Easily Identify Your State: Polyvagal Theory for Daily Life Tip #1
- Justin Sunseri, LMFT
- 5 days ago
- 7 min read
You've delved into the Polyvagal Theory. You understand how your nervous system shifts through safety, flight, fight, and shutdown. Polyvagal Theory is validating, normalizing knowledge.
But then comes the crucial question: Okay, now what?
Understanding why and how your body reacts is powerful, but real transformation happens when you apply that knowledge daily. You're in the right place if you're wondering how to bridge that gap.
This article will teach you how to easily identify your Polyvagal state.
This article (and the podcast episode it's based on above) is the first in a series designed to give you small, actionable ways to apply Polyvagal Theory daily. This blog will explain:
Why does identifying your Polyvagal state matter?
Why does this matter? Because knowing your state reveals its needs, opening potential avenues for self-regulation.
Identifying these states in real-time can be tricky, especially if recognizing emotions or bodily sensations is challenging. It's also common to confuse states like freeze and shutdown.
Let's clarify things by walking through the official Polyvagal primary and mixed states (plus one logical addition!). For each state, I'll pose a question. Consider your honest, immediate response.
The Primary States: Your Foundational Nervous System Responses
1. Do you feel like connecting?
This is the hallmark of the Safety state (mediated by the Ventral Vagal pathway). Feeling like connecting means you might be ready to engage with:
Your Environment: Mindfully using your senses – smelling a candle, tasting a peach, watching the rain fall, gazing at the horizon.
Yourself: Noticing your inner sensations as you interact with the environment. Does smelling the candle bring warmth? Does looking at the horizon ease your breathing? Do you feel lighter and more likely to smile? It also includes mindfully experiencing your emotions, even difficult ones.
Others: Feeling open to co-regulation through hugs, smiles, eye contact, or reaching out to someone.
If you answered "yes" to connecting in any of these ways, you likely have significant Safety state activation. This state isn't just about connection; it also fuels relaxation, playfulness, and focused work.
2. Do you feel like escaping or aggressing?
If connection doesn't resonate right now, perhaps the urge is towards movement – either away from something (escape) or towards something with force (aggression). This points to Sympathetic Activation (Flight or Fight). You might need space. Leaving provides it directly; aggression creates it by pushing others away. These impulses aren't always overt actions; they manifest in thoughts and feelings, too:
Flight: Nervousness, anxiety, replaying past interactions, worrying about the future.
Fight: Anger, irritability, frustration, snapping at loved ones, feeling restless or unable to sleep due to activation, working out intensely without relief.
If this sounds familiar, your sympathetic nervous system is likely dominant, providing mobilization energy.
3. Do you feel like collapsing?
Maybe connecting feels impossible, and mobilizing feels exhausting. Instead, you feel an urge to collapse, retreat, and reduce stimulation. Lights feel too bright, sounds too loud, and people too overwhelming. You can't handle another thing. This indicates a state of disconnection, likely Shutdown (mediated by the Dorsal Vagal pathway). You might feel heavy, numb, or want to disappear. At its extreme, this can involve dissociation. This state often arises when facing overwhelming situations (past or present) where safety, fight, or flight weren't viable options.
You likely have one of these above primary states – Safety, Flight/Fight, or Shutdown – as your dominant baseline state. No one exists in 100% activation of any of these states. That's not realistic. But we can say one has more activation of one of the primary states than another.
But the primary states can mix, just like paint colors. These mixtures create mixed states.
The Polyvagal Mixed States: Blending the Basics
You typically live in one of the mixed states, though a primary state may dominate the mixture. Let's review the mixed states and see which one(s) you identify with most.
4. Do you feel ready to have fun with someone else?
Feeling spontaneous, fun, or imaginative, and wanting to share that with others? This is likely Play. Play is a mix of Safety + Flight/Fight. It's mobile and active (sympathetic energy) but contained within a framework of connection and social norms (safety). Think friendly competition, shared laughter, and collaborative creativity. Co-regulation with a safe other is key here.
5. Do you feel motivated?
What if you have that energized, creative, productive feeling but you're alone? This is Motivation. Like play, motivation combines Safety + Flight/Fight. You're using sympathetic mobilization energy, but directing it towards a task, project, or personal goal (like improving your workout). It feels confident and excited.
While not an official polyvagal mixed state, it logically fits – it's essentially "play" minus the co-regulation variable. You still have safety allowing for focused energy and creativity.
