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In the journey of trauma recovery, understanding the concept of self-regulation and building trust in our body's natural capacity for healing is crucial, though very difficult. In this blog, I will make the case that your body is compelled to self-regulate and that trauma stops this natural process. I will also describe how you can get unstuck from trauma by allowing your natural capacity for self-regulation to happen. And finally, I will give you starting points on what you can do today. In this blog: Understanding Trauma and the Journey of Trauma Recovery Regulation: Our Biological Compulsion What Prevents Self-Regulation to Recover from Trauma? The Role of Mindfulness in Trauma Recovery Trusting in Your Body's Natural Capacity for Trauma Recovery The Importance of the Polyvagal Safety State in Trauma Recovery Building Tolerance for Defensive Activation During Trauma Recovery Balancing Safety and Defense in Trauma Recovery Understanding Trauma and the Journey of Trauma Recovery What is trauma? This is the general understanding of trauma - an experience that overwhelms a person's ability to cope, leaving them feeling helpless, powerless, and vulnerable. It can be a single event or a series of events that cause significant distress. This understanding of trauma is very much focused on the event(s) as the primary factor. But we can do better when we understand trauma through the Polyvagal Theory lens. Trauma is not an event that someone went through (like an assault) or events that should have happened that didn't happen (healthy attachment with a caregiver). Instead, it is the impact of those on that person. More specifically, how the event impacts the state of their autonomic nervous system (ANS). The ANS can be in one of 3 basic states: social engagement flight/fight mobility shutdown immobility The Polyvagal Theory explains that trauma is being stuck in one of the defensive states. Trauma is the inability to shift out of that defensive state and into the body's state of safety and social connection. Someone who is traumatized lives in a perpetual state of defense or is easily triggered into that state of defense by things familiar to what they went through. How trauma recovery works Therapists use many modalities to help their clients recover from trauma. In my Polyvagal Trauma Relief System and client work, I have a very specific 3-phase system for helping people recover from their traumatic state. The three phases are: learn the science of the Polyvagal Theory to normalize and build a new narrative, which will reduce self-judgment, blame, and shame. increase the ability to access and maintain your safety state, which will increase distress tolerance and prepare you for phase 3. directly unstuck the defensive state and self-regulate through mindful attuning to the dysregulation. This blog addresses phase 1, helping you to learn new Polyvagal-informed information. It also touches upon phase 2 and the importance of building your safety state. And it lightly graces phase 3 and allowing the stuck defensive state to exist. Regulation: Our Biological Compulsion A moment of biological nerdery is needed to continue. Our bodies are compelled to regulate. Our bodies must be regulated to function optimally. Remember learning homeostasis in grade school? homeostasis , any self-regulating process by which biological systems tend to maintain stability while adjusting to conditions that are optimal for survival. If homeostasis is successful, life continues; if unsuccessful, disaster or death ensues. ( Britannica ) Regulation optimizes an organism's " self-maintenance " and potential for reproduction. Regulation and self-maintenance occur when the ventral vagal safety state pathways are active for mammals. The Polyvagal Theory... "... links our biological imperative to connect with others to neural pathways that calm our autonomic nervous system. These systems, in the context of mammalian physiology, are foundational processes through which behavioral experiences can lead to sociality and optimal health, growth, and restoration." ( PVI ) Trauma disrupts self-regulation However, trauma can disrupt this natural process. Remember, trauma is being stuck in one of the body's defensive states: flight/fight, shutdown, or freeze. If the ANS is stuck in a defensive state, it has less access to its state of safety, which is necessary for regulation. If the body remains stuck in a traumatized state, and thus unable to follow the natural compulsion to self-regulate, numerous potential health problems result. The Adverse Childhood Experiences study proved this to be the case, saying "...as the number of ACEs increases so does the risk for negative outcomes." These negative outcomes are not just behavioral and psychological, but also physical. Basically, the more traumatic experiences one has, the more negative effects one lives with across all of life's domains. This is due to the body's inability to regulate itself and access its safety state. Optimal homeostatic functioning is lost when one is traumatized. Return to self-regulation to recover from trauma. The high-level answer to recovering from trauma is to allow the body's natural ability to self-regulate. If someone can do so, self-regulation will result in the ANS shifting out of the stuck defensive state and more into its safety state. That's the high-level answer. For now, it may be helpful to understand what is preventing self-regulation and learn more about what steps you can take in the right direction. What prevents self-regulation to recover from trauma? Numerous things prevent trauma recovery but can be grouped into ways you keep yourself stuck and ways that we keep each other stuck . I'll focus on how you are generally keeping yourself stuck. Behavioral adaptations prevent self-regulation. A behavioral adaptation is a behavior that we engage in as an adaptation to stuck defensive energy. It's something we do to avoid feeling the discomfort of shifting up the Polyvagal ladder or of existing in a defensive state. Examples of behavioral adaptations are: substance use self-harm disordered eating bullying Cognitive adaptations prevent self-regulation. Cognitive adaptations are top-down skills implemented to cope with the pains of a stuck defensive state. Same as a behavioral adaptation. But rather than being body-based, it's brain-based. (The PVT's creator, Dr. Porges, does not specifically differentiate cognitive or behavioral adaptations, so this is my insertion into the theory.) These cognitive adaptations serve as a distraction to the state or a means of coping, reducing the intensity of the state activation. Examples of cognitive adaptations could be: rationalizing minimizing or ignoring maximizing or catastrophizing denial or projection ruminations obsessions To begin to allow self-regulation to recover from trauma, the next step is understanding the role of mindfulness. The Role of Mindfulness in Trauma Recovery The behavioral and cognitive adaptations are things you might be doing to reduce the amount of defensive activation. You're probably not doing these things purposefully but instead reflexively and out of habit. And in a sense, they've worked ! In some real way, these adaptations may have successfully reduced your emotional dysregulation. They have thwarted a panic attack or gotten your mind off of something painful. But it might be time to try something different. And that would be to experience the things you are trying to avoid more mindfully. Not directly, not right now! But eventually. Hear me out. (Read me out?) Mindfulness can help. To self-regulate out of a stuck traumatized state, you must first be able to allow defensive activation and actually feel your feelings . And to do that, mindfulness is needed. Mindfulness is basically the ability to exist in the present moment in curiosity. But you need to be anchored in your Polyvagal safety state to exist in the present moment in curiosity. After being anchored in safety, you can exist in the present moment in curiosity. By being present in the moment, we can connect our cognitive processes with our bottom-up experiences, fostering a deeper understanding of our felt experiences. As the interference from thoughts and behavioral adaptations diminishes, self-regulation can naturally unfold. This might sound scary, I know. It requires trust in your natural capacity to self-regulate. Trusting in Your Body's Natural Capacity for Trauma Recovery Self-regulation is not a conscious choice but a biological mechanism that requires trust in our body's inherent ability to heal. Yes, we can create a situation where self-regulation is more likely. For example, we can create the right environment, set the right mood, be with safe people, and practice breathing skills. However, trust in self-regulation is also needed. Because when your traumatized state begins to emerge and unstuck itself, the experience might be overwhelming. Especially if you are not prepared for it! When you state attempts to release trauma or climb the Polyvagal ladder, difficult emotions, memories, sensations, and impulses will emerge. In particular, you will likely feel the fear of freeze immobility. Not just fear but overwhelm, panic, or even rage. Trust & Allow Self-Regulation Even in the face of these difficult emotions, trust is necessary. You need to trust that your body can navigate these emotions. Not just the emotions but the sensations and impulses that lie underneath them. If you can successfully mindfully experience your emotions, this will open up an avenue for self-regulation to unfold. As your body goes through natural self-regulation, there will be sensations and impulses. Allow & Act on Impulses As impulses arise, they need to be acted upon mindfully. If there is an impulse to slowly emerge from shutdown through reorienting to the environment, allow it and mindfully experience it. From fight, there may be an impulse to squeeze. Allow it and mindfully experience it safely, like with a fidget. I recommend rubber hedgehog rings. I use them for squeezing and pulling, which is fantastic for fight activation. If you are unable to allow or act on impulses, then it's probably not time yet to continue with mindfully allowing your defensive activation. Instead, you will probably benefit most from building the strength of your safety state, which I will discuss next. SSIEC: name & connect all of your inner experiences I created a free resource for you called SSIEC. This simple one-sheet provides the vocabulary for your domains: Polyvagal State, Sensations, Impulses, Emotions, and Cognitions. Start naming your experiences through the free download below. If you want more, join the Members Center where you will find downloads and learning hubs. The Importance of the Polyvagal Safety State in Trauma Recovery Safety leads to recovery. I mentioned that you need to eventually allow the stuck defensive state to exist in the present moment consciously. Eventually, to welcome it and experience it in all of the SSIEC (State, Sensation, Impulse, Emotion, Cognition) domains. You might be recoiling in fear at the idea. But I can make this manageable. To allow defensive activation, first anchor in safety. That's the key. The safety state is vital for self-regulation to occur effectively. When you first anchor in your safety state, you will then have the curiosity to observe your stuck defensive state without judgment. Anchor & Repeat. Anchoring in safety and then feeling defense is not enough. It's something you will need to return to continually. This is a long process and won't be done all at once. Instead, think of this like you are building the strength of your safety state. Traumatized individuals have a safety state that is compromised. The ventral vagal safety state biological pathways are not strong enough, leading to a compromised ability to feel defensive state activation. They must continually exercise their safety by anchoring in safety and feeling defense. At first, it may simply be anchoring in safety. As they are ready to, they can allow some defense, then re-anchor in safety. Building Tolerance for Defensive Activation During Trauma Recovery Practice being in your safety state to build tolerance. Practicing being in the safety state will help build tolerance for defensive state activation. It helps build your capacity to access and exist in your safety state. Simply practicing this will help to build your tolerance level and prepare you for direct trauma work. However, there is more to it. Practice feeling defense to build tolerance for trauma recovery. Practice feeling defensive activation. It can be an overwhelming experience, so I recommend allowing a little bit at a time. This is the overall sequence you could follow: anchor in your safety state. mindfully allow small amounts of defensive activation. re-anchor in your safety state to recover. This simple process can help to further build your tolerance level for trauma recovery. This helps you to build a reference point for defensive activation and to build a sense of control over the process. The goal is not to allow all of your defensive activation as this may prove to be re-traumatizing. If you remain anchored in your safety state, this will continually give you access to the trust that you need to allow self-regulation to happen. Balancing Safety and Defense in Trauma Recovery Welcoming your defensive state activation is not only okay but necessary in the trauma recovery process. You can live a much more meaningful and functional life simply by building the strength of your safety state. But to truly recover from trauma, the next step is to allow the defensive activation mindfully. But not by itself and not all at once. Instead, do so when anchored in your safety state. When anchored, you should feel curiosity or interest. I call this the safety state's "interest impulse." This is a sign that you are ready to begin self-regulation. Remain anchored in your safety state to allow defense. Although the purpose is to allow defense and self-regulation, maintaining access to the safety state is the priority . If you lose access and spiral into a dysregulated state, there probably won't be much benefit. The Polyvagal Trauma Relief System teaches you to do all this and more. This blog teaches you what is necessary for trauma recovery, but PTRS teaches you how to implement it. Clear ideas, clear language, and practical techniques. PTRS makes trauma recovery possible in a comprehensive package that addresses all 3 of the necessary recovery phases. Something you can do right now to aid in your trauma recovery Right now, or as soon as possible, check your immediate environment, like at work or home. And ask yourself how you feel in that environment. Then, I want you to alter one thing in the environment to increase the passive safety cues entering your system. Pick one thing you can change, like opening the blinds, letting in fresh air, cleaning up clutter, tidying the space, or removing knick-knacks that you don't need and aren't benefitting you. This small step doesn't heal your trauma, I know. However, it provides more safety cues and reminds your body that you're safe. Do more things like this when you can. Not just in your environment but also in the music you listen to, the movements you do, the things you spend your time doing, and much more. Increase the safety experiences to help build the strength of your safety state. 23 Surprising Impacts of Trauma If you live in a traumatized state, you might be surprised at how your past experiences still shape who you are today and how you experience your daily life. Read the blog here > Q&A Q: How does trauma impact our ability to self-regulate? A: Trauma can disrupt our self-regulating ability by creating a misalignment between our thoughts and our emotional, sensory, and impulsive experiences. It can result in dysregulation, where our autonomic nervous system becomes stuck in defensive responses. This interference prevents us from accessing our body's natural healing mechanisms and maintaining balance. Q: Can mindfulness practices help in self-regulation and building trust? A: Yes, mindfulness practices can be crucial in self-regulation and building trust. By cultivating present-moment awareness and enhancing our connection with internal experiences, mindfulness enables us to align our cognitive processes with our bottom-up experiences. This alignment reduces the interference from thoughts and adaptations, allowing self-regulation to unfold naturally and fostering trust in our body's innate capacity for healing. Q: Why is developing my safety state necessary for self-regulation? A: Developing your safety state is essential for effective self-regulation. It involves establishing a deep sense of safety, trust, and the ability to navigate through defensive states. When we feel physically and emotionally safe, our nervous system can shift out of survival mode and enter a state conducive to healing. 3 Quotes from this blog: Trauma is not an event that someone went through; it is the impact of those events on that person's autonomic nervous system. Self-regulation is not a conscious choice but a biological mechanism that requires trust in our body's inherent ability to heal. Balancing safety and defense in trauma recovery allows us to welcome defensive activation mindfully, fostering self-regulation and a more meaningful life.

