy. We're doing things differently there, grounded in Polyvagal Theory, simplicity, small steps, sustainability, and genuine care for your healing journey.
Key Takeaways: Memorable Quotes
Your body knows how much oxygen it needs, so let it breathe the way it needs to breathe.
If you're busy counting breaths, you're not really present with what's happening inside you.
The goal isn't to eliminate defensive states but to build your capacity to stay present with them while maintaining access to safety.
Sustainable self-regulation isn't built overnight—it requires consistent practice in small, manageable doses.
Sometimes the most powerful approach is also the simplest: trust your body, breathe naturally, and stay curious about what arises.
About the Author:
Justin Sunseri is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, trauma recovery coach, and founder of the Unstucking Academy. He specializes in helping people heal from trauma using Polyvagal Theory and somatic approaches, without psychobabble or complicated techniques.