Now, what happens when Safety mixes with the immobility of Shutdown?
6. Do you feel reflective and mindful?
Are you curious about your inner world? Aware of your senses and your body's responses? Able to sit quietly and just be? This suggests Stillness. Stillness is Safety + Shutdown. It's the capacity to be immobile without feeling threatened or collapsed. It allows for contemplation, meditation, rest, sleep, or simply sitting calmly.
You're likely experiencing some level of stillness right now as you read this. It can range from deep, present-moment awareness to simply being settled enough to use the restroom.
7. Do you want to connect closely with someone else?
Do you feel able to hold someone, look into their eyes, truly listen, or receive that kind of deep connection? This points towards Intimacy. Intimacy is Safety + Shutdown + another variable of Co-regulation. It involves safe, comfortable immobility with another trusted person.
This isn't just physical intimacy (though it includes it); it's also deep emotional sharing and connection. Think holding hands during a movie, a comforting hug, or the safe space shared in therapy or between a parent and child. The feeling of safety projected by and received from the other person is crucial.
Play, Motivation, Stillness, and Intimacy all involve the Safety state. But what if Safety isn't active?
8. Do you feel out of control or overwhelmed?
Feeling panicky, rageful, or like your emotions are intensely overwhelming and you're "losing it"? This might be Freeze. Freeze occurs when Flight/Fight + Shutdown are active simultaneously, without the buffering presence of Safety. It's like slamming the accelerator and brake simultaneously – immense energy trapped within immobility. Freeze can be:
Fight-flavored: Chronic underlying rage that explodes easily.
Flight-flavored: Chronic underlying panic, potentially escalating into full panic attacks.
Freeze manifests as rage (not just anger), panic (not just anxiety), and overwhelm (not just stress). Even startling someone can momentarily trigger a freeze response.
9. Do you placate or appease others?
This involves two related concepts often seen in inescapable threatening situations (like abusive households or hostage scenarios): Appeasement and Fawn (or Placating).
Appeasement: Trying to create a pseudo-connection with a threatening person, convincing them you're on their side to reduce danger. Hypothesized to involve all primary states (Safety, Flight/Fight, Shutdown).
Fawn/Placating: Positioning oneself as non-threatening and submissive, anticipating the other's needs, trying to remain invisible.
What's Your Dominant Polyvagal State?
Take a moment to reflect. Which of these descriptions resonates most strongly with your typical daily experience?
Understanding the Polyvagal Theory is the first step. Applying it by identifying your state is where the power lies.
Spend the next week simply noticing. Ask yourself throughout the day, or reflect in the evening: "What state am I in right now? What state was I in earlier?" No judgment, just observation.
This practice of identification is foundational. Once you can recognize your state, you can begin to understand its needs and explore ways to gently shift towards greater safety and regulation.
The Unstucking Academy
If you're new to the Polyvagal Theory, looking to deepen your learning, and want to connect with others, then the Foundations Membership is just for you. For only $10/month, you can learn through two courses, join Justin and others in a monthly Q&A, participate in Daily Growth challenges, and discuss with others in the forum.
Read this next:
Polyvagal Theory for Everyday Life Tip 2: Validate & Normalize
If you liked this Polyvagal Theory Tip for Everyday Life, you'll love number 2! It teaches you to enhance the cues of safety around you.
Q&A
What's the main difference between Shutdown and Freeze? They both sound immobilizing.
While both involve a sense of immobility, think of it like this: Shutdown feels more like the power draining out – a collapse, disconnection, numbness, or feeling heavy and empty. Freeze, on the other hand, feels like being stuck with high energy, like hitting the gas and brake pedals simultaneously. Read this blog for more >
Can I be in more than one state at the same time? Sometimes I feel a mix of things.
Is the goal just to be in the Safety state all the time?
Is there a place for me to go to learn more about the Polyvagal Theory and connect with others?
Quotes from this Blog:
Understanding why and how your body reacts is powerful, but real transformation blossoms when you apply that knowledge daily.
Knowing your state reveals its needs, opening potential avenues for self-regulation.
Just like primary paint colors mix to create new shades, these primary nervous system states can combine, creating nuanced 'mixed states.
Author Bio:
Justin Sunseri is a licensed Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and authored the Stuck Not Broken book series. Justin is passionate about the Polyvagal Theory and proudly serves on the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.