What is a panic attack? Experiencing a panic attack is like being trapped in a turbulent storm of fear and physical sensations. Your heart races, your breath becomes shallow, and a sense of impending doom takes hold. It feels like losing control as your thoughts spin and your body trembles with adrenaline. Time stretches, and each second feels like an eternity. It's an overwhelming and disorienting experience. Can panic attacks get better? Generally, yes! Panic attacks can be overwhelming and debilitating, but there is hope for recovery. In this blog, I will explore concepts and techniques to anchor yourself in your safety state, promote self-regulation, and grow from these challenging experiences. Jump to a section: panic attacks and the Polyvagal Theory coping vs grounding in safety identify early panic attack signs and take action go from coping to safety grounding access safety to reduce panic attacks should you feel your feelings during a panic attack? panic attacks can get better Panic Attack and the Polyvagal Theory It helps to understand better what a panic attack is, and the Polyvagal Theory provides the perfect lens. But first - what is the Polyvagal Theory explained very, very briefly? The Polyvagal Theory Explained Very, Very Briefly. The Polyvagal Theory is the science of connection. It explains how we connect in safety and how we respond to danger. So you can exist basically in either your body's safety state or one of your body's defensive states. (See? Very very briefly! But here is a longer explanation .) Let's go one step further... The defensive states of the Polyvagal Theory The Polyvagal Theory has two primary defensive states and one secondary. These are: flight and fight sympathetic (primary) dorsal vagal shutdown (primary) freeze mixed state (mixed state) Think of flight/fight as mobility . And think of shutdown as immobility . It's possible to have both of these Polyvagal states active simultaneously. That equals freeze, which is the mixed state. In freeze, the body is prepared to mobilize due to danger but is also immobilized at the same time. This potentially results in panic - the body is activated specifically in flight but immobile. That's why you feel the intense reactions of a panic attack but can't move. Here are some examples: Heart palpitations: A feeling of a rapid, fluttering, or pounding heart. Sweating: Excessive perspiration unrelated to physical activity or heat. Trembling or shaking: Uncontrollable shaking, often in the hands and legs. Shortness of breath or feeling smothered: A sensation of being unable to breathe or feeling like you're being smothered. Chest pain: Discomfort or pain in the chest area, which can sometimes be mistaken for heart-related issues. Coping with a Panic Attack vs. Grounding in Safety The next step is differentiating between coping with defense and grounding in the Polyvagal safety state. These are not the same thing, and accurately understanding the two will help you to anticipate what to do and what is likely the next time you have a panic attack. What is coping with a panic attack? When we cope, we tolerate a panic attack and attempt to get through it by reducing its intensity until it subsides. With coping, we are not truly grounded in our Polyvagal safety state. Examples of coping could be: distracting yourself with tv snacking on something reading a book get reassurance from someone nearby I think of "coping" as dealing with or managing. You're getting through a panic attack. The goal of coping is to reduce the negative impact on you and reduce the pain of it. The ideal way of coping may be through distraction. Distraction does not involve feeling your feelings. It does not involve mindfulness or welcoming discomfort. Distraction is about getting through the panic attack. There is absolutely nothing wrong with coping, by the way. If you need to get through a panic moment through distraction, that's fine. You can learn from it and set yourself up with safety grounding for the next time. Polyvagal Safety Grounding & Panic Attacks Safety grounding is accessing your body's state of safety. It's more than coping. It's mindfully attuning to what makes you feel safe. Examples of safety grounding might be: going for a mindful walk and noticing your surroundings feeling your muscles moving as you release your panic energy through movement using your senses to connect to the present moment Safety grounding is not easy. But practice helps — a lot. If you are brand new to the idea of safety grounding, you won't be able to utilize it the next time you have a panic attack. You need to do these three things before you can realistically anchor yourself in safety: Experience your safety state, maybe for the first time. Figure out what brings you to your safety state again. Practice accessing your safety state regularly. As you practice accessing your safety state, you build up your potential to be able to do so again and again. And yes, this includes even moments of escalating anxiety and even panic. As you strengthen your safety state, defensive activation becomes more tolerable. Likewise, as defensive activation becomes more bearable, you will have more capacity to feel panic attacks coming on before they are full-blown panic attacks. Frustratingly, accessing the Polyvagal safety state is more difficult for traumatized individuals. Identifying Early Signs and Taking Action: A panic attack may be triggered rapidly. But often, a sequence of events leads to a panic attack. These smaller events alone may feel like anxiousness or stress. But compiled, they may begin to feel more intense and even overwhelming. And then a panic attack may trigger from just one more event, even something otherwise benign. Please recognize the potential for panic attacks as early as possible . Then, you can immediately reduce its intensity by identifying even slight dysregulation. For example, if you notice panicky freeze energy building up, you can engage in more active strategies, such as walking around the block. Walking may be enough to utilize your panic early on and get relief. Taking action early during the build-up to a panic attack is the ideal time to do safety anchoring. Early on is when the emotions are more manageable. But more importantly, it's when you have more access to your safety state. In a full-blown panic attack, there is far less access to the safety state. But with practice, it's possible. During a panic attack build-up, there is much more potential to access your feelings of safety. Check in with yourself regularly, gauge your anxiety and overwhelm levels, and practice feeling safe. If you can successfully ground in safety when slightly activated in anxiety, you can practice how to self-regulate. And, of course, also practice being in safety when you don't have anxious feelings. Moving from Coping to Active Safety Grounding: You may need to cope with a panic moment and get through it. And that's fine. But you can also transition into safety grounding after coping. Instead, what you may be doing is coping through phone numbing. Once the panic subsides, you might ignore what you just went through and continue with your day, sleep it off, keep numbing out, or give yourself a boost through substance use. Once the initial dysregulation subsides, you can instead shift your focus toward actively grounding yourself in the safety pathway. Coping is the first step, but the goal is to go beyond coping and take proactive measures to anchor yourself in safety . So after the noticeable panic has reduced, do something to decrease the activation further. For example, if you use your phone to numb the panic, stop once the activation has reduced. Don't ignore what you just went through. Instead, give yourself a pat on the back for successfully managing a panic attack. Then do something to help yourself recover and anchor in your safety state. It may help to do a self-assessment after the initial panic. Ask yourself how much panic activation you have on a scale of 0-10. It might be time to use safety grounding techniques if six or below. If a six is still too high for you, continue using your coping mechanism until you reach a tolerable level. Use Safety Anchors to Reduce Panic Attacks: Passive safety cues Set yourself up with passive safety cues. These are things in the environment that you get ready ahead of time. Things like lighting, sound, and scent are passively taken in through your senses. You could use these passive cues during a panic attack, but I recommend having them active and ready before a panic attack. You should also be familiar with what passive safety cues bring you to safety well before a panic attack. So don't wait for a full-blown panic before figuring out what scents ground you in your safety state. Active safety anchors Active safety anchors are things that you actively do to ground yourself in safety further. For example, sunshine might be a passive safety cue for you. But walking may be an active safety anchor. Exposing yourself to sunshine is great, but walking in the sunshine is even better. You can utilize many more potential active safety anchors to ground further in safety. A short list of examples is: singing yoga art & creativity Should you also feel your feelings during a panic attack? If you can handle it, then yes! If you cannot handle it, then probably no. You should feel your feelings if you can handle feeling your feelings. This means you allow defensive state activation, including panic attacks when you can tolerate them. If you can feel them without further dysregulation, go right ahead. How do you know if you can handle it? If you're curious about what panic feels like for you, then you may be able to allow mild panic activation to be present. Curiosity is a good indication that you can feel your feelings. Other signals could be: interest self-compassion patience You should not feel your feelings if you can't handle them. Meaning you should probably not allow panic to be present if you will spiral deeper into dysregulation. Signs that you cannot handle feeling your feelings include: unwelcome or intrusive cognitions, like flashbacks thoughts of self-harm self-judgment If you can't yet feel your feelings and allow mild panic activation, that's okay! That doesn't mean you won't be able to forever. You can develop your capacity to allow tolerable defensive state activation. Yes, even panic activation. Panic attacks can get better. Strengthen your safety state to improve your panic attacks. Defensive activation decreases as you practice accessing and being in your safety state. Strengthening your safety pathways allows more distress tolerance . More distress tolerance means allowing and tolerating more defensive activation without dysregulation. Mindfully experience small amounts of anxiousness to improve your panic attacks. Notice your lower-level panic activation, like mild to moderate anxiety or stress during the build-up to a panic. If you can notice it at this time, then mindfully experience it while anchored in your safety state, you will further strengthen your distress tolerance. No, it's not an easy process. And it's not a short one, either. It takes work, and it takes dedicated practice. But these two elements are key to success in emotional regulation, including panic attacks: practice being in safety and building your distress tolerance mindfully allow tolerable dysregulation while anchored in your safety state These are large goals, and it seems like an impossible task. That's why I created two courses that guide you through the process of how to accomplish these two goals: Building Safety Anchors: this course teaches you how to identify safety, experience it, and strengthen your safety pathways. Unstucking Defensive States: This course teaches you how to mindfully allow and experience your defensive states without being overwhelmed. Luckily, you don't need to choose which one to go with. I created the Total Access Membership that unlocks all my courses and private community for you. Learning to anchor in your safety state is the key to reducing your panic attack intensity and frequency. It's also the foundation for further trauma recovery work if you are heading in that direction. Do you trust in your ability to self-regulate? As a biological organism, you are compelled to self-regulate. You must. However, trauma gets in the way. Do you still have trust that you can self-regulate? Read more here > Q&A Q: What is the Polyvagal Theory, and how does it relate to panic attacks? A: The Polyvagal Theory explains how our body responds to danger and connects to safety. Understanding it can provide insights into managing panic attacks and accessing your safety state. Q: Should I cope with or ground myself during a panic attack? A: Coping with a panic attack helps reduce its intensity, but grounding in your body's safety state is more effective for long-term management. Learn the difference and discover techniques to ground yourself during panic attacks. Q: Can panic attacks improve over time? A: Yes, panic attacks can generally get better with practice and self-regulation. Strengthening your safety state and distress tolerance can reduce the frequency and intensity of panic attacks. Quotes from this blog: Coping is dealing with or managing. The goal of coping is to reduce the negative impact on you and reduce the pain of it. Practice accessing your safety state, and you build up your potential to be able to do so again and again. Mindfully experience small amounts of anxiousness to improve your panic attacks. Notice your lower-level panic activation, like mild to moderate anxiety or stress during the build-up to a panic. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

