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This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Path 2 - a Chronic Disruption of Connectedness A “chronic disruption of connectedness” is when someone’s impulse to connect and form a healthy attachment is repeatedly severed. The individual is not allowed to access their safety pathways and maintain access to them. Commonly, someone - like a caregiver or a significant other - abuses or neglects the individual, which cuts off their safety access. This path of trauma is going to be closely connected to flight/fight, shutdown and even freeze. Let’s say that a child survives an attack by a pack of wild dogs. This could easily leave them in a stuck freeze state. But this individual could go on to live a relatively functional life as they age. Maybe their traumatic state is triggered by certain aspects of that event, like when they see a dog or hear a bark. They could develop otherwise normally, outside the context of these triggers. They can find love, have self-worth and live productive, fulfilling lives. But when it comes to the triggers for that event, they could quickly go right back to the moment of the attack they survived, with flashbacks and intense autonomic shifts. This would be an example of the first path of trauma from the preceding chapter. This is different from the child who goes through repeated events of abuse or neglect, especially from caregivers that are supposed to provide safety. This child is not given the chance to develop their capacity to feel safety. And if they do, it’s interrupted again and again. This child who goes through repeated abuse will no doubt go into a freeze state through these episodes. But they will also be going into a deeper and deeper shutdown state. As they quickly learn that they cannot utilize their flight/fight energy to any level of productivity, their only option will be to enter a shutdown. This child will become disconnected from themselves, from others, numb and hopeless. Their very identities may become enmeshed with their abusers, giving up on any semblance of what may bring them genuine feelings of wholeness, happiness or fulfillment. This isn't a conscious giving up, but a biological one. The conscious thoughts will follow, but first, the shutdown biology becomes active and the dominant state in that person's life. Growing up, living a functional life will be much more of a challenge for this individual. They won’t be able to identify safety in others. They might identify manipulative individuals as being “normal” and gravitate toward those types of relationships. They will lack the motivation and discipline to get ahead in life. They won’t find purpose or fulfilment from much of anything. Life is very empty and pointless. This might seem extreme, but it’s not. This is a realistic scenario for a child who is not allowed to build their capacity to feel safety, build healthy attachments, receive co-regulation and build self-regulation. Safety is a complete foreigner to their bodies. So much that they don’t recognize it in others, nor within themselves when it is there. Children have a great capacity for “forgiveness”. Or what looks like forgiveness. Not because they are highly self-actualized, enlightened and moral creatures. It’s more out of necessity. They have a biological drive to connect to their parents. If they don’t have parents who are taking care of them, they don’t survive. It’s just that simple. So they will put up with a lot and still make attempts to connect. Or at least hope for connection. For safety. Not because they are actually forgiving or actually forgetting, but it’s simply a biological imperative to continue to put trust and hope into the people that are their caregivers. This implicit need and trust in adults is easily misused, abused and manipulated. Parents and caregivers need to be able to be self-regulated enough to nurture this drive within children. If not and especially if they are downright hurtful, then the child’s innate impulse to connect will not be developed in the proper direction. They won’t develop the ventral vagal pathways, which are necessary to identify and build healthy relationships in the future. They won’t meet expected development milestones in a healthy way. They will lack the foundation necessary for safety, resulting in a stuck defensive state. C-PTSD & Path 2 C-PTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, currently not an officially recognized diagnosis in the 5th edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, the "Bible" for people working in mental health. It is closely associated with PTSD, but has a few distinct features and is more connected to the second path of trauma, compared to PTSD and the first path. Judith Herman originally proposed C-PTSD and said a core feature is prolonged, repeated trauma. She said"...prolonged, repeated trauma can occur only when the victim is in a state of captivity, unable to flee, and under control of the perpetrators” ( p. 337 ). This can apply to many different scenarios * : concentration camps prisoner of war camps prostitution brothels long-term domestic violence long-term child physical abuse long-term child sexual abuse organized child exploitation rings All of these involve the victim being under the control of another. They cannot run and cannot fight the captor. The only other option is to shut down if the flight/fight impulse is unable to be used. The long-term control is more likely to result in shutdown, I would argue. But there is another level to C-PTSD, because the survivor is potentially also undergoing repeated violent acts, such as sexual assault or physical abuse. One of these acts is enough to leave someone in a stuck freeze state. Repeated acts solidify the freeze state along with the total control of the captor. For children in particular, they are supposed to be developing into their own unique individual selves. But they need a secure attachment in order to do so. Parents that have a home where the childen are more like captives than members of a family will not produce healthy attachments. Without healthy attachment, the child will not develop from a solid foundation of love. Instead, they may become what their captors want them to be, relinquishing their sense of self in a deep shutdown. From this unhealthy attachment platform and lack of self-regulation, the child will grow up more likely to have emotional regulation problems and interpersonal problems. There is a chronic feeling of unsafety. The individual from the first path can have a well-rounded life outside the context of any reminders of the traumatic events. The individual from the second path, however, is constantly in a defensive state, never having their safety pathways developed. "The nervous system gets shaped in relationship with other nervous systems... With trauma survivors, it's been shaped in a certain trajectory, probably more away from connection and towards protection" ( Dana ). This person did not have a readily accessible attachment from which to build other healthy relationships from. This person will repeatedly find the wrong people to connect to. People that don't support their well-being and are probably in their own stuck defensive state. This person has a deeply negative concept of themself. They may have never really gotten to know who they are and maybe had to become what someone else wanted in order to survive. They had to ignore their own natural, bodily impulses to run or flee. As children, we believe what adults tell us about who we are and what our potential is. This person may not have received positive messages and expectations from their caretakers. Instead, they may have received rage, panic, unhealthy boundaries, violence, control, jealousy and more. Their home did not have the emotional space for them. So naturally, they did not develop an internal reference point for safety, something to anchor them in the present moment. Safety became about the outside world. Appeasing the people that needed it. Or aggressing upon those that could be aggressed upon in an attempt to release frozen rage. As with the first path, the priority in treatment is safety. And with this client, we really work from the ground up. We slowly build a relationship and notice small moments of connection and safety as they appear. We be with them nonjudgmentally in their emotional dysregulation, maintaining our own access to safety and offering it to them passively. We help them to create healthy boundaries, recognizing their true feelings and thoughts as distinct from others'. It's a long process. And a slow one. With a lot of frustration. But change is possible. Journal: Can you identify events or context in your life that were more likely to result in path 1? How about path 2? Is it possible that your stuck state is simply a result of your life's context? And not a reflection of who you are or your worth? Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Trauma Trauma is not the event(s) that you went through, like surviving a disaster. Nor is it the events that you didn’t go through that you should have, like developing a healthy attachment with a parent. Trauma is being stuck in an autonomic nervous system state of defense. Trauma is being stuck in flight/fight, shutdown or freeze. Trauma is having the inability to regulate back up to the top of the Polyvagal ladder. This is significant in light of the paradigm that we have already built around the Polyvagal Theory. This new understanding of trauma can provide an additional layer to that paradigm and new opportunities for narrative building for your own personal story. 2 paths to trauma There are two distinct paths to being stuck in a traumatized state. These paths can take many different forms in how we get to the traumatized state, but these are the two paths in essence. Meaning, to get to point B, you start at point A. But there are two paths from A to B; you could take path 1 or path 2. You can choose any mode of transportation you like, but you need to stay on path 1 or 2. Trauma works the same way. There are 2 paths to trauma, just like path 1 and path 2 from point A to point B. Point B is traumatized and point A is not traumatized. There are two different potential paths from being not traumatized to being trumatized. But the way you travel those 2 paths can look different. And the two paths can potentially intersect as well. Path 1 - Acute Life Threat Reaction An “acute life threat reaction” is one where the autonomic nervous system goes into a defensive state due to the neuroception of potential death, while also unsuccessfully utilizing impulsive flight/fight energy. "Trauma occurs when we are intensely frightened and are either physically restrained or perceive that we are trapped" ( Levine 48). In this path to trauma, the person is neurocepting that their life is under threat, not that they are “just” in danger. It’s beyond the risk of bodily harm. This is also sometimes referred to as “shock trauma” and is more associated with “Big T” trauma as well. This type of response is going to be more closely associated with the freeze mixed state. The individual’s shutdown state and their flight/fight state is activated at the same time. There is more of a likelihood of the individual immobilizing in a tense, rigid way. This could be because they are perceiving that immobilization is necessary while they are in flight/fight. Or it could be that they are in flight/fight and then are forced to immobilize. Some obvious and not so obvious examples: Surviving a sexual assault Surviving a car crash Surviving an explosion Surgeries and other procedures Falls in childhood Being strapped down or anesthetized Yes, even falls in childhood and routine medical procedures. I was dismissive of this myself when I first heard it. “That’s just normal childhood stuff!” But that’s not the point, whether it’s normal or not. If the body goes into a defensive state and cannot utilize the