You've embarked on a path toward healing and self-discovery. You have crossed paths with numerous potential avenues of doing so, like therapy, coaching, courses, and more. And within these paths lie more, like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Somatic Experiencing, Internal Family Systems, psychoanalysis, etc. There is a new pathway to recovering from trauma everywhere you turn. If you've gone deep enough, you probably encountered the Polyvagal Theory and wondered how a "Polyvagal Therapist" can benefit you. But to understand that, you will first need to understand what the Polyvagal Theory is and get clarity on what a Polyvagal Therapist is, if anything. Understanding the Polyvagal Theory. The Polyvagal Theory is a relatively new concept in the field of psychology and the practice of therapy, although it has been around since 1994. The Theory has become very popular in trauma recovery, providing an understanding of trauma that does not rely on abstract psychological concepts like "parts," "archetypes," or a "shadow self." Instead, the Theory provides a scientific foundation for understanding trauma and mental health. However, it's not solely a psychological theory; it applies to numerous fields. Psychology is simply one field that has embraced the Polyvagal Theory, especially in trauma recovery. The Theory proposes that there are three branches of the autonomic nervous system. These three branches can be on or off (though it is more complex!). When these branches are activated, they result in different experiences. The three branches of the autonomic nervous system are: Ventral vagal parasympathetic - responsible for social behaviors and emotions when safe. Sympathetic - which is responsible for flight/fight behaviors when in danger. Dorsal vagal parasympathetic - responsible for shutdown immobility experiences when in life threat. The Polyvagal Theory is much more complex, but this is a good enough overview for now. At a minimum, a Polyvagal Therapist understands the state of their client's body and its preparation for safety or defense. But it gets much more complex... "Polyvagal-Informed" is probably a better title than "Polyvagal Therapist." While "Polyvagal Therapist" seems appropriate, it might be misleading. No therapist is directly measuring the state of their client's autonomic nervous system. We don't have monitors or gadgets to gauge our client's autonomic state throughout a session. Instead, we use the client's presentation and reporting as our assessment tool. We can use these measures, compare them to our knowledge of the Polyvagal Theory, and make inferences about the client's Polyvagal state. So the term "Polyvagal-informed" may be more appropriate. The Polyvagal Theory is not a prescription or a therapeutic modality. Also, there is no one right way to be a Polyvagal-informed therapist. The PVT is the science that helps us understand our clients' state and capacity for change. PVT is not a therapeutic modality with a set of techniques to apply like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is. A therapist may be Polyvagal-informed and use their knowledge within their therapeutic modality. So a somatic therapist can use their PVT knowledge just like a psychoanalytic therapist. The PVT knowledge fits in better with some modalities vs. others, especially the ones that utilize more mind-body and somatic interventions. Benefits of Polyvagal-Informed Therapy. Not all Polyvagal-informed therapists will utilize their knowledge the same, but some expected benefits would include the following: A focus on the client's capacity to feel safe and present The therapist provides co-regulation to the client to assist them with feeling safe and present Meeting the client where they're at in their capacity to continue with difficult material A Polyvagal-informed Therapist will be able to deeply understand their clients' present-day experiences in light of their current and past circumstances. They will do so through the lens of the autonomic nervous system and their clients' shifting into and out of states of safety and defense. The Polyvagal-informed therapist will provide compassion to their clients without judgment. They will see their clients as having experienced autonomic shifts that were out of their conscious control and bring a non-judgmental, non-blaming attitude to the therapeutic process. The PVT-informed therapist is less likely to utilize a neutral or unemotional presence. Neutrality is what people may typically expect from a therapist. Instead, the PVT-informed therapist will utilize their face and voice to convey warmth and safety to the client. They don't shy from expressing emotion compassionately with their client. However, to be compassionate with their client, this therapist will prioritize their self-regulation to ensure they are first grounded in their safety state. Being grounded in safety allows the therapist to provide the client with co-regulation and project safety cues. A PVT-informed therapist will go beyond clients' thoughts and emotions and utilize their internal sensations and impulses better. Many therapists focus on changing their clients' thinking. This cognitive focus can be frustrating for both the therapist and client. The Polyvagal-informed therapist understands there is more to their client and incorporates everything that stems from their Polyvagal state, not just the client's cognitions. I created a free resource for you that connects all of these domains together. It's called "State Sensation Impulse Emotion Cognition" and can be downloaded here . Finding a Polyvagal Therapist. If you are interested in working with a polyvagal-informed therapist, you will need to research and find a licensed therapist who has received specialized training in this area. However, this may be easier said than done. The Polyvagal Theory is not widely adopted in common graduate-level curricula, though it is growing. Typically, this is information that a therapist acquires through their own continued research and learning. So to find a Polyvagal-informed therapist, you will need to search for therapists in your area and then vet them through their website and social media content. Vetting is more difficult than simply using Psychology Today to find someone. It requires you to set aside time to comb through who is in your area. But it allows you to spend more time with your potential therapist match and get to know their values, skills, and knowledge level. If you are in the United States, you will need to find a licensed therapist within your state. Due to state regulations, they are not necessarily allowed to practice outside their state. You can attend therapy sessions virtually if the in-state provider is too far from you. Virtual sessions are a great option and provide you with more possible candidates to work with. Other options if you cannot find a Polyvagal Therapist. I have also heard from podcast listeners who have introduced my Polyvagal work to their current therapist and have found this beneficial. My podcast episodes 101-109 are a great free resource to bring to your current provider. You could also find a Polyvagal-informed Coach. But I would encourage you to scrutinize these possibilities even more, as anyone can call themselves a coach with little or no training. Coaching is not therapy, but it can be helpful, depending on your level of need. Another option is to work with a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner . SE Practitioners should be Polyvagal-informed and can be therapists or coaches. Somatic Experiencing is a trauma treatment modality anyone can train in and utilize. Take Polyvagal-informed courses. This next option isn't therapy, but it might be good for you, depending on your needs. If you do well with learning new concepts and being guided in a course structure, then consider purchasing and joining a Polyvagal-informed course. The main source for the Polyvagal Theory and education is the Polyvagal Institute. They offer numerous courses, many for providers, but may have something for those just looking to deepen their learning. This page has options ranging from $50-300 for beginners. I also have free Polyvagal learning on my site. My Polyvagal Intro is a great place to start, and it's free. I have two more Polyvagal-informed courses, plus a private community, to take things further into trauma recovery and living with more emotional freedom. All my Polyvagal-informed trauma recovery courses and my private community can be accessed through one subscription in the Total Access Membership . Is there a risk to working with a Polyvagal Therapist? I believe there is no greater risk to working with a Polyvagal-informed therapist than any other therapist. The Polyvagal Theory is a scientific foundation, not a modality. The PVT does not prescribe what to do in therapy. So the therapist is still very much guided by their therapeutic modality. Conversely, if a Polyvagal-informed therapist misapplies their knowledge of the PVT, this could lead to problems. For example, suppose the therapist misunderstands the difference between shutdown and freeze. In that case, they may recommend unhelpful interventions or even worsen things. But this applies to any therapist using any piece of knowledge or modalities. I recommend that you work with a Polyvagal-informed therapist that can focus on your direct experience in the present moment. The PVT is great as foundational knowledge and can act as a springboard or a common language between therapist and practitioner. But ultimately, the therapist can only work with what the client is bringing to them. A good therapist can work compassionately with their client in the here and now, no matter their training or knowledge base. They can clearly share their thinking process and work together on the necessary steps with their client. I'm a Therapist & I was Wrong About Trauma Recovery. When I first learned the Polyvagal Theory and the autonomic aspects of trauma recovery, I got something wrong... Read more here > Q&A Q: What is Polyvagal Theory, and how does it relate to trauma recovery? A: Polyvagal Theory is a scientific framework that helps us understand the autonomic nervous system's response to stress and trauma. It provides insights into how our bodies react and offers strategies for recovery and regulation. Q: How can a Polyvagal-informed therapist benefit me? A: A Polyvagal-informed therapist understands the autonomic nervous system's role in your experiences and helps create a safe and present environment for healing. They offer co-regulation, meet you where you're at, and deeply comprehend your experiences through a Polyvagal lens. Q: What if I can't find a Polyvagal Therapist in my area? A: If you can't find a specialized Polyvagal Therapist, you can introduce Polyvagal work to your current therapist and explore its benefits together. Additionally, considering a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner or a Polyvagal-informed Coach can be helpful alternatives. Quotes from this blog: The [Polyvagal]Theory has become very popular in trauma recovery, providing an understanding of trauma that does not rely on abstract psychological concepts like "parts," "archetypes," or a "shadow self." A Polyvagal-informed Therapist will be able to deeply understand their clients' present-day experiences in light of their current and past circumstances. They will do so through the lens of the autonomic nervous system and their clients' shifting into and out of states of safety and defense. The Polyvagal Theory is a scientific foundation, not a modality. The PVT does not prescribe what to do in therapy. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

I received this question in blue from a member of my Stucknaut Collective community. I will call her Hilda. I asked Hilda if it would be okay to address more publicly, and she agreed. I think it's something you may be able to resonate with. I'm hoping that reading this will normalize your experience and also bring some clarity to how you responded. In this blog: Hilda's situation & question Polyvagal autonomic state shifts lead to behavioral responses. Learning skills vs. using skills for personal boundaries How to strengthen personal boundaries. Why does someone lose their personal boundaries in danger? I will address this more generally, pretending it's a fictional character. This is not therapy, nor is it intended to be a replacement for therapy. Do not take this as life advice or a specific recommendation for you in particular. These are my general thoughts about a situation I will generalize and fictionalize. I have a rambling question that doesn’t need to be addressed right away. I’m not sure how to ask this, but I’m going to give it a shot… how do others handle when your overactive defensive states expose you to danger? Yesterday, I was approached by a man in the parking lot at my work, and nothing “bad” happened. He cornered me although I was in no way trapped. We chatted and he kept pushing for information about me. It may have been innocent, but after he finally left I felt super exposed and unsafe. He knows where I work and how to contact me. 😳 I was reflecting on that and why I react the way I do. And if I hadn’t been in my defensive state, I would have had the clarity to not give him my number. Idk if my defensive states are supposed to protect me, they do the opposite 😆 🤷‍♀️. I know this has to do with setting boundaries and speaking up for myself and skill sets I do have! But in my defensive state, all those helpful tools are gone. I don’t land in fight/flight unfortunately. I freeze. Regardless of what level of un-safety I am in. How have others found enough of their safety state to assess danger? I’m working on increasing my access to safety, but How do you access appropriate levels of defense? Let's first look at Hilda's situation through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory. If you are brand new to the Theory, start with my free Polyvagal Intro page and then come back here. In this situation, we can identify that there are autonomic shifts, which lead to behavioral responses. If you've been through something similar, you may just focus on the behavior and engage in self-shaming thoughts that make things worse. But there is more to your experience that is driving the behavior and the thoughts. Polyvagal autonomic state shifts lead to behavioral responses. In this situation, Hilda gave the man her phone number and "chatted," which she regretted. If we were to simply look at the behavior without any other context, it would look like Hilda wanted to chat with the man, give him her phone number, and have more contact with him in the future. From the outside looking in, with no other context, this would be a reasonable assumption to an onlooker. However, if we were to understand what was happening within Hilda, we would get a different story. Hilda identified that she shifted into a Polyvagal defensive state. When she did, she lost access to skills and knowledge she otherwise would have, such as: critical thinking and clarity boundary enforcement being assertive Polyvagal safety is important in enforcing healthy boundaries. All these skills require access to one's Polyvagal state of safety. These skills and more can be utilized with clarity and assurance from the safety state. If the safety state is inactive, the defensive activation becomes overwhelming. If the safety state is active enough, then dysregulation does not occur. Accessing the safety state enough allows one to access their defensive states and repurpose them into something different. When in flight/fight with safety, the result is play . When in shutdown with safety, the result is stillness . (These are two of the three Polyvagal mixed states, the third is discussed soon.) Hilda, soon after, felt regret and exposure. She did not want to have contact with the individual again and is fearful of the man knowing how to contact her and where she works. Her behavior did not match her actual wants. So what happened? The behavior serves a purpose. In situations like these, the behavior serves a purpose. The purpose here is not to have more contact with the man. Instead, the behavior's purpose is to get out of the situation without immediately worsening things. It's a means to resolve the immediate situation - being cornered by a strange man in isolation in a strange place filled with danger cues. We know what Hilda wanted - to be left alone and escape the situation without compromising her personal boundaries and safety. And, of course, we all want that for ourselves and her as well, right? This situation could have many outcomes, but let's narrow it down to a few: escaping the situation through flight activation freezing and complying enforcing personal boundaries through empowerment Escaping the situation One likely possibility for this situation was the body activating the sympathetic flight system for escape. It's very normal and appropriate for some flight activation in these situations. It's completely okay to simply walk away from the situation, there is no explanation owed to the other person. Freezing and complying However, escaping this situation relies on being able to access flight energy and utilizing it. Hilda was likely activated for flight, but her shutdown immobilization state also came online. This is called "freeze," and results in immobility. The body is prepared to flee, but is also immobile. A large-scale example of a freeze would be a panic attack. Hilda was not forced to immobilize in this situation, but her system seems to have immobilized itself. She likely experienced some level of panic. The immobilization could have entered her system from many different possibilities. These include: the body detecting that the situation would worsen by fleeing (by maybe detecting something the man was portraying in his body language or face) detecting that escape was not possible due to physical limitations not identifying a likely escape route cultural and familial norms teaching an expectation to be polite learning in childhood not to "make a scene" or bring attention to danger contextual cues that were similar to past trauma The compliance behaviors should be seen to be stemming from a Polyvagal mixed state, likely freeze. The compliant behaviors served their function and successfully got her out of the immediate perceived danger, even though the longer-term repercussions were less than ideal. Enforcing personal boundaries A third potential outcome of this situation is enforcing personal boundaries directly and assertively. Enforcing personal boundaries relies on accessing both fight and safety state activation. Combining the two results in empowerment, motivation, and assuredness. If Hilda were able to allow fight energy along with safety, the behavior she exhibited would have been much different. Learning skills vs. using skills for personal boundaries Skills like assertiveness and communicating clearly to enforce personal boundaries are great. If you are currently learning these, I recommend to continue. There is nothing wrong with learning new skills. However, learning new skills does not guarantee that you will be able to also utilize those skills. Throughout my career workplaces, I have been taught how to manage assaultive behaviors. I worked in a non-lockdown facility for high-risk juvenile offenders and this was standard training we all got as guards/counselors. It's also standard in my public school district. I've been taught these skills, but does that mean I will actually use them? I hope so... but realistically, no. And even if I did, would I use them effectively and with fidelity? Again, I hope so... but realistically, no. It's not because I don't want to. Learning these things cognitively is great, but it is way different than real-world application. Part of this is practice and muscle memory, sure. But there's another reason I want to focus on. In danger, your learned skills are less available. The primary reason people might not use the skills they have learned is that those skills are pretty much gone when they are in danger. Cognitively, the individual will not be able to remember the skill. During times of stress and danger, critical thinking and memory recall are difficult. Instead, the individual focuses on what is before them and reacts from their defensive state. The wonderful higher brain functions needed to recall and plan out the learned skills are offline. Survival and quick reaction take their place. Despite the standardized training that the staff goes through at my various historical workplaces, when the s*** hits the fan, for the most part, those skills are not used. Instead, they make it up as they go along to force compliance and control. Conversely, there is a small team of therapists, teachers and security monitors that regularly need to assert physical control over children that pose severe behavioral problems. This small team frequently confronts these behavioral problems and regularly use the skills and techniques they were taught. How is it that they are able to do so? Because they have a tolerance level to the dangers present and have more muscle memory for how to use the techniques. Basically, they have practiced. On top of that, the dangerous situations they confront no longer feel dangerous due to their high level of tolerance to their own defensive activation. How to strengthen personal boundaries. If you've been in a situation like Hilda, I hope it went smoothly and didn't pose any more problems. I also hope that you were able to learn from it and prepare yourself better for the possibility of similar circumstances. To strengthen your personal boundaries for the future, prepare now. Here are 6 things you can do starting right now to solidify your personal boundaries better: Validate your true experience: you went through some sort of autonomic shift, which changed your thoughts and emotions. Just recognize this is true without judgment. Read more about validation here > Normalize the context of the true experience: your state shift occured in a context that triggered it. Hilda was in a garage and being approached by a strange man. That alone is normalizing of the beginning of the state shift. On top of that, a parking garage is lonely, maybe dark and dreary. Think back to the pieces of the context and ask yourself if it made sense that you shifted in Polyvagal state. Read more about normalization here > Mindfully allow the true experience: If you can ground yourself in your safety state enough, then allow yourself to re-experience some of the true experience you had in that moment. If it's intolerable, then just a little bit is fine for now, using meditation or journaling or something else you know helps you. If you are Unstucking Defensive States , use the A->W->E Process. Being grounded in safety is the priority for this step. Read more about giving permission here > Get acquainted with the underlying sensations and impulses: Likely, you experienced an impulse in these moments that you were not able to effectively act on. As you feel into the experience (while grounded in safety!), those impulses and sensations that come with it may resurface. As best you can, allow yourself to feel and familiarize yourself with them. Doing so will build a stronger reference point and less fear when they resurface. Praise your body for what it accomplished: Even if the outcome was not ideal, like with Hilda's, your body still successfully got you through the situation, even if it froze. You're alive. The Polyvagal state shift worked. You successfully identified danger and responded to it. So give your wonder nervous system some gratitude if you can. Practice your personal boundary skills ahead of time: Yes, learn them. But also practice them. Role-play with yourself in the mirror. Role play with a therapist. Role-play with a trusted loved one. Imagine the scenario happening again but doing something different. Set a timer and add a bit of pressure to get your flight/fight energy to simulate better what it might be like. Challenge yourself to be assertive in one sentence or less. In 5 words or less. Practice being assertive without making apologies. Imagine you're the biggest badass you can (whatever that looks like for you), and speak as they might speak. Speak aloud and not in your head. Mastering Panic Attacks: Coping vs Self-Regulation Struggling with panic attacks and what to do about them? In this blog, I teach you the difference between coping and actually self-regulating. Whatever you're currently doing to deal with panic, give this a read to make sure it's the most effective for what you need and are ready to handle. Read the blog here > Q&A Q: What is the role of Polyvagal Theory in responding appropriately to danger? A: Polyvagal Theory provides a framework for understanding our reactions to dangerous situations through a validating and normalizing lens. It allows illuminates that we need to work on strengthening our safety state in order to tolerate higher levels of defensive activation. Q: How does neuroception affect our responses to others? A: Neuroception is the unconscious detection of safety and danger from the external environment, including from other people. When we detect danger, we shift down the Polyvagal ladder into a defensive state. The Polyvagal state shift adjusts our behavioral response possibilities. Q: Why is it important to practice personal boundary skills ahead of time? A: Practicing personal boundary skills ahead of time allows individuals to develop familiarity and confidence in asserting their boundaries. By role-playing scenarios and challenging oneself to be assertive, individuals can build resilience and increase the likelihood of effectively enforcing their boundaries when faced with real-life situations. Quotes from this blog: Accessing the safety state enough allows one to access their defensive states and repurpose them into something different. Skills like assertiveness and communicating clearly to enforce personal boundaries are great. However, learning new skills does not guarantee that you will be able to also utilize those skills. During times of stress and danger, critical thinking and memory recall are difficult. Instead, the individual focuses on what is before them and reacts from their defensive state. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

What is Personal Growth? Personal growth is the ongoing general process of improving oneself, typically resulting in more emotions of pride, confidence, and satisfaction. Personal growth also leads to more connection with the self, others, and more energy to meet your life's goals. In this blog, I'll share a general four-step process for making improvements in your life, no matter what they are. I will also discuss how you don't need permission from others to begin to make changes today. Jump to a section: what is the process for personal growth? personal growth is more than external success why is personal growth so important? you're allowed to make positive changes in your life take responsibility for your personal growth set clear goals for personal development take small, mindful steps in the right directions surround yourself with supportive people What is the Process for Personal Growth? Achieve personal growth through these four general steps. Each step is much more intricate, but the overall process is helpful to conceptualize. The four general steps are: Self-reflection: Be honest about what you need to change. What you identify will likely be a behavior, like reducing junk food consumption. It might also be emotional, like reducing anger. Learning: Learn about what you identified in step 1. For example, if you need to reduce anger, learn about what anger is and what others have done to reduce their anger. Achievable Goals: Give yourself something specific to work towards, like feeling more calm and relaxed daily. Create action steps to work towards the larger goal, like setting aside time for daily meditation. Attempt & Adjust: Implement the techniques from step 3, then change the action steps as needed. Personal growth is more than external success. You could work on something related to your behavior, like achieving concrete marketing goals in your business. But to do so, you will probably identify another goal to work on, like believing in yourself more and saying kinder things to yourself. And when you achieve your marketing goals, you will probably notice that it impacts you internally. You will feel accomplished, proud, and even more determined. Personal growth involves observable behaviors, yes. But it also involves an inner change. It requires a willingness to challenge oneself, step outside one's comfort zone, and commit to continuous learning and improvement. Ultimately, personal growth is about becoming the best version of oneself and living a fulfilling life. You will be the one to decide what "the best version of yourself" is. And you will also be the one to decide what a "fulfilling life" is. These two things are ever-evolving and never static. There is always room for growth and no such thing as perfection. Why is personal growth important? Personal growth is not only allowed but also necessary for our overall well-being and fulfillment. As you change your life, you will access more of your body's "safety state." The safety state is your body's natural biological capacity to feel safe and then optimize its resources for "health, growth, and restoration," as Dr. Stephen Porges often says. He is the creator of the Polyvagal Theory , the science of human connection. Personal growth connects to accessing more of your safety state. As you grow, your defensive activation (like flight/fight) reduces, allowing more safety in your system. Accessing your safety state improves your body's physical and mental health. Physically, your body will utilize its natural homeostatic functioning while in its safety state. Oxygen and other resources are used optimally for improved general health and even healing. Mentally, you will feel calmer, more confident, and more curious about yourself. You will be more compassionate toward others. You will experience deeper and more meaningful connections with yourself and others. You can access your safety state through the process of self-regulation . You're allowed to make positive changes in your life. You don't need permission from others to make positive changes in your life. It might be nice to have approval and support, but this is also unnecessary. You are in control of your own life, and you have the power to make decisions that will benefit you. Whether you want to start a new hobby, improve your health, or work on your relationships, the choice is yours. No, it's not easy. And yes, it's a long process. But no one will do it for you. And no one has the power to permit you to begin. That is entirely up to you. It's always possible to start. You don't need to wait for someone else to tell you it's okay to make a change. And if you do, welp , you have something to work with in step one. Take Responsibility for Your Growth. Personal growth is a journey that requires taking responsibility for your development. You don't need permission from others to pursue your goals and aspirations. You have the power to shape your future and make positive changes in your life. Instead of seeking validation from others, focus on your growth and take proactive steps toward achieving your goals. Are other people to blame for aspects of your life? Undoubtedly. I am sure that your parents, spouse, family, society, religious institutions, and more all have some level of blame for who you are today, for better or worse. That may be valid. And your current life context is a normal reflection of that. Regardless, you are still responsible for making change. Both of these can be true at the same time. You can blame whoever you like. That may be valid. But you are also responsible for making a change. It is your life. It's not theirs. You can make your own choices. And that can start right now. Set clear goals for personal development. It sounds like a daunting task. I'm asking you to take responsibility for change. And I am also telling you that you don't need someone else to permit you. This line of thinking might be very different and feel out of control. The solution to this is to focus on clear goals and action steps. Setting clear personal development goals is crucial to make progress and achieve growth. Step 1 is to identify areas where you need to grow. Do so with honesty and compassion. Step 2 is learning new information, like learning more about your body's Polyvagal state and how it keeps you stuck. Step 3 is to identify