energy, this could result in a stuck defensive state. You can read more about this in Peter Levine's Trauma Through a Child's Eyes . Even things like routine surgeries or medical procedures where the individual is immobilized while in a sympathetic state. This includes being held or strapped down and anaesthetized. I’ve heard from nurses in surgical units that people will often come out of surgery flailing and in a panic. The sympathetic energy was stuck in their system, then chaotically erupts at the first chance. Thawing the freeze When I was discussing thawing the freeze energy back in the Mixed States section, this trauma path is when that would be important. The stuck freeze energy cannot typically be utilized all at once for someone who is traumatized. The sensations of releasing this stuck flight/fight energy is intense. When the freeze energy is activated, it often will result in not just anxiety, but panic. Not just anger, but rage. Not just stress, but overwhelm. The flight/fight energy is in the system, never having been allowed to complete the impulse to run or fight. It may have been compounded with years of traumatic events, like ongoing childhood sexual abuse . If it’s more of a frozen fight state, the stuck energy could explode when triggered. This looks like uncontrollable, blackout anger. Rage . This person becomes highly mobilized, aggressive, lashing out at whatever it is perceiving to be the threat. But there is no control; it is not an ownership of their feelings and a mindful experiencing of their stuck state. If the frozen energy is more flight, then it will look like an anxiety or panic attack when triggered, immobilizing the individual. They could first become frantic, the anxiety building to a crescendo and then into a panic. The panic is immobilizing, paralyzing them in fear. Therapy can be a great context for doing one's thawing. The therapist should be able to provide safety, both environmentally and interpersonally. Then can gradually assist the client through their stuck defensive states. However, if the client is not ready, then talking about and feeling their defensive state can be retraumatizing . Thinking about, sharing and feeling the events bring up the potential to shatter the freeze, again resulting in panic, rage or overwhelm. The strength of the vagal brake must be developed before delving into trauma work. I focus first and foremost on safety and maintaining safety when working as a therapist with my clients . We can absolutely discuss the painful memories, but the client needs to be anchored in safety for that discussion to be effective. From there, they can mindfully discuss and feel their stuck traumatic state. Freeze & PTSD I would argue that this first path of trauma is closely associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Just like with PTSD, the individual is stuck in a certain moment of time. That stuck defensive reaction can be triggered by aspects of the event. The person who was molested as a child jumps when someone unexpectedly touches them. The person that survives a car crash is triggered into intense anxiety when getting into a car. The event was never processed on a somatic level. These people had an impulse to run or fight, but were not able to complete the impulse. The energy stays dormant, triggered by aspects of the event, even otherwise benign ones. The body and brain take stock of sensory stimuli during these life-threatening or dangerous events. During an attack, the individual may focus on one thing, like a texture or an object. This probably has some survival benefit to it. Aspects of what is life-threatening get "tattooed" into our consciousness. "At the moment a trauma takes place, all of a person's senses automatically focus on the most salient aspect of the threat... they become the intrusive image or imprint" ( Levine 142). And the next time we are near that stimulus, the same defensive reaction is triggered, preparing us for another possible survival scenario. With PTSD, there is a reliving of the event. Daydreams, nightmares and flashbacks are ways that the event lives on, because the impulse to survive was not completed. The flight/fight energy is frozen in the system, the body existing with an obvious or not-so-obvious underlying freeze state. Story follows state, so the mind creates an explanation for what is happening in the moment of being triggered. The brain conjures images of what it associates with the freeze, like the events that lead to the freeze. When the traumatic state is successfully relieved and the individual can access their safety state, then the memories don't hold the same level of charge. They become renegotiated into the body and working memory of the person and come to represent something else. Instead of a moment they are frozen in paralysis in, the events are a piece of their journey. Instead of fear, the person might feel respect for their past self and see a survivor, not a victim. Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Stillness Safe/Social + Shutdown = Stillness In particular, we’re talking about stillness without fear. Stillness with fear is going to be the freeze mixed state, basically. You’re shutdown, but sympathetically charged. Stillness without fear is different. It’s calm, relaxed and reflective. It allows someone to sit in silence, to use the restroom, to be physically close with another, intimate with a partner or to lay down and fall asleep. Immobilization without safety Individuals that are stuck down their Polyvagal ladders in flight/fight may experience a neuroception of danger when immobile. For them, immobility is simply unsafe - they’ve exposed themselves to potential danger. If you’re already in a state of danger, then you need to be mobile. If you were in the wild, your body would be primed to run or fight. You wouldn’t sit in a chair in this state. The gazelle that is running from a lion doesn’t lay down to go to sleep. They use the energy within them. Children in a sympathetic state will find sitting in a classroom environment challenging. First, just being immobile is a tall order. That child is ready to run or fight, not sit. But the environment itself is also going to have numerous cues of danger which will keep that child down their ladder: people, sounds, pressure, falling behind in class, feeling dumb, teacher comments/sarcasm and more. All of these will serve to just keep that student down their ladder. Traumatized individuals oftentimes have difficulty with things like meditation or yoga for the same reasons. They’re immobilized and open to danger. Their eyes may also be closed while meditating - another potential danger. Or certain poses may cause a neuroception of danger in yoga, based on that person’s history. Compounding the issue are what the person finds when looking inward. Both of these activities involve and require a lot of self-reflection and awareness. When immobilized and focused inward, there’s really no filter between awareness and what one may be attempting to avoid that is still alive within them. Those memories, thoughts and feelings will be felt in these moments of unsafe immobility. Another experience of potentially unsafe immobility is sleep. Or more likely, being awake before falling asleep. Laying down to go to sleep, in the dark, with your eyes closed, in the silence of night is filled with danger cues. And maybe even worse if the person next to you is a danger cue as well. Laying down and immobilizing to go to sleep brings a lot of stress, anxiety and worry. Your sympathetic state is active and distracting yourself is now removed as an option to cope. You’re just… laying there. Immobilized. While possibly charged to run or fight. Thoughts shift along with your state and your feelings. Anxious thoughts like what needs to be accomplished the next day, something you didn’t do that day, memories of the past and panic about not falling asleep might cloud your head. Why is immobilization unsafe? Just like with mobilization, anything is unsafe without the social engagement system active. If you’re immobile, that means being open to a predator. That’s the message your body will send to your brain. Your brain needs the social engagement system active to be able to handle the immobilization and repurpose it for stillness. Unfortunately, we need to be still throughout the day to get through a class, get through work, go to sleep and use the restroom. These and other instances aren’t exactly something we can escape either. We’re stuck. Our bodies are charged if we exist down the ladder in flight/fight, but then we’re immobilized throughout the day with no option of fighting or running. So our bodies do not get the relief of energy discharge. It just stays within us. Coping with immobilization So we adapt. We do things to deal with the immobilization necessary in stillness. Not solve the problem, really. Just deal with it. While you’re laying down to go to sleep, do you have a screen on? Something to distract you while you lay there? Something to listen to, like music? Or a white noise machine? Do you drink or get high? These are ways to distract ourselves from what’s happening within. An external way of coping with the internal world. To get enough relief from our distress that we can immobilize and maybe even fall asleep. The phenomenon of ASMR is something I find intriguing. For many, this brings a sense of safety. ASMR encourages relaxation through a safe other and that others’ cues of safety, such as being taken care of or pampered. The audio is very quiet, with the ASMR host whispering while also providing facial safety cues. Their whisper gives the viewer something to focus on, something to orient to. There’s also a sense of being taken care of, cared for and cared about. Many people report “tingles” while they listen to the ASMR sounds. This may be small sensations of stuck defensive energy being let out. Peter Levine has discussed tingles as being small versions of shaking and trembling, something that may come along with flight/fight discharge. In the classroom, children will often create behavior problems to avoid the unsafe feelings of immobilization. Behavior problems bring a sense of danger, which matches their internal state and provides the danger that they are constantly scanning for. They may also be an outlet in and of themselves, a way to use flight/fight energy. Fighting with a peer or running from one, for example. Problem is, it doesn’t actually solve anything. The energy isn’t actually released. It’s probably reinforced because the student is again in a situation where they are perceiving danger without a way to efficiently discharge the energy. And these behavior problems create further problems, like getting in trouble, being shamed and missing out on valuable social time. Mindfulness needs to be attached to the energy release for it to actually take place. Students like this might be better served with classroom mindfulness strategies combined with fidgets . Journal: Name one instance from this past week when you felt your stillness mixed state active. How do you know it was stillness? Can you identify any ways that you have of coping with being immobile? Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Play Safe/Social + Flight/Fight = Play Play is a combination of the safe and social circuitry being used along with sympathetic arousal of flight/fight. When we play, we’re active, but we’re safe. We use our faces and voice to signal safety to the other participant(s) in the play. My children and I love to run around chasing each other. We play fight, we wrestle, we throw things, we scream and yell. All of these things are potentially danger cues in and of themselves, but when you see our faces, you’ll see smiles, eye crinkles, upright eyebrows and eye contact. Our ears are attuned to the human voice still, so discussing the rules of the game or creating new ones on the fly aren’t an issue. Our voices have a lot of range along with laughter. Play can also be where two nervous systems are sharing attention. Doing a puzzle together is a safe and social activity, but doesn’t require a whole lot of eye contact. It’s two people working on a project together. The back-and-forth turn-taking rhythm of these activities is essential in play. Play is shared and turn-taking is integral to that. Working on a project with a co-worker can be a form of play. My co-worker and podcast guest Mercedes Corona and I have a great time working on the podcast or developing curriculum for work together. It’s a lot of work, but the two of us genuinely enjoy the shared experience and consistently provide cues of safety to each other. We exchange ideas back and forth, challenge each other and encourage each other. For all intents and purposes - we’re playing. Play also extends into sports - a mobilized, shared activity that involves cues of safety. Of course, the other team is not looking to provide cues of safety. But there’s a significant difference between an opposing player using intimidation and one that actually wants to hurt you. In fact, intimidation, trash talking and being overly aggressive can be seen as well within the rules/norms of many sports. Acting within the confines of those norms doesn’t trigger a distinct neuroception of danger. But acting outside of those norms can. Players on the defensive side of the football are supposed to tackle the quarterback on the opposing side, the offense. If they tackle the quarterback before he throws the ball, this is called a “sack” and has no penalty. Conversely, if the same player tackles the same quarterback after he has thrown the ball (after a couple of steps), this is not a sack and is actually a penalty for the defensive team (“roughing the quarterback”). It can be the same tackle, in the same spot, with the same players, but one type of tackle is okay and the other is not. The sack is considered fair play and part of the norms of the shared activity. Everyone agrees to it. But the penalty isn’t. In fact, it can often be seen as a direct insult, threat or attack on the quarterback and his team. The offense will often come to the quarterback’s aid and use physical and verbal intimidation on the offending defensive player. It’s neurocepted as a cue of danger since it’s outside of the norms of play. Especially if the offending player is trash-talking or indifferent to the well-being of the quarterback. As we can see from the football example, play is reciprocal and synchronous. “Reciprocal” means it’s back and forth. It’s shared. There’s an agreement between the playing parties. “Synchronous” just means at the same time and in the same bodily state, which would be safe/social and flight/fight. If one party drops too far into flight/fight, it’s no longer play. It becomes something else. The importance of play Play is important because it exercises the ability to shift up and down the ladder. While playing, we are using mobility with safety. We’re going down the ladder while staying firmly in our social engagement system. Or we’re using the shutdown system, like with hide and seek, while still being planted in our safety system. Since we are anchored in safety, we can actually travel up and down the ladder, building our resiliency to being able to handle doing so. We’re also going to be strengthening our social engagement system at the same time, developing a stronger anchor in safety. This is essential in children. Play is not just play to them. It's how they build the strength of their social engagement system. This is true for any of us, but the importance in childhood shouldn't be undercut. Setting children up with a healthy play history is a strong foundation for their future functioning. Play in video games Play can look many different ways: dance, sports, competition, puzzles, role-playing, theater… and I'd argue even video games. There’s a huge competitive component to video games, while also having a huge social component. If you can work with a teammate in a video game, you’re going to be using strategizing and problem solving. You need to be anchored in safety to use these cognitive skills. But you also need the competitive edge that comes from being in a fight state. You will also be sharing vocal and intermittent facial cues with your teammates, like between rounds of the game. Are video games the same as dance or baseball? I don’t think so, but I think there’s value to gaming. Especially if that’s the best option you have at your disposal. If you’re a parent that can’t mobilize on a sunny day due to a chronic illness, then maybe you can play video games instead. Or a puzzle, or coloring in a coloring book, sure. But video games are… fair game, in my opinion. (Sorry for that.) In my home, Mario Kart is a common way for my family of four to connect through play. We're able to soothe each others' high arousal states through social interaction, eye contact and vocal prosody. Online gaming is different. The players don't see each others' faces. There is some vocal exchange, but not much and not necessarily. Many players don't use their mics and prefer to play in silence. While others do use their mics... unfortunately. It's commonplace for vocal danger cues to come from players, including yelling, groans and insults. Mobilization without safety Individuals who are stuck in a defensive state may not be able to handle the mobilization of play while also accessing their safety system. What ends up happening is that they mobilize, but aren’t able to temper their flight/fight behavior. Play quickly turns into something else. Ever heard of kids that “don’t play well with others”? This is them. Their defensive systems are being activated simply due to the nature of play. But they don’t have the ability to co-regulate. Either because co-regulation was never a part of their nervous system development, or because they lost access to it from a traumatizing incident. The kids and adults that push the limit of acceptable play will end up hurting someone. They won’t have guilt over it either. They will blame the person or shame them. In order to empathize and feel sorry for hurting another, you need to have access to the safety state. This individual has less access to the safety state, therefore does not feel empathy or sorrow. I’m at my son’s first soccer game (which he ended up hating), a field with 12 toddlers on it. There’s a mix of nervous system states present. Many have dropped down the ladder and want their parents, refuse to go on the field or need something like a snack or water or they’re getting worn out. There’s parents on the field and coaches and a couple refs and everyone is telling the kids what to do. It’s a fairly dysregulated state of affairs. One boy in particular is highly mobilized - on the field when he’s not supposed to be, not following directives from the coach or ref and touching the ball with his hands. He’s just moving around without conscious awareness. His safe and social system is not developed enough to inhibit the impulses to move. He crashes into other kids and falls down repeatedly as well. There is one thing that I witnessed next that might shed some light on this particular soccer player’s dysregulation. At one point, the child had “fallen” down and stayed on the ground despite the game going on around him and the adults telling him to get up. He’s not in a tantrum or a meltdown, just laying there. His Dad walks onto the field (for the third time) to correct his behavior. The little soccer player gets up with his arms up, waiting to be held by the Dad… but the dad spins the kid around and gives him a little push back out onto the field. The Dad showed no emotion, no expression, didn’t say anything, provided no support, no encouragement and no obvious signals of safety or love to his son. I didn’t see the Dad do anything to help the kid regulate at all. I have no idea what home life is like. Maybe Dad is typically more supportive of his child. But this little window provides a glimpse into the possible lack of support the little soccer player is getting from his Dad. The lack of emotional development. The lack of safety pathways being nurtured. It made sense to me at that moment why the child was so dysregulated, especially in an environment surrounded by other dysregulated nervous systems, noise, heat and eyes watching. I recall another time during another soccer game (maybe the same one? I don’t know) where a little girl stood frozen in the middle of the field. She didn’t want to go out and resisted her Mother with a quiet protest. Her body was tense as the Mother carried her out and placed her in the middle of the field. When the initial ball was kicked and the kids started scrambling, this particular little girl just stayed in her spot, frozen in place. Her muscles were tense, her eyes were wide and avoided all potential eye contact. She was apparently deaf (not literally) to the sounds around her in that state. Her Mother and the coach attempted to use their vocal prosody to coax her into participating, but these attempts went nowhere. This little girl was in a state of mobilization - evidenced by the muscle tension and shallow breathing. But she was also in a state of immobilization - evidenced by being immobile. She was in a freeze state. She was prepared to both run and shutdown at the same time. Not out of excitement, but out of fear. Maybe of the crowd or of failure or of immense pressure from parents. When she was given relief and escorted off the field by her Mom, she softened immediately as her Mom held her in her lap. This child did not have the safe/social pathways active in that moment; the context of the scenario overwhelmed that possibility. Why is mobilization unsafe? Well, anything is unsafe without access to the safety state or without the ability to accept co-regulation. The state of flight/fight is used when things aren’t safe. That’s what it’s there for. Mobilization evolved within us in order to survive. The social engagement system is relatively new. So the mobilization system was there before the social engagement system. Thanks to the social engagement system, mammals are able to control their mobilization behaviors. If we didn’t have a safe/social system, we’d all be either immobilized or mobilized. Play wouldn’t exist. There would be no mixed state. If we’re accessing the flight/fight mobilization system to play, without safety activated along with it, we’re simply left with mobilized defensive behaviors - flight/fight by itself. But it needs the safe/social system to be active to be play. If safety isn’t involved, it’s simply not play. It’s an increased heart rate without the social engagement system necessary to regulate the flight/fight impulses. If we don’t have the safety system activated, the environment and others become a threat. Our perceptual filter of safety is gone. A person in a stuck defensive state has lost their ability to recognize safe facial cues that are necessary during play. They’re also not providing those same facial cues. This person is not using vocal prosody to suggest they’re having fun. They’ve lost the ability to use their full range of voice, signaling safety to the other parties. Journal: Name one instance from this past week when you felt your play mixed state active. How do you know it was play? Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! Flight/Fight + Shutdown = Freeze You’ve probably noticed by now that I refer to the third defensive behavior set as “shutdown” and not “freeze. ” Typically, the word “ freeze ” is used and was my default word as well. Until I chatted with Dr Porges himself and he clarified that “freeze” and “shutdown” are distinct phenomena, though closely connected. “There is this whole ambiguity because people use the word ‘freeze’ when they really mean “shutting down.” The mouse in the jaws of a cat is not frozen, it’s just limp… The limp loss of muscle tone is a dorsal vagal response ( SNB ). Shutdown is collapsing or going limp. Freeze is stiffening. Freeze is the combination of sympathetic arousal plus shutdown. It’s flight/fight in combination with immobilization. There is an intense and rapid buildup of energy to run or fight, while at the same time the body is immobilized or immobilizing. “When functioning defensively as a fight/flight machine, humans and other mammals need to move. If we are... placed in isolation or restrained, our nervous system… wants to immobilize (Porges, Pocket Guide to the Polyvagal Theory 67). The body will immobilize with a neuroception of life threat. This can be through external physical forced immobilization or the internal perception that the body is going to die. Sexual assault is an obvious example - there is an impulse to run away, but the individual may be unable to do so for various reasons. They also aren’t able to fight back. They may also be physically forced into immobilization with the sympathetic energy in their system. As a result, they may enter a freeze mixed state. People can also enter the freeze state in everyday scenarios, like being put to sleep while highly anxious before surgery. When someone goes under in this state, they come out of their anesthesia with a sympathetic charge. They wake up in a fit, screaming or flailing. This is something that medical staff have told me they often witness in surgical rooms. Panic is probably the most common experience of freeze. When we panic, we are highly charged, fearful, activated and alert. Yet we’re also stiff, frozen in place and unable to move. We aren’t completely gone; we’re present enough to experience the discomfort. Panic might lead to being catatonic and not cognitively available. For example, Melody enters her therapy session at a high level of sympathetic arousal, wanting to fight a group of off-campus peers she perceives as being a threat to her. She is not able to run, since they know what school she attends. Melody is convinced they might be waiting for her after school. She is also not able to fight them, since they are not present. Being outnumbered and surprised also leaves her without a clear target or possibility of winning the fight. In session, she ruminates on the thoughts, going deeper and deeper into her sympathetic arousal without the possibility of getting safety. The therapist attempts numerous interventions, including walking outside, deep breathing and reality testing, as well as discussing safety planning. All these interventions overwhelm her further in combination with the therapist’s desperation and frustration, which sends her cues of disconnection. Her nervous system attempts to immobilize, while she is sympathetically charged, resulting in panic, sending further internal danger cues and thoughts that spiral out of control. Finally, she enters a catatonic freeze, her entire body contorting and freezing in place, which lasts for a few minutes. People also experience some version of freeze when it comes to phobias. They are highly sympathetically charged, yet neurocept that their life is in danger. I often have trouble when it comes to heights. There is a bridge that arches at a drastically high angle on the way to San Francisco, in the Walnut Creek area. This bridge is my worst nightmare. In my head, I know I am safe - my car is in good shape, I can drive just fine and the bridge won’t collapse. Yet when I am on that bridge, my body gets highly charged with an increased heart rate, rapid and very shallow breathing, muscles tensing, rapid speech and an inability to ground myself despite my best efforts. Story follows state, so I imagine that the car is going to somehow turn off in the middle of the bridge and cause people behind me to crash into me and each other. While this is going on, since I am unable to escape the situation, my body begins to shutdown. I go numb, the blood exits my face, blood decreases to my brain which results in a noticeable dissociation. I make it over the hump and can see the Earth, but only after talking out loud and basically narrating everything that is happening while forcing myself to keep breathing regularly. The freeze immediately resolves itself after I get to the ground again. Coming out of freeze in the moment In the intense moments of panic, I don’t know if there is an ideal answer or one answer that works for everyone. I don’t think that there is. In these intense moments, the individual does whatever has been the most helpful in the past or might be helpful in the moment. That could be a wide range of things. Sensory stimulation seems to be helpful for some. Using their eyes or their touch to anchor themselves back into their body. It may help to have someone firmly grasp your hand and be with you. Saying things aloud can be helpful, like narrating what is happening or counting things in the environment. Anything to get grounded in your body/mind and activate the safety pathways enough for the defensive flight/fight and shutdown pathways to recede. Part of coming out of that intensive freeze in the moment is to actually feel the feelings of being in freeze. If you can allow yourself to feel them, it might reduce the intensity. Or it actually might increase the intensity as the energy surges through your body. Allowing those feelings to be there, while focusing on breath and making sure you’re regulating your breathing can be helpful. You may also want to allow for movement as the freeze feelings increase. Don’t keep it bottled in, but don’t explode or withdraw either. Instead, start moving. Get outside and walk. Tense your muscles and relax them as you sit in place. Remind yourself that you’re safe and these feelings are okay to have. Coming out of freeze through thawing But a freeze state can be ongoing. Not just a panic attack, but a state that someone exists in for years and years potentially. This long-lasting freeze should not be confronted head on. Instead, it should be gradually thawed. Ideally, the stuck sympathetic energy is felt in small pieces at a time, something called titration . This process is beyond the scope of this book, but can eventually be done. I recommend reading up on Peter Levine, he has a number of books that can be helpful, including Healing Trauma and Waking the Tiger . However, there is one essential aspect to thawing a freeze that is often neglected and ends up making things worse when it is neglected. And that is the process of building the strength of the window of tolerance. More on this later, but for now, understand that thawing through titration is only going to be successful if the window of tolerance is strong enough. And that means developing the strength of the safety pathways. If you begin to feel the stuck frozen energy without being prepared, it may end up reinforcing the stuck frozen energy. It will be self-defeating and reinforce any fears you have around getting unstuck. So I know that you want to discharge that energy, “heal” the trauma and move on with life. Like, right now . But this is something that really should not be rushed. When you’re well-enough anchored in safety , titration becomes an option. And part of that is another process called pendulation . This is when the individual identifies and feels themselves anchored in a safety resource, then pendulates to the stuck defensive energy, then pendulates back to safety and then back to the defense. This process goes back and forth until the defensive state softens enough to be tolerable or even discharges from the body. Again, this is not something that I recommend you do right now. If you’re ready for this kind of work and have resources to assist you, like the teachings of Peter Levine or a therapist that specializes in this, best of luck. If this is brand new to you or you know you don’t have enough safety development, then hold off. Continue laying the foundation of safety first. Besides my Building Safety Anchors course, I also recommend the books of Deb Dana (see the end of this eBook). They have lots and lots of exercises that you can do to increase your feelings of safety, like Anchored and Polyvagal Exercises for Safety and Connection . Journal : Name one instance from this past week when you felt your freeze mixed state active. How do you know it was freeze? Would you say that you have allowed a thawing to happen in your system? Would you say that you have wanted to rush through getting unstuck or that you have had curiosity and patience for your thawing process? Is there a difference between now and the past in your patience level? < Read the previous section Read the next section >

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Shutdown The final rung on the Polyvagal ladder is the shutdown state, stemming from the dorsal motor area of the brainstem. This is also a parasympathetic branch, like the safe/social state, but has a distinct function and experience. When we can’t socially engage, when we can’t run, when we can’t fight, we shutdown. "In addition to the well-known fight and flight reactions, there is a third, lesser-known reaction to threat: immobilization" ( Levine 48). The shutdown state is responsible for the ability to immobilize. In shutdown, immobilization specifically takes on the characteristics of a limp collapse. Muscles go weak and bodily processes slow down dramatically. Shutting down - like the other two primary states discussed - might allow for an increase of survivability. When the organism shuts down, there are a handful of potential benefits. The organism in shutdown is still neurocepting levels of safety or danger. If there is a potential for the organism to fight and flee the situation, it may do so. Dr. Porges has provided this example - the mouse in the jaws of a cat goes limp, but it may not be dead. It may come out of that limp collapse when the cat puts it down. This brings up the next benefit to the shutdown state - the return of sympathetic energy. When an organism exits from shutdown, the next rung up the Polyvagal ladder is the sympathetic state, fight then flight. With this returning fight energy, the organism can use its sympathetic power to create space between itself and the predator, then use its sympathetic flight potential to escape and return to safety. During acute shutdown, the body might go into a dissociation and/or numbness, both of which may increase the chances of survival. If numb and not feeling the pain of what was experienced, then escape is more likely. Likewise, if dissociated, then not remembering the event and focusing on escape could also help to survive. And finally, in this state the body is conserving resources. Everything in the autonomic nervous system is slowing down, including heart rate, blood pressure and breathing. The body is mimicking death and maybe even preparing for death, giving the organism a painless and disconnected end of life. These conserved resources can be used if the organism neurocepts that escape is possible and needs to consume large amounts of fuel for a sympathetic burst. What shutdown feels like Being stuck in a shutdown state can feel very disconnected. Disconnected from others or even disconnected from the self. Clients in therapy often report feeling very “alone” or “lonely.” Along with feelings of loneliness are also feelings of hopelessness, numbness and fatigue. A chronic sense of tiredness and a lack of energy are normal. Someone in this state does not have much access to their mobilization energy, therefore are left with a feeling of emptiness. Someone in this stuck state is easily overwhelmed by things outside of their protective or comfort zone. Being with others in large gatherings or even socializing for too long can leave them feeling drained. Sources of large amounts of stimulation can also induce this feeling of being drained and preferring isolation. This person may prefer to be at home in bed with low stimulation. In this state, things can seem not only overwhelming, but also uninteresting or pointless. This person is lacking the energy necessary for