a large-scale goal, like increasing relationship satisfaction. Use action steps to meet your goals. But large-scale goals can be overwhelming and must be broken into smaller action steps. These action steps should be measurable and achievable. With clear goals and practical action steps, you'll be more motivated and focused on your personal development. You'll be able to track your progress and see how far you've come. Here is an example of a goal and an action step: Goal: "I want to live with more calm and stillness in my life." Action step: "I will start each morning with no electronics for one hour for one week." The practical action step leads to the larger goal of increasing calm. However, it may not. This action step might be too much for you. Or prove ineffective at helping you reach the larger goal of more calm and stillness. And that's why taking small, mindful steps toward personal growth is important. Take Small, Mindful Steps Toward Personal Growth. Personal growth is not a one-time event but a continuous process requiring consistent effort and dedication. Taking small, mindful steps toward personal growth can help you stay focused and make progress toward your goals. Try things out and change what you need to. And that brings us to Step 4: Attempt & Adjust. Try out the action step you created, but do so mindfully. When you use it, ask yourself how you feel. When you exist without electronics in the morning, here are some questions to help you experience the action step mindfully: Does this feel more like goodness or badness? Do you like it or dislike it? Does it feel more calm or less calm? Is there another emotion that comes up for you? Is that emotion tolerable? Does the action step help you to breathe easier and think more clearly? When you find that your action step proves ineffective, be honest about it and then try another action step. For example: Goal: "I want to live with more calm and stillness in my life." Revised Action Step Option A: "I will start each morning with no electronics for thirty minutes for one week." Revised Action Step Option B: "I will walk for 10 minutes every day before my lunch." You will need to step outside of your comfort zone. Do so in ways that are challenging but manageable. As you master those, then find new difficult but manageable action steps. Surround Yourself with Supportive and Positive People. Surrounding yourself with positive people takes work, but I have a realistic solution for you. When you surround yourself with positive and supportive people, this helps to provide you with co-regulation. Co-regulation is the biological process of giving and receiving safety cues from one another. Co-regulation activates your body's safety state, which is foundational for personal growth. This co-regulative benefit multiplies if you connect with people with similar goals and provide mutual support, especially in person. The people in your life influence you. The people you spend time with can greatly influence your mindset, beliefs, and actions. Seek out individuals who uplift and inspire you, believe in your potential, and support your goals and aspirations. These people can provide encouragement, guidance, and accountability as you navigate your personal growth journey. Surrounding yourself with positivity and support can help you stay motivated, overcome obstacles, and maintain a positive mindset. You deserve to be surrounded by people who believe in you and want to see you succeed. Distance yourself from those that deserve it. Don't be afraid to distance yourself from negative influences and seek out those who will encourage, challenge, and support you. Find the right people and prune what needs to be. There may be people in your life that you cut out entirely, and there may be people you choose to spend less time with as you reprioritize. Finding people in person is ideal, but virtually is a great option. Finding people in person is best, as face-to-face contact provides the safety cues of co-regulation. You can find people locally with similar goals by searching for your interest in your area and connecting with established groups. Finding others online is a great option if this is unrealistic for you. Countless groups can be found online, in discussion forums, or social media groups. Make sure you vet what groups are out there, be bold, and leave them if they are not a good fit for you. You might be looking for a group of people making changes in their lives and actively recovering from trauma. In that case, the Stucknaut Collective private community might be a good fit for you. The Collective members can connect and work through trauma recovery courses. It's a paid group, so everyone there is motivated, and there is zero toxicity or negativity. It's a safe space to connect and further your personal growth, especially in trauma recovery. To join the Collective, subscribe to the Stuck Not Broken: Total Access Membership . Strengthen Your Personal Boundaries When your body shifts into a defensive state, you may compromise your personal boundaries and values to get out of the situation. If you can relate, check out this blog to learn what you can do about it. Read more here > Q&A Q: What is personal growth, and how can it benefit me? A: Personal growth is an ongoing process of self-improvement that leads to increased satisfaction, confidence, and connection. By taking responsibility for your own development and implementing the four-step process of self-reflection, learning, setting achievable goals, and attempting and adjusting, you can make steps toward more personal development. Q: Why is personal growth important for my well-being? A: Personal growth is not only allowed but necessary for your overall well-being and fulfillment. It enables you to access your body's safety state, reduce defensive activation, and improve your physical and mental health. As you grow, you'll experience greater calm, confidence, curiosity, and compassion, fostering deeper connections with yourself and others. Q: How can I set clear goals for personal development? A: Setting clear goals is crucial for making progress and achieving personal growth. Begin by identifying areas where you need to grow with honesty and compassion. Then, learn new information related to your growth areas. Next, break down your larger goals into smaller, measurable, and achievable action steps. With clear goals and practical steps, you'll stay motivated, track your progress, and witness the positive changes you've made. Quotes from this blog: Personal growth involves observable behaviors, yes. But it also involves an inner change. It requires a willingness to challenge oneself, step outside one's comfort zone, and commit to continuous learning and improvement. You're allowed to make positive changes in your life. You don't need permission from others to make positive changes in your life. It might be nice to have approval and support, but this is also unnecessary. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people can help you stay motivated, overcome obstacles, and maintain a positive mindset. You deserve to be surrounded by people who believe in you and want to see you succeed. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Play is not just for kids - it can also bring joy, relaxation, and creativity to adults. In fact, incorporating play into your daily life can have numerous benefits for your mental and emotional well-being. If you're looking for ways to add more playfulness to your adult life, this guide is for you. Discover what play is, the benefits of play, and explore seven potential play paths that will help you tap into your "inner child" and have fun. Let the games begin! Jump to a section: why is play for adults important? but what is play, really? safety is essential for minds and bodies 7 ways to play for adults Why is play for adults important? Play is often seen as something reserved for children, but it is just as important for adults. Engaging in playful activities can have numerous benefits for adults, including reducing stress, boosting creativity, improving problem-solving skills, and enhancing social connections. Play allows us to let go of our responsibilities and obligations for a while and simply enjoy the present moment. It can bring a sense of joy, relaxation, and fulfillment to our lives. These are things everyone needs, not just kids. But what is play, really? I'm glad you asked! When I say "play," I mean something very specific. The word "play" here refers to an interaction between two or more mammals. But more specifically, the interaction is between two nervous systems. Play is an unconscious biological process occurring between two individuals. You see, play is not just throwing a ball back and forth. Play is much more. Play is when a mammalian body is mobilized while safe . In neurobiological Polyvagal Theory terms, play involves accessing one's ability to use their flight/fight system (sympathetic) along with their safety system (ventral vagal parasympathetic). Read more about play and the Polyvagal Theory > Which of these examples is play? I will give two examples to illustrate what is and is not play. You tell me which one of these is play: Two friends are playing basketball. They smile and laugh with each other, making eye contact, even when one is losing. Two friends are playing basketball. They don't make eye contact or smile. They yell at each other and shove. When one loses, they kick the ball as far as they can. The winner laughs and taunts the loser. In both scenarios, the individuals seem to be playing, right? I mean, there's a ball and points involved. But these examples have starkly different feels to them. Example 1 is play. Both individuals have access to their ability to be mobile, using their flight/fight system. But they also have access to their safety system, allowing social engagement. They unconsciously provide each other with safety cues, a process called co-regulation. Example 2 is not play. Neither individuals have access to their safety state, resulting in breaking the norms and rules of basketball and relationships being forever broken, most likely. What's the difference between the two? The activation of the safety state. When the safety state is active, one's flight/fight activation is calmed. The mobility of flight/fight can be used for play and social engagement rather than survival. Play does not have to be mobile. One more qualifier - play is mobility combined with safety. But play does not have to involve movement. Someone sitting down can still exist in their flight/fight state and their safety state. Play simply means the flight/fight mobility state is active with safety. That doesn't mean you are running around or biking. It can be much more subtle. Safety is essential for healthy minds and bodies. Play isn't just fun. Play is beneficial to your mental and emotional well-being. Of course, there are lots of exercise benefits to play. But besides that, when playing, the safety state is active. The body's homeostatic processes are optimized for improved health and healing when the safety state is active. The more time you spend in your body's ventral vagal safety pathways, the better it is for your overall health. Does this mean you should be playing nonstop? No, of course not. Accessing the safety state can happen in others ways as well, like in meditation or sharing a hug with someone. 7 Ways to Play for Adults Now that we have an understanding of play, let's look at 7 ways to incorporate play into your life. 1. Incorporate Physical Activity into Your Routine. Sure, you can exercise and get helath benefits from it. And you can feel great doing so. But remember, play means something very particular in this discussion. Play involves being with someone else, being mobile and accessing your safety state. So instead of being active alone, be active with someone. A few ways to be active with someone are: take a walk or ride a bike go to the gym play a sport dance 2. Explore Creative Hobbies and Crafts. Jus t like number one, eng age in hobbies and crafts with someone else. Yes, it's always okay to exist in peaceful solitude and let your creativity out. But doing so alongside someone else can invite play. I used to get together with a few friends every Friday night and draw. Each of us loved to draw and could do so on our own just fine. But being together invited more energy, smiles, and laughter. 3. Play board games with loved ones. Board games are another example of play without obvious mobility. You are still accessing your flight/fight system when playing a board game. For example, we get loud when my family and I play games. We have energy. It's not a quiet, passive experience. Even with Battleship, I like to make sounds of explosions and simulate explosions with my hands and arms. My 7-year-old son loves it. He laughs hysterically as we play. Pick your favorite board game and invite someone to come play with you. 4. Play video games. Video games are a great way to interact with each other... even though a screen is involved. Video games use the flight/fight state, as many of them are competitive. But as long as you are anchored in your safety state, the flight/fight energy can be contained and turned into play. Video games are often tense, loud and competitive. My family loves Mario Kart... and it gets intense! But along with the intensity is congratulations and encouragement. 5. Work with someone. Work?! As play?! What? Yes, work can actually be play! Work can be doing chores, making dinner, creating a podcast, or even actual paid work. Remember - play is mobility along with social connection. You're mobile when doing chores, but if you're with someone, it can be play. My kids used to volunteer to help me with chores around the house, like pulling weeds or cleaning the pool. They'd get their hands dirty with me, but we'd smile and socially engage as we worked. Long-time listeners of my podcast will remember that I co-hosted with Mercedes. She and I worked on the podcast week after week, but we played a lot too. As we were working, we would joke around, use our imagination and laugh nonstop. We were working, but playing. 6. Find social activities with other adults. If initiating play is difficult for you, or you don't have a clear avenue for incorporating play into your life, find other possibilities for adults to connect and engage in play. There are ready-made options for you to join. Some possibilities for adults social play activities are: amateur sports leagues art or music clubs trivia nights Option 6 is great because the work is done for you. Someone else has set it up, they're just waiting for you and others to find them and join. Option 6 is also a challenge, because meeting and interacting with new people is not easy. 7. Play with the kids in your life. To be clear - I don't mean random kids. I mean the kids you already have in your life. Like, your own kids, or nieces and nephews... you get the idea. (Right?) If you suck at playing, that is totally okay, because kids are f***ing great at it. Put the ball in their court next time you're with one of your kids. Just say, "Alright, it's time to play. What are we doing?" And give them control. Trust me, they won't let you down. You need to be open to trying something they're into, like LEGO, dolls, or whatever kids are into. And if all else fails, throw or roll something. It'll get that child's interest, and they'll know what to do. Before you know it, a game will evolve from nothing. Boom! You're playing. How to start playing as an adult. It can be difficult to start playing as an adult, especially if you don't have a strong history of healthy play with others. Plus, we adults get sucked into the things that cause stress and tend to prioritize those things. When we try to focus on play or connection, it feels like the stresses will get worse. Here are some tips to help you start playing as an adult: Be drastically honest with yourself - Are the things causing you stress truly going to worsen if you allow yourself to play? Or do you have an opportunity to allow yourself to connect with someone and have fun? Turn off your phone, tablet, and other screens - Once distractions are off, you can use your pent-up flight/fight energy. Give yourself permission to feel silly - Play can involved imagination and spontaneity. Now that you know this, give yourself permission to feel it. Before you play, build your Polyvagal safety state. You can approach play more easily if you develop your safety state. When you do, you will be able to tolerate the activation of flight/fight that is required in play. Anxiousness will instead be felt as fun and excitement. If you know you need to develop your safety state more, Building Safety Anchors might be a good fit for you. BSA teaches you all about the safety state and then teaches paths for building the strength of your safety state. As you build the safety state strength, your defensive activation will be reduced and even repurposed into something else. Flight/fight is turned into play with safety. And shutdown immobilization is turned into stillness. But the safety state is the center piece in all of this. Building Safety Anchors is available along with my other courses and private community in the Total Access Membership subscription . You get all my trauma recovery courses, private community, daily challenges, second podcast, live Q&As and more. I can't wait to see you there! Strengthen Your Personal Boundaries When your body shifts into a defensive state, you may compromise your personal boundaries and values to get out of the situation. If you can relate, check out this blog to learn what you can do about it. Read more here > Q&A Q: Why is play for adults important? A: Engaging in playful activities as adults can reduce stress, boost creativity, improve problem-solving skills, and enhance social connections. Play allows us to let go of responsibilities and enjoy the present moment, bringing joy and fulfillment to our lives. Q: What is play, really? A: Play refers to an interaction between two or more mammals, specifically the interaction between their nervous systems. It involves accessing the flight/fight system along with the safety system, creating a state of mobilization while feeling safe. Q: How can adults incorporate play into their lives? A: Here are seven ways to incorporate play into your life: Incorporate physical activity with someone else, such as taking a walk, playing a sport, or dancing. Engage in creative hobbies and crafts alongside someone, inviting more energy and laughter. Play board games that activate your flight/fight system and bring excitement to social interactions. Enjoy playing video games with others, channeling the competitive energy into playful engagement. Find opportunities to turn work into play by doing chores, creating projects, or working alongside someone else. Join social play activities for adults, such as amateur sports leagues, art or music clubs, or trivia nights. Play with the kids in your life, giving them control and embracing their natural ability to play. Quotes from this Blog: Play involves being with someone else, being mobile, and accessing your safety state. Work can actually be play! Work can be doing chores, making dinner, creating a podcast... As we were working, we would joke around, use our imagination and laugh nonstop. If you suck at playing, that is totally okay, because kids are f***ing great at it. Put the ball in their court next time you're with one of your kids... Boom! You're playing. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Embarking on the trauma-healing journey can often feel like navigating an unfamiliar landscape. Although everyone's trauma recovery path is different, they are each filled with challenges and opportunities for profound growth and transformation. Understanding the stages of trauma healing can provide a roadmap, guiding you toward healing and resilience. In this article, I'll explore the three key stages of trauma recovery through the lens of the Polyvagal Theory, the groundbreaking neurophysiology that offers valuable insights into our body's response to trauma. These stages include: learning clear and accurate information building the safety state or "vagal brake" mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state. Each stage is not only a step toward recovery but also a step toward understanding yourself better. As we delve into these stages, you'll discover how they are interconnected, each building on the last, forming a comprehensive approach to trauma recovery. Whether at the beginning of your trauma recovery journey or well on your way, this article will provide valuable insights and practical strategies to support your healing process. Stages of Trauma Healing 1: Learning Clear and Accurate Information The first of three stages of trauma healing is equipping yourself with clear, accurate information. Knowledge is power, and in trauma recovery, it's the power to understand, normalize, reframe, and ultimately change your responses to traumatic experiences. On my podcast , I say that I help people to get more clarity, confidence, and connection without psychobabble. I think this is crucial in trauma healing and mental health in general. Information that relies on abstract concepts, like "parts" or "shadows" could be helpful but is also generally unnecessary. The sooner one can get to their direct felt experience, the better. This podcast playlist is a deep dive into how I think about these psychological concepts and why they are unnecessary. I think there's a better option to focus your energies on in the initial stages of trauma healing. The Polyvagal Theory is foundational knowledge for trauma healing. Instead of abstract or outdated psychological ideas, I recommend narrowing your focus to the scientific understanding of trauma and how you got stuck in a traumatized state. Developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, the Polyvagal Theory provides a framework for understanding how our nervous system responds to stress and trauma. Learn more about the Polyvagal Theory > These are some key Polyvagal Theory teachings to aid in your trauma healing: Autonomic states & the Polyvagal Ladder: Your autonomic nervous system adjusts your body for safety or danger. If you cannot be safe, your body shifts into a danger state of flight, fight, shutdown, or freeze. These autonomic shifts happen unconsciously and in pursuit of survival. Learn more about the Polyvagal Ladder > Neuroception: The process of unconsciously detecting cues of danger from the environment, which then triggers autonomic state shifts. Neuroception constantly scans your environment for cues of safety or danger. Co-regulation: This is the unconscious biological process of providing cues of safety from one person to another. Co-regulation can be found in relationships with safe others, like a therapist or a loved one. The Polyvagal Theory is not the only helpful piece of foundational knowledge to aid your trauma healing. However, I have found it to be the most helpful for my therapy clients. Attachment theory is also a helpful piece of information and is ultimately grounded in science. If you are pulled toward other psychological concepts, there is nothing wrong with pursuing them. Many people find benefit from using metaphors like "parts," "shadows," and "ego." However, these are grounded in belief and are non-falsifiable ideas. Stages of Trauma Healing 2: Building the Safety State or "Vagal Brake" Once you've equipped yourself with clear and accurate information, the next stage in trauma recovery is building what's known as the safety state, or "vagal brake." This second stage is about cultivating a sense of safety within yourself, which is crucial for healing from trauma. Safety is more than the literal environment and more than a feeling. Safety is about biology. You have specific biological pathways that are responsible for your feelings of safety and your ability to connect with yourself and others. When you strengthen your safety state , you also build something called "the vagal brake." The term "vagal brake" comes from the Polyvagal Theory and refers to our body's ability to regulate physiological arousal, reducing defensive activation. Our vagal brake is on when we're in a state of safety, helping us maintain a calm and balanced state. A stronger safety state leads to more distress tolerance. So the stronger your vagal brake is, the more distress tolerance you will have. In trauma healing, it's common to return to the trauma narrative through practices like journaling, self-reflection, and therapy. I don't believe doing so is entirely necessary and may result in retraumatization . Nevertheless, it's very common and will likely come up for you through your trauma-healing journey. Building the strength of your vagal brake will better prepare you for the emotional turmoil of defensive state activation that may come along with your trauma narrative or memories of your traumatic incidents. This is where distress tolerance is important. A stronger safety state leads to calmness, curiosity, confidence, and connection. Yes, your distress tolerance goes up, and you are better able to handle memories related to your trauma. But developing the strength of your safety state has other benefits as well. As you strengthen your safety state, you will notice more curiosity: more curiosity in the world around you, but also the world within yourself. The outer curiosity will tug at you to connect with your outer world. And it will pull you toward more connection with others. The inner curiosity will direct your self-compassionate attention inwards. With self-compassion and confidence, you will be better able to directly and mindfully experience your stuck defensive state. Building your vagal brake is a process, not a one-time event. It takes time, patience, and consistent practice. But with each step, you're strengthening your capacity for self-regulation and resilience, creating a solid foundation for the next stage of trauma recovery: mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state. Stages of Trauma Healing 3: Mindfully Experiencing Your Stuck Defensive State The third stage of trauma recovery involves mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state. This might sound intimidating, but it's an essential part of the healing process. It's about facing, rather than avoiding, the defensive responses triggered by trauma. A lot of good can be done through stage 2 of building your vagal brake. You will probably notice many positive changes, like less dysregulation and more curiosity. But to truly relieve your stuck defensive state, stage 3 is necessary. In the context of the Polyvagal Theory, a "stuck defensive state" refers to being caught in a chronic state of fight, flight, shutdown, or freeze. These are natural responses to dangerous and life-threatening situations, but when we're stuck in these states, it can lead to a range of physical and emotional challenges. The point is not coping or forcing your pains to go away. Mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state is not about forcing yourself out of these defensive responses. And it's not about coping with the obvious manifestations of your dysregulation, like anxiety and panic. Instead, it's about bringing a gentle, non-judgmental awareness to these experiences. It's about observing your defensive responses without getting caught up in them or judging yourself for having them. Stage 2 - developing your vagal brake strength - is essential for this process and completely overlooked by most therapists and the modalities they use. Mindful awareness can be a powerful tool for healing. It can help you recognize when you're slipping into a defensive state, understand what triggers these responses, and develop more compassionate ways of responding to them. But it can also bring a compassionate and curious observer to what is inside of you. Mindfulness can help you identify where your stuck state resides and how to experience it nonjudgmentally. As you mindfully experience your Polyvagal defensive states, the natural process of self-regulation unfolds. Self-regulation is not forced; it is allowed, witnessed, and experienced. I call this the A->W->E Method in my Polyvagal Trauma Relief System . This comprehensive System addresses all three stages of trauma healing with in-depth lessons and practical steps you can use starting today. The 3rd stage of trauma healing can be challenging, and it's okay to seek support as you navigate it. Whether that's through a trusted therapist, a supportive community, or resources like the courses and community in the Total Access Membership , remember that you don't have to go through this process alone. Get all 3 stages of trauma healing in one subscription. If you're ready to delve deeper into these stages of trauma recovery, consider joining the Total Access Membership . Total Access provides you with a wealth of resources, including courses that guide you through each stage of trauma recovery. You'll gain access to in-depth information, practical strategies, and a supportive private community to assist you on your healing journey. Don't navigate this path alone - join the Total Access Membership today. You're Allowed to Grow and Change. You Don't Need Permission. For further reading, I recommend checking out the blog post Personal Growth is Allowed and Necessary: You Don't Need Permission from Others! . This article will empower you to take control of your personal growth and break free from the need for validation from others. 3 Quotes from this Blog: Knowledge is power, and in trauma recovery, it's the power to understand, normalize, reframe, and ultimately change your responses to traumatic experiences. Building your vagal brake is a process, not a one-time event. It takes time, patience, and consistent practice. But with each step, you're strengthening your capacity for self-regulation and resilience. Mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state is not about forcing yourself out of these defensive responses. Instead, it's about bringing a gentle, non-judgmental awareness to these experiences. Q&A from this Blog: Q: What are the three stages of trauma healing? A: The three stages are learning clear and accurate information, building the safety state or "vagal brake," and mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state. Q: What is the "vagal brake" in trauma healing? A: The "vagal brake" refers to our body's ability to regulate physiological arousal, reducing defensive activation. Building the "vagal brake" is about enhancing your body's capacity to return to a state of safety after experiencing stress or trauma. Q: How can I mindfully experience my stuck defensive state? A: Mindfully experiencing your stuck defensive state involves bringing a gentle, non-judgmental awareness to your defensive responses. It's about observing these responses without getting caught up in them or judging yourself for having them. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast , and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