feeling excitement and passion. A common experience of this individual will be of being in a “fog,” a “cloud” or “grey.” The vitality of life has been drained from them, leaving them with dulled experiences. The sensory experience of life for them is much different than for others. What shutdown looks like Shutdown is a state we enter when we can’t run away or fight. In the moment of survival, it looks like a limp collapse, immobilization, “playing dead” or even fainting. There is a significant drop in blood pressure and heart rate as the body goes into conservation mode. There is an impulse to hide or even curl up and become smaller. I overheard a coworker next door to my office after she made a major mistake (yes, I was eavesdropping, but it was hard not to!). At first, I heard her say, “Help me, Jesus!” She was mumbling to herself in exasperation and mild panic. I could hear her rapid breathing as another co-worker came to check on her (I thought about it, I swear). She explained to him that she sent a text message to the wrong person and it was not a flattering one (something about not wanting to deal with them and have them come over). This was a situation that she could not run from and that she could not fight off. As the other co-worker chatted with her and attempted to provide reassurance and levity, she said, “I could go under that bridge over there and curl up into a ball.” She was expressing that her body had an impulse to go into shutdown - to be smaller, be hidden, isolated and out of danger that she could not run away from or fight. She didn’t go into a full-on shutdown, but those biological pathways were active. Luckily, she did receive that support from our co-worker (I swear, really, I was going to), she expressed gratitude to him as he reassured her it wasn’t that bad and he had seen worse. He provided smiles to her and laughter, easing her defensive state. She thanked him for being present and supporting her. And I sat in my office the entire time, eavesdropping. And I don’t even feel bad for it. The shutdown state feels very lonely and there is often an impulse to be alone for someone stuck in this state. So someone in a stuck shutdown state can often be seen to be alone or isolating. This could be staying home and neglecting potential social avenues. It could also be staying in bed more than is necessary for basic rest. This state looks very much like - and may be directly connected to - the clinical diagnosis of depression. Isolation, numbness, lack of motivation, easy overstimulation and a general lack of enthusiasm or interest in novelty are all similar between a chronic shutdown and depression. Coming out of shutdown To come out of shutdown, the organism needs to climb up their Polyvagal ladder into their sympathetic flight/fight state. Specifically, the fight sympathetic energy first, then flight. Wild animals are really good at doing this. They can emerge from shutdown, into flight/fight and then get to safety with no problem. Humans are technically able to do so, but we seem to have lost our ability to do so naturally. Our human thoughts make it difficult to emerge from shutdown into flight/fight mobilization. We judge the experience. We question the experience. We tell ourselves things that keep us stuck in shutdown, like “I don’t deserve to be happier.” Or “There’s no point in trying” or “I’m not strong enough.” But we can come out of shutdown eventually. Coming out requires a gentle return of energy for us humans. Animals can tolerate the large return of sympathetic energy, but us humans tend to do better with small pieces of that energy returning. We do so through small actions, like: Re-orienting to the environment through the senses Mindfully existing in calm and quiet Being with safe people in safe environments Even if we can’t do all of these pieces, simply being more aware of our shutdown state can be helpful. Being aware of and actually mindfully experiencing it can be helpful. Feeling the sensations of being in shutdown without judgment can be helpful. It’s not second nature, but it’s possible. Journal: Name one instance from this past week when you felt your shutdown state active. How do you know it was shutdown? Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Flight/Fight The second state of the autonomic ladder is sympathetic flight/fight . Flight and fight are both sympathetic, but have unique feelings, behaviors and overall functioning, so will be discussed separately. If we don’t have access to the safe/social state, the flight/fight state follows as we drop one rung down the Polyvagal ladder . The flight/fight state does exactly what it says it does. This state is responsible for an organism’s ability to run away or use aggression. The point of these behaviors is to increase the chances of survival, just like the other states of the autonomic nervous system. But specifically, the flight behaviors come before the fight behaviors. We at first attempt to avoid or run away from danger. If that is unsuccessful, then we shift into our fight behaviors. Rather than creating space, we actually decrease space. The evolutionary benefit is to get the danger to back off (fight), which then creates an opportunity for the potential prey to escape to safety (flight). Flight and fight both stem from the sympathetic nervous system and have the same immediate biological responses, including: Higher heart rate Adrenaline release Tense muscles Wider eyes Ears attuned to danger Increased metabolic rate Shorter breaths into the chest and shoulders Increased pain tolerance Better ability to scan for danger A moment of actual danger involving the flight/fight system looks and feels different than the day-to-day experience of it. This system is supposed to be active for very short periods of time. The sympathetic energy involved in these short periods of time evolved to be used immediately, not to linger in our system day after day. We’re going to focus more on the daily experience of the flight/fight system. What flight feels like There are feelings of anxiety, worry and apprehension. These are feelings of being in or anticipating danger. The body is in a mobilized state; it is prepared to flee. So the experiential feelings reflect an organism that is experiencing danger. What fight feels like If someone is stuck in a sympathetic fight state, they’ll have distinct feelings compared to flight. The body is still in a mobilized state. But if someone is in the fight state, evasion hasn’t worked. So aggression is the next step. Therefore, the feelings associated with fight are ones like anger, irritability and hostility. Danger In the flight/fight state, reality is experienced through the lens of danger. The world in this state is: Scary Threatening Out to get me Untrustworthy Even when this person sees someone else with a neutral face, they may experience it as threatening. A face that is staring forward in a daydream or boredom with no obvious emotion might be seen as dangerous. You can surely imagine that someone in this state is going to experience and interact with the world much differently than someone who is in their safe/social state. What flight/fight looks like The person stuck in a flight/fight state is going to be more tense, fidgety, evasive, loud and direct. This person might be perceived as (or maybe actually is) more rude and socially inappropriate. This person will have more difficulty in interacting with their fellow students or co-workers, seeing threat in their daily interactions. This person is more likely to flee in anxiety or erupt in anger when something goes wrong. Remember - the body is being mobilized. It’s prepared to run or fight in the face of danger. The observable behaviors for someone in this state will reflect this. It may not be overtly obvious, but there are subtle cues that can be observed. One of these is in the breath. When flight/fight is active, the breath becomes shorter and faster. Breath goes quickly into the chest and the shoulders. The shoulders go up and down and the chest expands out and then decompresses. When in the safety state, breath goes lightly into the belly. As a result of this faster rate of breath, the individual will have a faster rate of speaking. In the flight/fight state, we have dropped down the Polyvagal ladder into defense. Now, we are creating distance from others because others are seen as a threat. Someone in this state will have difficulty with being close physically and emotionally, even with safe others. This is not all or nothing. But the more entrenched someone is in their flight/fight state, the more pronounced these difficulties will be. You can recognize someone in a stuck flight/fight state through their face. They will no longer be utilizing their facial muscles in the same way. They won’t be smiling, eyes might be wider, they lack eye crinkles and their neck won’t tilt to the side when they listen. Someone in a stuck flight/fight state will have diminished ability to hear others accurately. Their inner ear muscles are now attuned to listening for danger sounds like high-pitched screams or low bass sounds like a growl. They may not be able to hear the full range of voice of a loved one, nor the intention of their words. Sarcasm is lost to the person who is not identifying the humor and is neurocepting the dead-pan delivery as threat. Creating connections with others is a major challenge to someone in a stuck flight/fight state. Because that individual is perceiving others as a threat and missing cues of safety or misinterpreting neutral cues. Their ability to be close and form relationships is lower. This individual can be seen to be avoiding interactions with others or becoming a bully. This individual will connect with others who are in a similar flight/fight state. Gangs are comprised of individuals in a similar flight/fight state who also share environmental, racial and cultural similarities. Coming out of flight/fight Ideally, the sympathetic energy of the flight/fight state is used in a large burst of movement. The individual runs away or uses aggression as a means to mitigate danger. Then they return to the safe environments and safe people in their lives. Ideally. This ideal may not be the reality for you. But it’s still possible to exit from this state and climb the autonomic ladder, back into the safe/social state. Not easy, but possible. And the way to do that is to mindfully attune your conscious awareness to the inner sensations of what it feels like to be in a stuck flight/fight state. That means being curious (not evaluative and judging) about what it feels like to be in that state. And then allowing those feelings to be felt. The conscious awareness and experiencing allows the stuck energy to begin the process of getting unstuck. But this can be too much to ask. Before delving into the stuck state, it can be helpful to build up the strength of the safe/social pathways. And that means spending more time in that state, activating those pathways. Mindfulness can be helpful here in actually noticing and experiencing what it’s like to feel safe. You can do this through discovering what brings you to feelings of safety. What types of music, hobbies, movements, sensory stimulation, for example. Whatever brings you those feelings of safety can be an avenue for strengthening those pathways. But you have to do so mindfully and really experience the feelings and sensations of safety. Journal: Name one instance from this past week when you felt your flight/fight state active. How could you tell? Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Safety & Social Engagement ...connectedness with other mammals, other humans, and even our pet dogs and cats, is really, in a very pragmatic way, our purpose in life. Stephen Porges, Love's Brain This is the first state at the top of the Polyvagal Ladder. This state, like the others to follow, are not just thoughts, behaviors and feelings. They are unique biological pathways that govern thoughts, behaviors and feelings. Specifically, the parasympathetic safe/social ones are referred to as the “ventral vagal” pathways that come from the nucleus ambiguus of the brainstem (but that’s probably more than you needed to know). The state of safety and social engagement is responsible for our feelings and behaviors of social connection. Not just humans, but other mammals as well. We all share some level of ability to connect with each other, build families and herds, tribes or even cities. The ability for early mammals to connect with each other increased the chances of survival. This was especially true in the context of the time, when large reptiles dominated the planet. Along with the evolutionary biological changes of the social pathways, other biological pathways were repurposed to support survival advantages for mammals. Their ears were better attuned to hear the sounds of each other. The large reptiles of the time did not have the ability to hear the full range of mammalian voices. This state is imperative for the general health and wellness for mammals. When we exist in this state, our bodies utilize resources for health, growth and restoration, as Dr. Porges often says. Our bodies function better, we’re healthier and meet developmental milestones more predictably. We form healthy attachments with safe others and live generally happier and more fulfilling lives. What safety feels like These are some examples of what being in the safe/social state can feel like: Happy, joyful Calm, relaxed, still Playful, excited Awe, expansiveness Safe, trusting Interested, motivated Empathetic, understanding These feelings are needed to make safe connections with other people who are also in some level of their own safe/social state. This may not be realistic in all of our lives, but activation of the state of safety is necessary to feel these feelings. The world and our interactions in it just feel more safe. We experience less neuroceptions of threat. And when we are in situations with some elements of danger, these situations do not feel as overwhelming. Life is manageable when we are in this state. Not perfect, but manageable. Life doesn’t feel as overwhelming or tense or pressured. When we do face problems - which we will (sorry) - we can navigate them more easily. We can navigate them using negotiation and cooperation and not panic or overwhelm. When we’re in a safe/social state, we can better detect cues of safety or danger. We identify and feel safety and connection. If we are around someone that is giving off cues of danger, we’re able to identify them more accurately. If we retain our access to our safety pathways in these moments, we can potentially navigate the situation and ameliorate it through providing our own cues of safety to the other person. Along with changes in emotion and feeling, this state also brings cognitive changes. In this state, we can focus, plan, think, learn, assess and weigh pros & cons. We have greater access to our executive functioning, something critical for students to be able to succeed academically. This would also be helpful for someone that is considering a new career, new life path or a significant purchase. These cognitive skills are necessary for daily functioning of all types. What safety looks like You can tell when someone has access to their safety pathways by looking at their body language and their face. Someone in this state will be able to utilize their face and neck muscles. When they listen, their head will tilt to one side and crinkles will form around their eyes as they squint. They wouldn’t be able to do so without these biological pathways being activated. At least, not genuinely. Making eye contact with someone else is a sign that you have access to your safety pathways. When you feel uncomfortable, you look away. When you’re feeling safe and connected, you make and sustain eye contact. Oftentimes in therapy, a client will have difficulty doing so. As they gain more access to their safety pathways, they can make fleeting eye contact. They look up at the therapist and then look away, darting their eyes back and forth. As they gain tolerance to these feelings of being in safety, they can sustain eye contact for longer periods of time. When the safety pathways are active, the inner ear muscles allow in a greater range of mammalian voice (vocal prosody). Human beings can hear each other better. We can even tune out other noises and focus on the prosody in someone else’s voice. Think about being at a concert or some other crowded venue - you can hear the person you’re with because you’re attuned to hear their mammalian voice and can tune out the background noises. Mammals are also capable of using their own vocal prosody. Meaning, they can use their voice to indicate a greater range of emotions and intention. We can raise our voice to show excitement and lower our voice to show threat. Another obvious indicator that someone is in their state of safety is that they can spontaneously get closer to others. Think about the first time that you saw someone after coming out of quarantine in the early days of the COVID-19 pandemic. You probably felt a spontaneous impulse to hug them, right? When you see someone you love, you probably hug or kiss when you greet each other. Or just shake hands when you greet someone new or someone you have some appreciation for. Someone in their safety state can use a wider range of physical gestures. Their bodies are more animated to express themselves. There are other physiological changes when in safety: Saliva and digestion are stimulated Heart rate slows Fuller breaths into the belly The more the better Nobody exists in a purely safe/social state. Generally, anyone can get these pathways active and feel them on some level. It might be a significant challenge, but it generally seems possible. Even for someone with a significant history of surviving severe traumatic events, they can eventually access these pathways with safe enough environments and safe enough people around them. Again - no one exists 100% in these states. But we don’t need to. We just need to have enough access to these biological pathways to actually feel safe and get the benefits of these biological functions. The safety pathways need to be active. And when they are, the defensive states won’t be out of control. So the more access we have to the safety states, the better. There will always be big and small events in life and even in a single day that will challenge our ability to exist in the safety state. That’s not going to change. But what can change is how much access we have to the state and how exercised those pathways are. What is needed for safety When we discuss what’s needed to feel safe, we’re discussing what is needed for the safety biology to be active. Two major components of that are the environment and people in our lives. These provide potential neuroceptions of safety and help the individual to climb their Polyvagal ladder. Perception can be helpful. If we view the environment as safe enough, we can access our safety biology. Even in environments where there is potential danger, the people within it can still socially engage and connect with each other. The environment doesn't have to be perfect. The school might be in a neighborhood that has danger, but the students within it can potentially access their safety state still. Especially if the people within that school are in their states of safety and are providing other cues of safety and protection. Same for someone in a less than ideal neighborhood or a crowded mall on Christmas Eve. Safe people and safe environments are necessary, but there is a more voluntary method of accessing safety. People and environments can passively provide cues of safety. But you can also purposefully bring yourself to safety. It needs to be done in a safe environment or possibly with safe people, but could also be alone. And to do that requires that you know what helps you to feel the feelings of safety. Journal: What can you actively do to bring about feelings of calm? What can you actively do to bring about feelings of happiness? What can you actively do to bring about feelings of playfulness? What can you actively do to bring about feelings of awe? What can you actively do to bring about feelings of connection to others? What can you actively do to bring about feelings of connection to yourself? Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! How I first learned about the Polyvagal Theory I work for a public school district and trauma is a regular aspect of what I work with. During the summers, students typically want nothing to do with school or school personnel, so they elect to skip therapy for a couple of months. Not all, but most. That gives my colleagues and I time to catch up on stuff, create curriculum and increase our professional development. In the summer of 2018, I was caught up on all of my stuff (what I call “busy work”) and chose to use some time for my own professional development. I chose to revisit my understanding of trauma and how to work with trauma. I was taught in therapy school that “trauma lives in the body.” And this is a message that was repeated ad nauseam through various continuing education courses and seminars and lectures. But no one ever explained how. They didn’t explain what that meant. Not really. So I did what any good scholar would do and I searched for “trauma” on YouTube. And then I let the YouTube rabbit hole do what it does, taking in video after video and sifting through the ones that needed to be sifted through. I was looking for primary sources in particular, not one of my peers’ rehashing of general therapist knowledge. But before delving into things, I told myself that I knew nothing about trauma. I needed to start over; to start from scratch and work from the ground up. I eventually stumbled upon Peter Levine ’s work on YouTube, probably one of the interviews where talks about “Nancy”. He is the creator of Somatic Experiencing , a modality that utilizes the felt sense of the body to release trauma stuck in the body. He had a treatment for trauma and also an explanation of what “trauma lives in the body” means. He discussed the autonomic nervous system and how the body can be prepared for safety or defense. I saw him perform a little miracle in his work with Rey up on stage, instructing him to slowly move his jaw, which resulted in Rey being able to do some discharge of his trauma, which was presenting as tics. I’m glossing over the specifics; they don’t matter right now and will be discussed later on in this book. The point here is this - I found someone that could answer the question of how trauma lives in the body. And my immediate reaction was - “That’s bulls***.” How could someone “heal trauma” by moving their jaw slowly?! Was this some sort of snake-oil huckster con-man? This is nonsense! And then I reminded myself that I know nothing. I reminded myself about working from the ground up and assuming I had everything to learn and lots of gaps in what I considered my knowledge. So I took a deep breath and continued, giving this Peter Levine character a chance… but also being wary of any snake oil offers. As I continued with Peter Levine, things started to intrigue me. Things started to click. Like why don’t wild animals get traumatized? They are literally at the mercy of predators and the natural environment, but they don’t get traumatized like us humans. It began to make sense how people get stuck in defensive states. It at the very least got me more curious. So I continued down the YouTube autonomic nervous system trauma rabbit hole. The next thing I found was a very dry, very academic lecture by a certain Dr. Stephen Porges . He was lecturing about his “Polyvagal Theory '' using awful power point slides. The audience seemed interested, while I could hardly make out a lot of what he was saying. But I could make out some. He was talking about the autonomic nervous system, just like Peter Levine. But he was able to go deeper into it. Apparently, he had been doing heart rate studies and literature review and could connect it to evolution. Or something like that. Things started to make more sense. The pieces were coming together. As I continued to take in lectures and interviews from Dr. Porges, a bigger picture was forming, providing me with a new grounding in the world of understanding and treating trauma. From Porges, I found Deb Dana through the YouTube autonomic nervous system trauma vagal rabbit hole. She made things a lot easier to understand. A lot. I was able to get my hands on the writings of Levine, Porges and Dana. I studied and studied and studied. I took notes and built presentations, knowing that I could understand and teach this to my colleagues and the teachers and staff of my school district. It made sense. I had answers about how trauma lives in the body. How it gets stuck and how we get unstuck from it. I was able to identify how the theory works in the therapeutic process and could see it live in my therapy clients. When I would share pieces of the theory with them, it would make sense and normalize their experiences. They felt validated and gained a deeper understanding of themselves.  