Are you tossing and turning at night, plagued by worries and anxieties? You're not alone. Stress-induced insomnia is a common sleep disorder that affects many people. But what's the connection between stress and insomnia? I'll delve into this relationship with insights from neurophysiology. The Link Between Stress and Insomnia: A Closer Look Understanding Stress Stress is a natural response to threats or challenges, even minor things you may be unaware of. One can feel stress in response to significant life changes, like moving or a new boss coming into your workplace. But small things may also induce stress, like crowds or constant background noise. These sources trigger our body's sympathetic mobilization system, which is responsible for the evolutionary  flight/fight response . In other words, when stressed, we're prepared for survival. We are ready to confront or escape danger. But these daily or common situations, like a refrigerator hum or moving to a new apartment, aren't "dangers" we can run away from or fight. These small to large daily insults accumulate in our bodies, felt as chronic stress. When stress becomes chronic, it can wreak havoc on our bodies and minds, leading to various health problems, including insomnia. How Stress Affects Sleep Quality Disrupted Sleep Cycle Stress can disrupt our sleep cycle, making falling or staying asleep difficult. This disruption can lead to a vicious cycle where stress leads to poor sleep and more stress. This also influences behavior and overall wellbeing. "... higher evening stress predicted subsequent shorter sleep quantity, and shorter sleep quantity and continuity predicted higher next-day stress. These findings highlight the vicious daily cycle between high stress and short or discontinuous sleep, which may increase the risk or accelerate the progression of mental and physical disorders." ( NCBI ) Non-Restorative Sleep Stress can disrupt sleep, making it less refreshing, a condition known as non-restorative sleep (NRS). This leaves us feeling tired and groggy the next day. One study found that "feeling less refreshed after sleep is negatively associated with all [Quality of Life] domains... NRS prevents the human body from functioning optimally, causes daytime sleepiness, cognitive impairment, and mood disturbances, and jeopardizes daily performance in studying, working, and engaging in entertainment." This shows that stress affects our sleep and our ability to handle the next day's challenges. Addressing stress and improving sleep quality is crucial for our overall well-being. Sleep Quality Affects Stress This study supports this idea, finding the quality of sleep a person gets can influence how their stress levels affect their behaviors. When a person is stressed, their sleep quality can decrease, leading to poor health behaviors. Poor sleep quality can make it harder for a person to manage their stress levels effectively, leading to unhealthy behaviors such as poor diet or increased alcohol consumption. When stressed, one may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms. This further compiles their feelings of stress with self-judgment, shame, and blame. All of these emotions come from Polyvagal states of defense. The Impact of Chronic Stress on Insomnia The Effect of Chronic Stress Chronic stress can profoundly impact sleep. The constant state of mobilized alertness can lead to persistent insomnia. Polyvagal Stillness is Necessary for Sleep The science of the Polyvagal Theory (PVT), a cornerstone of my podcast and therapeutic work, provides further insight into understanding stress and what is necessary for sleep. Learn more about the Polyvagal Theory here > The PVT teaches that we have two parasympathetic nervous systems - one for safety and social engagement and the other for immobilization when under life threat. We also have a sympathetic system responsible for mobilization and flight/fight when in danger. Remaining in flight/fight results in stress. If one is stressed, they are not exiting their mobilization state. They cannot access their body's natural states of safety and immobilization. When one is safe and immobilized, that results in a mixed Polyvagal state called "stillness." To fall asleep, one must be able to immobilize and feel safe. In stress, one does not feel safe; their body is prepared for danger. Read more about stillness here > So when you're asleep, your safety state is active and providing you with "health, growth, and restoration," something that Dr. Stephen Porges often says. Porges created the Polyvagal Theory and is the co-founder of the Polyvagal Institute . Short-Term vs. Long-Term Insomnia Short-Term Insomnia Short-term insomnia, also known as acute insomnia, is typically caused by temporary stressors, like a big exam or a stressful event. It usually resolves once the stressor is removed. In other words, the life context triggering the stress is passed or effectively dealt with. The body can now immobilize in stillness without fear and stress. Long-Term Insomnia Long-term insomnia, also known as chronic insomnia, persists for several months or longer. Chronic stress, medical conditions, or certain lifestyle factors can cause it. Chronic insomnia can have serious health consequences and often requires professional treatment. Stress-induced chronic insomnia indicates the individual's body is chronically in a state of defensive activation. Chronic defensive state activation (flight, fight, shutdown, freeze) is common for traumatized individuals. People stuck in trauma have significant difficulties accessing their body's natural capacity to feel safe and exist in stillness. How Stress Affects Your Body's Systems The Polyvagal Theory teaches that if your body exists in a chronically defensive (stressful) state, it is no longer optimized for health. Instead of using its resources for healing and growth, it uses them for defense. People stuck in a state of defense are more likely to have many disorders, as shown by the Adverse Childhood Experiences survey results. The Impact of Stress Stress can have a wide-ranging impact on our bodies, affecting everything from our cardiovascular system to our digestive system. It can lead to various physical symptoms, from headaches and stomachaches to heart disease and diabetes. Here are some of the ways stress can impact different body systems: Cardiovascular system: Chronic stress can lead to high blood pressure and other heart-related issues. ( Mayo Clinic ) Digestive system: Stress exacerbates stomachaches, ulcers, and other digestive problems. ( Henry Ford Health ) Immune system: Chronic stress can weaken the immune system, making you more susceptible to infections. ( Nature ) Musculoskeletal system: Stress can lead to muscle contractions and restricted blood flow. ( Alliance ) Nervous system: Chronic stress can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues. Strategies to Relieve Stress and Improve Sleep Quality You might be stuck doing random TikTok "vagal nerve hacks," like putting frozen pea bags on your chest to get to sleep. If pea bags help you, fine. But I recommend something different. Instead of pea bags, it may help to increase your body's activation of its safety state. Your ability to exist in stillness increases as you anchor yourself more in safety. But don't wait for insomnia to hit. Practice feeling safety beforehand. Practice feeling safety during the day when you're with your pets, walking, or cooking dinner. Mindfully experience your body's capacity for safety and welcome it with curiosity. How to identify your Polyvagal safety state. Of course, you won't be able to measure the activation of these ventral vagal parasympathetic pathways directly. But you can use secondary measures to identify your safety state. Here are a few ways you can identify that you're in your safety state: you can breathe into your belly you feel connected to your senses, yourself, or another (even pets) you're able to smile you're thinking positively As you practice being in your safety state, you increase the strength of your safety state. Eventually, falling asleep may be more accessible. Building Safety Anchors is a great source to learn about the safety state and build its strength. Reduce insomnia by changing your environment. Cues of safety or danger in our environment constantly surround us. Even right now, your body is "neurocepting" cues from the external world through your senses. Some of these cues come from: lighting proximity temperature color To access your Polyvagal safety state: Consider what you can change in your environment. You may do better with a specific scent, lighting, sounds, or even silence. Be curious about how your environment affects you and then change what you can. Ask yourself if a specific environmental piece brings you a feeling of more like or dislike. Seek Professional Help If you're struggling with a sleep disorder, seeking professional help is important. A healthcare provider can provide a proper diagnosis and treatment plan, including stress management techniques, medication, or therapy. The National Sleep Foundation provides many resources and information on sleep disorders and treatments. If you are stuck in a traumatized state, working with a qualified therapist may be helpful. Get better sleep. Want to learn more about reducing your stress, relieving your trauma, and getting better sleep? My Total Access Membership provides the courses to deeply understand the Polyvagal Theory, strengthen your safety state, and reduce defensive state activation. Learn more about the Total Access Membership > Master Panic Attacks: Understanding the difference between coping and self-regulation. Experiencing a panic attack is like being trapped in a turbulent storm of fear and physical sensations. Your heart races, your breath becomes shallow, and a sense of impending doom takes hold. It feels like losing control as your thoughts spin and your body trembles with adrenaline. Time stretches, and each second feels like an eternity. It's an overwhelming and disorienting experience. Read more here > Q&A Q: How does stress affect sleep quality? A: Stress disrupts the sleep cycle, leading to difficulties falling and staying asleep. It can also result in non-restorative sleep, leaving you tired and groggy the next day. Q: What is the impact of chronic stress on insomnia? A: Chronic stress can lead to persistent insomnia, as the body remains in a constant state of alertness and defense, hindering the ability to access the necessary state of stillness for restful sleep. Q: How can I improve sleep quality and reduce insomnia? A: Increasing your body's activation of the safety state through mindful safety experiences during the day can help improve sleep. Changing your environment to create safety cues can also positively impact your sleep quality. 3 Quotes from this Blog: When stress becomes chronic, it can wreak havoc on our bodies and minds, leading to various health problems, including insomnia. Chronic stress can have a profound impact on our sleep. The constant state of mobilized alertness can lead to persistent insomnia. Reduce insomnia by changing your environment. Consider what you can change in your environment... Be curious about how your environment affects you and then change what you can. Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He hosts the Stuck Not Broken podcast and is the author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm . Justin is a member of the Polyvagal Institute's Editorial Board.

I saw a comment on this video asking if it's possible to come out of shutdown. And the answer is YES. What is shutdown? Shutdown is a state of the autonomic nervous system. It's at the bottom of the Polyvagal Ladder, the last autonomic shift that happens in the face of a life-threatening situation. If the body cannot mitigate a danger through socialization, nor through running, nor through fighting, then an immobile collapse is the last resort. Shutdowns involve a limp collapse, which is different than a stiff freeze response. Shutdowns could also include a dissociative response, along with numbing. The entire body shuts down, conserving its resources, anticipating a potential opportunity to emerge out of shutdown and into the fight state, one rung up the Polyvagal Ladder. Is it possible to come out of shutdown? Yes, it's generally possible and something I often see in therapy with my clients. The Polyvagal states all evolved within us as ways to optimize bodily resources in the face of varying threat levels or safety. In the shutdown state, the evolutionary benefit is to conserve resources. When the organism neurocepts that there is an opportunity to come out of shutdown, then it climbs its autonomic ladder into its sympathetic flight/fight state. Coming out of shutdown, the first rung up the ladder will specifically be the fight state. Coming out of shutdown results in the organism surging in fight energy and using its upper body to create space from the predator, then using its flight energy to escape to safety. So functionally, biologically, yes, its possible to come out of a shutdown state. What is needed to come out of shutdown? Typically, people stuck in a shutdown state need to slowly allow the sympathetic flight/fight state to return. To do so, the individual will need to listen to the needs of their shutdown state. Each of the Polyvagal autonomic states has specific needs and impulses to allow further ladder climbing to happen. These can look different amongst individuals, but will generally be of the same flavor. For shutdown, the stuck person will typically require low stimulation. Quiet spaces, predictability, soothing music or no music at all. Rest, low energy activities. They will need to listen to their body's impulse to immobilize and allow the immobilization to happen. They may need to be alone in solitude (not isolation). Unfortunately, those stuck in shutdown will often isolate themselves, blocking others out from their life and minimize or stuff down their feelings. They may be in darkness and distract their mind from unbearable sadness or emptiness. This method of coping lacks the present moment experience of mindfulness. Shutdown needs to be experienced mindfully - safely anchored in the ventral vagal system and experienced with curiosity. Building Safety Anchors can help you to build the safety state required to experience defensive states. And Unstucking Defensive States can help you to experience the stuck state while regulated. To learn more about shutdown and the Polyvagal ladder, Polyvagal 101 is the best place to go. To get all of my courses and my private community in one subscription, consider my Total Access Membership. Learn more about it by clicking below. Do you trust in your ability to self-regulate? As a biological organism, you are compelled to self-regulate. You must. However, trauma gets in the way. Do you still have trust that you can self-regulate? Read more here > Author Bio: Justin Sunseri is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Coach specializing in trauma relief. He is the host of the Stuck Not Broken podcast and author of the book Trauma & the Polyvagal Paradigm. He specializes in treating trauma and helps individuals get "unstuck" from their defensive states.