I was really onto something. Something revolutionary in my mind, but also the field of psychology and the practice of therapy. Not only did it answer my questions and provide a new foundation, it inspired me to be an evangelist for the theory. I created the Polyvagal Podcast (now Stuck Not Broken ), an Instagram , a blog and courses , all grounded in the Polyvagal Theory. I’m not done though. I keep learning and deepening my understanding of the theory and my ability to apply it to whatever I can. Now I want to pass it on through this book. I think you’ll find it interesting, if not enlightening. Probably normalizing and validating. That’s my hope, at least. And no, Peter Levine never tried to sell me any snake oils. Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

This is a section from my free e-book, Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . The eBook is also available in its extended version as Stuck Not Broken: Book 1. Download the eBook in PDF and ePub: Hope you enjoy the read! < Read the previous section first Your Autonomic Nervous System Your Autonomic Nervous System governs everything about you, basically. It regulates all the internal organs without any conscious direction or effort. It’s involuntary; automatic. Breathing, heart rate, sweating, pupil dilation, internal temperature regulation, digestion and more. These are not functions that you have to direct or plan out. If they were, daily living would probably be a lot more difficult. Imagine having to be aware of and control your heartbeat. Or your breathing. Or your digestion. Now imagine doing all of these things at the same time. Now imagine doing all of these things at the same time while also knowing the optimal levels of each of these things. And even if you could do all of that, could you also adjust to what is necessary to the specific environment in that specific moment, then adjust to the next environment in the next moment? Probably not. But that’s what your ANS does. It adjusts to varying levels of safety, danger or life threat. Literal danger, but also perceived danger. Every moment of every day. If we could pull off all of that on a conscious level, we probably wouldn’t be able to also enjoy a Netflix binge at the same time. We have a hard enough time just focusing on the person in front of us and sustaining a conversation! It’s a good thing then that the ANS is outside of our conscious control. It’s historically been known as two antagonistic systems: sympathetic and parasympathetic. As if these two were competing against each other for dominance. But Dr Stephen Porges explains that it’s more complex than that in his Polyvagal Theory . It turns out there is actually the sympathetic system and two parasympathetic systems that work in concert to benefit the mammalian organism. The sympathetic system is the flight/fight mobilization biological pathways. The mobilization system is ideal for pushing away a danger and then getting to safety. If you were to notice your flight/fight system being activated, you would probably notice shorter breath, increased heart rate and muscle tension. The first and oldest parasympathetic system is the immobility system, stretching from the dorsal vagal part of the brainstem all the way to the gut. These pathways are responsible for shutdown, collapsed behaviors during a life threat situation. And the second and newer parasympathetic system is the social engagement system, located in the face and neck and connected to the heart. This system is active when safe and allows for social connection with other safe mammals. When autonomic shifts happen, the internal organs and bodily resources are repurposed and used for defensive or connective purposes. For example, when in danger and more sympathetically charged, the mouth may go dry. This is because the body no longer needs saliva for chewing when it’s mobilized for running or fighting. The body prioritizes its processes based on what it detects as safe, dangerous or life threatening. When under life threat, all systems are reduced to support basic life maintenance, such as heart rate and breathing. The entire body slows down, imitating a corpse. Point being, the ANS is always working and doing so outside of our conscious control. It allows you to survive, but also to maintain a basic level of functioning, so that you can then direct your conscious attention elsewhere. Autonomic states Our autonomic nervous system can be said to be basically in one of three different states. These are the primary states of the ANS: Safe/Social Flight/Fight Shutdown There are also three mixed states, which are combinations of the primary states: Freeze (shutdown + flight/fight) Play (safe/social + flight/fight) Stillness (safe/social + shutdown) These primary and mixed states each evolved within us to enhance the chances of survival. They each have a benefit to the organism in staying alive, which then increases the chances of that organism passing on its own genetic code. It’s important to recognize these different states and what they look like and feel like. They each have their own experience and being able to differentiate amongst them can make things more manageable, at least cognitively. We'll be spending a lot of time on understanding these primary and mixed states in depth. These are some of the building blocks for this new Polyvagal paradigm. The Polyvagal ladder The Polyvagal Ladder is a concept from Deb Dana that can help us to understand how we utilize our primary autonomic states on a mammalian level. The fact that it’s a ladder is essential in understanding how this works - just like with a ladder, you must start from the bottom to get to the top. And to get back down to the bottom, you start from the top. You can also stop in the middle and go up or down from there. Same with our Polyvagal states. There’s a top to our primary Polyvagal states. Actually, quite literally. The safety pathways (ventral vagal) connect our brainstem to our heart, neck and facial muscles. This is the top of the Polyvagal ladder and is also at the top of our bodies. In the middle of our Polyvagal ladder is the flight/fight system (sympathetic), which is in the spinal cord and the chest, controlling the arms and legs. And at the bottom of the ladder is the shutdown system (dorsal vagal), residing in the gut. When we look back at things we’ve been through, we often blame ourselves for how we did or did not react. Like, “I should have ____” or “If only I didn’t ______.” But really, it’s not an issue of choice when it comes to our Polyvagal states and what behaviors we utilize from the Polyvagal ladder. It’s a sequence of events, not a menu of options. No one is picking their autonomic state. Remember - these states are functions of the autonomic nervous system. These states are arrived at without our conscious awareness. therefore, we don't choose what autonomic state we exist in. And we don't choose our potential for socially engaging, running, fighting, hiding or freezing. If you aren’t safe, you drop down your ladder into the flight/fight system. If you can’t run or fight the danger, you drop down further into your shutdown system. This is a sequence of shifts, not a choice you make. Just like a ladder, we work down and we work up in a sequence. Same with our autonomic states - we shift through them in a sequence. Not as a result of choice. Read the next section > Thanks for reading!

Hey again, Fellow Stucknaut! Get cozy for this one. It's a longer blog. Embarrassing story time, yay! Desperation can bring us to scary places. My own desperation got me to somewhere scary I wanted to share with you. Maybe you can relate. This is how my desperation started... In Octoberish of 2022, my wife and I ran face first into some major financial concerns as our careers made unexpected deviations from the path we charted. I won't go into it in detail, but basically, the life we planned on living for the next couple of years simply wasn't going to happen. And if it did, it would come at the expense of our mental and physical health. It wasn't a sacrifice we were willing to make to ensure comfort. So we made some big career changes, which resulted in a cut of over half of our combined annual income. Our cozy life was turned upside down literally overnight, and now everything was in the air. To say I was stressed is an understatement. There was a week or so when I didn't eat all that much. I knew I  should , but I just wasn't all that hungry. I mean, I  did  eat, just not like I usually do. I lost about 10 pounds. Was I in a defensive state? Uhhhh, yeah. Yeah, I was. There was some flight, but honestly, it was mostly fight. It was not aggressive and uncontrolled, but more motivated and pointed. There was a problem, and I could solve it. I would make it happen. My mind was a singular focus - how to keep my family of four afloat through financial turmoil. And my mind had a singular answer - use my business to make more money. The problem was I had almost no idea how to do that—not very well, at least. I have historically been terrible at selling my courses, lol. I know they're amazing courses and provide exactly what I intended for the participants—getting unstuck. But the courses being amazing doesn't mean s*** in entrepreneurship if you don't know how to sell them. Click here to check out my Polyvagal Trauma Relief System btw > Somewhere during the first weekish of us making this big decision together, I started getting desperate . My motivated fight energy turned into something else... This is when I decided it was time to buy a course myself. Perfect timing! What kind of course was I searching for? A course on how to sell courses, of course! I went to YouTube and searched for who was selling what. I know these business types like to give out free info and then make an offer, so I listened to a few. And I got exactly what I expected - skeevy, slimy salespeople. Yuck. But then one person - who I will keep anonymous because they threatened to come after me with their millions of dollars (I'll explain later) - felt like she was speaking directly to me. She understood my pain. She knew exactly what I needed. And wouldn't you know it - she had the answer, too! The price of her course wasn't mentioned but I scheduled a chat with her to see if I was a good fit for her program. Then, I spoke with one of her people during the phone call. He seemed like a likable fellow. He made small talk at the beginning and asked where I was from. He wasn't overly aggressive with me, but he obviously was sending me through what seemed like a scripted sequence of talking points. Even the opening chit-chat felt scripted. I was aware of this... but I looked the other way. " I suppose it's just normal in the