I just wanted to highlight this discussion between to greats in the trauma sphere - Porges & Maté. It's very much worth the viewing/listening. They talk about trauma, state regulation, touch upon parenting, talking boldly at the risk of losing peer groups and more. It's a lot jam-packed into about an hour. I put together a bunch of quotes for you after the video jump. I've been publishing these on my Instagram and also created a quote compilation poster as I continue to practice my Swiss grid design fundamentals. It's a free download and you can even print it out on an 11x17 page if you have the means. Enjoy! Quote Poster: Quotes: We broadcast our feelings and our physiological state in our voice… and we express it in our face. (P) Instantaneously, our body responds to another who has suffered trauma, not just in seeing them, but in feeling their facial expression and feeling their voices. Our nervous system evolved to detect those features. (P) We have… turned off our natural gifts of connecting with each other through voice and through expression. As we superimpose on that, this pragmatic view that words carry meaning, only all the meaning. (P) [Words] only carry a small aspect of the meaning of life. Our voice, our intonation, our facial expressivity are really the cues to tell the other person that we’re safe to come close to and we’re there to help them co-regulate. (P) If you go to the Chinese language and look at the word ‘listen,’ it uses the symbols of ear and heart. And we have to understand that to listen is to be embodied. (P) We think that everything is due to intentionality, due to learning and due to higher executive functions. We do not respect the more permanent bodily reactions that are linked to survival. …if our body feels under a state of threat, it kind of determines all the higher brain structures, how they function… We’re not deep thinkers. We don’t make good decisions. We can’t solve big problems. (P) … our society is under chronic threat. And that society shapes the individuals because the physiological state of individuals are now threat-oriented and they can’t utilize their evolutionary given privilege of co-regulating and feeling safe in the arms of another. (P) …our underlying physiological state shifts our perspective of the world. So if our body’s in a state of mobilization or fight flight, we see the world more negatively. If our body is calmer… we see the world optimistically.if we’re shutting down… we are literally withdrawing from society, we have no contact with the world. (P) …you have to become very respectful of your reactions to the other. And you can’t interpret it from a level of intentionality. (P) So the fallacy of our culture is that as soon as we feel bad, we attribute it to someone else. Our narrative says that other person has intended to be hurtful to us or should have been sensitive to us. And the answer is highly unlikely. (P) So we literally have to become our own, let’s say, own parent in a way, and observe ourselves and say, “Look, I’m feeling this way. Now, how do I manage than within the complexity of a social interaction, a marriage, a family, a work environment…?” (P) The potent cues were not my words. The potent cues was my ability to be a supportive person in their lives. And I was saying, I now have an excuse for not being a supportive person in your lives. (P on his lab, but this applies to parents) …when a person’s face is flat and they don’t appear to be there, it’s not like they’re thinking about what you’re discussing. They’re dissociating. (P) Virtually every vertebrate has a queueing system, which I call ‘neuroception,’ where the nervous system detects risk. They had one for danger or threat and they react to that. But on this phylogenetic journey to sociality, mammals had a unique autonomic system, a neuroception of safety. (P) Our nervous system evolved with this capacity to down-regulate threat reactions with cues of safety. (P) Two bodies co-regulating in space and time. That’s our nature. That’s our biological imperative. (P) What made mammals different is this biological imperative. They had to connect, they had to co-regulate to survive and we still do. (P) Trauma can be both when bad things happen to people that shouldn’t happen. But also when good things that should happen, don’t happen. (GM) I realized that the CDC and all these other places including ACEs work were all event-related. And Polyvagal theory says events are important but the real issue is the body’s reaction, the body’s response. (SP) The issue is - does the body shift state into a chronic state of threat? [That is] what trauma is, the body has been retuned. (SP) What we’re calling “smothering” or “mothering” or “parenting” is really exercises in co-regulation. (SP) Ask any parent, “When you’re feeding or dealing with your child, how does it make you feel?” It’s a co-regulatory experience. (SP) As you mature, your explorations can go on for longer and longer periods. And you don’t need the mother, but you need friends or a spouse, or you need a dog… you need an appropriate mammal to c-regulate with. (SP) Play is systematic reciprocal behavior… play with an individual has all the queuing of intentionality and reciprocity, and that’s a complex neural exercise. (SP) The face to face interactions enable [our] nervous systems to know that the movements are not aggressive. And that in a way defines play. (SP) Think about the school systems. They should really be emphasizing play during the first few years. So the children develop that resource to self-regulate. And instead, they’re being told to self-regulate without the neural exercise. (SP) The nervous system gets retuned to a chronic state of threat. And the manifestations are both mental health issues but also physical health issues. (SP) Stephen Porges: As a physician, how much time was spent discussing neural regulation of visceral organs? Gabor Mate: *holds up a zero with his fingers* Once we accept that social interaction is as potent as a neural stimulator, we’ll start inviting sociality into treatment models. (SP) Part of our Western world is everything has to be new and original. Part of my thrill of actually unfolding the Polyvagal Theory is that it has continuity with the history of humanity. (SP) The issue is continuity, giving a language that is neuroscience-based and contemporary to create validity, to provide a validity on our ancient knowledge. (SP) Sometimes I laugh about it because… we get a lot of attention for our work… but what we’re saying has been known by human beings for how long? (GM) Polyvagal Theory provides literally an umbrella to start rechanging how we treat the human condition and that it should be understood in terms of how we create school or regulate or develop educational models. (SP) Polyvagal Theory provides organizational properties or principals. And it doesn’t throw out the content that has been established but puts it into the context of human interaction. (SP) In medicine… people are treated as if they’re objects. Both by the physicians but also by the treatment that physicians are administering and the individual feels marginalized from the get go. (SP) We have the elderly but we no longer have elders… There’s wisdom in eldership and we just don’t recognize it. We don’t honor it. We don’t listen to it. (GM) You and I may be getting older, but we’re listened to for our expertise. But Elders, even without expertise, have a lot of wisdom. (GM) Ideally, we can be both authentic and attached. In other words, we can be ourselves and still be in a relationship. But what happens if we are ourselves and our relationships will reject us? The child is in no position to choose authenticity because they can’t live without attachments. (GM) Most people make this tragic unconscious choice. “I’m gonna do whatever I can to fit in and therefore surrender my authenticity.” And I think much of life’s journey afterwards is actually rediscovering our authenticity. (GM) As an adult, I no longer have to give up myself to be in a relationship. And if I have to give up myself to be in a relationship, I’d rather not be in a relationship. (GM) We have a responsibility to our children, but we are not our children and our children are not us. And we do what we can do. And as long as we do it with a degree of humility and gratitude, I think things work out really well. (SP)

My therapy caseload consists of a lot of teens, as I work for a public school district. And with teen clients comes “I’m fine” or “I’m good” or even “It’s Gucci” (barf btw) when I ask them how they’re doing at the beginning of a session. This type of routine response doesn’t do a whole lot of good in therapy or in life in general. Even with my clients that are capable of and have practiced sharing their feelings, this is their typical default response. Even my adult clients default to this. And heck, so do I. We all do! And that’s okay. But as therapists, we need to strive for more. Here’s what I often do when my clients give me this response. And also what I do when they are struggling to identify what they are feeling. BTW, if you’re interested in working me as your therapist, you can find out more about how to do so on my therapy interest page. 1. Ask “What does good mean?” Fairly obvious, I suppose. But with this response, I’m not being combative. It’s not a confrontation. It’s rolling with their energy. It’s saying, “Okay, but what does ‘good’ mean?” It’s gently asking for more details, using their momentum. This could sound like, “Be more specific” as well. That’s ever so slightly more confrontational and directive. Not hostile. But it’s more direct with what I want out of them and what is expected in therapy. When I have a solid relationship with a client, this is not combative. It’s like, “Come on. You’ve got this. You can name the feeling.” It can have a playful tone to it. But yeah, it could also have a more directive “come on now” sort of tone to it too. As long as it’s with a client that’s into therapy, then I think this is fine. The client that can tolerate a little more push from their therapist. 2. Say, “Use feeling words.” Sometimes I’m even more direct and say “Gimme a feeling word or two.” This could have slightly more of a directive tone to it. It could be playful as well. It’s much more explicit. I often get really explicit and throw out some feeling words, like ”anxious, angry, sad, happy, ecstatic, curious…” And from that, they can say yes or no or something else may pop into their mind. It helps them to narrow down what they do or do not feel. Now some clients are genuinely going to struggle. This type of directive response would be after the client has been an active part of therapy and shown they can identify feelings and name them. Many of my teen clients are kinda there in therapy, but not really wanting to be there. Like when I was working in court-mandated substance use or when “counseling” is part of their expulsion contract to stay in school. They don’t care. They’re not as invested in making change in their life. So pushing them to name their feelings could have adverse effects and push them away from the process even further. 3. When they really don’t know Usually, especially the teen clients, they express something like, “You know. I’m just… good. Things are good.” But they can’t describe it further and can’t identify what they’re feeling inside. So I playfuly push further, asking “Okay, what’s going good?” This is a step away from feelings and now focused on reality. Usually they say, “I don’t know. Everything. Things are just good. You know.” At this point, I get the idea that “good” doesn’t actually mean “good”. It means something else. And I’ve done this often enough now to know what they’re expressing but can’t name in the moment. They’re expressing neutrality. They’re expressing that nothing good happened, but also nothing bad happened. It’s just a blah week. They don’t feel anything particularly good. But also nothing particularly bad. They don’t have any specific identifiable feelings when we’re checking in, so they just say “good,” but they don’t mean they have a positive feeling or experience. They’re just kinda there, but without a clear positive or negative feeling experience in the moment. So when I clarify and ask if that’s what they are expressing, they affirm my suspicion. As we go deeper into the session and discuss things more in particular, something always comes up that they do have much clearer feelings about. As I ask them in those moments what they are feeling, it’s much different. There’s a more clear experience of anxiety, relaxation, anger or something else. If you’re a therapist, I’d love to hear what you do when a client tells you they’re doing “good”. Do you ignore it? Move on to something else? Address it directly? Ask for more information? Do you even ask “How are you” at the beginning of a session or is that too routine for you? Leave a comment below!

Getting unstuck isn't easy, and sometimes it's downright hard. Novelty can be exciting in its newness, but it can also be anxiety-producing. When you're making a change, you're entering a new territory. Making change depends on the strength of someone's window of tolerance and how much distress they can tolerate. Change may be especially difficult for someone stuck in a traumatized state. In this blog, I will give that person some starting points for the traumatized individual to begin making changes and getting unstuck. Learn a new paradigm to lay the foundation for getting unstuck. The Polyvagal Theory is a good one. I highly recommend it! If you didn't know, I'm kinda obsessed with it and based an entire podcast on the foundations of the theory. I've also got a page dedicated to easily understanding it, it's called Polyvagal Intro. Whether it's the Polyvagal Theory or some other paradigm, the benefit is getting a new and hopefully more comprehensive understanding of yourself and how you fit into the world. Without the foundation of a solid paradigm, navigating the process of getting unstuck might seem a lot more out of control and overwhelming. But with a nice solid foundation under your feet, it will give you something to fall back on during your process. It doesn't have to be the PVT. But, of course, that's my recommendation for where to start. You might also find the grounding you need through religion and the paradigm of yourself and the world it offers. Or, if you're already a believer, it might be time to revisit your beliefs and start anew. You could also look deeper into the work of Peter Levine or Kathy Kain for a better understanding of somatic psychology and healing. The PVT is one piece of what they go deeper into. After having a new paradigm, you can then develop it into a new narrative. Create a judgment-free narrative to start getting unstuck. Yes, it's possible. You can give yourself a new narrative with a new or refreshed paradigm. Because that solid foundational knowledge or worldview, it can help construct your stories about yourself. A new narrative is the application of the new paradigm to the self. I'll again advocate here for the Polyvagal Theory in particular. Once you understand the biological components of the PVT and the autonomic nervous system, there is simply no judgment involved with applying it to the self. It's just biology. It's a scientific explanation of the bodily processes involved in how we get stuck and stay stuck. It applies to every single one of us and is judgment free. I hear from podcast listeners or Instagram followers that they felt a deep sense of relief in having the new paradigm of the PVT and then having a new narrative for something that happened in the past. Typically, it's referencing some traumatic event they went through. Or a realization about their upbringing and how that impacts them now. But instead of the story being about how they're broken or defective, it's a more accurate story about being stuck in a defensive state. This new narrative brings with it a sense of hope and optimism. Because if you're stuck, then that means you can get unstuck. The biological science of the PVT also brings with it a roadmap for making change - the polyvagal ladder. Notice the moment to start getting unstuck. After creating a new paradigm and narrative, anchor yourself firmly in the present moment. The teachings of the PVT and your narrative of yourself will do the most good in the present moment. Yes, they apply to the past as well. But bringing those pieces to the present moment can help you attune to your biology right here and now. You exist in the literal physical environment in the literal present moment. Not then, not there. But right here and now. If you exist then and there, you're probably in a defensive state. (Was that too convoluted?) Basically, I'm saying that if you are currently feeling those old feelings, there's a good chance that you're in a defensive state and have lost access to your capacity to tolerate the defensiveness. And if that's true, then the paradigm and the narrative will do little good. You can start to return to the present moment by using your present-moment interactions with the environment through your senses. I teach more about this in section 4 of my Building Safety Anchors course, then lead you through a few practice days. Senses might be one of the most obvious ways to feel the present moment. After all, that's how the present moment speaks to us and influences our polyvagal state. Anchor yourself in safety for getting unstuck. So that's all well and good, but you want to anchor yourself in the present moment by feeling safety. And this is where the Building Safety Anchors course comes in handy. Because it's all about discovering what works for you and your wonderful nervous system through finding feelings of safety. I teach you six different avenues for doing so, senses being one of the six. Or you could subscribe to the Stuck Not Broken: Total Access Membership. Total Access gives you all of my trauma recovery courses and my private supportive community of people on their own trauma recovery journey. Generally, you can feel safety through small changes in your state. As you increase your ventral vagal safety activation, you will unlock your capacity to breathe easily, smile, use eye crinkles, and socially connect with others. You might feel more playful or more relaxed. So coming to the present moment and noticing your shifts is great, but coming to the present moment through safety, in particular, is ideal. As you exercise your safety pathways, the possibilities for getting unstuck increase. Having a strong ventral safety system is necessary for the process of unstucking. (Unsticking?) Those pathways will be vital in tolerating the defensive energy as it discharges or returns. Seriously, they're important. 23 Surprising Impacts of Trauma If you live in a traumatized state, you might be surprised at how your past experiences still shape who you are today and how you experience your daily life. Read the blog here >