world of business. They have the skills I don't - so who am I to question it? Do I want help or not?" He asked me a few questions about my business and my motivation level. And apparently, it all checked out because he proclaimed that he thought I would be a good fit for their program. Hazza! Still no mention of the price of the course. "It's probably like ten grand or something. Crap, I can't afford this. But I also can't do this on my own! I need what they have and I'm going to suck it up. Something in my life has to change; I am going to make this work so my family can have a better life. I don't want to lose my house or sell all my stuff or take the kids out of their extracurricular activities that are so healthy for them both emotionally and socially!" (Remember - story follows state.) So I asked him how much it cost. He said very cooly and calmly, waving his hand like it was nothing - "$8,600." I know for some, that is nothing. And good for them. But it's definitely something for me. A lot of something. "Yeah, I don't have that." "How much do you have?" he asked. That felt a bit forward, but I answered him. He assured me that the payments could be broken up into four installments for a total of $9,000. "But what if I'm not able to pay that? I won't be taking money out of my family's account. This would come from my business account." I asked, "What happens if I'm not able to make the payments?" He assured me - once I was in the program, I'd be making money like so many other people before me. "Yeah, that makes sense. And damnit, I'm betting on myself here. I'm not going to let anything get in my way!" He also tossed in this gem: "I mean, how hard is it really to come up with the money? You could pull from your family's account, borrow from somebody, or even put it on your credit card." That was all a big red flag for me. And I ignored it. Why? Because I was desperate. Because they had what I needed. And I was in enough dysregulated fight energy to plow through anything in my way and take any kind of reassurance that was being thrown my way. "F*** it, let's do it," I told myself. And that's how I put down a couple grand and committed to seven more. So Justin, are you rich beyond measure now? Was the course amazing? No, I'm not. And no, it wasn't. Not for me, at least. I absolutely hated it. I went in with all guns blazing, though, and gave it an honest shot. But oh wow, was I a terrible fit for that course. It's a good fit for the person who wants to sell sell, sell, and then sleep and sell some more in their sleep. The person that wants to spend 8 hours a day in DMs, like one of the lesson modules recommended. The person who wants to script their conversations with the "avatars" that would schedule calls with them. I feel gross just writing this to you, Fellow Stucknaut. After four days in the course, I messaged one of the team leads with an email titled, "I'm not a good fit for [course]." And I proceeded in that email to grovel for my money back and to be cut loose from the agreement. I took full responsibility for my decision and begged them to do me a favor. We had a contract I was obliged to, but wow, I regret it. "It's entirely on me. I made the decision to commit to being here and pay you the money. And I still will if I am unable to leave the program with a refund. But I am hoping you would be willing to refund me the money that I put in and let me out of our agreement." Something like that. Being in the course was eating away at my stomach. Intense anxiety and embarrassment. And regret, too. And feeling stupid. And... just lots of stuff. A refund and a threat The lead I emailed set up a phone call to discuss this more and try to talk me into staying. I explained why I wasn't a good fit for the course like five different ways. "I'm sure the course is great and I see people in the group that are getting results. I just don't want to be a part of it. It's not the type of culture I am looking to be a part of and the course design makes no sense to me." (I may not know how to sell, but I can design a course with the best of them. They know how to sell, but their course design is atrocious.) She struggled to understand how I could want to back out. She said they don't give refunds, but she would get back to me. The anxiety of being in this course and committing myself financially to something that I didn't believe in was still eating away at my stomach. Later that day, I got an email explaining that they had no obligation to me but would allow me out of the contract minus "administrative fees" of about $400. Yes! I was out! The email also was very clear I was not to share their information with anyone else. Not a problem! And it was clear that if I did—including telling anyone that I got a refund—they could take legal action against me.  "Yikes, getting a refund is that hush hush?"  I thought to myself. It seems odd that someone with a "millionaire mindset" and an "abundance mindset" would clutch onto their money so tightly, but I'm not a millionaire, and I don't have that mindset, so what do I know? But whatever, I was out, and I felt they did me a favor. Onward! I found something that was perfect for me. And he was right in front of me the whole time. I don't know why I didn't think of him sooner, especially in my moment of desperation. It was Pat Flynn. I don't expect you to know about Pat. If you're in the business world, you have probably heard of him. I had been listening to his podcast for maybe a year or so. My son and I watched him and his son on his Pokemon card channel. I was well aware of his business credentials, his story, and his offerings. Why didn't I think of Pat when I needed it?! How frustrating. But that's where I turned, and it's been amazing. Find Pat here > So now you're making a ton of money, right, Justin?! Nope. Not at all. Er, not yet. I'm sure I'll get there. In the meantime, I am connecting with other individuals like me—people trying to build their businesses and figuring it out from the bottom up. I'm also getting great education from Pat, including on this email stuff. I am also re-learning the importance of making connections with my audience, who that audience is, and how to provide for them as well as I possibly can. Lessons learned Here are a few rapid-fire lessons I learned that I want to pass on to you. Desperation is okay; desperate decision-making may not be. You might have what you need right in front of you. Plan ahead for things in life, lay foundations, and build from there. One last thing - intent matters a lot Look, the practices in the first course aren't bad in and of themselves. I've actually been using basic things like giving away free content and then offering my courses. Heck, I gave away all my Polyvagal Theory knowledge on the podcast...  twice!  Episodes 1-9 and then 101-109 go over the entirety of the Theory for traumatized people or therapists. And I have the  Polyvagal Intro  page, too. Now, I offer people a chance to  schedule a short chat with me  before they purchase a course or sign up to work with me as a therapist or coach , which is  an idea I got from that awful course I was in. I think the intent is what matters. When someone schedules a chat with me, my goal is not to sell them my course. It's not. My goal is to make 100% sure that they have the clarity they need to make that decision themselves. I don't ask for payment, and I don't pressure them to use their family's money or put it on their credit card. I'm there for them to answer whatever question or concern they have in as much brutal honesty as possible. You're still here!? Wow, that means a lot to me! Do I have a secret gift for you? No, just my appreciation. I'm glad you've spent some of your day with me through this blog. Justin

I got a response to an email I send out to people who sign up for my email list. The email asks, "What is your #1 Ch allenge?" And the response she gave me is this - "How to deal with: being stuck in anger and defensive thought patterns, keeping a person in a state of anger." Anger and the Polyvagal Theory Let's make sure we understand how anger fits into the Polyvagal Ladder first, something I am sure that my Polyvagal 101 students know already! Anger is the felt emotional experience of the fight sympathetic state of the Autonomic Nervous System. When someone has fight flavoring lingering or stuck in their system, they will feel it as anger or irritability, most noticeably. They will feel impulses of the aggressive variety, like taking up space, raising their voice and speaking hurriedly in a monotone, lacking the vocal prosody that comes along with the safety and social engagement system. Defensive Thought Patterns Anyone interested in the basics of the Polyvagal Theory knows about the "Story Follows State" concept from Deb Dana . The thoughts in our brain emerge from our Polyvagal state. As our state shifts, so do our thoughts. The same context will lead to different thoughts based on what state the individual is in. Imagine that Ray is doing his homework at a local coffee shop and notices someone looking at him. His thoughts might sound like these: Shutdown - "They see me and think I'm weird. I need to hide." *looks down and puts hood over head* Fight Sympathetic - "What the f&^% are they looking at?!" *grimaces at the person tensely* Flight Sympathetic - "S&^% is there something on my face?" *hurriedly brushes face before going to the bathroom to check the mirror* Safety - "They're just staring off in the distance. I know what it's like to zone out." *then waves and smiles at them, sharing a laugh* How to "Deal With" Anger Emotions So how does one "deal with being stuck in anger"? Well, they need to utilize the body's state, which means actually feeling and using the aggressive energy of the fight state. Of course, this does not mean actually hurting someone, themself, or destroying things. One can mindfully experience their anger and allow it to be present, then use the impulses of the body to discharge it. If they can do so, they can then climb their Polyvagal ladder into their flight state and then up further into their safety state. If you were to actually listen to your body, to mindfully experience the sensations within, then it will tell you what to do next. An impulse will arise. With anger, it's probably going to be something that involves the upper body: throwing, pushing, squeezing or hitting, as examples. When done mind lessly , these impulses will be acted on, but end up harming someone or something. When done mind fully , these impulses will open up ladder climbing. Before using mindful experiencing, one needs to be able to witness what is happening within them. And before that, they need to be able to anchor themselves in their safety state. This is a simple process that I call A->W->E and you can learn more about it in my Unstucking Defensive States course. How to "Deal With" Anger Thoughts Really, it's the same thing as above. I recommend focusing on the emotion that is driving the thoughts. Then delving a bit deeper and eventually experiencing the sensations of being in a fight state. Then allowing the body to utilize an impulse that reveals itself through the mindful experiencing. I find that attempting to confront or stop our thoughts is exceedingly difficult. I suppose some people are able to switch their thinking rapidly, but I haven't met this person. I only hear from them in their marketing, but never met them in person. That's just me though. And if you try to stop or confront your thinking from your fight state, it's still going to have that fight flavoring to it. You may end up berating yourself, judging yourself, shaming yourself for your aggressive thinking. In effect, reinforcing the angry thinking. Instead, anchor yourself in safety and then bring your anchored awareness to your emotional experience of anger and what lies underneath it on a sensation level. Thanks so much for reading this and for the person that submitted their #1 Challenge.